The What’s What, Volume 73

Dude, Chad Ochocinco not only reads your blog but he’s been stealing your pick-up tips.  He claimed to invent the “borrow a girls cell phone and call your own number” routine that you had published months before Hard Knocks was taped. -Maleman

I’m sure other people get good ideas, too. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.  I posted my successful pick-up techniques so others could reap the benefits now that I am married.  I won’t take an issue with the situation until he tweets that he invented “wingman goes first” or tells the story about how he kicked a little kid in the face for peeping on his lady in a dressing room.

Rush Limbaugh dropped by group trying to buy American Football team, thoughts? -Czechlist

I thought that his defense that he was an entertainer and just saying divisive things simply to fill a void in the market and garner ratings wasn’t much of an excuse.  I certainly would respect him more if he believed in the things he’s talking about.  Like saying hateful divisive things is okay, if you are doing it for the money.  What kind of reasoning is that?

Poor Meghan McCain, I just saw her “controversial” pic. People are SOO lame. People are calling her a slut and stuff on her twitter because of this picture of her in a tank top. -loverslayer

I’ll be sure to feel sorry for an attention whore who’s just now finding out that all attention is not pleasant.  Shes getting what shes asking for, and making herself feel better by blaming others.  Up hers.

What movie monster/villain would you have sex with? -Triggah2K8

Mystique, hands down.   She could be any woman you wanted for the evening, including any other villan you could come up with.

so do gay people get off by looking at their gay parts? -nivekkevin

Only the narcissistic ones.

I hate when someone is playing video games on TV or in movies.  Can you possibly overact more? Who plays video games like that?  Jesus.  -Otaku21

And then they stop playing to have a conversation and the game is still being played by an invisible entity.  That’s what kills me.

Who ya got on Top Chef Las Vegas? -phkb33

I still can’t believe they dumped Ash for cat food maker.  I mean, obviously they kept Robin in because she breeds drama and she’s the only one giving it to them.  So, she’ll stick around until the shows credibility is completely used up, which already might have happened in everyones eyes but the producers.

I take issue with Tom Colicchio giving Ash flak for complimenting the older twin, saying it was an honour to wash Picasso’s paint brushes.   At least he’s honest. All the Italian Mike guy does is pump himself up and shit on everyone else, and he’s not better a better cook than Ash.

No one knew who the competition was until they got there. Is everyone who realizes someone is better than them supposed to drop out of the competition on the first day?  Its Tom Colicchios biggest mistake in 6 years, if you ask me.

But to answer the question,  Jennifer, Kevin and the twins, with Kevin and the older brother in the finale.  Kevin wins it all.  He’s awesome.

Hey Heene Family, awesome parenting. Be sure to leave a mysterious flying machine within arms length of your kids. -CanadiAnne

Questionable parenting, but legitimate engineering.

If you like Vice City more than San Andreas, it’s only because you are racist. -SkullandCrown

VC had better story and voice acting. But, that small advantage completely pales in comparison to the epic awesomeness that SA offered.  If you prefer gameplay to storylines and voice acting, and claim VC is a better game, then you are likely a racist.

How much is the Roman Catholic Church including the Vatican worth? -infodeleted

In what currency? US Dollars? Italian Lira? 11 year-old penises? Blood of the non-believers?

whats your favorite film made before 1970?  Mine is the Manchurian Candidate. -hezzbowler

Easy Rider,  North by Northwest, Reefer Madness, The Sting? Was that pre 70? Or is the Black and White throwing me off?

The What’s What, Volume 57

How is being gay a sin when a man’s g spot is in his a-hole? -ballin1995

I believe you just disproved the existence of God, by simply referencing anal pleasure.  Kudos.

“the first dozen sexual experiences in my life (either inappropriate or welcomed) were directly related to the church, its clergy, its parishioners, or church functions.” Dude, please elaborate on the clergy part. -stella

Look, I’m not here to whistleblow anyones fun or ruin any careers.  The only names you will find on this blog are mine and celebrities.  Since I don’t believe in God, I believe that clergymen are equal to a man, and should not held to a higher moral standard.  If someone else wants to put their trust in them, that’s their issue.  Yes, I have been in some inappropriate situations with a clergyman and other church employees.  But I was able to avoid anything really unfortunate simply by leaving.  No one held me against my will, they were simply testing it.  What was really surprising to me is how some kids welcomed the advances.  I had no idea that “abuses” could occur that would leave both parties satisfied and happy, which I would hardly consider abuses at that point.

My girlfriend made out with some douche at a party last night. She tried to blame it on the alcohol, I wasn’t hearing any of it though, we are done. But it sucks, it happened to my friend with his girlfriend of 4 years, she banged one of his friends. She tried to blame it on the alcohol.-rfj202

They always blame it on too much alcohol and never take the responsibility to admit they are the ones who drank too much alcohol. In fact, I truly believe that some girls preemptively get drunk so they know they’ll have it as an excuse, when they carry out their plans of banging the cute guy upstairs or whatever.

There is nothing worse than talentless artists who think people just “don’t get” their work. -Hamas_Hummus

It sure makes them feel better about sucking though.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the WhatsWhat, but what happened to your writing?  I really enjoyed your stories. – Zelmarket

Thanks for the kind words.  My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and she said she’d feel better if I quit marijuana for the time being, so I did.  Ideas come less frequently and when they do, I get half way through them and don’t feel as excited about my writing, so I stop.  I’m blaming it on that for now.  We’ll see if it’s true or not when shes with child.

Since David Stern became NBA commissioner in 1984 only 7 different teams have won a championship.  Thoughts? -soarlemur

It sounds scandalous until you realize that none of them are the Knicks and Sterns been rigging drafts and lotteries both to get NY to be good. So, he can’t even cheat properly, if that’s the case.

Which Daily Show reporter do you think will be the next to make it big? (Other than Ed Helms) That show has a knack for making huge stars out of people. I’m betting John Oliver.-FHGPuzzle

They are really pimping for Jason Jones to be next, but I’m not really a huge fan.  I’ve seen quite a bit of Sam Bee off the show alot recently, but I still wager Oliver is the house favorite.  That Chris Farley ripoff can die in a fire, though.

Scenario: You like a girl, she is single but she is still getting over her ex who cheated on her. She was in love with this kid and he broke her heart, she’s been single awhile now but she isn’t over him. You fear she might get back with him soon, but this girl means a lot to you. How do you get her? -Thurmon_Wright

In girlspeak this translates to “You’re not my top choice, but if he doesn’t take me back, I’ll need some way to keep my mind off of him and make him jealous at the same time, so you might come in handy.”

Are your animals well at communicating with yoi? Do they let you know when they have to go outside, their food dish needs filled, their tummy hurts, if something bad is happening? -Hyper_Hypo

My dog is great at communication. We have jingle bells next to the door that he rings when he wants to go outside. Will bring a leather glove (or brush or any toy) to me when he wants to be brushed/play. Sits by the treat door and grumbles when he wants a bone.  I can’t tell when he feel sick though.

Well… I just spent 30 min on a phone with a Doctor, telling me how I’m making a mistake wanting to go to Med School.
He said that I’m going to be in debt until im 40, I’m in the service of the devil (Obama), as an example, if I was a watchmaker, I would normally be making $100 per watch, Obama will make it so that I’m only making $20 per watch now…
He also said that I will be a slave for the rest of my life, and that I’m “lucky” for him to opening my eyes to world of evil, saying that it’s not to late to change my career plans…  -Enya_Lives

Well good, if you were going to be a Doctor to make money, as opposed to having the drive to help people, like they way it sounds the Doctor you spoke to was after, then hes doing us all a favour by keeping you out of the industry.

Is obesity a disability?  I personally don’t think it’s a disability. People get fat on their own accord, and it’s not like it’s an overnight thing. You can tell if your ass is getting fat, so that’s the time when a normal person will try to get healthier. If obesity is a disability then what’s next, alcoholism? Is cocaine addiction a disability? -HunterXThompson

Kind of. In the same way that a retard shoots himself in the foot and then is forced to have a limp.

Microsoft just sent me an email saying that because of the network downtime, I get a month of XBL Gold for a dollar.  I was on vacation!  lol. -rawdawg0911

Did the e-mail actually say “We’re sorry about that, to make up for the inconvenience we’re going to accept more money from you.”?

Fact: If you saw a ghost or something, you would pray to god for it to go away. You would close your eyes and PRAY to god to get that thing to go away. Even you, atheist. -CampingWhore

I lol at people who claim to know what the unexplained is so unequivocally.  I wish I would let my imagination run my head once in a while. To be so assured in your own ignorance must be wonderful for your ego.

your nike and reebok shoes are made in the same factories with the payless crap. -Ozmandee

Same factory, but different design and different grades of leather and cotton.