I remember my first girlfriend and I were so excited to get to actually have sex completely. Because 99.9999999999% of the times we’d do it, parents were around, so we’d only get the bare essentials exposed. Her dad dislocated his thumb at a softball game and her mom dashed out of the house to go pick him up. We were like ohmygod finally and threw our clothes off and it was a whole big event. God I don’t miss being a teenager. -VesperRemains
“Dads in the hospital!”
“Awesome news. Lets fuck!”
If you don’t believe there is a god/higher power… if you believe the physical world is all, and that our existence is a random chance happening, how do you not then take on a nihilistic worldview? Logically, to have the former perspective necessitates the latter. Yet you rarely see an atheist hold both views. -PabloSanFillipo
Because existentialism exists. It was probably a pretty shitty time for humans before we gained sentience. Once we recognized that we were different from the other animals, and can vocalize that to each other, it becomes in your instinctual best interests to perpetuate the species, which requires consideration of strangers. The next step is essentially globalism. Im not sure well make that leap, though. We’ll probably kill ourselves off long before that.
Do you think the dearth of good female characters in Breaking Bad stops it from being the best ever? -legrev
One of my favorite sideplots about this show was the amount of women nagging about only being portrayed on TV as wet blankets, because they automatically reinforce the exact negative stereotype they are trying to fight. In my day, many people having a strong reaction to a character meant that it was good writing. Now, you get to be offended and have others bend over backwards to cater to you. Regarding intellect, the shorter people get to reap the low hanging fruit.
Dad blocked the computer from going on pornsites. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuck -Leoooone
My Dad would have needed my help installing a porn filter. I recommend installing one on his computer. That should make your point.
Jem was a magical superhero rockstar last time I checked. wtf r u doin hollywood -DarthSteve
Truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous.
Why are Americans so interested in politics? -JohnCena42
They aren’t. They just like hearing themselves and feeling right. Talking politics isnt critical thinking, its defending a side. You’re choosing to waste your time playing “pretend lawyer”. No ones position ever changes, because they’re defending a position, not using their cognitive reasoning. You get a say. Its called a vote, and most people dont do that. Sure, you can write your Congressman, but youll get a form letter back. The guy you didnt know existed until he got elected doesnt care about your opinion, why do you think ShenaniGUNZ13 does? Americans love arguing about politics where their opinion holds absolutely no weight, and then are too lazy to fucking vote, where it actually has the slightest of impacts. It builds a corruption paradise for those in charge.
Brady’s suspension could be overturned. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I wanna see Jimmy. -Nepats81
I think Goodell is figuring out with his recent troubles, its best to throw the book at people and let the bloodthirsty crowd drink their fill, and then let the appeal work its way down when everyone is on to the next public shame feeding. Hes negotiating from a high position, essentially. Furthermore, theres a chance its all orchestrated between Kraft and Goodell. Goodell gets a better grasp on his unchecked power, and Kraft gets public support over the eventual Garroppolo for Brady exchange. Maybe not hashed out in so many words, but smart people can say a lot to like minded people without using exact verbiage. They may be working against each other, but it necessarily isnt in our interests. In conclusion, those text messages between those two locker room doofuses has to be among the stupidest and most hilarious records of evidence the public has gotten the privilege to enjoy.
Will we need 3 asterisks for Tom Brady*, Bill Belichick*, and Super Bowl XLIX*? Or just Patriots*? -BakingWildCat
This email is saltier than the floor at Williams Sonoma after Michael J Fox goes spice shopping.
I bought my girlfriend some underwear, but she says “lacy ones hurt her vagina.” wtf -machooch
She knows they dont go inside, right?
do you ever like to smell your own farts? so awesome -fisto_dude
Sometimes Ill test the waters to see if I have to apologize for the smell, or get people to move. But, no I dont actively enjoy the scent. I enjoy the noise. The smell is an unfortunate inadvertent drawback.
I love Romney but his establishment-friendly side bugs me some times. I have a strong feeling he’d be very pro NSA/Patriot Act stuff. That saddens me. Excited for him to be removed from actually legislating as an elected official (not that I think he’d always make the wrong calls, but being out of the game has its perks) and now just be a rich old guy who boxes for charity and takes pictures with people like 50 cent. -WarriorRLink
“I love Chlamydia, but its sexual transmitted disease-y side bugs me sometimes” is essentially what you just said. Frankly though, I forgot he existed until the charity boxing thing. I cant even tell you if it already happened and I missed it, though. And I dont care enough to look it up. Take all this as you will.
Private number keeps calling me everyday. Probably just a survey like last time I answered when I already told them to fuck off in a more polite way. -BoJo4
You aren’t one of those people that posts in YouTube comments, where your opinion means absolutely shit, yet dont do surveys, where people are paid to record your opinion, are you? I find that shit fascinating.
I recently #SharkTank’d a telemarketer. He was trying to sell me some bullshit and I was all “The numbers just arent there for me, and for that reason………………. Im out.” *click* Bitch got Mister Wonderful’d.
Where does U2 come off? First they hack peoples phones and now they screw up our commute home? Impromptu busking concert in Grand Central Station. That must have royally screwed over hundreds if not thousands of people trying to get wherever they gotta go. -Atchamachula
It’s okay, they were playing “Angel of Harlem”. Even U2 fans were walking by.
The health insurance options offered by my work place are a joke. The cheapest option, costing me roughly $200 a month without dental or vision, has a $2,600 deductible per individual. That’s $5,200 if I’m trying to cover my wife and I, which we’d not hit unless getting into a serious accident or something. The option with the lowest deductible of $600/individual would cost me about $400 a month. -ForgotTheQuestion
Corporations dont exist to provide for your health, they exist to provide profits to their shareholders.
Did you see the Price is Right give a treadmill to a lady in a wheelchair? Shit was awkward. -CanadiAnne
I had the day off and watched it LIVE! My favorite part was how the announcer, George Gray, was all “a treadmill and A NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW SAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” Seriously, it took 20 minutes to get her on stage, they couldnt have thrown together the next game or at least brought in a washer or dryer or something?
The Whimsical MetaCognitionist Chronicles 