The What’s What, Volume 80

Hey, it’s Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail, just have it as your telephone number. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye. Thanks.  -TygerWoodz3

Hes such a romantic.

“This email was sent from my iPhone”.  Oh God, really?  Sweet, because I was sitting here wondering what you used to reply to my e-mail.  Now that I know it’s your iPhone, I can’t stop thinking about how important you must be.  Assholes.  Learn how to edit a signature. -thecheezythree

I always answer these shitcakers back with an e-mail that quietly ends “Sent from my Amiga 286 ColecoVision Atari 2600”

Good for Biz Marquis getting Radio Shack to fill up his stocking.  Has anyone gotten richer off of one song ever? -MysterySolver

Its like Radio Shack contacted BizMarkie’s agent and they were all “Using that song in a national commercial will cost you $40,000. But for another $10,000, BizMarkie will sing the god damned thing for you!  Give it some time, I wager Digital Undergrounds “Humpty Dance” will surpass it.  Seriously.

Buried or Cremated? –JackColtonsdogg

Cremated. I have this terrible fear that the death of your body does not necessarily mean the death of your mind.

do you intend to lie to your (future) childeren about santa clause? -CrestFightStrips

Nope. I’m going to tell my kids nothing of Santa Claus. I don’t think people should require perceived policing and justice from an imaginary person so they treat other people with dignity and respect.  If everything goes to plan, they will fear my wrath until they are 18, and then, the law.

What the hell is up with furries?  At first I thought it was a joke, then a fad, but it seems to be getting more popular and prevalent.  WTF?  -PalletJunkie

It’s legalized bestiality for the embarrassed and non-rural.  Weird? Sure. Bothering my life? Nope.

Any mental tricks that help pass time? -Disneygro

No, there’s nothing. It’s called boredom for a reason.  Take the opportunity to remind yourself to do some deep breathing. It’s really good for you.

US goes to war against the UK.  Who wins?  -5Mt1.

Wow. Some people are taking this World Cup pretty seriously.  China is the correct answer, with “depends on the reason and who gets more world support” a close second.

The Whats What, Volume 5

I like the new site, easy to read.  I know this is old but god dam those NBA ASG jerseys were stupid as fuck. It looked like there were three teams on the court. One in blue, one in white, and one in beige. Honest to god, whoever came up with those uniforms needs to be fired. -ilikemusicmorethanyou

I completely agree. I said the same thing about three teams being on the court.  I cant fathom how there werent just crazy amounts of turnovers. I mean, its got to be confusing for this one game to look for guys in a different colour then you’re used to. But to make them different colours in front and back? Could they have possibly made it any MORE confusing?

I have to take a big dump, but im at work and cant leave the lab – chaosme

Two words, Ass-Cork.

You got thoughts on this years American Idol cast? -HacksawJim

I do.  Only that super young dude stands out.  But, he’s soooo “Aw Shucks” that its going to get old fast.  There was some girl last year, Melinda DooLittle, I think was her name.  She acted surprised when everyone loved her, which was unique and genuine, until she continued doing it into week 8.  I feel like this kid has to get that under raps or people will start resenting him.  Otherwise, Im not impressed.  When I sit down on Tuesday and Wednesday nights, Im not waiting for anyone to sing.  Im just watching the show.

When you get an erection while wearing jeans, which pant leg does your penis usually go down? -TheCytan

The left.  Its just the side the thigh holster for my giant penis always seemed more comfortable.

Lord of The Rings, or Star Wars? -dapuge

I was never into the fairies, elves, goblins, and dwarves that are the mainstay of most fantasy movies/books. Always seemed like kind of a cop out. The ultimate in “attempting” imagination.
Star Wars seemed more original, and because of that, more genuine ingenuity. I prefer Star Wars.

Do you still answer questions in haiku? -SunKissed420

Not any longer.
Prose Problems were inherent.
Just short answers now. 

Im emailing this to you from an iPhone on store display! -KandallWacks

Google Image search: goatse.  Set as wallpaper, leave quietly.

You ever watch Boondocks on Adult Swim? -pmuse

Yeah, I love it. Uncommonly complex writing.  Its like SouthPark for black people. With its ability to boil down issues and lampoon them from both sides, its satirical comedy is the perfect mesh for what they are trying to do.  Flawless execution.

I don’t see why people still believe in religion. Especially adults. It seems like you could have matured past the idea of a magical man in the sky that affects everything you do.  Grow up, people. -MrBlonde2120

I always found it ironic that Christians teach kids about Santa and God, almost together.  Both are unseeable forces that live far away; and if you are good, you are rewarded, and if you are bad you are punished.   And then, when your 10, they’re all  “We were lying about one of them.”
But the real answer to your question; Its easier to be told that your life is worth living, rather than make your life worth living.

My employer just sent me an incorrect paycheck.  I make $713 for two weeks of work.  I was sent a check for $7,130.  Whatever you tell me to do with the check, I will.  -BSchuman

Don’t tell another soul about this.  Open a savings account with it.  Deposit every penny.  Accrue interest until they find their mistake.  if they dont find their mistake by February 2010, spend everything.