The What’s What, Volume 87

one of my favorite role models, Mr. Don Draper can’t get through a single meeting without not 1 but 2 old-fashioned’s. I decided to try this drink last night and three in I was all “damn son!”  so I’ve deduced that to succeed in advertising, one must be three sheets to the wind. -OffenseSupplied

He makes his paycheck on wasted epiphanies and drunken poetry.  He’s like Charles Bukowski in a suit.

Corn Pops are an underrated cereal.  -killathenulla

They get soggy too quick. I like them dry.  But, they also get stale quickly, which is what I always assumed the special foil bag was for.  So, I don’t have them that often. Either in those tiny one serving boxes or at a friends house.

NYC does this annual thing called restaurant week. It’s as pretentious as it sounds. For 35 bucks a head you get app, entree, and desert at any participating place. The main course I went with was called a “filet migon”. It was a “filet medallion” topping out at THREE oz.  I don’t mind dropping $100 bucks on dinner (if im getting laid) but I sure as shit want to get my money’s worth and NOT leave hungry. –Latticegrid

Well, we definitely made smaller portions for the restaurant weekers here in Boston. Maybe it’s a specifically Boston thing here, but it’s like $20 and you are supposed to go to 2-3 restaurants a night.  It’s a tasting event round here, anyway.  Some restaurants see it ass the chance for bringing business back to the restaurant, while others almost seem to feel like it’s a charity event, and your simply giving the littles a taste of the good life.   Which I not only disagree with, but also get offended by.

Did you hear about that guy in China that padlocked his kid to a parking meter as child care? -goodlucky7

Different countries, different customs.  If  he is a loving father with his familys best interest at heart and really thinks thats the best way to keep his family safe, then I can’t argue, and won’t judge.

You watching the Olympics?  I know you enjoyed Beijing.  Just watched the Ceremonies or competition also? -CanadiAnne

I am, and very much enjoying it.  I particularly enjoyed the Opening Ceremonies and the six minutes of awkwardness watching Steve Nash and Wayne Gretzky stall while giant ice dildos/breadsticks waved around haplessly.  Nows a good time to mention that I went searching for an American Opening Ceremonies hat, only to find out they are asking $75 for the bastard.  After much consideration, I went on the internet expecting and willing to pay $40 for one, and they doubled my offer.  Oh well, maybe  after the Olympics they’ll come down.  Also, I can’t believe how often they keep showing the video of that luge guy dying.  It’s pretty rare for American media to show someone dying, and certainly not as graphic.  It’s a good thing it wasn’t an American who died, or NBC wouldn’t have this awesome video to exploit over the next two weeks.  I mean, anyone who wants to see it can find it on the internet, and this is supposed to be family programming, but they insist on replaying this like its Sarah Palin writing on her hand. Crazy.

I know its late and you skipped blogging about the Super Bowl this year, but what did you think of The Who as the halftime show? -OfficeMaxwell

I thought it was alright.  I really enjoyed how they used the whole field for a stage instead of having a bunch of people willing to look happy cause they were on TV jump around like retards for 15 minutes. The band did look worn and borderline loungey at times. I’m certainly not a fan of the elderly rock band half time show factory the Super Bowl halftime has become.

You seem to be pretty anti-American. Why don’t you just get the fuck out? -maroonunit

I’m not anti-American, I’m anti-Capitalism.  I am a globalist, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get to take pride in your country.  But sometimes, its difficult to defend my statesmen.  In my experience, the people that say “Well, then they should learn our language” are the same people that will teach foreigners trying to learn English wrong definitions to be hilarious.  There’s a  lot of inconsiderate people in this world complaining about inconsiderate people, and that’s completely indefensible.

I tried to understand black holes, singularities, spacetime, etc, and it just made me feel stupid.Last night, I was on wikipedia reading about the origins of the moon and I ended up reading stuff about spacetime and singularities and black holes and the big bang and accretion. I’m a pretty intelligent guy, but what the fuck? That shit made me feel like a downright moron. -FirstLyric

I was in the same boat until I discovered Neils DeGrasse-Tyson. He totally boils these things down into analogies I can understand. I highly recommend his books, or TV show, Nova Science Now.  There’s also an Asian astrophysicist whos good at it too. Michio something.

The What’s What, Volume 79

What’s the most common cause of negativity in your life?  A person?  An event?  Work?  -goodlucky7

Hands down, when my basement floods.  It’s just so disappointing to know that your next twelve hours will be spent in some shorts, making sure the electronics are off the ground, canceling any plans I might have had and sweating my ass off lifting 20 gallon tubs for the indefinite future.   I assure you, it’s the momentum equivalent of getting fisted by the Incredible Hulk when he just finished shopping for habanero peppers.

I give up. Internet Explorer I tried, I really did but I just can’t put up with you any longer. I’m moving on, downloading Firefox as we speak but before I add my my bookmarks should I investigate Opera or Chrome? -tradingfaces

You give up, now? You’re the WWII equivalent of the Japanese guys all bunkered into some dormant volcano who thought they were avoiding the Allies for 30 years and got smacked in the face with Disco when they were uncovered.  Any of those three, just not IE.  100%  Welcome back. The Red Sox won the pennant 5 years ago, and Arnold Swarzenegger is a Governor. Don’t hurt yourself.

Who is your favorite Celebrity (of all time) to share your first name? -Develabmentor

Ever since that episode of Extras, Patrick Stewart.

Why Couldn’t Seinfield get an REAL reunion?  Is it because the show hasn’t really held up over time?  I mean the one on curb was ok but it was more like a behind the scenes stuff and not a real episode, I would have liked to seen a real one on NBC like 30 minuets or an hour.

Saying that Seinfeld has not stood the test of time is incorrect.   Seinfeld has been the 2nd most syndicated show in history, right behind the Simpsons. Affiliates would not be airing the show if it did not resonate with viewers today. It pretty much swallowed up Cheers in terms of syndication. So, that’s ridiculous.

Also, Seinfeld did get a REAL reunion on CYE. I’m not sure if you had noticed, but with the read-throughs and rehearsals, you got an entire episode of Seinfeld in. For me, it was like watching a new episode of Seinfeld, and if it’s the way they wanted to do it, it worked fine for me, and it’s better than nothing.

Can you dance?  I find it awkward.  No matter how skilled a dancer is I still can’t help to think from time to time that dancing is odd. -ArchieBunkerDown

Dancing is retarded. Its about the most primitive thing a human being can do thats considered socially acceptable these days.  But,  it’s fine if you want to, just keep it down for everyone else who would rather use their minds to have stimulating conversation with someone else and not spaz around some maple tile to Kool & The Gang for the thousandth time.

So there’s a Tila Tequila blowjob video going around. If you’ve got an ET fetish, heres your chance. -Czechlist

Giving or recieving?

I’m Netflixing a new series.  Deadwood or Mad Men?  You’ve been boosting both series.  Which one first? -phkb33

You’re talking about two of my favorites, right nyah.   Deadwood has boobies and an insane amount of swearing. So, that’s a big plus. The dialogue can be a little confusing, but its not too distracting.  Mad Men has nostalgia, and epic writing, but it can get a little soap opery sometimes.   You can’t go wrong with either one. Mad Men is a little more light-hearted, and Deadwood is a little more gritty.   I’d go with whichever you have the mood for. Mostly light-hearted fun and heavy drama, or handfuls of “Holy Shit!”

I really hate the shirts they made for the Yankees when they won the World Series. Did MLB really have to mention on the shirt that they won it 27 times? If the Phillies won, I highly doubt they’d say “3 Time World Series Champions” on the shirts. -2JeterisGod2

So, this is what you get to complain about after your team has won that many championships.   I always wondered.

This Christmas, I have declared JIHAD on high prices!!! Join me brothers!!! JIHAD!!! Join me my brothers as we rain savings upon the nonbelievers this Christmas holiday!! Clip coupons, scour the internet and hit the infidels where it hurts, in their wallets!!! -MoneyJack

Allahu Bargains!

Any non Christian who celebrates christmas is a poser. -Nickelwise

Jesus’ birth is decided by lots of theological scholars as being late spring, early summer. So, saying you celebrate your birthday 5 months early is hardly an accurate celebration of your BIRTH DAY.
Decorating trees and your house with lights is just to bring some light to the shortest days of the year, the winter solstice.

Or you can quote some scripture from the Bible and prove that it’s all Christian based.  If it was really a birthday ceremony for Jesus, we’d all be wearing bathrobes to the petting zoo instead of participating in dozens of documented Pagan traditions; like presents, mistletoe, christmas trees, and lights.

The What’s What, Volume 76

My mom watches Dr. Oz to get healthier.  She has irritable bowel syndrome, and on one of the shows he says what foods can cause problems. Which is basically carbonated drinks and fried foods. That’s pretty much all my mom eats/drinks. Now she refuses to stop eating/drinking those things.  Basically, my mom wants to get healthier but doesn’t want to take the proper steps to get there.  -jeenyus1

Apparently, because of him there has been a serious influx of women mistaking indegestion for a heart attack because he claimed that 200 women died last year from misdiagnosing themselves.   Unfortunately, now my ER doctor buddy has like 2 women a day coming in thinking they are having a heart attack after a pizza lunch or something.  What an asshole. The only thing he’s offering is fear.

How would YOU describe the taste of Bubble Gum to someone who has never tasted it before? -CalvinClimb

Sweet, like a combination of fruits you’ve never tasted.

When you think about it, there’s not a huge difference between a PS3 and a 360 controller. -floridan18

The XBox controller just feels like a toaster oven in my hands. It’s bulky, heavy and requires batteries.   There’s a huge difference for my needs, personally. Doesn’t make it better, just makes it my preference.

Are there any commercials on TV you can’t stand?  I hate that Trident Layers commercial.  No one accepts gum as form of compensation.  No one.   -ceilingcatyay

Thanks to my DVR, I don’t have the problem of watching commercials very much.  But some might sneak in during live sporting events.  The new Snuggie one with the synthesizer theme song and they’re raising the roof throughout the commercial is pretty ridiculous.  “Raising the roof” hasn’t been appropriate since 1998. And they’ve got it all over this commercial like it’s the new dance craze.

Know what pisses me off? Telemarketers that call you and put you on HOLD.  Seriously? You’re going to call me with some annoying sales pitch, and you want me to hold the line while you find someone to give it to me? -andyiceberg

Are you kidding? This is where you hang up. Never has there been a greater invitation to disconnect the line, return the phone to its dock and go about your day. Either that, or get a cell phone.

So it’s been nearly a decade and I still have not seen a valid explanation for World Trade Center 7 collapsing days after the attacks. -Argentiny

And you will continue to not get a valid explanation because you have already invalidated the truth.

Mad Men is just a soap opera for elitist douchebags.  -mnstip

It’s really about romanticizing the era. Theres a lot of nostalgia to be had on that show for us older folks. Not only all the accounts that the agency collects (whom all but a handful are companies bankrupted long ago, like Martinsons coffee, the Dumont network, and stuff like that) but in the way people treated each other, how men treated women. Also, how you could slap some strangers kid in public and it was okay because the kid was being a douchebag, or how you went on a picnic and left your trash piled up and drove away. It’s a window to a different time in the world that some people view as a better time.

Do fat bitches make you rage? -tombstonedave

Only when they are upset at people for finding them unattractive and they get all high and mighty about how everyone is beautiful on the inside or some garbage.  Hey fat people, you are not entitled to other peoples infatuation because Oprah or any equally powerful fat/ugly person says you are pretty when they’ve never met you.  Additionally, some people think Melissa Joan Hart is unattractive, and she’s not fat, so it might just be the way you look, not just your fatness.  Thanks.

Do you hold your penis while urinating? -Crow754

At a urinal or outside, no. Otherwise, yeah.

The What’s What, Volume 66

Hints for kicking a soda addiction, Should I go with one soda a day then go cold turkey, or just go cold turkey? -LamentaBill

I did it in stages. First, only certain sodas like Sprite and Ginger Ale. Then Kool-Aid and Gatorade, then more water. I was only kicking my habit of drinking soda all the time, I still have soda with a meal now.

Fill in the blank: The two best shows on television right now are _____.  Mine are Burn Notice and Dexter. -Styphillin

Never seen either one of those two.  I would put Mad Men and 30 Rock in there.  Maybe Weeds.  Tough call.

Why does GT:IV get so much hate from fans of the series? -PetrifiedGood

Because many people want many different things. Hype promises they get what they want. They raise the bar for the game for themselves so high, it’s impossible to meet. The only thing left is disappointment from outrageous expectations.

Why do some Christians disapprove of metal music? I’ve read through the Bible quite a few times and I don’t think it says anywhere that metal music is bad or not allowed. -GingerBomb

I think its funny how you reference the Bible as being devoid of adverse opinions to metal music like its some sort of validation.   Tell me, good sir, why is there no mention in the Bible of Jesus doing the macarena? Or commandments against attending a Mets game?

Campers suck. Not those who snipe people, that’s fine with me. Just the people who hide in a corner with a shotgun for the whole game, getting about 6 kills and never moving. I don’t know why it bothers me, but the fact they play the game in this way for some reason just pisses me off. -BlooRayGamin

If you know where they are, get a sniper rifle and make them move with bullets. Or chuck some explosives their way.  That’s how you deal with people that have a favorite spot, and you know where it is.

Thanks for the restaurant job recommendation.  It’s pretty much how you said it was going to be.  Maybe its because the restaurant I work at is chill as shit and full of hippies, but its actually a lot of fun. All the girls are good looking (at least 7 and up, minus 2 or 3 of them), I get free food, free beer…and the day goes by really fast since we’re so busy.  Not only that, but it only took 4 days on the job before someone invited me to smoke up on break – and it was one of my supervisors.  Thanks again!  -Vito_Dat_ass

Holy shit!  I’m actually an influence of some sort?  Shocking.  But yeah, I loved restaurants. Working nights, weekends, and holidays was a serious drawback. I miss those days, but I’m thankful I found a good office job to settle into. A lot less stress, too. But less fun, for sure.

There’s this girl I’m kind of into and I want to start talking to her, I’m just not sure what to say. We were kind of acquaintances awhile ago, but we don’t talk any more.   I really do want to say something though, strike up a conversation, I just don’t know what to begin with. -TCP1189

I always broke the ice by telling a funny story like I have known them forever. Something that shows a fault of yours but ultimately has you looking good at the end. Or an insightful question that lets you see how she thinks, and if shes smart, she gets to show that off.

Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr Dre. -Benjimanly

LoL.  I get it.  You are supposed to say poop, but its really a joke that makes you think, because Dr Dre writes rhymes with Snoop.  That’s actually quite clever.

Who’s going to win NFL Rookie of the Year? Sanchez?  Crabtree? -DeadRising

Percy Harvin.  Sanchez has looked like hot garbage in two games. And the Jets have a tough schedule this year. He’s gonna get smoked.  Crabtree needs to sign before I can consider him.  I won’t take him without seeing him play against NFL talent.  Percy Harvin is going to start for a Hall of Fame QB, with a solid running game established.  Looks like an ideal situation.

You ever fry bread/eggs like in V For Vendetta?-Admiral_Purina

Eggs in a basket? Yeah, my mom made these for breakfast all the time.  Haven’t had them in years though.

What console would hurt the most if you threw it at someone’s face?-Innocentsual

Last gen Xbox. Thing was angular and weighed as much as a dorm refrigerator.  There is some consideration to the Gamecube, because it has the handle.

Are apologies after the fact meaningless? Considering you knew that the apology is just a consequence of the act? It’s only meaningful if you apologize before you get caught. That’s really the only time you are able to tell someone is truly remorseful.  -TheeAnswer

Yes, and in addition, apologizing before the act takes place. I can really respect someone who fesses up to a difficult decision thats going to screw me and alerts me ahead of time, that it’s going to screw me.

The What’s What, Volume 64

Your issues with the movie Watchmen would be best served by reading the graphic novel.  It was a movie for people who were fans, if you don’t like it, get the fuck out. -JoystickJesus

It’s the same thing with Harry Potter.  Movies are not 2 1/2 hour book commercials.  Movies should be able to stand alone.  If a normal person buys a ticket, pays attention, and leaves the theatre confused on any key point, then the movie has done a disservice to the paying customer.

I noticed you’ve been playing a lot of Fat Princess. What exactly is it?  Is it fun?  There’s no demo. -SeminoldTimer

It’s capture the flag only the flag is a princess that your make more difficult to carry by feeding her cake. Plus there is wizards, priests, warriors, rangers and worker classes to choose from at any point you wish during the game.  Hell yes it’s fun, a mix of button mashing mayhem and strategy.  (Anyone reading this with a PS3, please feel free to send a friend request to MetaCognitionist)

Do you think Bob Saget is funny? I think people only think hes funny because he used to be Mr Tanner and now hes saying bad words.  -MysticalOfficer

Saying shocking things does not necessarily make them funny.  His stand-up is worthless, but his acting is funny. He’s only funny when others write the funny for him.

Is Socom Confrontation the biggest failure of this generation? I mean seriously. Horrible at launch, released with only 8 maps, And still no MAP PACK, COD WAW has 3.   Still waiting for a patch to fix the famas and the clan ladders ,  Not even gonna talk about the inability to shoot out of windows and over rails…. and yet, with all this i played the game like hell for about 4 months, i just recently said fuck it i put it away.   Slant six fails so hard. -LegolassMan

SOCOM is pretty fail. Complete lack of single player or tutorial completely removes the fun for any rookies who haven’t played it.   Plus the installation and load times are shockingly ridiculous.   It’s the only game I have regretted purchasing this generation that’s for sure.

If Jesus had died 20 years ago, Christians would be wearing electric chairs instead of crucifixes. -Sharkaroo

Interesting point. I’m not sure he broke any of today’s laws, though.  Plus we would have visual record of him committing miracles.  I agree that someones method of death is a bad symbol for their lives, if that is your point, but I’m not sure it translates to today’s time.

Wait.. RadioShack is going to be called just “The Shack” now? Bad move.-GermanApologist

Really? You don’t think that the term “Radio” harbors a little bit of credibility issues for a cutting edge electronics store?

Imagine being the children of a porn star???-InfinityZero

I can’t decide what’s worse.  Being a teenage boy and completely mortified to look at porn in case you accidentally see your Mom catching a mouthful from 12 dudes in public.  Or having to deal with your friends that have.  Poor bastards.

Should cops be respected more than the average citizen?-Superdickery

Everyone deserves only the respect they earn. This goes for cops, strangers, your parents, everyone.

Do you usually laugh at your own jokes?  -ManJuiceLunatic

It’s okay to do so if you are being witty and making immediate jokes based on a situation that just happened.  If you write jokes for a living, argue over the proper wording in the writers room, and then laugh while telling them hours later, you are a failure. See Bill Maher, and Jimmy Fallon.

What are your impressions on the Batman: Arkham Asylum demo?-CockoldFart

Fun to play and looks nice. I particularly like the way the game visuals transform into comic book illustrations when you pause the game.  But yeah, there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of replayability, but I’m at least renting the game, for sure.

Oh Boo-fucking-hoo.  Cry about your  ex-girlfriend some more. Way to hold a grudge. –jasonnasojjason

I was asked a question.  I wanted to be clear that her having sex with someone else wasn’t really the problem.  It was that her attitude changed towards me,  she realized this and used me  instead of dumping me.   I’m certainly not holding a grudge against her.  I swear to God, it took me three days to remember her last name, and I’m still not convinced I remember it correctly.  Just because I know from previous experiences that I don’t like the kind of person she is, and we would not get along, doesn’t mean I’m holding a grudge.  It means I let history influence decisions.  I didn’t mean to come off sounding still wounded or anything.  Other people suck too, I’m not losing any sleep over them, either.

you do realize that religion only exists because it’s a trillion dollar industry, right?  -Soggypillow

Just like any other business, most money goes into advertising which never tells the truth.  They should run with something like “Catholocism: Subsidizing teenage nut juggling for over 1500 years.”

Do you think you could take a dump on a chick’s face if she asked you to? I was thinking I could, but not if I liked her and she knew any of my friends though. -DrayDizzle

Wait. Your crapping on a girls face and your worried about what your friends would think ABOUT YOU if she told them? Like you would be the one to be embarrassed in that situation?   “Oh yeah? Well, I’m gonna tell all your friends that you shit on my face! That’ll show you!”

Pepsi & Mountain Dew Throwback will return!! On facebook & twitter Pepsi announced the throwbacks will be making a comeback December 28-February 22.-DataLovesJordi

I loved them both, and will support their return with purchases.  If you are a perceptive reader, thanks for the heads up.  If you are a corporate shill googling where your products are mentioned and sending me a mail to pimp your shit, then fuck yourself with a Coke bottle.

How did your meteor shower night golf event thing go? -Crow754

Great, thanks for asking.  I lost but played well and the weather cooperated.  The group confirmed 8 meteors in 3+ hours.  The only bad thing were the mosquitoes.  It sucks being the only food source available for these bastards within the mile.

Wow, Youkilis really made himself look like a fool… Porcello looks smaller than him too. -CaptDrawers

They both looked foolish.  Porcello backing away with his hands raised leading Youkilis to Porcellos defenders is a bitch move.  But so is throwing your helmet and getting your momentum shifted by someone 40 pounds lighter than you.  It wasn’t a good thing for either of them.

Is Mad Men a good show? I’m interested in the new season, but I’ve never seen it.  -Illegalsubstance

Its in my top 5 right now.  You might want to Netflix the first couple of seasons. Not because the stories are so complex, Im sure you could piece it together. Its mostly awesome because of the sets, acting and the authenticity feel of the writing. I haven’t seen the new season so I’m not sure how much info you would need to follow along.

Have you ever used pages of the Bible or record sheaths as joint paper?-LifeofStrife

Yes. In a hotel while travelling cross country. We used Genesis because we figure everyone already knew that story.

The What’s What, Volume 36

Let’s say Tom Brady’s career is over today. Will he still be in the HOF? -KingMayker

16-0, 3 SuperBowls, MVP, TD Record holder?  Yes, first ballot.

What made you stop believing in God? -Chad_The_Hun

Remedial Cognition.  I kid, it just kind of added up over time.

I’m making chicken wings for lunch. What should I baste them with? -BBQball

Put them in a crockpot with ketchup, soy sauce, garlic, and grape jelly for a couple hours.  Then, prepare yourself to be amazed how fucking delicious they are.

Can a stripper make enough money between age 18 to age 25 to support her for life? -BereccaX

Just stripping? Very unlikely. High class hooker? Probabaly.

Prostitution and Marijuana; Basically, if any of the two are going to legalized, they must be both lucrative and productive for society (though it’s all really about revenue).  Which of the two benefits society more? -ARL95

Marijuana, hands down.  Farms would be created, regulatory committees, companies of new jobs to process and distribute.  Prostitution would need regulation on a much smaller scale.

they need to start making reverse skyscrapers. look like a small building on the surface but go 50 floors into the ground like a bunker…but awesome.  -ssobsivart

The view isnt as nice.

turn your keyboard over and hit the back side of it over some white paper. I just did this at my office and a bunch of skin flakes, eye lashes and some marijuana just fell out! wtf?! how did that get in there at work?! -CuriousExplorer

When I was moved into a new office I asked the tech for a new keyboard and he asked me why. I turned it over and shook it out on the desk, and he said “Gross. I’ll go get you one.”

A friend of mine is asking me if masturbating and then praying cancels each other out. Thoughts? -BigNeve23

He should go to confession so the priest can ask him to describe it in every detail.  All I can think of is that scene from Clerks 2, where the goodie-2-shoes kid is masturbating to the donkey show while crying and saying “I’m sorry, Jesus…” Hilarious.

Favorite Star Wars character? -CenturionRomanus

Either IG-88, the bounty hunting robot responsible for artificial intelligence, or Admiral Ackbar.

Michelle Obama quit her job, I bet Obama will want to quit when things get real. -notsodope43

I think if I had 4 years to tackle a meaningful social issue, Id quit my job to give it every effort I could, also.

HBO passed up Mad Men? WTF guys? It’s actually a really good show. It feels like I’m watching a long movie that I don’t want to end. I’m on the 7th episode of the fourth season right now. -bright_shadow

Though the show would be even more awesome with boobies and swearing, it does the job fine now.

How would a Doctor end a letter? Sincerely?  Regards?  Dr. Name, MD, or just Name, MD? -y_so_srs90

Forgery is tough, I know.

Would you listen to Hayden Panettiere’s music to have sex with her? You have to listen to every song she has ever sung BEFORE you can start even doing anything with her then it’s on when you’re doing whatever you want with her. -pensnteller11

Can I turn her down to her face if her music sucks that badly when I hear the first song?  Cause that might make it worth it if shes talentless.  As cute as she is, I really disdain crossover attempts.