The What’s What – Volume 165

Is it weird to wear white khakis?  I thought I looked good with them but now I feel self conscious. -BaruchCollege

Not between Memorial Day and Labour Day, they say.  If you wear white pants, you better have on a seriously winner shirt.  I bet you looked good.

My problem with liberals is that they have no respect for religious freedom. They claim to be tolerant but if you disagree with them because of faith they call you names. -ChaoticGood1

Its because they are using logic and reason. Disagreeing because of your faith is not a legitimate basis. You dont get to build an argument off of faith because it just a belief. Thats its whole reason for existance. Faith is believing in something with no evidence. You arent disagreeing.  Youre espousing your beliefs.  Youre elevating something without evidence against something with evidence.  Apples and Oranges.

Does anyone actually still think Kylo Ren’s lightsaber looks dumb? -Balsamwoodman

I just cant get over the fact that theyve turned something designed to protect the weapon-holder into a weapon thats available to injure the weapon-holder.  Its like putting a giant spike pointing down into your helmet because it looks cool. Ill give you that it LOOKS cool. But seriously….. the fuck?

Why do Star Wars fans hate midichlorians? -CruiseController

Because it turned the Force, one of the most beloved fictional powers ever envisioned, from a spiritual goal to a hereditary monarchy. It went from something almost anyone could obtain through difficult trials to even begin considering mastering to a blood test done with a fucking pocket thermometer.

I wonder if Bruce Jener is using this whole sex change thing to get out of a manslaughter charge. -ebevan19

“Oh, Im sorry, you’re looking for Bruce. Im Caitlyn. Bruce isnt here. Havent seen him in a couple months.”

Jimmy Carter? -CanadiAnne

Hes the sweetest most deliberately caring and most emotionally generous president weve ever had.  People look down on him for this. I find that sad.

Why does it hurt so much? “Because it was real” Holy hell was this movie (Hobbit 3) bad. Can’t forget the scene where Legolas is jumping the stones while falling  At least the girl elf was hot doe.  -SizzleNinja

Is that the one where surfed down a battle elephant while killing it? Because thats when I checked out of the series, for good.

I have $120 in cash in my wallet. What should I do with it? -wwefan07

Hang on to it until something comes up and you’re like, “Damn, I wish I had $120.”

Give me a way to curb American obesity. -Itab

Sure, Ill do your homework for you.  Limit usage of escalators and elevators to people under 200 pounds only.

A fan in Atlanta has died from injuries sustained falling from upper deck at Braves game. -Blue.Jay.Link

Another victim of A-Rods general encompassing awfulness.

My little sister is in the hospital after being beat up . Be wary who you meet on online dating. -YoungXBeast

Yes, because shell never be hurt dating a guy she met in a bar.

Post your Superbowl 50 prediction. -cubby21

Packers d Chiefs in a Super Bowl 1 rematch.

Where has Bill been during Hillary’s whole campaign? -CornWallaceJackson

Theres a reason they save the headliner for late in a show.  Hillary is Zendaya featuring The Big Sheed and Bill is a double billing of Kanye and Taylor Swift.

I just smoked an acai bowl and can’t tell if it’s doing shit.  How long does it usually take to kick in? -fishfulwinking

I can tell you right now that its not doing shit or else wed all know about it. The acai berry has been around for hundreds of years in South America. If that shit fucked you up, that shit would be processed, concentrated and being snorted up the noses of stock brokers and restaurant workers since the 70s.

How do you live being circumcised? I just wince/cringe at that thought of getting your tip snipped tf off as a baby who can’t give consent and having to pretend like everything’s alright for the rest of your life. -MegaGameCube93

If I hear one more circumcised guy complain that sex doesnt have feeling or one woman complain that she wishes her boyfriend has a skin leg-warmer on his dick, I will surely make note of that as the first people to ever complain about these things.

Girls pierce their ears for men. If your tonsils or appendix was outside of your body, theyd remove that too when you were a baby. Sorry you have to clean cheese and see the subtle twinge of disappointment in a womans face when she sees your dick for the first time. She wouldnt rather you have a skin fish hook turning her lady parts inside-out for her, she wants you wearing a thin rubber scrunchy, jamming up the works.

‘What lion?’ Zimbabweans ask, amid global Cecil circus in that it does not seem to bother those who live there. -GraniteWhiteKnight

Who cares about the people of Zimbabwe? This was never about them. Maybe if one of them gets lured out of his hut with a Firehouse Subs Kings Hawaiin Pork n Slaw, and gets shot in the back with a bow and arrow by Dr Kirk Weatherwood, Dermatologist to the social elite of Fresno, California, then maybe they have a claim. Until that happens, keep blowing your vuvuzelas and shut the fuck up.

I can’t respect a man who isn’t willing to fight for his. If you can’t stand up for yourself you just wasting them testicles. Might as well donate em to some butch chick who’ll actually use em. -c0mp3t3t1v3g4m3r

I mean, what are we fightiing over? If its a woman, and she wants you, then shes your problem now and an upgrade will be around that corner shortly. I aint even mad. If its my fucking breakfast, then you best not press lest you brought a vest for your chest.

I just had to pick up all the cigarette butts in the parking lot.  Parking lot of the waterpark- 28 I counted. I then smoked the ones that had a few hits left behind the equipment shed.  -evpacks2

Doing your job is one thing. Lip fucking a bunch of strangers for fractional secondary nicotine is a whole different level of sadness.

Hot dog on a stick is my favorite mall food. That lemonade and fries.  Whats your go to? -BTrain12

Im going to assume Im limited to the Food Court and say Bourbon Chicken, Dubble Noodle, please.

WTF have they done to Mafia III? -Solefool

I’ll tell you exactly what theyve done.  They super glued a Pam Grier to the three guys from GTA V and didnt think anyone would notice.  Thats what they did. And its a pretty weak move.

I cant tell if HBO getting Sesame Street is awesome or the end of my childhood. -Kevlar101

Hopefully, this opens the door for reboots of some of my favorite disappeared muppets like the Fraggles, Doozers, and Emmit Otter.

What if every time you had sex you traveled to the future?  – BellOfRoos

It does.  I get about theee minutes older, every time.

The What’s What, Volume 1o7

WMC: I apologize for the uneditable spacing issues.  I’m officially looking for a free blog service to transfer mine too.  Currently accepting nominations.

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Luke Skywalker only knew Obi-Wan for like, half a day. They meet in the morning when Luke almost gets captured, talk for a bit, then Luke finds his dead parents, so they decide to hire Han Solo. A little later in the day Han and them leave Tatooine and get abducted by the Death Star, where Obi-Wan dies.  -StealthyMission

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I assumed that Obi Wan was there to protect Luke from harm. Luke just had a crap ass boring existence, which includes the sole highlight of blasting swamp rats when he’s not harvesting blue milk from the desert, and he never needed anyone to do anything to protect him. So, Obi Wan knew Luke a lot more than Luke knew ObiWan. Do you know the scale of hours between Earth and Tatooine? They could have spent 4 days in constant sunlight there. Also, I imagine the space travel was a little more than a few hours. I’m not an apologist or anything, you might be right. Just what I come out with. The relationship didn’t really strike me as a hoax when I was a toddler in 1980.

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create the ultimate super group band with living or dead band mates -ballin06

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Guitar and lyrics – John Lennon & Bob Dylan
Piano – Ben Folds
Vocals – Eddie Vedder
Drums – Carl Palmer
Horns, accordion, and accompaniment – They Might Be Giants

I immediately think less of someone if I find out they smoke.  To the extent that I wouldn’t secks them if I found out. -jamdlw

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That’s cool. I can relate. Kind of like the way I immediately think less of you for thinking less of people based on one decision they’ve made.

Will you raise your KIDS with a religion? -hottubmimemachine

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No.  And it’s unlikely they’ll see a baptism, which is likely to bring about issues with my Dad.  He’s a good guy and everything.  He just like-a da Jesus.

Jon Hamm is typecast. His voice + anytime he wears a suit = Don Draper for the rest of his life -GreyFocks15

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I could not disagree more.  I’m going to wager you have never seen him on 30 Rock, SNL or the Emmy’s.  Hes been getting a shitload of credit for his comedy work, recently.  It seems that way to me, anyway.

if black ppl dont like mayo, what do they put on their sandwiches?  -DuSheauwnDre

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White women, obviously.

What is something your penis can’t do that, that you wish it could? -LVWINRAR

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Either laser beams or free HBO.

Have you ever pooped in the oven?  -Homey65

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Not my own oven, of course not.  That would be a mistake.

Congrats on your first platinum trophy.  Can I get a review?  -Glocktypus

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LoL.  Afrika?  It was just okay.  I just kept completing missions, and some seemingly super easy mission would pop up, so I would do that one. Then it told me that I did all the missions. I looked to see what I was missing and it was the 20th item. So, I went to get that and it went all “Platinum Trophy”.   I put 30-40 hours into it, I guess. 3 of those hours hunting for the ever elusive Kori Bustard in the Kiwanja Plain.  I got the from Gamefly, and am pleased I did. Once you platinum it there is absolutely nothing left to do but goof off. It looks pretty, that’s for sure. The music is awesome.  I’m still humming it, weeks later.  If you like photography, it’s definitely worth a go round.  But I’ve spent way more hours on other games that I haven’t platinumed.

The What’s What, Volume 61

What’s the worst kind of internet degenerate?  Liars, Fanboys, Music/Religious elitists, Trolls? -Lourde_VJ

Oh, God. White Knights. Hands down.  Is there anything more pathetic that a guy standing up for someone over the internet solely because shes a woman?   I just can’t find it in myself to allow them even a slight shred of credibility. Plus, they are feeding attention whores, my second least favorite type of internet user, and least favorite type of real person.

My girlfriend dumped me, but as it stands, I still have to give her rides to work.  Is there anything more pathetic than that? -ValidDickTorian

Pathetic?  Yes.  But, also, a little opportunity to twist that dagger.  Grab some of your sister/Moms perfume and spray it in the car the night before.  Then pick her up with the windows down so it looks like you were trying to mask it.

Can you imagine how epic it would be to see the Star Wars V twist in theatres for the first time? -Victor777

Kinda sad that no one from any following generation will get the twist. With all the pop culture reference and what not. I remember that an episode of Muppet Babies spoiled it for my little sister. Kids now will just find it as a shocking moment to Luke, and important to the plot, not shocked themselves.

Family Guy was nominated for Outstanding Comedy Series. That has only been the 2nd time an animated show has been nominated in that category. The Flinstones is the other. -wool21

Great show.  But the fact that the Simpsons wasn’t the 2nd animated show to be nominated is borderline criminal, and definitely produces credibility problems for the Emmy’s, in my eyes.

Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter vs Bill Clinton’s affair. Why do people who love Clinton bash Palin for her daughter being pregnant?   Sounds pretty stupid to me.  -Harts1780

I think it’s because while Gov Palin preached abstinence as the best policy and from her daughters actions, it seems she didn’t have her families support on the issue. President Clinton wasn’t trying to make adultery or cigar molestation a punishable legal offense or anything.

What restaurants should the health department hit hard; Asian or Mexican?-Emptymedia

Oh my God. Mexican BY FAR. Mexican food is slow cooked and left out in double boilers or under heat lamps for hours.  Chinese food is flash fried to order in searing woks. And in order to get many sauces to caramelize, they have to be brought to a ridiculously high temperature.   You could seriously add a teaspoon of swine flu in front of me into the wok thats preparing my food, and I’d still take the chinese food over Mexican.

Do you know that paramedics can’t pronounce someone dead unless they’re decapitated?  Moobs1818

You saying the movie “Knowing” had inaccurate information involved in its presentation?

As I type this, my girlfriends step dad is playing guitar and singing Christian music. I’m an atheist, and he knows it. -MDTerps07

Make up your own lyrics about how you should kill women for speaking in church, and stoning gays and sing along.

Were you involved in any school activities at college?-DimNeon

My friends and I had a radio show. We created fictional personalities and interviewed each other.   I was the Prince of International Waters for one show. We broadcast live Zonk games from the dorms. Played music and held marathon shows for lunar eclipses and meteor showers. Some of the greatest times I had was in that studio.

Which minor injury sucks more; Papercut or Splinter? -DigitalTornado

Ill go with splinter. Papercuts heal themselves.   You have to wait until you can take a sliver out which can be hours, and then you have to deal with this painful annoyance in you for hours, possibly.

Thoughts on the Erin Andrews nude video? -Crackagoboom

Its not fair to her at all. But in the mean time, she’s smoking hot and she’s welcome to see me naked any time she would like to.  Additionally, shes the one who confirmed it.  The video quality isn’t great enough to make a definitive claim as to the identity.  If she said “That’s not me” I would have believed her and likely never have seen it.

The What’s What, Volume 36

Let’s say Tom Brady’s career is over today. Will he still be in the HOF? -KingMayker

16-0, 3 SuperBowls, MVP, TD Record holder?  Yes, first ballot.

What made you stop believing in God? -Chad_The_Hun

Remedial Cognition.  I kid, it just kind of added up over time.

I’m making chicken wings for lunch. What should I baste them with? -BBQball

Put them in a crockpot with ketchup, soy sauce, garlic, and grape jelly for a couple hours.  Then, prepare yourself to be amazed how fucking delicious they are.

Can a stripper make enough money between age 18 to age 25 to support her for life? -BereccaX

Just stripping? Very unlikely. High class hooker? Probabaly.

Prostitution and Marijuana; Basically, if any of the two are going to legalized, they must be both lucrative and productive for society (though it’s all really about revenue).  Which of the two benefits society more? -ARL95

Marijuana, hands down.  Farms would be created, regulatory committees, companies of new jobs to process and distribute.  Prostitution would need regulation on a much smaller scale.

they need to start making reverse skyscrapers. look like a small building on the surface but go 50 floors into the ground like a bunker…but awesome.  -ssobsivart

The view isnt as nice.

turn your keyboard over and hit the back side of it over some white paper. I just did this at my office and a bunch of skin flakes, eye lashes and some marijuana just fell out! wtf?! how did that get in there at work?! -CuriousExplorer

When I was moved into a new office I asked the tech for a new keyboard and he asked me why. I turned it over and shook it out on the desk, and he said “Gross. I’ll go get you one.”

A friend of mine is asking me if masturbating and then praying cancels each other out. Thoughts? -BigNeve23

He should go to confession so the priest can ask him to describe it in every detail.  All I can think of is that scene from Clerks 2, where the goodie-2-shoes kid is masturbating to the donkey show while crying and saying “I’m sorry, Jesus…” Hilarious.

Favorite Star Wars character? -CenturionRomanus

Either IG-88, the bounty hunting robot responsible for artificial intelligence, or Admiral Ackbar.

Michelle Obama quit her job, I bet Obama will want to quit when things get real. -notsodope43

I think if I had 4 years to tackle a meaningful social issue, Id quit my job to give it every effort I could, also.

HBO passed up Mad Men? WTF guys? It’s actually a really good show. It feels like I’m watching a long movie that I don’t want to end. I’m on the 7th episode of the fourth season right now. -bright_shadow

Though the show would be even more awesome with boobies and swearing, it does the job fine now.

How would a Doctor end a letter? Sincerely?  Regards?  Dr. Name, MD, or just Name, MD? -y_so_srs90

Forgery is tough, I know.

Would you listen to Hayden Panettiere’s music to have sex with her? You have to listen to every song she has ever sung BEFORE you can start even doing anything with her then it’s on when you’re doing whatever you want with her. -pensnteller11

Can I turn her down to her face if her music sucks that badly when I hear the first song?  Cause that might make it worth it if shes talentless.  As cute as she is, I really disdain crossover attempts.

The What’s What, Volume 33

How do you like your eggs? -CowPlow

Benedict > McMuffin > Scrambled

Should I sue my company for only giving me 2 days off every month? The pay is good, but this is rediculous…
My spine can’t take much more. -samurai_ninja

You won’t find a lawyer, your effort would be better rewarded finding a new job.

Seriously, WTF @ Puerto Rico, wtf is it’s purpose? What does the U.S. get from PR? Why is it still “part” of the U.S.? I honestly don’t know besides moderately hot bitches, what the **** does puerto rico do besides use their government benefits? -MannequinPenis

I had an excellent time in my three hour layover to Saint Thomas. I gambled and got drunk with pleasant friendly people. It didn’t dawn on me to ask them their purpose as Americans.

This chaffing is unbelievable. I just went running and my thighs are killing me. Do you know how to stop this? -Gabriel_Vagoda

Corn starch, an old kitchen trick, for summer days over the oven. Works like a charm. Don’t let someone trick you into using flour unless you want a nut slurry thing happening. It’s turns your nuts into dumplings.

It’s funny when people look down on college students who have their tuition paid for by their parents. There is nothing wrong with it. tons of parents save up to pay for their kids schooling. you wouldnt turn it down if offered -WendyMcDonalds-King

While there is nothing wrong with it, I think its very fair to say that if you work to pay for your own college tuition, you’ll get more out of schooling. Im my experience, you could say this about 99% of college students. People who get their college paid for by Mommy and Daddy are more likely to slack, I guarantee.

How would you survive in prison? i would either go the “crazy man” route and eat as much as my cellmate’s face as i could before being sent to solitary OR would use my devilishly good looks and become the biggest black dude in the joint’s moll cuz what happens in prison stays in prison amirite? -remembertheheroes

Kill them with kindness. Instead of rapings, offer alternatives, like “snuggle time”.

Better Black Star Wars character? Lando owned a city in clouds, rescued Han Solo and destroyed a Death Star.
Mace killed Jango Fett, but got killed by Palpatine. Lando wins. -CloudyRoddyPiper

Lando was a traitor though, can’t omit that. He turned Han in, so at least rescuing him is a wash. And technically, you could say that it took the Emporer AND Darth Vader to bring down Mace. Its closer than you think.

do you get depressed when it rains? normally im in a good mood around this time of day, but today i just feel like shit. -HazyTrain

I enjoy rainy days, and thunderstorms make me feel spiritual. So, no, I don’t get depressed because of the rain at all.

Are there any nude scenes in The Shawshank Redemption? I plan on watching it on the plane when I go back home.
I’d rather avoid awkward moments with the people next to me. -Ericle556

It’s only the greatest movie of all time. Make sure your hang-ups prevent you from seeing it, though.

Can I get a haiku on the Sox new uniforms? -Tammyqube

New threads for Red Sox,

Though the conflict continues,

Red Sox clothes are blue.

had an interview last week and I was just called back today and asked to come in for a second interview. I am just wondering what to expect in this second interview, what is generally talked about or asked. In the first interview they just explained to me about what I would do, asked why I thought i would be a good candidate, and if i was comfortable with certain tasks. -Poggingfuriously

You should learn what you can about the company. That shows that you are serious about the job.
Plan to ask your own questions about the company, not too cheesy. “I noticed you have been in business for 40 years. Has it all been in this building?” Try to come in with knowledge of the job you would be filling. They might want to know how easy your assimilation will be. Also, there might be tricks. “What colour tie was I wearing on Monday?” Was someone there that isn’t for the second round of interview? “Where is Tracy? I hope shes okay.” Good luck.

The Whats What, Volume 5

I like the new site, easy to read.  I know this is old but god dam those NBA ASG jerseys were stupid as fuck. It looked like there were three teams on the court. One in blue, one in white, and one in beige. Honest to god, whoever came up with those uniforms needs to be fired. -ilikemusicmorethanyou

I completely agree. I said the same thing about three teams being on the court.  I cant fathom how there werent just crazy amounts of turnovers. I mean, its got to be confusing for this one game to look for guys in a different colour then you’re used to. But to make them different colours in front and back? Could they have possibly made it any MORE confusing?

I have to take a big dump, but im at work and cant leave the lab – chaosme

Two words, Ass-Cork.

You got thoughts on this years American Idol cast? -HacksawJim

I do.  Only that super young dude stands out.  But, he’s soooo “Aw Shucks” that its going to get old fast.  There was some girl last year, Melinda DooLittle, I think was her name.  She acted surprised when everyone loved her, which was unique and genuine, until she continued doing it into week 8.  I feel like this kid has to get that under raps or people will start resenting him.  Otherwise, Im not impressed.  When I sit down on Tuesday and Wednesday nights, Im not waiting for anyone to sing.  Im just watching the show.

When you get an erection while wearing jeans, which pant leg does your penis usually go down? -TheCytan

The left.  Its just the side the thigh holster for my giant penis always seemed more comfortable.

Lord of The Rings, or Star Wars? -dapuge

I was never into the fairies, elves, goblins, and dwarves that are the mainstay of most fantasy movies/books. Always seemed like kind of a cop out. The ultimate in “attempting” imagination.
Star Wars seemed more original, and because of that, more genuine ingenuity. I prefer Star Wars.

Do you still answer questions in haiku? -SunKissed420

Not any longer.
Prose Problems were inherent.
Just short answers now. 

Im emailing this to you from an iPhone on store display! -KandallWacks

Google Image search: goatse.  Set as wallpaper, leave quietly.

You ever watch Boondocks on Adult Swim? -pmuse

Yeah, I love it. Uncommonly complex writing.  Its like SouthPark for black people. With its ability to boil down issues and lampoon them from both sides, its satirical comedy is the perfect mesh for what they are trying to do.  Flawless execution.

I don’t see why people still believe in religion. Especially adults. It seems like you could have matured past the idea of a magical man in the sky that affects everything you do.  Grow up, people. -MrBlonde2120

I always found it ironic that Christians teach kids about Santa and God, almost together.  Both are unseeable forces that live far away; and if you are good, you are rewarded, and if you are bad you are punished.   And then, when your 10, they’re all  “We were lying about one of them.”
But the real answer to your question; Its easier to be told that your life is worth living, rather than make your life worth living.

My employer just sent me an incorrect paycheck.  I make $713 for two weeks of work.  I was sent a check for $7,130.  Whatever you tell me to do with the check, I will.  -BSchuman

Don’t tell another soul about this.  Open a savings account with it.  Deposit every penny.  Accrue interest until they find their mistake.  if they dont find their mistake by February 2010, spend everything.