The What’s What, Volume 97

as every summer approaches, I hope and pray that it is the year where jorts enter extinction and every summer I am disappointed. -_Deeze_

I actually had to google “jorts”.  That’s how old I am.  Turns out, they’re “jean shorts”.  Now it all makes sense. After consideration of the issue, I’m going to vote to continue letting women wear jean shorts, but only the kind made from old jeans.  Never hemmed at cuff.  Men can’t do either.  If you have a penis and are wearing jean shorts, you should leave your trailer for an hour and get yourself something that isn’t embarrassing you for the summer.  Treat yourself, and the rest of us.

See the Evans/Rampage bout? -Grapedrinker

I did.  I understand when people who pay for the fights get upset by what they call “lay and pray”.  Also, I completely agree that these fights are wholly unexciting.  However, I just cannot fault Evans for using the strategy to win.  In a successful career, winning and limiting damage are pretty much the two necessities.   It’s boring, but landing 2 jabs and snuggling is technically fundamental.  Which is why the undercards are always more exciting.  Less fundamentals, more opportunity for mistakes.

i mean, like these dudes are bitches. i make one comment and they remove me from their friends list lol.    i could understand when girls do this, but like really what little bitches.  so what if i drop f bombs and shit, who the fuck cares, its the goddamned internetz. serious bizness. -smoke_dust_rising

So what if you drop f-bombs? The people who dropped your ass care. How about using a little god-damned tact and consideration for the people you consider friends? Some peoples Facebook pages are the social equivalent of a childrens birthday party on the internet. You run into the inflatable bouncetty-bounce, start swearing and dropping retarded jokes next to people that were born this decade or lived through the holocaust or something and you wonder why you don’t get invited back?

I don’t care if you want to be a retarded asshole in front of people that could eventually offer you help in your life. Your reputation is yours to piece up all you like, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to listen to you complain about it like your butthurt, and then act like you don’t care when you admit it’s all your doing.

In about 15 years, J.K. Rowling will probably make a lotta “greatest author of all-time” lists… Even though she probably doesn’t deserve to be there, she is single-handedly responsible for igniting an entire generations love for literature. Not many, if any, writers have ever been able to do that in their lifetime.  ColLexSanders

“Most successful” =/= “Greatest All-Time”.  Plus I’m going to take issue with your claims of her turning a generation onto literature.  Kids waited for the next HP book.  They weren’t pick up any Ginsberg or anything.

SCENARIO: Qui Gon Jinn never goes out & gets Anakin Skywalker. How do things change? Does the original trilogy still happen? Is there still civil war? Does Palpatine still become all powerful?  -RoyaleSithCheese

It’s a prophecy. Anakin would have found his way into the situation some other way.   What’s more interesting to me is how everyone expected Anakin to be this wonderful person. His prophecy was to bring balance to the force. And the Jedi were ahead by thousands. So, either the Sith would become equally powerful, or the Jedi’s were to get served up to a scant few, which is what happened. Everyone seemed shocked by these events. I still don’t get it.

Sarah Palin recent tweet:  “Extreme Greenies: see now why we push “drill,baby,drill” of known reserves&promising in safe onshore places like ANWR? Now do you get it?”

I realize she’s pigeon-holed herself as America’s Mom, and everything.  But, I can do without the condescension.  Being all “I told you so” is going to get people defensive instead of considering your point.  Not that I believe what she’s saying anyway, there’s plenty of footage of her campaigning for extended off-shore drilling.

A-Rod doesn’t seem to want the record anymoreEver since he was like “I’m on teh roids lol” he’s not swinging for the fences. This makes me a sad panda. -ImpliedOffense

Well, because of his steroid usage, it’s been tainted.   It’s best he keeps quiet and cross bridges as he comes to them.  I’d rather not double the amount of complete douchebag juicers on top of the HR list. But you are free to hope as you choose.

Do women withhold sex as a form of coercion or punishment? This is another one of those issues that perplexes me whenever I contemplate female sexuality. I’m genuinely curious to know if (a) this is a widespread occurrence, and (b) why a woman would do this at all. -amazingbagman

Really?  After centuries of sexual repression, objectification and double-standards, you need to ask why women use sex as a weapon?  Really, dude?  I hope you are good looking.

Someone Steps on Your Sneakers; pull knife, pull gun, or punch them?  I did option 1 today when some cracker stepped on my Jordans. I went easy on him since they are kinda old, I’ve had them for two whole months.  -FritosInyoAss

Well, traditionally people expect shoes to take a beating. You know, due to the close proximity and repeated contact with THE GROUND.  An accident is one thing. Completely unacceptable to get upset over. If not this, then you’d kick a curb or catch a screw on the train or something.  On purpose is another. You’d best equalize or answer with superior aggression if you got the numbers, size and/or skill., in any situation someone is trying to bring you undue negativity.

The What’s What, Volume 85

You got a new phone?  What kind, whos your provider?  Any good? -Navybound88

Sprint’s HTC Hero.  Totally boss.  It does tend to lag occasionally, but nothing a reboot doesnt fix. It takes forever to boot up, thats really my main issue.  Which likely won’t matter if a firmware update fixes the lagging issues.    I was really worried about the touch keyboard, I have always have a physical one.  But, after a calibration and a few minutes it totally picks up what I’m going for.  The Android Applications are awesome.  I do have some disappointment in the Google Calendar function, but that’s on Google, and likely will be fixed with a couple applications over time.  I am remarkably happy with it, overall.

Mark McGwire admitted using steroids when he broke baseball’s single-season home run record in 1998. Your thoughts? -Bronzemonkey

He’s going to follow-up with a press conference that the sun is hot, tomorrow.  Seriously, though, his admittance is still full of lies.  How he didn’t take them for performance is just one.  Because everyone injects themselves with something every day because it does nothing, right?  He’s an ass thats still lying.  The worst part is, none of this was illegal, so I continue to blame the MLB Administration for the whole fiasco.

Do you flash your lights to warn oncoming traffic of cops? And how many people do you think are aware of this signal? -zappattammann

Yeah, I do it.  Not sure how many people think I’m trying to tell them to turn their lights on.  One time it happened to us in Ireland, and we slowed down to avoid foreign law and it turns out a biker got hit by car and was lying in the middle of the road around a sharp corner. We would have ran the bastard over again if no one had been coming our way. Apparently, thats the way they do it over there. Flashing lights means shit got real up ahead.

Sarah Palin is joining Fox News.  She’ll fit right in. -HarvardBroad

So, she quit her job as Governor to pimp her book and get a TV show?  Apparently, the only thing she’s going rogue on is responsibility.

I just really wasn’t in the mood for being in the office but then my boss requested a doctor’s note but I wasn’t sick so getting one wouldn’t have been possible.   So I just printed some stuff on a piece of paper like “patient number 0444” and “symptoms” on a piece of a paper, cut it so it looked like a small note and not a full sheet of paper and then I told my friend to fill in the blanks with his handwriting and then he signed it at the bottom. My boss totally bought it.  Owned. -MrGoodmanBar

You could have saved yourself the anxiety and just gone to a doctor.  Every time I have asked a doctor for a legitimate or illegitimate doctors note, they have asked me what I wanted it to say.   Seems like a waste of time for everyone involved to request one.

Seriously, every other day on the news I hear about group X being disapointed because Obama did not legalize gay marriage (gays), did not end racism (minorities), did not legalize marijuana (pot advocates), did not end both wars right away (bleeding hearts – just kidding, I’m against both wars), did not do more against global warming (tree huggers – again, kidding), etc. No wonder so many are disapointed, its like they expected him to be a messiah on all of these issues after 1 year in office. It`s not Obama that is the problem, its the political system that he is part of that makes passing any kind of significant legislation take years. Anyway, I`ll fully judge his presidency when its over, not after less than a year. -the_wire44

While true, he did kind of sell himself on hope and change, so you can’t really blame voters  for choosing to support him.  Not that you are totally the victim when your chosen political candidate turns out to be just another corporate puppet, if you can’t see that coming a mile away to begin with,  than politics is not your thing.

What’s the worst book you have ever read?  -kbrace8240

Either Lord of the Flies, or Bridge to Terabithia.  Both pretty much turned me off of reading for a few years, when the point was to get kids interested in reading.  You mean a bunch of adults agreed on books that kids would be interested in, put a fancy gold sticker on them, and completely failed in every aspect of the decisions?  Shocking.

Ron Jeremy says violent video games ‘worse’ than porn.-drama11

I agree. I find the glorification of violence far more offensive than the glorification of sex, though I have a high tolerance for both.  I think violence is wrong in all cases, while sex is wrong in very few.  It’s retarded that parents who would be offended at buying their kids porn at 18 would be so easily talked into God of War at 10 years old.

Sources close to former ‘Tonight Show’ host Jay Leno tell me he is furious with the way NBC has treated him and Conan O’Brien and is considering walking away from the entire mess.  How screwed is NBC? -OGBobbsonn

It’s just some PR trying to spin Leno’s disappointment that everyone is reacting to his treachery negatively.  I don’t buy any of Leno’s reasons for leaving in that article. It’s nice to say now, to try to save some face, but Jay will eventually come through with the “too many people, from the props guy to the wardrobe lady, and their families, rely on me for their livelihood.” or such preconsidered nonsense and have no qualms stealing back the show he retired from when the time comes.

When you’re down and out, do you have any friends you can count on? -4emlock

I do, but I try to  figure out my own problems. My friends are for fun.  I don’t see any reason to burden anyone else with my troubles, and I have friends who treat me the same way.  I might ask advice or their thoughts on a situation. But I try very hard to not complain about things that don’t really concern them.

The What’s What, Volume 40

A-Rod should get no respect for admitting he used steroids, he only confessed because he was caught. -SoggyBoot

I agree. He had plenty of chances to some clean if he truly was regretful.  But, this certainly does make things easier for him in the long run.  I really enjoyed how he kept talking about why HOF voters should still vote for him, but that he doesnt really caare he just wants a championship. Plus, he tried to scapegoat his cousin.  Does anyone blame A-Rod less now that his cousin was involved?  He should have said “They were my mistakes, it doesn’t matter where I got them.” He really is fraudulent.

9/11 was made for TV.  If the attacks occurred on June 24th no one would refer to them as 6/24 but some ultra clever TV personality realized that 9/11 is like 911 and 911 is the # you call for emergency services. Plus the 11 can represent the towers on T shirts, bumper stickers, collectable coins etc… -Koleizzshun

Who knew terrorists had marketing degrees?

America wants the Middle East to have democracy, but when they do and elect Hamas, we kill them. -God_Foley11

It certainly is true we were hoping they didn’t elect people that would want to kill us.  But now that they have chosen who to represent them, we have to deal with them.

thoughts of salma hayek breastfeeding random african baby during recent trip? -billswillwin23

*Googles “African baby costume”*

Would you let Oscar the Grouch give you a BJ for $40? -Furnituremishandled

Sounds kind of rough.  Couldn’t I just jerk-off with a mitten, get the same effect, and keep my $40?

high school dropouts still screwd even with stimulas package, Id love to go to school but I dont have a gang.

I laughed out loud when I was forced to consider that high school dropouts care about the stimulus package. They chose their economic threshold way before the stimulus package dropped.

If you could go back in time to witness history, where would you go? -DoughBoy911

Jesus’ miracles, no other option even comes close.

How old were you when you played your first video game? -MeltsinMouth

Arcade game? I can’t remember.  Home console? I was 7 when the Atari came out, My dad brought one home with Bowling and combat. I played forever.

My Grandma just learned how to use the internet, and she keeps e-mailing me nudes of herself. I think she’s a member of senior swingers. -Hazytrain

Can I have her screen name? I’ll bring my bingo marker and some Sanka, it’s about to get nasty.