The What’s What, Volume 89

Do you think demons are real? Personally I do. I heave heard a lot of stories and one of my friends told me how one was tormenting her once. It was scary and you can tell that it terrified her. It was hard for her to even think about it because it had been so scary. -blueyes32

Nope, and by even asking this question you are giving credibility to idiots with imaginations and egos.

So last night my girlfriend farted a musical scale… She has a perfectly tuned asshole. I thought she did it in her sleep, which would have made it even more amazing, but this morning she told me she was aware of her little ass jingle. She thought I was asleep and didn’t hear it. Oh, but I did. She is very proud of herself. -rdmtk

That’s why she’s been turning you down for anal. Wouldn’t want to stretch out “The Whistler”.

The Harlem globetrotter are the best basketball team in history. 1.000 winning percentage -catlactation

Wiki puts their record at 22,500-356 That’s not 1.000. But its pretty impressive.

Seriously, why do you Americans like hand-eggball so much? I have tried to put it together but I can’t really. I thought it was the violence or “hard hitting” or something. But then I realized, why wouldn’t they watch hockey where there’s real hard hitting and actual fighting? It can’t be the flow of the game because after every 5 or 10 yards you have to pause the damn game for nearly a minute to think of up a NEW play. What is it? -southamericandream

I like the NFL because every play has the potential to be some crazy awesome display of talent and timing, like Barry Sanders breaking 15 tackles before a Touchdown. Or, the inverse happening, a tiny mistake on a play you’ve seen a million times turns into epic mayhem, like James Harrisons Super Bowl TD before the half. I’ve seen tens of thousands of hockey and soccer goals, and they all look relatively the same after a while. There’s very little innovation. The NFL has a chance for miraculous improvisation every 45 seconds. Also, the fact that the game has turned into the closest competition analogous to war, is probably what fuels all the popularity in gambling.

Why is Kurt Cobain considered a legendary rock icon? -randamerican

Because he shot himself rather than see his music be used to sell junk to Americans during football games. Sure, his music sucked, but he cared enough about it off himself. That’s pretty rock and roll of him. So, his fans get to make a martyr out of him. Unfortunately, we had to listen to Courtney Hole for the next 5 years, so some of us are more jaded about his decision than others.

Why do people pre-order games? Aside from pre-order bonuses there really isn’t a single reason to pre-order a game. I can’t remember the last time a store didn’t have a copy of a brand new game on the release day. -occifer123

I only do it for the games I think I might have difficulty obtaining on Launch Day. And for these games, I have taken the day off of work, so there is no way that I’m chancing having to spend half the day going from store to store to find one. $5 to gurantee its there when I want it? Why wouldn’t I do it?

Senate reconciliation on healthcare is a go. neat, suck it republicans. -UMEagles

If there is one thing that I’ve learned in the last 9-10 years of politics is the utmost refusal to expect anything productive from Congress. It’s a procedural katamari damacy.

Could a zombie game work using Heavy Rain gameplay? Cuz I just had a recurring dream that I was inside one. It was neat. I amost got ate twice. -KahnsumerX

Lots of games could be made like that. A sports game could be successful, as long as the story was good. It just doesn’t seem like the gameplay style is popular. These games have been around since the early 80’s. See Dragons Lair. It’s just the market doesn’t have much demand for games like these for quite a while now.

Do you think the little kid directing flight traffic is as big a deal as the media? -WhoresShoeChamp

I mean, it’s not like he asked his kid to cover his shift while he grew a tail. He said, “Hey Son, read this into the mic. It’ll be cute.” People losing their jobs over this is just sad and unfortunate.

care to explain to me why people like to eat really spicey food/snacks? What kind of sick masocistic freak are you if you like to have throbing pain in your mouth and on your tounge? -sevenpointnine

I like Wasabi. Its got a strong opening and disappears almost immediately. I agree with you for the most part, though. People who put habanero sauce on pizza every time are missing the point, and probably addicted to endorphins. But, I crave spicy polynesian or mexican food sometimes. If done right, the spicyness accentuates the flavour, not overpowers it. And if you aren’t open to it, you’re missing a lot of good food.

How Would A Priest Find A Young Boy Hiding In Long Grass? Irresistible. -HamTam

Nice M Night Shaymalan punchline, I lol’ed.

“If a black girl sucks your dick, she hangs it over your head forever but when a white girl sucks your dick, she does it like she’s personally responsible for your reparations.” – a friend of mine. White girls are generally more down to do stuff than black girls. -fightforyourlove

You should have told him that he’s welcome for sharing your white women with him. They ARE superb. Unless you yourself are black, in which case, you’re welcome. They ARE superb.

The best part of the Daily Show is when they get clips of people contradicting themselves. They’ll have the person saying one thing, and then the next second the person is saying, word for word, the exact opposite of what they just said. SO satisfying -Oxybaras

The best part is no one in the real media can do the same thing and make the politicians accountable. Oh wait, thats actually the worst part.

The What’s What, Volume 19

I really, really, really love prison rape jokes, and i don’t think they’re in poor taste at all hell, they’re probably 70% of the reason why i’m a law-abiding citizen, and i’m pretty sure lot of other people agree that they don’t want to go to prison and get married to lorenzo. that’s a deterrent and a half.  prison rape jokes keep this country together. -GoSpartans

I agree its probably the greatest deterrent to prison for American men.  But, it’s not funny when you think of how many innocent people are imprisoned into this situation every month.

In 1994, How did you feel when Kurt Cobain Died? – Cena_is_God

Shocked that so many people cared.  Girls in my class were crying like he sat next to them yesterday.  I always thought suicide victims should not be mourned, it was their choice.  If anyone I had close ties with committed suicide, I’d take it as a personal insult.  He decided his problems were worth more than your friendship.  It’s like a break-up, only instead of the dissolution of a relationship with eventual mutual benefits, theres a weak minded simpleton that takes himself too seriously and allows menial problems to outweigh permanent relationships as he forsakes them in one last act of insecurity, selfishness, and retardation.

I can’t stand (heheheh) other handicapped people even though I myself am handicapped. Is this wrong? I’d like to think it’s because I rarely let my disability get me down, so I don’t really think about it, thus I don’t view myself as one of them.  Fact is also, that I don’t have a single handicapped friend. -I_Shart_Huckabees

I know this handicapped guy and his attitude of “I can do anything anyone else can do” has become a problem, because he can’t do everything anyone else can do.  Sure, he wants to play games, but old people who want to play and can’t throw a frisbee that far, aren’t trying because they know its infringing on other peoples fun.  It sounds terrible to admit, but I can’t respect any person that can’t accept their own limitations, whatever their condition.

Have you ever had the urge to shave your wife’s rosebud? – LAMode

I can’t say Im all too familiar with that particular opening. That ones hers.  Im a simple guy. I’m pretty meat and potatoes sexually.  She can have all the privacy she wants back there.  So, no.  If she has a hair problem there, I’m blissfully unaware of the issue.

Why does the rest of the country hate Texas so much? -SutherrnBoay

I don’t hate Texas, but I was only there for about an hour, traveling the panhandle from Vegas to Albany.  I saw the moon rise in Texas and I actually thought it was a domed lighted building, because the landscape is so flat.

But, when I asked for a pack of Parliament Lights at the gas-station the single-toothed lady said “You’re a long way from Massachusetts, college boy!” Like she was better than me. I didn’t bother to argue I was a college dropout from Vegas at the time.  Apparently, Texas only has Marlboros and Camels.

I’m sure if I spent more time there, I’d learn to hate it as much as the rest of America.

my mother owes me money…..should i remind her or just let it go?  i picked up some stuff at the mall for her and she said she would pay me back…  about $50 worth of stuff….she said she would pay me the next day (this was about a week ago)  should i just let it go? or what? -JuggledNuts

Ask to borrow $50.

If she says yes, You have your money back, and when she asks for her money back, you can run with “I thought you were paying me back for that thing.”

If she says no nicely, just walk away going “No big deal, I wanted to do something and I’m $50 bucks short this week, for some reason.”

If she says no meanly, yell at her for being a deadbeat who can’t pay her son back $50 bucks.

What Team Should I Use in Tecmo Super Bowl?  Before you say “The Raiders”, I was for a few seasons and need a break from Bo Jacksons awesomeness. -TheDalyFlow

San Francisco has the only play that can’t be stopped.  If you choose the pass play with the tight end hooking in the middle of the linebackers, and the defense chooses that exact play, you can still complete the pass to Brent Jones.  Pick this play when you need a 1st down, watch the line, and if they blitz, hit the TE.  You gotta be quick, with 2 A buttons to choose Jones and a B to throw it to him.  But he catches it, every time.

My sister just had a miscarriage.  I was excited to be an uncle. -EastGundam

If it makes you feel any better, my dad used to tell me I was a stillborn baby.  “We didn’t want you, but you were still born,” he’d say, and laugh.  I hope shes safe and you get your chance to be an uncle.

You have to pick one drink and one food to last for the rest of your life. What will you choose? -EnglishFunnel

Gatorade and chinese food.  Please dont make me be more specific than that.

so i woke up and my brother is standing over me naked….. and he punched me in the arm 3 times.  he found out i used his mach3 to trim my pubes -HairyKrishna

You can’t trim with a Mach3, that’s called shaving.

Go to girls house with 2 good looking girls or not shower eat chips and stay here? Somewhat hard decision… -Chibbers

Go to their house and eat their chips.  This way you get to keep your chips.