The What’s What, Volume 114

Fact: 50% of the people who work in the kitchens of restaurants are sociopaths.  Just started a restaurant job part time and dear lord are the cooks and dishwashers mental. -HeadL1te

You aren’t even kidding. But half of that 50% are cute sociopathic waitresses and they are unsurprisingly DTF.

Rate an experience/10: Sleeping -mz_as_ace

0/10.  I wish it wasnt necessary at all.  Complete waste of time.

Did you know that your homeowners insurance does not cover you in case of nuclear explosion?  Just reading a homeowners insurance policy I’ll be asked to sign. Good thing the house it’s for is in Medford, WI. Not really in the cross hairs of anyone with such access.  -4377Spawn

Its just a crazy thought to be on vacation in DisneyLand or something with your family and hear that your town exploded in a nuclear meltdown. Like really, wtf do you do? This weird combo of psyched for life and horrible realization that everything you have is gone and you have to completely start over. Imagine how surreal returning the round trip plane tickets would be for some cash. That is, if currency hasnt fallen apart.  Sure, the millions and millions of deaths and everything too. Theres always that.

I’ve only tried half an eighth before which I remember was pretty awesome. I have a whole eighth now and there’s a good chance I’m eating them with some friends either today or tomorrow, what are the chances of having a bad trip? Is eating a whole eighth of shrooms hard to handle? -Harksboy88

Half an eighth has always been enough for me. I’m always ready for a trip to end by the come down anyway, eating more can extend that.  If I had an eighth Id share it with a friend who has none.

‘Knights of Cydonia’ by Muse has a pretty epic opening.  -percosettish

You have just pinpointed  the moment Rock Band 2 gave me a boner.

Who is a woman you respect more than most men? -Shin.Goku

Well, gender roles don’t enhance or detract the possibility of earning my respect.  And while I’d like to mention some family members, I’ll give you a name that affects you, that you probably aren’t aware of; Elizabeth Warren.

So im trying that raw diet.  Got loads of fruit and veg and nuts today. Gonna try it for a month. Tips/advice? -g0dsg0d

You don’t want tips from me, I failed miserably. I felt hungry alot more than usual, and missed bread.  I didnt think the slightly healthy feeling increase I did notice outweighed my general enjoyment of food. So, I quit.

After sex and eating your girlfriend out, is it safe to use mouthwash to clean out mouth? -IamspentAndI

Good thing you asked. Watch out if the lady you’ll be molar deep in has ingested alot of citrus fruits or juice. The enzymes in lady syrup can mix with citric acid to make 1/2 of a toxic cocktail, and the other half is flouride and glyceric alcohol, both found in mouthwash.  It wont kill you, but side effects of the powerful potion include fuzzy anus, memory loss, nose boner, and the innate ability to speak fluent Cambodian.  You’re welcome.

There is only one word in the English language with three double letters in a row? What is it?  -ILoveLED1080

You’re thinking of “bookkeeper” and you’re wrong.  Consider “tattooee”.

Your favorite wonder out of the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World?  -sgradicus

Full disclosure, I had to google them, I only had four in my head.   The pyramids, not even close.  They’re double the age, and the only one remaining.  The other ones might have been nice for a couple decades, centuries ago. I’ll never know.  No one does.  The Colossus of Rhodes stood for like 30 years or something.  I’m not impressed.

Inception should’ve won Best Picture and Original Screenplay. -AceGrayson

Why do you care?  It’s like you have tied your own worth to this success of this movie for some reason and need to feel validated.   If a movie wins a particular statue, does that mean you would have enjoyed it more? Of course not.  Try writing your own work of fiction, and worry less about the accolades for someone elses.  The movie doesn’t care if you won your baseball game or online tourney.  Jesus, this movie.  It was a good movie and people are acting like it’s their buddy.

how many times you’ve been rejected and how many times a girl has said yes? -BroncksBommahs2

7 of my exgirlfriends, plus my wife, I approached them.  7 of my girlfriends, approached me.  I would say I’ve been shot down over 50 times, but below 100.  I think I’ve shut down a handful or so girls, though, too.  Regretted not giving a couple a shot.  I’d also like to the point out the majority of the ones who approached me usually ended up in disasterous drama.

The What’s What, Volume 112

What’s your go-to drink when you feel nauseous? -mz_as_ace

Same as when I feel fine.  Ginger ale or Gatorade.

How can anyone actually like Frasier? It has a rating of 8.4 on IMDB. This is shocking to me, I can’t stand the show and anyone I have ever talked to hates it too. The characters suck and there are literally zero funny moments. -MCKingda42

It’s irreverent and well written.  I find people that hate it are just upset upon discovering that comedy can go over their heads.

Have you ever witness or obtained a royal flush in a game of poker?  Not me. I know a few people who’ve had one. I’ve never witnessed one in a game, or had one myself. I think the best I had was either a 4 of a kind, or straight flush. -Adairraid

The first time I taught my wifes family No Limit Hold Em while we spent a week at a rented lake cabin, her 70 year old aunt Jean got a diamond straight flush to the queen.  The fact that the family couldn’t comprehend the rarity added to my incredulous reaction for days.  She loves poker now and I still call her “Diamond Jean”.

$200,000 for Cam Newton was a good investment. The payout for the BCS Championship is $17,000,000. -Shamless220

It’s crazy that the NCAA opened the door for everyone related to a recruit to get paid.  What a system.

I’d like to hear your theories on the Wikileaks “DoomsDay” file.  The one that drops if Assange is killed or arrested. Is it just a bluff? Actual material that can cause serious conflict? Nuclear launch codes? Confirmation that there are aliens? Or just the rest of the unreleased documents? -Beasteroids

I feel like its a fake. You are trying to convince me that he has kept the most SCANDALOUS information a secret, that will only be released when he dies or gets arrested? What happens in 5 years when he is still alive and not in jail? Will he release it then? If he simply wants to watch the world burn, like everyone seems to think he does, why wouldn’t he want to see the ramifications dropping the megaton would bring?  I just don’t see where a guy who makes his living exposing information not releasing the most important parts as “smart”.  I can’t draw that line that everyone else seems to do so easily there.  I just dont buy it.

Did you like Inception? -ZstarZfar

Cool visuals. Also, a great idea to surround a very personal experience everyone can relate to (dreaming) with nonsensical chicanery and double talk that can never be proven. But it’s not as epic as people seem to think.

Why do you hate the movie “The Blindside”? -SWDictator

Lets make a movie about a rich couple who only become foster parents after recognizing some giant is good at football.  While we’re at it, let’s ignore the sacrifice of all other foster families who make changes to their life out of the goodness of their heart and don’t expect anything in return, not even football victories for their college.

Why do we have to use the stairs when Hell gets a highway?  Stupid God and his out of date technology. -DrDrunkHobo

I was under the impression that the preferred method of transportation into hell was inside of a hand basket.

Who did more for their sport: Tiger Woods or Michael Phelps?  -HamMerMan90

Woods. It’s not even close. No one is paying any attention to swimming right now, and Phelps is still owning bitches.

How is weed a “gateway drug”?  When most people who do drugs start with alcohol? -LoLatLife

It’s a gateway drug because kids are taught that marijuana is on the same level as meth or crack, and then when they invariably find out that its harmless, they wonder what else they have been lied to about.

Why does everyone make a such a big deal out of people being a virgin?  -SubjectiveReality

Because one of the few instincts god or science has given you is continue propagation of the species. Having the ability to get a woman to accept your junk in hers (consensually these days) takes the perception that your genes are worth smuggling down there.  Fail that, and you’re failing life.

Bradley Manning; Hero, Idiot, somewhere in between? -CanadiAnne

All three.  My point is if he just wanted everything out there in the public domain like he claimed, then why say anything about it at all after the leaks were published? Why talk to someone whom you think is a reporter? Do you talk to the press about things you are regretful for and could lose the life you live if anyone knew it was you? Of course not.  Either hes supremely retarded, or he wanted to be known for what he did. Which is fine, as long as I dont have to hear him whining about the living conditions hes currently exposed to.

Watching Top Chef: All Stars this season?  Thoughts so far? Who do you want to win? -rdtmk

Whoever is best. Their personalities come second to me. I like Richard Blaise though. A little over the op sometimes with his molecular gastronomy, but the judges eat that up. Yuk yuk yuk. I was psyched to see Jennifer get sent home in 15th place, LoL. I had enough of her during her season. Didnt care for anymore in the Masters competition.

Lets talk transgender issues: it’s been coming up a lot more lately for whatever reason. seems like many people are confused as to which pronouns to use in order to refer to transgendered people. general rule is to use whichever gender they self identify with.
that is male to female should be referred to as a she and vice versa. if you’re completely unsure which gender they self identify with, gender ambiguous “they” or “them” is okay too. here are some terms that are not okay ever.tranny it is for animals or inanimate objects. by using it, you are implying that transgendered people are not people. shim, he-she, whatever other amalgamation you can come up with. you’re not clever, some other dickwad has done it before you.  -Helfrugin

If trannys are confused about their own gender, they should be a little more tolerant of confusion in others.

The What’s What, Volume 1o6

Why Is Catholicism A Punchline And Islam Untouchable?  -WaltWhitesHat

Because old guys who are supposed to be moral leaders turning out to be peepee touchers is ironic, while crashing airplanes and bombing buildings without any direct confrontation or chance to defend yourself is scary.  Not saying it’s right, just how it is as I see it.

I was in third grade when 9/11 happened. I remember coming home and my parents and sister were watching the news all day and I was like wtf is this man, i wanna watch digimon bro. A real tragedy. -Chispart66

I was in Kindergarten and some old guy had come into class to read “My Dog Skip”. He finished it and everything.

Are there any types of prank devices that can disrupt TV signals?  Like to turn off tvs, mess about with random settings, anything like this? -PriorityMale

A universal remote, genius.

So, I saw the Dragon Ball z movie on HBO a couple of days ago.. To call it shit is insulting to human waste.  -amazingbagman

I thought it was a perfect representation of the source material.

More overrated rapper?  Tupac, Eminem, or Andre 3000? -DuSheauwnDre

Tupac, his death made him a martyr. His lyrics were elementary.

Have you seen the 3D optical illusions of children playing they are using as speed bumps in Vancouver?  -Corks

I have not.  However, I don’t think fucking with the eyes and heads of people in charge of 2 ton vehicles is a great idea.

I have been having really fucked up dreams since seeing Inception. I’ve seen the movie three times, and I’ve been dwelling on its concept for a while now and its just such an original and unique film. Since I’ve been obsessed with it I’ve noticed my dreams have been lasting way longer than normal, and I’m remembering so much more when I wake up in the morning. Not to mention I’ve even had a couple lucid dreams where I was in complete control, and the dreams I’ve been having seem so much more realistic. -jbscotchman

I can’t help but pity people who have such an overwhelming emotional reaction to someone else’s fiction that they have to modify their reality.  A seriously unfortunate scenario playing out more and more often. What a herd of vapid, feeble-willed simpletons.

I wouldn’t have given security Brandon Jacob’s helmet either.  It’s not like he’s gonna need it.. But seriously don’t act like they use the same helmet all season.. it’s doubtful that they even use the same one all game.. let the man keep the helmet if the dumb ass is gonna throw it. -Cl3ms0nTigers

I would have told the security people that it’s evidence of an assault in my possession and if I am not catered to, then the NY Giants, Brandon Jacobs, Lucas Oil Stadium, the Indianapolis Colts and the stadium security would all be hearing from my lawyer. I’m not even kidding. When a foul ball or puck goes into the crowd, you get to keep it. If they take it from you, then the player has to trade something to you for it. If security wants it that bad, they should have given him tickets or a jersey or something.  Some giant pissed-off uber-wealthy monster doesn’t get to whip 2 pounds of hard plastic at me without paying for it.

The What’s What, Volume 1o3

My sister is friends with the girl who plays Ginny Weasley in Harry Potter.  Bonnie Wright. She met her at a dinner party for an acquaintance they both knew. She’s nice, but IMO, too nice to tap.  -wariO’s

Yeah, she wouldn’t have stood a chance at those charms of yours. It’s a good thing you respect the kindness of someone you’ve never met enough to not make her want to have sex with you.  Is your sister friends with her, or did she just meet her at a dinner party for an acquaintance they both knew? Because there’s a pretty big difference.  It  sounds like your sister told you that she didn’t make an ass of herself in front of a famous person, like she would have seen the conversation as anything else but her impressing a celebrity.  Do you have even the SLIGHTEST idea of how many people attempt to be friends with a famous person on any given day?

Ian Huntley, who murdered two girls eight years ago, is sueing the prison service for £100,000 after he got slashed in the throat by another prisoner. Do you think this is right? The guy is in jail, what is he going to do with a hundred grand? -Ham-Tam

Well, his family could probably use the money. I don’t believe prisons get the right to be ThunderDome.  I’m not going to lose any sleep if he doesn’t win his case.

so this guys owes me a few grand… this morning he drops by with a “deal“.  He wants to give me two “houses” instead of paying me back. This guy owns a butt load of trailer houses and is trying to give me two of them. There are currently people living in them and paying $450 a month. He claims they have lived there for a long while and never missed a payment. on one side it would be steady income.. but do I want to get into property with this economy? Sure they are trailers but to be honest I have seen much worse…  -rawksawlid1

I don’t like the deal.  He might know things about the property that you don’t.  You might have to invest in fixing it, back taxes, or the people might be moving out.  Who knows the arrangements he has with these people?  Tell him you would feel more comfortable if he used the rental property income to pay you back. Draft up a payment schedule with prime rate interest to be nice. Get a notary. Wipe hands of this guy.

Breaking Bad VS Dexter VS Lost – MisterSerious

Dexter isn’t as good as everyone thinks it is. Lots of questionable dialogue and the drama is even a little too much. Lost is a joke.  Breaking Bad by ten lengths.

Can people on “Lets Make A Deal” actually TAKE the zonk if they get it?  Sometimes they look really cool… I wouldn’t mind taking a motorcycle with triangular wheels… -Corks

Once I saw a guy win a pineapple cart or something, and he took like 5 pineapples back to his seat.  I bet he got out of there with them.

how do you start smoking when you know it’s bad for you..? to look cool, huh? enjoy your cancer, loser -Adsimbenefits

Why eat butter when you know it’s bad for you?  Why do you spend all day in the sun when you know its bad for you?  Why do you play sports, when you know all the health risks associated?  Why do you get a puppy companion when you know you’ll have to bury him someday?  Why do non-smokers think they are avoiding death by whining about it?

Of all the religions in the world, only 1 has it right.  The Amish. You have NEVER heard of radical Amish terrorists, have you? Nope. The world would be a better place if everyone was Amish. This is indisputable.  -MGSisLife

I refuse to argue.  Wonderful peoples.  One of the greatest restaurants I have ever been in my life was an Amish restaurant.  Everything from scratch, big giant plates of three kinds of meat served family style with like 12 different sides and every fresh vegetable you could think of. And the desserts, Jesus, the desserts. Pies from scratch still hot from the oven. Fresh ice cream. Was like $9 for me to eat everything I wanted.

Did you see Inception?   -MoeMunney66

I did, and I was a little distracted by something.  Cillian Murphy wears a burlap sack on his head in all 3 of Nolans epic movies, Batman Begins – He’s Scarecrow, kind of his thing.  Dark Knight – Batman de-burlap sacks him during the robbery attempt in the beginning.  Inception – As a kidnapped energy concern mogul, he’s wearing a burlap sack in the back of the white van for a healthy percentage of the movie.  After I noticed this, I spent the rest of the movie analyzing this fact, and I think its obvious the conclusion we can come out with. Apparently, Cillian Murphy has the ability to make some sort of magical supernoise of which he needs to contort his face in awkward ways to make, but the result of this supernoise convinces you that what you are doing is awesome and you need to tell your friends and implants a yearning for it to continue. I am currently running tests to determine if burlap has some sort of amplification properties science might not be aware of.

I understand your mind is blown here. Please, try to settle down. Let’s not let the media know until I’ve concluded with my experiments and can get a concrete case here. But, since the the blog is about to get a lot more popular, I’ll need to deputize some people to handle press events. Thanks for your patience and effort, readers. We’ve finally done it.

What do you think about that Fox News guy buying  gay bar next to the “Ground Zero Mosque”? –DUN-FIP

A conservative owning a gay bar out spite hardly sounds like the greatest business model.  But, it sure is confusing the hell out of both conservatives and liberals, so that’s kind of funny.

Chocolate Milk in Cereal, Yay or Nay -IllyMays

I did it once with regular rice crispies because I didn’t have any sugar.  It was great. Ill vote Yay, but only for some cereals.

You’re a gamer/nerd.  Interested in Scott Pilgrim? -pepsiizawsum

I’m also 33.   So, no.  I’ll wait the 16 months and turn the channel to something else 12 minutes into it when its free on HBO.