The What’s What, Volume 150

To celebrate your 150th Whats What, you write a commercial?  You fucking sell-out.  -snacksnacksnacks

It’s not selling out if you dont get paid.  Its just a story I wrote with a limited expected audience.  It could have been you, if you enjoyed it.  I wasnt really expecting a phone call from Roger Goodell or anything.  I could have posted it in May and taken a nap.  It was bonus. A dessert, not the monthly nutmeat I usually try to provide. 

The new X-men movie saved the film industry.  It was so good i cried tears of joy.  -FlaiThai

I’m glad you enjoyed it.  The film industry would barely have noticed if it was a total failure.

I’ve been in love with this girl in my class for years, but then she joined the drama club and became insufferable.  Ive never experienced anything like that before.  -codcmndr

I bet shes one of those girls who is awful, thinks shes good, yet shes got a speech ready for the haters.  Call it internet standards if you wish, but my penis cant fuck annoying. I’ve tried, believe me. It’s like a frightened turtle pulling back into its shell.   No thanks. My efforts are elsewhere.

I fucking hate how this country has a support the troops slogan/bumper sticker, but we don’t do jack shit to actually help these people. Happy fucking Memorial Day.  -DarthHobo

The government spends millions on miniature flags for Arlington, yet they make more memorials letting veterans die on waiting lists. I’m sure a Senator somewhere owns the flag factory.  What Im saying is, if the government cant be bothered enough to give a shit, I’m gonna play golf and BBQ.  The veterans in my family are doing the same thing.

according to a million news articles, men are going to be wearing makeup in a few years.  -d6661

I grew up with 4 sisters, and to their credit, they never put me in a dress or heels or gave me a face full of makeup. They did hit me with cover up before a big dance or picture day if I had any acne. I outgrew acne, and am all set with makeup now, but won’t besmirch anyone who wants to blend away other peoples retarded misconceptions for convenience sake.  I just dont think the majority of men will want to spend the time, effort, or concentration to not touch their face all day.   Still, theres money to be made.  The Cosmetic industry is a hundred billion dollar racket and they’re only utilizing 50% of the possible customer base.

The 9/11 Restaurant and Gift Shop; appropriate or money grab? -Intricitease

A restaurant, I’m okay with. I’m sure the prices are high, but it’s something I don’t think is unseemly to offer.  People get hungry and thirsty. Unless we think we need to be made to suffer or sacrifice in the name of respect or whatever. You can stuff that bullshit.  A gift shop could be fair game, it all depends on whats made available.  I’m sure they’re not selling WTC Jenga or anything, but Im sure some of it is random enough to feel inappropriate to some victims families.

So the read-headed protagonist of Transistor is called… Red.  -Gr8Escape

Thats what happens when your writers draw things for a living.

Fun Fact: White people love milk. –Tripz

We love cereal and cookies. Milk is just a necessary part of those things.

Has Gay Marriage Destroyed “Traditional” Marriage? Just curious. As the courts continue to overturn gay marriage bans in Republican-controlled states, what is happening with “traditional” marriage? Have straight couples stopped getting married? Are straight people turning gay in droves? Has gay marriage adversely affected the lives of straight people in any way? Curious gay minds want to know.  -capaho

My wife and I still love each other, but slightly more retarded people than us might have gone bonkers or something.

I still haven’t gotten over the massively wasted potential of the Fable franchise.  I wish the franchise would be given to a competent developer to do a reboot or something.  -ikki-ikko

It was awful. Its like Tosh on speed with a cockney accent did all the jokes.  Just let it go.  It’s an original theme and setting, but its not worth it.  Just scrap it and start something new.

Favorite Game of Thrones character?  -havocfourzero

Petyr “The Mockingbird” Baelish.  Pulls the strings and does his own dirty work.  Very complex guy.  Shout out to Peter Dinklage for his upcoming Emmy.  Has one man owned a scene more convincing without a word then Dinklage as Oberyn told him the story of Cersei showing off her mutant baby brother?  We should retroactively give an Oscar to Dinklage for playing Miles Finch in Elf.  He was THAT good in that one Game of Thrones scene.

Johnny Knoxville’s stupid loyalty to the jackass guys probably cost him mad money. yeah he’s dabbled in a few major hollywood movies but there was a time he was considered a potential headliner.  he has the charisma and look to be cast as the “sly rogue” the han solo captain kirk type. nathan drake from uncharted was modeled after him. he made some dingers like the daisy dukes and the ringer and then went back to making jackass movies and then signed on for shit like movie 43 and other dumb shit.  such a shame. he needs to fire his agent and everyone around and run away from dickhouse as much as possible.  -amurrican

Yeah, I find myself stewing in negativity that rich people could have more money all the time, too.

Both The Godfather and The Godfather II are the most overrated movies ever made.  Don’t get me wrong, they’re great movies. But the way they’re religiously adored as GOAT is bullshit. -heymomimonyoutube

They are popular. I saw them so late, that the plot and references were ruined by pop culture long before I had actually watched the movie. So, it was like this parody of itself. I actually think I laughed when Sonny got shot, because it was just as ridiculous as people described or lampooned in any variety of shows over the past 20 years, one of which being the Fraggles.

Did we ever get an answer as to why Donald Sterlings gf wears a visor now?  -FastFl1ght

Great question that kind of faded away.  Is it to dissuade claims of fame whoring?  The unpopular opinion audio recording syndicate is an identity thieves paradise?  Whatever the case, we havent seen an asshole step up their visage game this heavy since Michael Jackson died, and she should be commended for it.

The What’s What, Volume 87

one of my favorite role models, Mr. Don Draper can’t get through a single meeting without not 1 but 2 old-fashioned’s. I decided to try this drink last night and three in I was all “damn son!”  so I’ve deduced that to succeed in advertising, one must be three sheets to the wind. -OffenseSupplied

He makes his paycheck on wasted epiphanies and drunken poetry.  He’s like Charles Bukowski in a suit.

Corn Pops are an underrated cereal.  -killathenulla

They get soggy too quick. I like them dry.  But, they also get stale quickly, which is what I always assumed the special foil bag was for.  So, I don’t have them that often. Either in those tiny one serving boxes or at a friends house.

NYC does this annual thing called restaurant week. It’s as pretentious as it sounds. For 35 bucks a head you get app, entree, and desert at any participating place. The main course I went with was called a “filet migon”. It was a “filet medallion” topping out at THREE oz.  I don’t mind dropping $100 bucks on dinner (if im getting laid) but I sure as shit want to get my money’s worth and NOT leave hungry. –Latticegrid

Well, we definitely made smaller portions for the restaurant weekers here in Boston. Maybe it’s a specifically Boston thing here, but it’s like $20 and you are supposed to go to 2-3 restaurants a night.  It’s a tasting event round here, anyway.  Some restaurants see it ass the chance for bringing business back to the restaurant, while others almost seem to feel like it’s a charity event, and your simply giving the littles a taste of the good life.   Which I not only disagree with, but also get offended by.

Did you hear about that guy in China that padlocked his kid to a parking meter as child care? -goodlucky7

Different countries, different customs.  If  he is a loving father with his familys best interest at heart and really thinks thats the best way to keep his family safe, then I can’t argue, and won’t judge.

You watching the Olympics?  I know you enjoyed Beijing.  Just watched the Ceremonies or competition also? -CanadiAnne

I am, and very much enjoying it.  I particularly enjoyed the Opening Ceremonies and the six minutes of awkwardness watching Steve Nash and Wayne Gretzky stall while giant ice dildos/breadsticks waved around haplessly.  Nows a good time to mention that I went searching for an American Opening Ceremonies hat, only to find out they are asking $75 for the bastard.  After much consideration, I went on the internet expecting and willing to pay $40 for one, and they doubled my offer.  Oh well, maybe  after the Olympics they’ll come down.  Also, I can’t believe how often they keep showing the video of that luge guy dying.  It’s pretty rare for American media to show someone dying, and certainly not as graphic.  It’s a good thing it wasn’t an American who died, or NBC wouldn’t have this awesome video to exploit over the next two weeks.  I mean, anyone who wants to see it can find it on the internet, and this is supposed to be family programming, but they insist on replaying this like its Sarah Palin writing on her hand. Crazy.

I know its late and you skipped blogging about the Super Bowl this year, but what did you think of The Who as the halftime show? -OfficeMaxwell

I thought it was alright.  I really enjoyed how they used the whole field for a stage instead of having a bunch of people willing to look happy cause they were on TV jump around like retards for 15 minutes. The band did look worn and borderline loungey at times. I’m certainly not a fan of the elderly rock band half time show factory the Super Bowl halftime has become.

You seem to be pretty anti-American. Why don’t you just get the fuck out? -maroonunit

I’m not anti-American, I’m anti-Capitalism.  I am a globalist, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get to take pride in your country.  But sometimes, its difficult to defend my statesmen.  In my experience, the people that say “Well, then they should learn our language” are the same people that will teach foreigners trying to learn English wrong definitions to be hilarious.  There’s a  lot of inconsiderate people in this world complaining about inconsiderate people, and that’s completely indefensible.

I tried to understand black holes, singularities, spacetime, etc, and it just made me feel stupid.Last night, I was on wikipedia reading about the origins of the moon and I ended up reading stuff about spacetime and singularities and black holes and the big bang and accretion. I’m a pretty intelligent guy, but what the fuck? That shit made me feel like a downright moron. -FirstLyric

I was in the same boat until I discovered Neils DeGrasse-Tyson. He totally boils these things down into analogies I can understand. I highly recommend his books, or TV show, Nova Science Now.  There’s also an Asian astrophysicist whos good at it too. Michio something.

The What’s What, Volume 48

When a celebrity gets behind a cause it makes me not want to support the cause. It just makes the whole thing seem insincere. And let’s face it, celebrities aren’t exactly the most educated of society. -Shozone

I hate it when any person only champions a cause because someone they know died of whatever. Like parents who care about drunk driving only after their kid dies from it. Maybe if they cared before hand they could have prevented it. Always seems like attention whoring and exploiting the relationship they had with the dead.

How come all these movies coming out are in 3D? -BlackKenneth

I have no idea. It’s not like it’s new technology.  It’s not like it only works in theaters.   All I do know, is that stuff hurts my eyes after 10 minutes.

The Atheist’s Kryptonite;

If God exists and you believe in Him, you win everything.
If God does not exist and you believe in him, you lose nothing.
If God does not exist and you do not believe in him, you lose nothing.
If God exists and you do not believe in him, you lose everything.   -pbpaul

Lose nothing besides  the dignity, money, effort and time wasted on supporting a  fairy tale, you mean. Plus, believing in God to hedge your bets isn’t really belief at all.

Do you ever go shopping by yourself? -blueyoshi

I have to go alone or my wife will make the trip 5 times longer. I get in and out as quick as I can, I hate stores and lines and malls and stuff, so I’m like a shopping ninja.

“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.” – George Bernard Shaw.  Your reaction, please?  -OfficeMaxwell

I’m a globalist, so you are preaching to the choir here. Alot of people will never put themselves in the uncomfortable position of dealing with their choices of religion or patriotism if they were born in another land. No one likes to feel wrong.

Do you believe the rapture will happen? -Webw1retoobs

Not in the biblical sense.  The world will end somehow, but there will be no “judgement” of who gets into some mystical theme park.

I saw “The Prestige” on HBO last week. I enjoyed it, but  I don’t quite understand how Hugh Jackman’s cloning machine worked. Did the real person get transported to the field above the audience or did the clone? Or was it random? Because Jackman’s character said on his death bed that “You don’t know what it’s like. It took courage walking towards your death every night. Not knowing if you were to plunge to your watery grave or be the Prestige.” -LPOA88

When I saw the pile of top hats, I just assumed it was all a scam by Bowie Tesla. I was a little disappointed that they were using electronic cloning as an actual plot device.  Seemed like a cop-out.  Not just because of the ridiculous notion, but everything had been about illusions up until that point. They were using bad science to bastardize their own movie.  And through all this, I still enjoyed the movie.

I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for 3 months now, and we never argue, and get along 100% perfectly. is this normal for todays day in age? is this like a sign we’ll last? -Milk_Dudley

A relationship really can’t know what its made of until you start living together, from my experience. Good things either go bad or get better. You pretty much know whats up at that point.

“Tradition is the enemy of progress”.I heard this statement in my Intercultural Communications class and it made a lot of sense to me. Look at Prop which recently passed in California for example. A lot of people argued that marriage should be kept “traditional”, which is a steaming load of bullshit, considering Miscegenation(mixing of races) was illegal for some time in the past. -JustaFreek

Well, they are antonyms.  Tradition = Keeping things the same, Progress = Change (presumably for the better) No such thing as “traditional progress”.

Whoever came up with Taxed Enough Already (TEA) is a freaking genius! Double meaning! -rezless

Do you mean besides the fact that “Taxed Enough Already” implies they were fed up with the taxing that the last guy they voted into office inflicted upon them, or completely misunderstanding that the Boston Tea Party was a protest that actually wanted their citizens to be taxed by their elected officials?  Add in that it’s a tee-ball set up for opponents to call them “teabaggers”.  But, other than this, yeah it’s really smart.

I received information that led me to the realization that I don’t mean nearly as much to her as she does to me. I need to feel better, please help -Gargantuwon

The bullshit that you are feeling has a benefit.  It’s called “experience”. And you might get enough to gain a level and improve your wisdom attribute. That’s how it works, seriously. So, congrats on learning some important information today. Next step is phasing it into your decision making. Good luck.