The What’s What – Volume 166

Fallout Shelter is a buggy mess.  Hasn’t worked for two days now. I want to check on my god damn dwellers fucking hell.  -BritaniaPrevails1

I quit when I reached a few over 100 people. Its slowed to a crawl. Dragging people anywhere is impossible. That’s too bad.  I would have built a shelter through the Earth if theyd support it to the point where I could.

How long do you wait on the phone when someone tells you to “hold on”? -MisterMissFit

Depends. Did I pick up the phone and was immediately told to “Hold on for your representative”? I immediately hang up the phone. Do I need something from them? Can I call back later when things are maybe less busy?  Was “Hold on” proceeded by “I’ll give you a duffel bag of cash I found as soon as I get over there if you hold for me”?

Not every asshole is a fan of Boston, but every fan of Boston is an asshole. -Gr8Escape

There are some pleasant Patriots fans. Not me, you’ve got me pegged. I am an unrepentant anus. But, my neighbors. Sweetest old couple ever. And they dont mind of you like the Jets or whatever.

Name your state and the three most important things it has offered society.  -AndroidPrototype

Massachusetts. So, American Independance, Aerosmith and Fluff.

Did you see that nip slip by Miley at the VMA’s?  Right after Ice Cube and his son presented the award to Taylor Swift. I’ve seen her tits enough times not to really care but I just thought it was a pretty big deal since it was being broadcasted to millions of people to see.  -ebevan19

I didnt know the VMAs had happened, and Im going to put zero effort in finding the pic now knowing this information.

What is it about the Giants that makes the Patriots choke? -Sqwared3000

Tom Coughlin is a New England football hero turning around BC in the 80s and 90s. Guess who was in line for the New England coaching job before Belichick spurned the Jets to come back to Foxborough? That’s right, Tom Fucking Coughlin.

Oh hey. Sarah Palin called Black Lives Matter “dogs.”  -Bojo4

But what does Geraldine Ferraro think?  Because her opinion is worth the exact same amount.

Ahmed “The Clock Kid”.  Gauge the level of overreaction. -CanadiAnne

Big ups to Ahmed. He played fraidy cat white America like a fiddle.  Next stop White House, and full scholarship somewhere. Hes taken racism to a satirical and profitable level. He just browned-out Capitalism. Theres really nothing more American.  Not handled well at all by the school administration.  That shit totally backfired.

I don’t think there is a more confounding organization than PETA. A Photographer leaves his camera in the jungle to take pictures of monkeys, the monkeys take selfies so he publishes some of the photos and is now being sued by PETA. They say he needs to pay the monkey( who is the true owner of the photo) damages for stealing the photo that the monkey took on his camera. -DeadlyPenguin

Just settle the case for billions and pay the monkey with a check, he can’t cash it.

Taking anything away from the Popes visit? -kidkanpped

Not really.  I liked him very much before he came here, and I still only saw him on TV.  Hes still awesome.  One criticism.  Hes not a great public speaker.  Youd think the voice of God would have a little chutzpah to it. It could use a little delivery work, is all.

The What’s What, Volume 52

My girlfriend wants me to go to this party on Saturday. We were going to hang out that day anyways so I dont really have any other plans yet. But it’s her friend’s birthday party, and I guess they all know each other, or at least most of them do… I don’t know any of her friends, and some of them are probably goofy high school kids. And if it turns out to be lame I’m pretty much stuck there lol. -BlackJacob

You should go. They might turn out to be good people. If they’re not, at least you’ll have “I don’t really get along with those people.” for the next time. But, you should at least seem interested in meeting her friends.

I just smoked a resin/kief bowl, it did the job – Halfshelled

That, sir, is called a “truffle”. Sticky resin rolled in kief. Makes a great bong one-hitter. Whats also great is that resin makes more resin, somehow.

ever gotten a BJ with a condom??? -tanneddan

No, and I think I’d rather masturbate at that point, save my lady the discomfort. Put a balloon on your finger and try to feel your tongue. It’s pretty worthless.

So, my roommate Jay is planning a trip to vegas after the end of the semester (Which I’m all for. VEGAS!) We already have a whole plethora of ideas of what to do but the other day he threw out the idea that we should go to the Bunny Ranch on our last day in Vegas and I’m not sold on the idea. -MastersinThugganomics

Just go have some drinks and get a lap dance. Your friend just wants you to go so he doesn’t feel like a loser. Gamble the money you saved.

I don’t understand how people donate to animal shelters without donating to help starving kids in Africa, or the poor. I mean seriously. You’d rather see a puppy survive than another person? -MorianMiner

Dogs require human assistance to survive. There are no packs of wild Golden retrievers running about. By the same token a human should be able to take care of itself. I can rationalize the difference for the sake of argument, though I’m sure many actually do seriously.

If you call someone and they don’t answer but call you back minutes later answer the damn phone. Assholes. -Translater

Why didn’t you answer the phone in the first place? Just be prepared to have whatever reason you choose turned around to let the accused have the same excuse. You are whining about someone treating you the EXACT SAME way you just treated them, what makes you so special?

Dear UPS, I’m assuming the reason why it’s taken almost 12 hours already for my delivery to get here from the local location is that you are no longer using trucks, but are having your delivery people walk their deliveries to their customers. I’d like to do more walking too, but you have yet to deliver my new shoes. -DarthJason

They are busy all day delivering to Businesses and rich peoples houses because they have home offices and are rich. So, either get rich or wait your fucking turn. My next project deadline is more important than your fancy twinkle-toed bedazzled Sketchers.

Replacements for “hit it n quit it”? -H1Roll3r

I’m partial to “Skeet and beat feet.”

I’d love to poop in a discreet place in someone’s house. You know, open a shoebox and squat. They’d be like “I smell the feces, but I don’t see it!” Bonus if they blame it on their daughter. Let them really know how people feel about them. -ZtuntZ

If you scrape your food canoes into the grate of someones air conditioning and then brush off the grill, the victims house then smells like ass until they figure out where its coming from. There is no cleaning out the AC unit. They have to buy another one. Plus, this can be done during the stealth of night, from outside, while the victim is in the house. Just a great form of revenge and vandalism.

Someone just asked me if Cookie Monster was a Virgin.  I have no idea!  If theres one person who knows, I assume its you.  – H-COX

I doubt it. He seems pretty content with getting fisted every morning.  But thanks for considering me as your go-to puppet sexual experience expert.

Way to be wrong about American Idol.  One of the guys you called a “fraudulent entry” won the whole thing.  And Matt lasted forever too.  You suck. -HilariousDessert

It’s true.  In my defense, the other 4 wild cards were out in 5 weeks.  I didn’t give enough credit to America for being so pliable.  Kris wasn’t cute or talented enough the first few times America got the chance to vote for him.  But after America was told that he was in fact, cute and talented enough, they started to vote for him.  So, it all worked out for everyone.  Except, Adam I suppose.