The What’s What, Volume 172

Lakers in big trouble!!! Teammate D`angelo Russell Allegedly Records Nick Young admitting he cheats on Iggy Azalea. -KushedOut840

The Lakers are sending Kobe off his career with the franchises worst record ever and a hailstorm of negativity and childish drama.  Seems like a storybook goodbye to me.

Gawker has to give Hulk Hogan a huge settlement.Thoughts?  -EndangeredStranger

It’s not a settlement. They lost their case. They had a chance to settle, and decided their case was strong enough for trial, journalistic integrity and such.  Unfortunately, Gawker did not have any journalistic integrity to reference against. Exposing brothers of state politicians as being gay, and churning the revenge porn guy through the ringer while doing the exact same thing to Hogan didn’t settle well with members of the jury.  Here’s hoping that shithole folds quicker than a methamphetamized origami master.

Should churches be legally forced to perform gay weddings? -Sertith

I was talking about marriage with a girlfriend years before I met my wife and her church had wicked strict standards to get married at. We would have to taken a bunch of classes about marriage in Christ and quizzes and bullshit.  I was all “Not a fucking chance lol”.

My point being if churches can discriminate against Christians getting married, it can sure as hell discriminate against gay people getting married.

Chris Farley vs. John Candy who do you like more? -BlueJarah

I feel like Candys career had mostly hit its high point, where as Farley was more in his prime when he died.  It’s still Candy, though. He could play mean or sad or emotional or heartfelt as good as any actor.  His “I like me” speech from Planes, Trains and Automobiles is the gutsiest thing Ive ever seen from a comedian.

The phrase “LEPRECHAUN PORN” is searched at an 8,152% increase during St Patricks Day than any other day.  I cant believe people actually look for that. -Vegeta1814

I dont judge how my dick chooses to celebrate this holiest of holy days. 

Why do Americans get upset when they learn the NSA is spying on people in foreign countries? -DarkRevenge

I don’t. I think “Angela Merkels private phone? That’s some pretty good snoopin, fellas.”

There’s a certain level of introversion that is only reached upon eating in your car during work lunch break. It’s only when you turn off your interior lights that you see every other sad motherfucker who doesn’t want to go home to their wife and kids chipping away at their McDonalds cheeseburger, nose to the carton like it’s wine from the holy trough of youth. Lambs to the social slaughter. -StuffnThings

I drove to a park where there was fresh air, sinks, nice views, trash barrels, and no one asking me about work shit. Someday I’d sit at a picnic table, sometimes a rock, sometimes on my car, sometimes in. I don’t care what you think about that.

Spring is Here. I’ve seen 3 different pairs of birds fucking today. Such a beautiful thing. -StrangewithSharing

Such poetry.  Could be lyrics from a song from the 80s.  Im gonna go with “humping Blackbirds” by Barry Manilow.

Why is everyone assuming that Richard Simmons got kidnapped?  He’s been in the spotlight since the 60s and he wants to take a break and be a loner for awhile. Big freaking deal! Wouldn’t anyone want a break? Lol -HMaris

We miss him, think it’s okay for him to be gay, and wish we could watch his glittery festive gay ass sweating to the 010’s for our continued unintentional bemusement, but he’d rather middle finger the world and eat smoked salmon off his man harem for breakfast by the pool with Hoda and KathyLee every morning, and I suppose he said earned that right.

 

The What’s What, Volume 144

The UI and voice recognition of the Google Glass looks awesome.  Would you ever wear them? -BeefMW

I dont really do anything exciting.  Id use them like a videocamera if there were fancy doings happening that I could edit a video from later.  Would it be cool to live broadcast a geocaching afternoon or my annual poker pool BBQ? Yes.  Am I going to wear them all over the place in case something crazy happens?  No.  Also, it would be fun to make porn videos with men saying “GOOGLE – SHARE – EVERYONE” so people unwittingly broadcast their fap sessions.

You make a lot of Star Wars references, but not many Star Trek references.  You are not a fan, I take it?  -kinderfrau

I have never, to this day, seen an entire episode of the old Star Trek.  Shit, I haven’t watched an uninterrupted 6 minute chunk.  Not for me.  I had strep throat or something when I was a kid, and we had this little camp 5″ black and white, battery operated TV  I was given to occupy myself, and the only station that came in would pretty much show The Next Generation on loop.  I remember enjoying those shows.  A part of the lack of appeal may be the complete absense of a quality Star Trek game.  They are all first person shooters, and thats really a fraction of a percentage of the Star Trek ideology.  Star Wars is about Intergalactic Warfare, so it lends itself to video games.  Star Trek is about exploration, diplomacy and problem solving.  It just seems to be a perfect fit for a sandbox space naval turn-based RPG thing. You wouldnt even need a main mission. One hundred different side missions makes the most sense. Someday, maybe.

Why did the DJ get fired from being a chemist? He kept dropping the base. HERP -Effersucht

I thought you were going to say because he lied on his resume.  You said yourself, hes a DJ, not a chemist. That shit is dangerous.

In 31 states, a rapist can sue for custody/visitation.  What in the actual fuck?  -OldestY0rker

It takes a special kind of asshole to file that paperwork.

Scenario: you’re on a first date with a cute girl and she jokes that she likes getting fisted, wat do? -OddToddBodskin

Stuff my fist into my wine glass, shattering it. Never breaking eye contact with her, and saying coyly “How silly of me, I forgot to lick the rim first.”

It’s snowing here.  -GoBlue22

Thanks for the update, Tom. Now, lets check in with Shawna whos going to tell us about a special little boy in Deer Park.

Jimmy Carter isnt made fun of in SNL, “like all he did was fall into XMas trees.” (WW 140)  That’s Gerald Ford. – MySisterViaText

Oh, damn.  My apologies.  I blame Chevy Chase’s uncanny resemblance to Jimmy Carter.  Ford probably deserves that stereotype, he’s a shitcaker.

Do you like full belly clams? -km_ultra

I am from the rockiest of shores, Massachusetts.  Clams and mussels are a fucking garnish up here. Indeed, I do.

I have an unpopular opinion when dealing with special needs kids that are handed touchdowns on competitive childrens sports teams.  -UMEagles

I dont care how retarded I get. I want to earn everything I accomplish so that I can raise the bar for the retarded people, not lower expectations for everyone else.

Its been almost 20 years since John Candy died.  -CanadiAnne

RIP Harry Crumb.  Also, he also singlehandedly won the 49ers that SuperBowl.  That’s not a joke.  Ask Steve Young.

Thoughts on the gay marriage?  -chawktalk

First they came to give women rights, and I said nothing.  Then they came to give blacks rights, and I said nothing.  Then they came to give gays right, and I still remain silent because I notice only assholes are the ones doing the talking.

Is there any way to know if weed is laced with cocaine, PCP, crack, ETC?  Is there?  -snacksnacksnacks

There is an easy way to tell; Its not.  Dealers arent in the habit of giving away free drugs. That shit is expensive. Some people want their drugs that way, so if something seems off, ask your dealer.  That shit happened once by mistake and Nancy Reagan jumped on that like it was a common form of possible murder.