The What’s What, Volume 114

Fact: 50% of the people who work in the kitchens of restaurants are sociopaths.  Just started a restaurant job part time and dear lord are the cooks and dishwashers mental. -HeadL1te

You aren’t even kidding. But half of that 50% are cute sociopathic waitresses and they are unsurprisingly DTF.

Rate an experience/10: Sleeping -mz_as_ace

0/10.  I wish it wasnt necessary at all.  Complete waste of time.

Did you know that your homeowners insurance does not cover you in case of nuclear explosion?  Just reading a homeowners insurance policy I’ll be asked to sign. Good thing the house it’s for is in Medford, WI. Not really in the cross hairs of anyone with such access.  -4377Spawn

Its just a crazy thought to be on vacation in DisneyLand or something with your family and hear that your town exploded in a nuclear meltdown. Like really, wtf do you do? This weird combo of psyched for life and horrible realization that everything you have is gone and you have to completely start over. Imagine how surreal returning the round trip plane tickets would be for some cash. That is, if currency hasnt fallen apart.  Sure, the millions and millions of deaths and everything too. Theres always that.

I’ve only tried half an eighth before which I remember was pretty awesome. I have a whole eighth now and there’s a good chance I’m eating them with some friends either today or tomorrow, what are the chances of having a bad trip? Is eating a whole eighth of shrooms hard to handle? -Harksboy88

Half an eighth has always been enough for me. I’m always ready for a trip to end by the come down anyway, eating more can extend that.  If I had an eighth Id share it with a friend who has none.

‘Knights of Cydonia’ by Muse has a pretty epic opening.  -percosettish

You have just pinpointed  the moment Rock Band 2 gave me a boner.

Who is a woman you respect more than most men? -Shin.Goku

Well, gender roles don’t enhance or detract the possibility of earning my respect.  And while I’d like to mention some family members, I’ll give you a name that affects you, that you probably aren’t aware of; Elizabeth Warren.

So im trying that raw diet.  Got loads of fruit and veg and nuts today. Gonna try it for a month. Tips/advice? -g0dsg0d

You don’t want tips from me, I failed miserably. I felt hungry alot more than usual, and missed bread.  I didnt think the slightly healthy feeling increase I did notice outweighed my general enjoyment of food. So, I quit.

After sex and eating your girlfriend out, is it safe to use mouthwash to clean out mouth? -IamspentAndI

Good thing you asked. Watch out if the lady you’ll be molar deep in has ingested alot of citrus fruits or juice. The enzymes in lady syrup can mix with citric acid to make 1/2 of a toxic cocktail, and the other half is flouride and glyceric alcohol, both found in mouthwash.  It wont kill you, but side effects of the powerful potion include fuzzy anus, memory loss, nose boner, and the innate ability to speak fluent Cambodian.  You’re welcome.

There is only one word in the English language with three double letters in a row? What is it?  -ILoveLED1080

You’re thinking of “bookkeeper” and you’re wrong.  Consider “tattooee”.

Your favorite wonder out of the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World?  -sgradicus

Full disclosure, I had to google them, I only had four in my head.   The pyramids, not even close.  They’re double the age, and the only one remaining.  The other ones might have been nice for a couple decades, centuries ago. I’ll never know.  No one does.  The Colossus of Rhodes stood for like 30 years or something.  I’m not impressed.

Inception should’ve won Best Picture and Original Screenplay. -AceGrayson

Why do you care?  It’s like you have tied your own worth to this success of this movie for some reason and need to feel validated.   If a movie wins a particular statue, does that mean you would have enjoyed it more? Of course not.  Try writing your own work of fiction, and worry less about the accolades for someone elses.  The movie doesn’t care if you won your baseball game or online tourney.  Jesus, this movie.  It was a good movie and people are acting like it’s their buddy.

how many times you’ve been rejected and how many times a girl has said yes? -BroncksBommahs2

7 of my exgirlfriends, plus my wife, I approached them.  7 of my girlfriends, approached me.  I would say I’ve been shot down over 50 times, but below 100.  I think I’ve shut down a handful or so girls, though, too.  Regretted not giving a couple a shot.  I’d also like to the point out the majority of the ones who approached me usually ended up in disasterous drama.

The What’s What, Volume 97

as every summer approaches, I hope and pray that it is the year where jorts enter extinction and every summer I am disappointed. -_Deeze_

I actually had to google “jorts”.  That’s how old I am.  Turns out, they’re “jean shorts”.  Now it all makes sense. After consideration of the issue, I’m going to vote to continue letting women wear jean shorts, but only the kind made from old jeans.  Never hemmed at cuff.  Men can’t do either.  If you have a penis and are wearing jean shorts, you should leave your trailer for an hour and get yourself something that isn’t embarrassing you for the summer.  Treat yourself, and the rest of us.

See the Evans/Rampage bout? -Grapedrinker

I did.  I understand when people who pay for the fights get upset by what they call “lay and pray”.  Also, I completely agree that these fights are wholly unexciting.  However, I just cannot fault Evans for using the strategy to win.  In a successful career, winning and limiting damage are pretty much the two necessities.   It’s boring, but landing 2 jabs and snuggling is technically fundamental.  Which is why the undercards are always more exciting.  Less fundamentals, more opportunity for mistakes.

i mean, like these dudes are bitches. i make one comment and they remove me from their friends list lol.    i could understand when girls do this, but like really what little bitches.  so what if i drop f bombs and shit, who the fuck cares, its the goddamned internetz. serious bizness. -smoke_dust_rising

So what if you drop f-bombs? The people who dropped your ass care. How about using a little god-damned tact and consideration for the people you consider friends? Some peoples Facebook pages are the social equivalent of a childrens birthday party on the internet. You run into the inflatable bouncetty-bounce, start swearing and dropping retarded jokes next to people that were born this decade or lived through the holocaust or something and you wonder why you don’t get invited back?

I don’t care if you want to be a retarded asshole in front of people that could eventually offer you help in your life. Your reputation is yours to piece up all you like, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to listen to you complain about it like your butthurt, and then act like you don’t care when you admit it’s all your doing.

In about 15 years, J.K. Rowling will probably make a lotta “greatest author of all-time” lists… Even though she probably doesn’t deserve to be there, she is single-handedly responsible for igniting an entire generations love for literature. Not many, if any, writers have ever been able to do that in their lifetime.  ColLexSanders

“Most successful” =/= “Greatest All-Time”.  Plus I’m going to take issue with your claims of her turning a generation onto literature.  Kids waited for the next HP book.  They weren’t pick up any Ginsberg or anything.

SCENARIO: Qui Gon Jinn never goes out & gets Anakin Skywalker. How do things change? Does the original trilogy still happen? Is there still civil war? Does Palpatine still become all powerful?  -RoyaleSithCheese

It’s a prophecy. Anakin would have found his way into the situation some other way.   What’s more interesting to me is how everyone expected Anakin to be this wonderful person. His prophecy was to bring balance to the force. And the Jedi were ahead by thousands. So, either the Sith would become equally powerful, or the Jedi’s were to get served up to a scant few, which is what happened. Everyone seemed shocked by these events. I still don’t get it.

Sarah Palin recent tweet:  “Extreme Greenies: see now why we push “drill,baby,drill” of known reserves&promising in safe onshore places like ANWR? Now do you get it?”

I realize she’s pigeon-holed herself as America’s Mom, and everything.  But, I can do without the condescension.  Being all “I told you so” is going to get people defensive instead of considering your point.  Not that I believe what she’s saying anyway, there’s plenty of footage of her campaigning for extended off-shore drilling.

A-Rod doesn’t seem to want the record anymoreEver since he was like “I’m on teh roids lol” he’s not swinging for the fences. This makes me a sad panda. -ImpliedOffense

Well, because of his steroid usage, it’s been tainted.   It’s best he keeps quiet and cross bridges as he comes to them.  I’d rather not double the amount of complete douchebag juicers on top of the HR list. But you are free to hope as you choose.

Do women withhold sex as a form of coercion or punishment? This is another one of those issues that perplexes me whenever I contemplate female sexuality. I’m genuinely curious to know if (a) this is a widespread occurrence, and (b) why a woman would do this at all. -amazingbagman

Really?  After centuries of sexual repression, objectification and double-standards, you need to ask why women use sex as a weapon?  Really, dude?  I hope you are good looking.

Someone Steps on Your Sneakers; pull knife, pull gun, or punch them?  I did option 1 today when some cracker stepped on my Jordans. I went easy on him since they are kinda old, I’ve had them for two whole months.  -FritosInyoAss

Well, traditionally people expect shoes to take a beating. You know, due to the close proximity and repeated contact with THE GROUND.  An accident is one thing. Completely unacceptable to get upset over. If not this, then you’d kick a curb or catch a screw on the train or something.  On purpose is another. You’d best equalize or answer with superior aggression if you got the numbers, size and/or skill., in any situation someone is trying to bring you undue negativity.

The What’s What, Volume 16

If you were to go on a killing spree, how many people do you reckon you could take out… …before getting killed yourself or arrested? -FartAttakk

I bet I could kill a handful of people and not get caught. I just choose not to. If I was going for body count it would have to be explosives. People realize they should run from the sound of gunfire, limiting your potential targets. I would probably come up with an elaborate super-villainous plan of separate explosions timed to go off together in a variety of popular locations, and blow myself to bits in the basement of my house setting it up because I don’t know shit about explosives. Which is why I don’t try. Well, that and the fact that I’m adverse to killing nameless faceless innocent people for no reason.

Anybody who tries to argue that the confederacy was about southern pride is an idiot, as the vice president himself outlined the fact that the ideology that it revolved around was slavery. Those arguments that they show every year on the news while they re-enact their civil war are BS. -Shanadu

I never understood people that are proud of losing a war. I mean, sure, I’m still a Bruins fan, so I understand the concept of loyalty. Just seems foolish to be exposed in public and claim righteousness in private.

My Aunt died in February. My Uncle is getting remarried already. I don’t know what to think of it other than I think he’s making a decision based on grief but I could be wrong. It just seems so messed up. -off-da-hook

I know, you should totally get a say in how your Uncle copes with grief and seeks happiness.

If you were a leader, would you rather be loved or be feared? -DrRamone

If your departure or death results in happiness in people, you were/are a cancer on humanity. This is true for anyone; King, Boss, Father, or Friend.

Brick killed a guy – ToyFair

That really escalated quickly.

now that hilary is out, have you decided on who youd vote for president? -BellicanPay

The last 8 years have brought nothing but resentment and distrust of my own government.
Ill probably give a shot to the guy with no experience, because all my previous experience with experienced leaders has been unpleasant.

Name one place you’d like to visit at least once during your life. -Emileezer

Ive been pretty much everywhere Ive wanted to go. Id like to see Dubai and stay at their hotels. But the plane ride would drive me mental.

Gay athletes shouldn’t be allowed in the same locker room. I have nothing against gay people but I don’t think they should be allowed to……unless I am allowed in girl locker rooms. -iPhony

Im as liberal as they come, but you have good point. Bathrooms were set up in gender roles to prevent insecurity from interested eyes. Honestly, I would feel less self-conscious naked in front of a lesbian, then in front of a gay man.

Who is more likely to be assassinated if elected president, Obama or McCain? -Yoshi

Historically, liberal leaders have always been the victims of assassination. JFK and his brother, MLK, Lincoln, Benazir Bhutto. It just echoes sentiment of conservatives being close-minded and threatened by change to the point where they sacrifice themselves to create martyrs. Obama is a huge proponent of change and with some of the radical racist rhetoric in this country I fear for him the most. Even noting John McCains health, if we include nature as an assassin.

Do you guys remember when co-op games were fun? -360FanBoy

My friends and I rarely play sports games against each other, always dynasties co-op. Whole different game. Plus turns friends into teammates instead of competitors which can get dicey at times, even between the greatest of friends.

Why do the Democrats lose so many elections they should have won? I mean, seriously. They should have won 1988, they should have won 2000, they should have won 2004. The Republicans go dirty every time, the Democrats refuse to, so they lose. Why is my party so full of idiots? -TransparentWhale

Because conservatives have discovered that is causes less mayhem to rig an election, then it does to assassinate and martyr a popular liberal figurehead.

I had to explain the meaning of “gay” to my 5-year old daughter. She thought it meant something completely different, considering how often her brother uses the word. I had to put it in simple terms: “You know how some families have a mommy & a daddy? Well, sometimes there’s two daddies who fall in love, or two mommies.” She seemed to accept it, especially when I reminded her that Aunt Melissa married DJ, but then she said “I still think Josh was pretty gay when he tricked me into going on the dinosaur ride.” -DrMelissa

Its not smart to inform a child of such a young age. They truly cant understand concepts of gender roles or sex in general. You’ve informed her about gayness, now she gets to make her choice. And you should have mentioned that Aunt Melissa and DJ will burn in hell for intirety for their love. Expect her to cut her hair, wear Birkenstock and get macho shortly. Consider buying her some Liz Phair for her 6th birthday. I hope you didn’t have hopes for a son-in-law.