The What’s What, Volume 118

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Why so negative on critics? -Lightfroodom (and like 4 others this year)

I’ve taken a lot of heat from people who like to read reviews and use them to make decisions on the movies/music/food they are going to ingest. Most bloggers and  journalists call themselves “critics” when they are actually “reviewers”.  I have no problems with critics, and have only read a few in my life.  Everyone is talking about reviewers, let’s make that clear.  And for the most part, I’m slightly offended that they think their opinion is more important than any other person.   On matters of opinion, seeking someones out who doesnt even know you exist is pretty retarded, in and of itself.  I concede the information earned is useful.  To me, it’s about as much worth as asking someone on the street what they think, and I don’t find it an efficient use of my time.  If I really wanted to make it worth it, I’d have to invest hours of months reading a target critics past reviews to see if they jive with my opinions.  Or I could ask a few friends what they thought.  This only has the maximum possible effect of raising or lowering the bar of my expectations.  Why so little stock into friends opinions?  And heres the important part.  Because I’m going to see the movie, AND MAKE MY OWN DECISION ANYWAY.   I would much rather have a couple disappointments in exchange for happy surprises, and in by doing so, I’ve doubled my life experience regardless of the outcome.  Unfortunately, you  have either completely limited your scope of opinion by watching only movies you like, or have wasted your time reading reviews because you are watching bad movies anyway.  In short, the time you waste reading reviews can be spent WATCHING THE MOVIE.

You’ve got so many weirdos in show business that encourage people to be weird. And they’re not being different because they ARE different, they’re being different because they WANT to be different and they WANT to stand out. They’re not even being themselves, they just want to be unique, so they act weird. In my opinion, this kind of crap is contributing to the corruption of television, music, any popular culture medium. People aren’t programmed to be as competitive as before because losing is ok. And don’t worry if you’re fat because you should love the way you are.  Let me know if you agree with me or think I’m an ignorant ass. -Razkizzle

I’m with you. Now that there’s so much variety, and its becoming more and more accepted, the only thing for tomorrows generation to get noticed in this way is to turn up the volume on the craziness.  Granted, being different for difference sake is a copout, because its admitting that you dont have any redeeming qualities to show off, but that’s not going to stop you from being an attention whore, so the only way to get noticed is to act like something you aren’t.  When people do things for “shock value” I find it offensive to people who are actually different trying to get accepted.   It’s counter-productive, and only exists because people want attention.  When the people who are different, just want to be accepted.  Kind of sad, more than anything, really. 

what is it called when you go by one name, like Pele and Madonna? Mononomial?  Mononomous?  -LBJ1230

Egotistical.

Do you enjoy spitting in the face of God after everything he has given you? -RamboSpice

I don’t see my form of atheism as disrespectful.  I don’t pity Christians, I envy them.  I continually hope and pray that God fills the requirement of proof that he instilled upon me so that I may follow him. My heart is open and patient.  In the meantime, affix any label you wish to me, if it makes you feel better about yourself and the choices you have made.

What do you think would be the most epic magic trick that David Blaine could do to make beleivers out of you and everyone else? -HackneyandChase

Break into the Oval Office, and he should expect and serve jail time or else I’d think it was an inside job with help from the Secret Service.  He wouldn’t even have to do it live on TV or anything.  Just a CNN breaking news story that David Blaine was arrested after President Obama went into work in the morning with a paper and a cup of coffee, and David Blaine is playing fucking Minesweeper on LapTopOne.  I wouldn’t be a believer, I’d be a disciple.

my parents left me seven dollars and the house to myself WHAT DO I DO -ButtersBrown

$7? Are they THAT poor or are you really THAT untrustworthy?

Happy Birthday!  Who’s your favorite person born on the same day? -CanadiAnne

Thanks!  I got a great list of celebs; Patrick Stewart, Harrison Ford, Cheech Marin, and Tony Kornheiser.  Harrison Ford is probably the most popular, but ever since I saw Patrick Stewart on that episode of Extras, he’s raised the bar to new heights of personal respect of acting performances.  Even Cheech was the best character in what is the greatest chick flick of all time, Tin Cup.  Just a strong showing from Bastille Eve.

Would you date a girl who wants to wait till marriage to have sex?  she loves you very much, and you love her as well. your relationship is perfect and you get along amazingly well, and she’d never do anything to hurt you. however, she wants to wait till after marriage to fuck. what do you do? -OprahsEvilTwin

Yes, because the three times I have been in that exact situation I’ve consumed their virginity like the Highlander in, at the longest, 6 months.  Didnt even need any pressuring. One of them even had crippilingly religious parents, and was devoted herself. It’s a confusing time for girls. All they need is one train of thought one day when you are already molar deep in her. One wavering thought, while your knuckle deep in her hopper, and it’s over.  One slight consideration of “Okay” among the hundreds of times you are pleasuring her, and she convinces herself while you are busy with your mouthful, you win.  Go get you some.  Plus, if she’s perfect she’s worth marrying.

What do you think of people claiming that it was the editing and context that made Billy Mitchell come out looking bad? –fullquietcasket

They are probably right.  I’m sure some of his more endearing scenes made the cutting room floor.  That being said, when your parents are telling camera crews that you have constantly manipulated situations to your own benefit, it’s a pretty damning character testimonial.

If we found out Osama Bin Laden went to Heaven, would that change peoples religious beliefs? -quartermohican

I figured he’s knuckle deep in his 72 virgins. He doesnt get heaven, he wasnt Christian. He was martyred by the Western infidels and he gets the Islamic versian of heaven.   He played by the rules of his religion, he saved up the stamps, he gets to redeem them for the slide whistle.  It’s how religion works. You win the prize of the game you play. You don’t get the Stanley Cup for winning the Super Bowl.

The What’s What, Volume 116

What does the secret service do if someone comes to arrest the President? Nixon was the only one who got that close to being arrested in modern times, but I think the SS would probably arrest and secure the president if he was suspected of a crime.  You?  -sng197

What are you talking about? The secret service would arrest the President? Under who’s authority? They only exist to protect the President. I think the Secret Service has probably been witness to several crimes a President may/may not have committed since their inception with Lincoln. If anything, I bet they have a right to be guarding the holding cell and in court, should the President ever be in one.  Lets be serious here.  If anything, the police would have to schedule an appointment with the SS that they be able to arrest him.  Or all an assassination would take is a cop uniform.  The Secret Service are pretty much god-tier security.  They’re personal bodyguards with authority and access.   You don’t shake the Presidents hand without getting eye-humped by thirty of the most cagey, resourceful killing machines in the country, and you expect Officer McGillicutty to waltz into the Oval Office and snuggle cuffs on POTUS?  Get the fuck out of here with that noise.

Who’s the best detective? This is not a fight this is who’s better at solving crimes. Batman (DC), Mystery Inc. (Scooby-Doo), Adrian Monk,
Sherlock Holmes? -SonicJester

Out of those? Sherlock Holmes.  Entire Pool?  Jason Bourne.  Honorable mention for effectiveness and hilarity, Sean Spencer.

Do people actually expect to get away with tax evasion? I mean, I don’t know the statistics behind this or what really goes into evading taxes, but it seems really stupid and impossible to not go to jail for. -bigAL13

With the amount of paperwork you have to fill out for the government when you get a job, you would think it would be tough to get away with.  However and apparently, it’s crazy easy to get away with. Have you ever noticed all the TV commercials offering to cure tax problems? I know dozens of people who dont pay their taxes. Professional kitchens are kind of seedy places, though. I wouldnt recommend it, but it gets done every year by a shocking amount of people.

The “Fat Boys legitimately pioneered rap music into white culture”?  Really dude?  REALLY DUDE?!?! -BROntasaurusMax

Perhaps you aren’t familiar with a little ditty called “WipeOut” of which was collaborated with THE FUCKING BEACH BOYS.  You DO NOT get any whiter than the Beach Boys.  They were popular in the 50s and shit.  By “pioneer” I meant one of the first.  They may not get the recognition of the Beastie Boys, Eminem, RUN-DMC, and Will Smith; and for good reason.  Those three had alot more influence bringing rap to white people, but I stand by calling the Fat Boys “pioneers”.

Smoke & Glasses!  Play my favorite game!  I’m so hardcore _________ -WireHorse

When I was a kid, I molested priests.

What preconceptions do you have about the five boroughs of NYC? Also, the landmarks (if any) you associate with them.  -MasterBastard

I have been to NYC a handful of times, but I couldnt tell you which borough I was in throughout or anything.   I believe the majority of my experience is in Manhattan.

ManHattan – Ritzy (Times Square, Ground Zero)
Brooklyn – Nice parts outnumber crappy parts (The Bridge)
Bronx, Queens – Crappy parts outnumber fancy parts (Yankees, Mets)
Staten Island – Shit Hole (Dump)

Whats the worst way you’ve ever been dumped?

In front of my friends during a board game. I don’t remember exactly how it all went down, but we were playing Life and she said something like “When you have kids one day, I hope its with someone with green eyes, too.”  The ensuing fight that resulted, she told me that we couldn’t have sex anymore until she gets her STD results back. It was super obvious she cheated on me, but she couldnt even bring herself to tell me. When she did tell me who she cheated on me with (only because she was blackmailed into it), it was 20 minutes after I had shaken his hand and told him it was nice knowing him because she didnt want me to cause a scene.   It was something.  She absolutely owned me.  She probably laughs about it in the bathtub and tells the story to her friends.  She got me good.

The What’s What, Volume 112

What’s your go-to drink when you feel nauseous? -mz_as_ace

Same as when I feel fine.  Ginger ale or Gatorade.

How can anyone actually like Frasier? It has a rating of 8.4 on IMDB. This is shocking to me, I can’t stand the show and anyone I have ever talked to hates it too. The characters suck and there are literally zero funny moments. -MCKingda42

It’s irreverent and well written.  I find people that hate it are just upset upon discovering that comedy can go over their heads.

Have you ever witness or obtained a royal flush in a game of poker?  Not me. I know a few people who’ve had one. I’ve never witnessed one in a game, or had one myself. I think the best I had was either a 4 of a kind, or straight flush. -Adairraid

The first time I taught my wifes family No Limit Hold Em while we spent a week at a rented lake cabin, her 70 year old aunt Jean got a diamond straight flush to the queen.  The fact that the family couldn’t comprehend the rarity added to my incredulous reaction for days.  She loves poker now and I still call her “Diamond Jean”.

$200,000 for Cam Newton was a good investment. The payout for the BCS Championship is $17,000,000. -Shamless220

It’s crazy that the NCAA opened the door for everyone related to a recruit to get paid.  What a system.

I’d like to hear your theories on the Wikileaks “DoomsDay” file.  The one that drops if Assange is killed or arrested. Is it just a bluff? Actual material that can cause serious conflict? Nuclear launch codes? Confirmation that there are aliens? Or just the rest of the unreleased documents? -Beasteroids

I feel like its a fake. You are trying to convince me that he has kept the most SCANDALOUS information a secret, that will only be released when he dies or gets arrested? What happens in 5 years when he is still alive and not in jail? Will he release it then? If he simply wants to watch the world burn, like everyone seems to think he does, why wouldn’t he want to see the ramifications dropping the megaton would bring?  I just don’t see where a guy who makes his living exposing information not releasing the most important parts as “smart”.  I can’t draw that line that everyone else seems to do so easily there.  I just dont buy it.

Did you like Inception? -ZstarZfar

Cool visuals. Also, a great idea to surround a very personal experience everyone can relate to (dreaming) with nonsensical chicanery and double talk that can never be proven. But it’s not as epic as people seem to think.

Why do you hate the movie “The Blindside”? -SWDictator

Lets make a movie about a rich couple who only become foster parents after recognizing some giant is good at football.  While we’re at it, let’s ignore the sacrifice of all other foster families who make changes to their life out of the goodness of their heart and don’t expect anything in return, not even football victories for their college.

Why do we have to use the stairs when Hell gets a highway?  Stupid God and his out of date technology. -DrDrunkHobo

I was under the impression that the preferred method of transportation into hell was inside of a hand basket.

Who did more for their sport: Tiger Woods or Michael Phelps?  -HamMerMan90

Woods. It’s not even close. No one is paying any attention to swimming right now, and Phelps is still owning bitches.

How is weed a “gateway drug”?  When most people who do drugs start with alcohol? -LoLatLife

It’s a gateway drug because kids are taught that marijuana is on the same level as meth or crack, and then when they invariably find out that its harmless, they wonder what else they have been lied to about.

Why does everyone make a such a big deal out of people being a virgin?  -SubjectiveReality

Because one of the few instincts god or science has given you is continue propagation of the species. Having the ability to get a woman to accept your junk in hers (consensually these days) takes the perception that your genes are worth smuggling down there.  Fail that, and you’re failing life.

Bradley Manning; Hero, Idiot, somewhere in between? -CanadiAnne

All three.  My point is if he just wanted everything out there in the public domain like he claimed, then why say anything about it at all after the leaks were published? Why talk to someone whom you think is a reporter? Do you talk to the press about things you are regretful for and could lose the life you live if anyone knew it was you? Of course not.  Either hes supremely retarded, or he wanted to be known for what he did. Which is fine, as long as I dont have to hear him whining about the living conditions hes currently exposed to.

Watching Top Chef: All Stars this season?  Thoughts so far? Who do you want to win? -rdtmk

Whoever is best. Their personalities come second to me. I like Richard Blaise though. A little over the op sometimes with his molecular gastronomy, but the judges eat that up. Yuk yuk yuk. I was psyched to see Jennifer get sent home in 15th place, LoL. I had enough of her during her season. Didnt care for anymore in the Masters competition.

Lets talk transgender issues: it’s been coming up a lot more lately for whatever reason. seems like many people are confused as to which pronouns to use in order to refer to transgendered people. general rule is to use whichever gender they self identify with.
that is male to female should be referred to as a she and vice versa. if you’re completely unsure which gender they self identify with, gender ambiguous “they” or “them” is okay too. here are some terms that are not okay ever.tranny it is for animals or inanimate objects. by using it, you are implying that transgendered people are not people. shim, he-she, whatever other amalgamation you can come up with. you’re not clever, some other dickwad has done it before you.  -Helfrugin

If trannys are confused about their own gender, they should be a little more tolerant of confusion in others.

The What’s What, Volume 11o

One of my friends always brought the argument up of why didn’t gandaolf just get those big ass eagles to carry frodo over mordor and drop the ring in the volcano? -rawksawlid1

I was under the impression that’s what the frontal offensive was for.   To keep the eye thing busy building monster armies and sacking cities while Frodo snuck in the back.  But I don’t know, I’m no apologist.  I was more confused by the very beginning.  You’re telling me that someone by the name of The Dark Lord of Mordor and who is a General for the Army of the God of Evil is handing out party favours to the leaders of his sworn enemies, and noone is going to question motive?  Really?

How old is too old to Trick r’ Treat? -Cl3ms0nTigers

No such thing,  Several options. Take a bag and say your collecting for sick little brother or sister. Take small family kids or neighbors kids and walk up to door with them and simply say “Those are my favorites! Can I have one?” at every house. Fill pockets. Give non favorites to kids. Just go up to a house and say “Trick or Treat”. They say something snotty, and you say, “So, you are choosing trick?” and show them a carton of eggs. Even the cops will make fun of the house owner.

$10mil but you can’t see your son until he’s 18. No pics, no video, no voice, no drawings, no paintings, or anything that can resemble him. You also can’t send him money or create a trust or college fund for him. In?  -FluffyBuster

Okay, no trust fund, but I can save some money for him, right?  I’m not spending $10M in 20 years.  I can have other kids too, right?  Then I invite you to picture this, a boy spends the first 17 years of his life being raised by a single Mom, likely through financial hardships. The boy is left to ponder hundreds of scenarios on why he has no dad; his mom is an easy lay and doesn’t even know who the dad is, hating his father for leaving, and wishing that he was some rich guy that would see his wrong ways and come back to save the family. Now you are telling me that the best case scenario is going to happen to the victim, and further more, you are going to give me ten million dollars to make this kids life a dream starting from the point that it actually matters?  Yes. I’ll take the check.

Still watching the League? –fullquietcasket

Yeah, Ghost Monkey went a little overboard, but the Taco’s offering song was pretty good.  Vinegar Strokes was bold and hilarious.  I think the second season has kept up the funny to first season levels, for the most part. I wish I could remember the names of the two guys with the same last name who write the show. I want to say Schafer brothers or maybe gay marriage thing going there.  It’s all their fault. Soon, they’ll likely start running out of ideas they’ve been collecting and refining for the past ten years and have to start forcing funny. Then, we’ll see what they really got.

Least favorite 30 for 30? –fullquietcasket

Oh, hands down, Marion Jones.  She’s too happy recanting the story of how she beat someones ass in prison. I forgot how fake her crying was. Shes spending too much time trying to convince me that she was a victim. John Singleton is in his own film too much, and didn’t ask a single difficult question in 52 minutes.  She spent 6 months in jail for lying to Congress and now she’s a hero for overcoming it or something?  She seems attention and money hungry.  I felt a little gross afterward.

What do you think of people who can do illusions? -4ThumbsDown

I feel like the majority of magicians, who have to maintain their secrets, get off to the fact that they know how to do things that others don’t, and derive a superiority from that.  The magicians that will show you a trick and show you how it works, are the ones who truly love magic. The tricks themselves, the glam costumes, the Philip Glass music, the hot assistants; none of this matters. The skills it takes to make a difficult trick look easy is where I get impressed. If I don’t know how the trick is done, I can’t rate the skill level of the magician, and hes likely covering up for an easy trick.

 

The What’s What, Volume 1o9

I don’t understand why people would want to create barriers to entry and potentially make things such a struggle by not going to school and getting a degree. You might say “You spend a lot of money in college and it doesn’t guarantee you anything!”. Well of course, nothing is guaranteed. But it is a huge investment in your life.  A degree opens exponentially more doors by just having that ‘piece of paper’. Why limit yourself from the start of your life?  University teaches you responsibility, task handling, working with others in leadership roles, taking accountability for deliverables, etc. You are armed with the skills necessarily to function in the work force.  Rarely do you hear someone say “Glad I didn’t go to school!”, but rather commonly hear “I wish I got my degree/I would like to *job x* but I need University for that” more often. But trust me, what I’m saying makes a whole lot of sense (that you can only fully appreciate when you actually went through the process, as I have). -GreyFox51

This is where your argument fails for me.  The only selection of people in your analogy didn’t go to college. Of course people who didn’t go to college are going to wish that they did at some point. It’s been fed to them as the only way of succeeding in life. Your analogy doesn’t consider the college graduates regretful of his/her overwhelming debts in a struggling job market, which is more and more common every day.  How many college graduates are saddled with debt and unable to find a job in their market of their degree?  All the skills you listed as reasons for going to college have already been delivered to you in high school, but I’m not against higher learning and education at all.  You can get a degree over the internet in half the time and a fraction of the costs. The only reason to go to a university and live in the dorms is to network. I’m not even kidding. Getting good grades in that scenario is a complete joke. Get good grades with an internet college and save your money.  Or, you take the corresponding entry level job, spend 4 years working harder than the lazy retard who paid for a degree and relish his bitching when you are offered his promotion.

A store recently burned down and my great grandma said she thought it was Jewish lightning.  Oh, how awesome it must be to be so old you can say whatever you want. -Hezzert1ne

Among the their various racial stereotypes, I’ve never heard the one about them being prone to committing insurance fraud.  Thanks for the heads up, I guess.

JUST SAW 20 MINUTES OF STARSHIP TROOPERS AND I MUST SAY, THAT MOVIE IS TERRIBLE -wareagles91

Its a satire of cliches. It’s not your thing. It’s cool.  Some people get offended because they are cliche’d people though, and caps lock makes you look angry.  Just saying.

Give me a work industry worse than the food industry.  i got nothing. i hate it. -AdaptiveTheory

Me neither.  Besides the ridiculously hot temperatures in wool coats, no breaks, low pay, 60 hour work weeks and ironic inability to not be able to enjoy any of the food you’ve spent your life preparing, by far, the worst part about it is the essential need to be working while everyone else is having fun. Nights, weekends, and holidays all the time. Every other shitty job you can think of, there’s a guy who woke up two hours before him to make him breakfast.  You can’t even consider a dangerous job worse because they get payed for their potential sacrifice, and while the kitchen ranks among the most dangerous work environment around, there’s notoriously meager pay.

Ever get so hungry that you stop being hungry?? -nibmunkey

Actually, when you first think you are hungry, you are not. That’s food withdrawal. Your body is telling your mind your stomach and guts are empty and its available for more food. People mistake it for hunger. I wager you have never actually felt hungry, unless you fast for more than a day or have been so sick that you can not eat. You need at least three without food to actually be hungry. When you are hungry, you’ll notice a different feeling.

Michael Pitt’s acting in Boardwalk Empire is distracting. It’s almost to the point where the I might just stop watching the show because of him. Tommy Wiseau probably would have done a better job in that role.  -AbbuvDaKlowdz

Hes the DiCaprio ripoff main character, right? My jury is still out on him.  I like the immigrant widow, though. I very much enjoy her acting.  Regretfully, I don’t know her name. Also, I was wondering what was going to be Nucky’s “Pool Ducks”.  You know, the certain quirk of his that we can relate to and makes us root for him, and it’s completely awesome that Nucky’s is hating racism and sexism.  He’s two-faced about everything, except bigotry.  Awesome.

What percentage of slave owners do you think treated their slaves pretty good? -CanadiAnne

I bet its surprising. I mean, farm work is very hard labour. There is no dispute to this. At all. But I would wager that there were some pretty good situations. Days off, 3 squares a day of varied foods, holiday considerations.  Granted, I’m only basing this off the amount of period wills that show a lot of slaves accepted jobs from their southern slave masters after being freed, or the owner died. Slavery was wrong. I’m not defending it. You rape a girl on a bed of roses while stuffing Ghiradelli chocolates into her screaming mouth doesn’t make it a resonable crime. I’m just saying, I bet it was more Forrest Gump than it was Roots that people give the situation credit for.

When homosexuality is accepted, what retarded sub-culture will liberals latch onto next? -Lightfroodom

Whichever the butthurt conservative’s delicate sensibilities get offended by and have to cry about.

Dave Chappelle quitting his show was a genius move from a financial standpoint as well as a personal standpoint. For one thing, doing the show was creating a personal hell for him. It was loads of work and took loads of time and it was getting to him. By quitting he showed real guts. He walked away from a multi-million dollar paycheck simply because he didn’t like his job. That takes some balls. By doing so he was able to make his life much much easier. He was actually able to spend time with his family and enjoy his earnings.  Chappelle quit the game when he got what he needed: Recognition and wealth. By quitting the game he managed to keep something he could have lost: Respect.

No need for a Chappelle apologist to make him out to be some sort of martyr. He quit because he put personal needs in front of all else. Maybe you can quit your job because they make you feel inferior in some way and you don’t need the money. But the rest of us have people relying on us to get things done and feel like we lose a little dignity every day when we do some part of a job we hate. I’m sure if your boss sold off your job and flew to Bermuda because he didn’t want to do backorder reports anymore, youd want the right to feel disappointed. You aren’t allowed to lose any respect for the guy?  He did two sympathetic spots on the Studio and Oprah and everyone buys that he’s the victim. Those were real hardball questions he was being asked there.  Good people can have selfish, negative moments. Which is exactly what happened.

The What’s What, Volume 108

Thanks to everyone who sent me recommendations on a new blog service.  Special thanks to CanadiAnne for creating a WordPress account for the specific purpose of troubleshooting the issue, and finding the fix by adding a specific combination of apps and filters to my browser.   We’ll remain here until the next thumbs-down.  Or maybe earlier, I’ve heard very good things about blogspot.

LOL that ESPN 30 for 30 special on the Red Sox 3-0 series comeback is so epic.  The best part so far was when the butthurt Yankees fans were throwing shit on the field because A-Rod got caught cheating. -shyguy5676

MLB Productions did a great job. I expected them to gloss over or not mention the dubious parts of that series, but they showed the warts and all.

Should I start watching Prison Break or Deadwood? I’ve already seen The Sopranos, 24, Lost, Heroes and Nip Tuck. I’m already into Dexter and following this season. And I’m up to season 4 of The Wire.  -Jeremeier

Only the first season of Prison Break is worth watching.  The Deadwood catalog is boss. Get you some.

if you were granted one request by god to change the world, what would you ask him for? -roastinglikeever

I’d need a lot of consideration.  Id wish for him to “become a little more involved in the people of Earths well being” or even “Set everyone straight on which religion is accurate.”

Do you consider yourself different from other people? -aeyxes

I’m unique, just like everyone else.  Doesn’t make me better in any way, though.

Louis CK > George Carlin.  After his latest stand up, he officially moved to the number 1 spot. He’s a hit and no miss comedian. -VandRandV

Carlin did a lot for the prestige of comedy. He ended his career a pompous, bitter, social commentator more than a comedian. Louis CK hasn’t even come close to the level of traditional success of Carlin. He’s being edgier in a time that’s much more difficult to be so, but if Henny Youngman opened the doors of edgy comedy, Carlin opened it up with an axe and a crazed look, Shining style.  In short, if your argument is Louis CK > Carlin, best comedian ever, you’re going to come off sounding arrogant because of the levels of esteem and success Carlin was able to achieve. if our argument is Louis > Carlin for your comedy enjoyment, personally, then that’s cool, I’m right there with you.

Do you consider it wrong for people to “fall in love” with “fictional” characters?  It’s something that’s become somewhat accepted in the anime community. I know the majority of you here think it’s weird but I want to hear your perspective. “Love” meaning going beyond simply being attracted to someone, but feeling deeply emotionally attached to.  Is the fact that you can’t actually interact with someone a significant enough barrier to where you shouldn’t be able to “love” them or the qualities that they represent? Do you think I’m just a socially-deprived loser who lacks the ability to find “real love” so turned to anime instead?  -Azu-Nyan

Love is a mutual concept. It’s a two way street. It’s impossible to love something that doesn’t know you exist. That’s called lust. And knock yourself out with lust. All day long. Fine by me. But when you compare what you have vs people who have to put effort into making a loving relationship worthy, then you are an embarrassment to humans, and a failure to yourself.

A man can beat his wife and kids as long as he leaves no physical marks, the United Arab Emirates’ highest court has found.  Reaction? -NeedInput

I bet theres still way more domestic violence in America.

SCENARIO:Your GF steps on Christian Bales shoes in public and he starts yelling at her.  What do you do, hotshot? -codmohcommander

We turn our back on him and walk away.  I bet that would piss him off more than anything we could say.

Should immigrants be forced to learn the language of the nation they move to? -ZombieImplants

No. People should choose to do it because communication could be necessary to saving your life and the lives of people you love, among one of the many obvious examples of how to use society to your benefit.  But no one should be forced to do anything, in a free country. That’s kind of the point, and makes you just as retarded as the people who choose not to.

Do you buy a lot of dvds/blurays? I personally buy tons of dvds and they really stack up. Pickin up predator along with Fallout later. Just wondering as I know lots of people just download them nowadays. I have been buying lots of blurays lately too.  -sgilatapus

I have like my top 5-10 movies or so on Blu-ray/DVD. The only time I watch them is with friends who haven’t seen the movie.  When the movie is on TV, I’ll watch until the first commercial to catch a vibe and if I want to see it, I play the DVD, if not, I turn the channel. I absolutely refuse to watch a movie on TV (unless its on HBO or Showtime) that I have on DVD. Makes me feel like I’m a retard, watching the edited, commercial filled version.

The What’s What, Volume 1o7

WMC: I apologize for the uneditable spacing issues.  I’m officially looking for a free blog service to transfer mine too.  Currently accepting nominations.

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Luke Skywalker only knew Obi-Wan for like, half a day. They meet in the morning when Luke almost gets captured, talk for a bit, then Luke finds his dead parents, so they decide to hire Han Solo. A little later in the day Han and them leave Tatooine and get abducted by the Death Star, where Obi-Wan dies.  -StealthyMission

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I assumed that Obi Wan was there to protect Luke from harm. Luke just had a crap ass boring existence, which includes the sole highlight of blasting swamp rats when he’s not harvesting blue milk from the desert, and he never needed anyone to do anything to protect him. So, Obi Wan knew Luke a lot more than Luke knew ObiWan. Do you know the scale of hours between Earth and Tatooine? They could have spent 4 days in constant sunlight there. Also, I imagine the space travel was a little more than a few hours. I’m not an apologist or anything, you might be right. Just what I come out with. The relationship didn’t really strike me as a hoax when I was a toddler in 1980.

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create the ultimate super group band with living or dead band mates -ballin06

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Guitar and lyrics – John Lennon & Bob Dylan
Piano – Ben Folds
Vocals – Eddie Vedder
Drums – Carl Palmer
Horns, accordion, and accompaniment – They Might Be Giants

I immediately think less of someone if I find out they smoke.  To the extent that I wouldn’t secks them if I found out. -jamdlw

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That’s cool. I can relate. Kind of like the way I immediately think less of you for thinking less of people based on one decision they’ve made.

Will you raise your KIDS with a religion? -hottubmimemachine

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No.  And it’s unlikely they’ll see a baptism, which is likely to bring about issues with my Dad.  He’s a good guy and everything.  He just like-a da Jesus.

Jon Hamm is typecast. His voice + anytime he wears a suit = Don Draper for the rest of his life -GreyFocks15

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I could not disagree more.  I’m going to wager you have never seen him on 30 Rock, SNL or the Emmy’s.  Hes been getting a shitload of credit for his comedy work, recently.  It seems that way to me, anyway.

if black ppl dont like mayo, what do they put on their sandwiches?  -DuSheauwnDre

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White women, obviously.

What is something your penis can’t do that, that you wish it could? -LVWINRAR

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Either laser beams or free HBO.

Have you ever pooped in the oven?  -Homey65

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Not my own oven, of course not.  That would be a mistake.

Congrats on your first platinum trophy.  Can I get a review?  -Glocktypus

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LoL.  Afrika?  It was just okay.  I just kept completing missions, and some seemingly super easy mission would pop up, so I would do that one. Then it told me that I did all the missions. I looked to see what I was missing and it was the 20th item. So, I went to get that and it went all “Platinum Trophy”.   I put 30-40 hours into it, I guess. 3 of those hours hunting for the ever elusive Kori Bustard in the Kiwanja Plain.  I got the from Gamefly, and am pleased I did. Once you platinum it there is absolutely nothing left to do but goof off. It looks pretty, that’s for sure. The music is awesome.  I’m still humming it, weeks later.  If you like photography, it’s definitely worth a go round.  But I’ve spent way more hours on other games that I haven’t platinumed.

The What’s What, Volume 1o6

Why Is Catholicism A Punchline And Islam Untouchable?  -WaltWhitesHat

Because old guys who are supposed to be moral leaders turning out to be peepee touchers is ironic, while crashing airplanes and bombing buildings without any direct confrontation or chance to defend yourself is scary.  Not saying it’s right, just how it is as I see it.

I was in third grade when 9/11 happened. I remember coming home and my parents and sister were watching the news all day and I was like wtf is this man, i wanna watch digimon bro. A real tragedy. -Chispart66

I was in Kindergarten and some old guy had come into class to read “My Dog Skip”. He finished it and everything.

Are there any types of prank devices that can disrupt TV signals?  Like to turn off tvs, mess about with random settings, anything like this? -PriorityMale

A universal remote, genius.

So, I saw the Dragon Ball z movie on HBO a couple of days ago.. To call it shit is insulting to human waste.  -amazingbagman

I thought it was a perfect representation of the source material.

More overrated rapper?  Tupac, Eminem, or Andre 3000? -DuSheauwnDre

Tupac, his death made him a martyr. His lyrics were elementary.

Have you seen the 3D optical illusions of children playing they are using as speed bumps in Vancouver?  -Corks

I have not.  However, I don’t think fucking with the eyes and heads of people in charge of 2 ton vehicles is a great idea.

I have been having really fucked up dreams since seeing Inception. I’ve seen the movie three times, and I’ve been dwelling on its concept for a while now and its just such an original and unique film. Since I’ve been obsessed with it I’ve noticed my dreams have been lasting way longer than normal, and I’m remembering so much more when I wake up in the morning. Not to mention I’ve even had a couple lucid dreams where I was in complete control, and the dreams I’ve been having seem so much more realistic. -jbscotchman

I can’t help but pity people who have such an overwhelming emotional reaction to someone else’s fiction that they have to modify their reality.  A seriously unfortunate scenario playing out more and more often. What a herd of vapid, feeble-willed simpletons.

I wouldn’t have given security Brandon Jacob’s helmet either.  It’s not like he’s gonna need it.. But seriously don’t act like they use the same helmet all season.. it’s doubtful that they even use the same one all game.. let the man keep the helmet if the dumb ass is gonna throw it. -Cl3ms0nTigers

I would have told the security people that it’s evidence of an assault in my possession and if I am not catered to, then the NY Giants, Brandon Jacobs, Lucas Oil Stadium, the Indianapolis Colts and the stadium security would all be hearing from my lawyer. I’m not even kidding. When a foul ball or puck goes into the crowd, you get to keep it. If they take it from you, then the player has to trade something to you for it. If security wants it that bad, they should have given him tickets or a jersey or something.  Some giant pissed-off uber-wealthy monster doesn’t get to whip 2 pounds of hard plastic at me without paying for it.

The What’s What, Volume 1o5

When you told someone to go to Red Robin, I thought you were kidding.  I thought the place was a kids party place like Chuck E Cheese.  But then my wifes friends made us go and I had a great burger, they had a bar with drafts and everything! –ajent007

I’m not sure how you could get that impression, what with the giant cartoon bird, commercials that never show anyone over the age of 12 and buildings that looks like a god-damned neon and glass casino extravaganza.  Get past the wacky attempted retro burger joint vibe and the burgers are still amazingly delicious.  Stay away from the shakes.  Don’t go there without kids.  Just get a couple Bonzai burgers to go and sit in a park or your car, like we do.

Nice predictions, Uri Gellar.  Could you have had a worst week 1?  CJ Spiller + Laurence Maroney = Fail. -FluffyBuster

I also went 0-3 fantasy in Week 1.  But I haven’t given up on Spiller.  I certainly admit I have no idea what happened with Maroney.  It must have been personal or something.  He could still put up exciting numbers for the Broncos, now that he has an axe to grind.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending myself, I suck.  I never claimed to be sitting on a perpetual success festival over here.  I’m saying we just don’t know how badly I suck yet.  Let’s give it the proper time to really compost down to shit, is all.

After all these years, I still think Melissa Joan Hart is pretty good looking.  Not mind blowingly hot or anything but there is something nice about her. -hbkny2j

She was my first celebrity crush, like 25 years ago. Sill hot now. I’m not gonna watch her show or anything, though.  Too hokey.  And I didn’t watch her dancing, either.  She needs a good role.  I bet she could pull it off if someone gave her a legitimate shot.

NHL 11 will be the best sports game of this generation. -OkravinaOfTime

Passing is pretty fail in ’11.  Loading up speed by holding pass is a complete disaster.  It needs to be done with analog, the harder or quicker you push the button, the faster the pass goes.  Its a shoulder button for a reason.

Why would Brady watch the Jets on Hard Knocks? He already has tapes of their practices. -Corks

LoL.  Good line.  However, If I was their competition, you damn right I’d be watching it to find out something to get in their head with. I’d probably be calling Mark Sanchez cheap for putting the screws to some poor college kid over a fucking 75 cents cup of ranch dressing.   Hes a damned millionaire, and he’s griping this poor kid over the coals for something Rex Ryan has bottles upon bottles of stashed in his mini-fridge for chugging.

Have you ever received a hate message from someone after playing online with them? -blurnahn

When I played Galaxies as a spy, I got them all the time.  Like, daily.

Lost got absolutely screwed by the Emmys. Even if they didn’t deserve to win the acting awards (seriously though, Terry O’Quinn should have won), at the very least Michael Giacchino should have won for the music direction. Instead 24 won. Absolute bullshit.  -StealthyMission

Everyone knew this going in, this was not a surprise.  The ending really crapped in everyones collective mouths.  So, blame the writers of that travesty for the residual negativity towards everything else related to the show.

LOL Poor People. OH NOEZ $10 MORE FOR XBOX LIVE! HOW WILL I AFFORD IT!? -wareagles91

It’s what the $10 is for is whats making people upset.  ESPN? Twitter? Facebook? Anyone with an internet connection gets that stuff for free, including 99.9% of the XBox audience. Makes no sense.

Preseason week 4 NFL > Regular season week 1 NCAA -IntimidatingPresents

College football is generally more exciting, but the NCAA is corrupt.  Pro Football is just so much more meaningful competition.  They both have merits, but still, your opinion is correct.

The What’s What, Volume 1o3

My sister is friends with the girl who plays Ginny Weasley in Harry Potter.  Bonnie Wright. She met her at a dinner party for an acquaintance they both knew. She’s nice, but IMO, too nice to tap.  -wariO’s

Yeah, she wouldn’t have stood a chance at those charms of yours. It’s a good thing you respect the kindness of someone you’ve never met enough to not make her want to have sex with you.  Is your sister friends with her, or did she just meet her at a dinner party for an acquaintance they both knew? Because there’s a pretty big difference.  It  sounds like your sister told you that she didn’t make an ass of herself in front of a famous person, like she would have seen the conversation as anything else but her impressing a celebrity.  Do you have even the SLIGHTEST idea of how many people attempt to be friends with a famous person on any given day?

Ian Huntley, who murdered two girls eight years ago, is sueing the prison service for £100,000 after he got slashed in the throat by another prisoner. Do you think this is right? The guy is in jail, what is he going to do with a hundred grand? -Ham-Tam

Well, his family could probably use the money. I don’t believe prisons get the right to be ThunderDome.  I’m not going to lose any sleep if he doesn’t win his case.

so this guys owes me a few grand… this morning he drops by with a “deal“.  He wants to give me two “houses” instead of paying me back. This guy owns a butt load of trailer houses and is trying to give me two of them. There are currently people living in them and paying $450 a month. He claims they have lived there for a long while and never missed a payment. on one side it would be steady income.. but do I want to get into property with this economy? Sure they are trailers but to be honest I have seen much worse…  -rawksawlid1

I don’t like the deal.  He might know things about the property that you don’t.  You might have to invest in fixing it, back taxes, or the people might be moving out.  Who knows the arrangements he has with these people?  Tell him you would feel more comfortable if he used the rental property income to pay you back. Draft up a payment schedule with prime rate interest to be nice. Get a notary. Wipe hands of this guy.

Breaking Bad VS Dexter VS Lost – MisterSerious

Dexter isn’t as good as everyone thinks it is. Lots of questionable dialogue and the drama is even a little too much. Lost is a joke.  Breaking Bad by ten lengths.

Can people on “Lets Make A Deal” actually TAKE the zonk if they get it?  Sometimes they look really cool… I wouldn’t mind taking a motorcycle with triangular wheels… -Corks

Once I saw a guy win a pineapple cart or something, and he took like 5 pineapples back to his seat.  I bet he got out of there with them.

how do you start smoking when you know it’s bad for you..? to look cool, huh? enjoy your cancer, loser -Adsimbenefits

Why eat butter when you know it’s bad for you?  Why do you spend all day in the sun when you know its bad for you?  Why do you play sports, when you know all the health risks associated?  Why do you get a puppy companion when you know you’ll have to bury him someday?  Why do non-smokers think they are avoiding death by whining about it?

Of all the religions in the world, only 1 has it right.  The Amish. You have NEVER heard of radical Amish terrorists, have you? Nope. The world would be a better place if everyone was Amish. This is indisputable.  -MGSisLife

I refuse to argue.  Wonderful peoples.  One of the greatest restaurants I have ever been in my life was an Amish restaurant.  Everything from scratch, big giant plates of three kinds of meat served family style with like 12 different sides and every fresh vegetable you could think of. And the desserts, Jesus, the desserts. Pies from scratch still hot from the oven. Fresh ice cream. Was like $9 for me to eat everything I wanted.

Did you see Inception?   -MoeMunney66

I did, and I was a little distracted by something.  Cillian Murphy wears a burlap sack on his head in all 3 of Nolans epic movies, Batman Begins – He’s Scarecrow, kind of his thing.  Dark Knight – Batman de-burlap sacks him during the robbery attempt in the beginning.  Inception – As a kidnapped energy concern mogul, he’s wearing a burlap sack in the back of the white van for a healthy percentage of the movie.  After I noticed this, I spent the rest of the movie analyzing this fact, and I think its obvious the conclusion we can come out with. Apparently, Cillian Murphy has the ability to make some sort of magical supernoise of which he needs to contort his face in awkward ways to make, but the result of this supernoise convinces you that what you are doing is awesome and you need to tell your friends and implants a yearning for it to continue. I am currently running tests to determine if burlap has some sort of amplification properties science might not be aware of.

I understand your mind is blown here. Please, try to settle down. Let’s not let the media know until I’ve concluded with my experiments and can get a concrete case here. But, since the the blog is about to get a lot more popular, I’ll need to deputize some people to handle press events. Thanks for your patience and effort, readers. We’ve finally done it.

What do you think about that Fox News guy buying  gay bar next to the “Ground Zero Mosque”? –DUN-FIP

A conservative owning a gay bar out spite hardly sounds like the greatest business model.  But, it sure is confusing the hell out of both conservatives and liberals, so that’s kind of funny.

Chocolate Milk in Cereal, Yay or Nay -IllyMays

I did it once with regular rice crispies because I didn’t have any sugar.  It was great. Ill vote Yay, but only for some cereals.

You’re a gamer/nerd.  Interested in Scott Pilgrim? -pepsiizawsum

I’m also 33.   So, no.  I’ll wait the 16 months and turn the channel to something else 12 minutes into it when its free on HBO.