The What’s What, Volume 1o1

How dare you criticize the appearance of Kobe’s children.  They really aren’t ugly at all. They just have that poofy natural hair that black women normally have. You want them to start perming their hair at 5 years old so you can fap to them or something?  Give it a break seriously.  -007saradim

Listen up, you pig.  You’re the one bringing up sexual activity with a toddler.  It’s not my fault your parents didn’t teach you to distinguish beauty from sexuality.  I bet you are one of those assholes who get insulted instead of proud when someone remarks that you have a pretty girlfriend.  Don’t get mad at the rest of us because your upbringing balks at the sight of a  breathtaking sunset on the beach and forces you to think “I’m gonna stick my dick in that.”  Get the fuck out of here with that junk.

Been watching the new Futurama? -420Pharmah

The new season is better than the movies, not as great as the old stuff.  I laugh a few times an episode, still worth watching for me.

FACT: there is nothing better for traffic jams than smoking weed -GoBadgersUW

While traffic jams are coupled outrageous frustration and mind-numbing boredom, both of which weed immediately cures in seconds, I am not sure I’m comfortable advocating this remedy.  Can’t we just take a couple deep breaths and turn on the radio?  No?  Okay, well, just don’t hurt anybody.

$50k Salary not working, or $150k Salary as a Doctor or other realistic profession?  Personally, I’d rather be the Doc earning my bank. $50k is just too average imo even if I do get to sit around doing nothing. -MisterMaster

I’d take the 50K and call myself a professional Geocacher.   If I started a hobby carving granite/marble figurines by hand or breeding tropical fish or some shit, could I profit from their sale, still?  I can still have hobbies, right?  Or, are you literally paying me to do nothing?  I mean if you are paying me to do nothing for 8 hours every weekeday, that’s one thing.  But I’d rather keep the situation as it is now then do nothing forever.

Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston say they’re engaged.  LOL -PelleeCee

You should read the article.  It’s like a public finger wagging at Levi.  Has there ever been a mentally balanced couple in history to make plans to get marriage counseling before getting married?  In fact, thrice divorced rednecks on the verge of the fourth marriage have a bad feeling about this. What a spectacular failure they have become. At first I thought the Palins’ were trying to fill the void of being the right-wing Kennedy’s.  Now it just seems like they’re trying too hard.

Have you seen Hot Tub Time Machine yet? -jdkeggerstein

In Blu-Ray.  Damn right.  Which is funny because we made fun of the fact that there are no big budget special effects, and then the return to the future brought in some serious CGI and I turned to by buddy with a thumbs up and said “Blu-Ray!” excitedly. Although, something happened over half way through that made me pause.  When Darryl from “The Office” sang “Let’s Get it Started” instead of “Let’s Get Retarded”, I felt the comedy writers lost a little credibility.  You’re telling me that a movie that included Rob Courdry wiping cum off his fame and eating it is telling me that it’s delicate sensibilities end at offending the mentally challenged?   I’m not saying that I stopped finding the movie funny at that point and everything that I laughed at previously was considered moot or anything, the movie was still funny. Worth watching for me, no question. I just thought to myself “Oh, these offensive comedy writers are pretentious self-righteous hypocrites. That’s rare.”

As a Red Sox fan, you celebrating George Steinbrenners death? -tyka28

Not at all.  I have heard Red Sox fans relay positive stories about “The Boss” while he was still alive.  I did have him on my death pool list, so that was worth celebrating, but not his death.  I will admit when I heard the news of his death, I said aloud “Further developing information on this story, ESPN has learned that George Steinbrenner fired his bed-side nurse of 10 years, less than 24 hours ago.” which made me laugh for a bit.  But I’m not happy he’s dead.

The “All-Star Game” should be scrapped in every sport  NFL – Pro Bowl is changed to week BEFORE the superbowl means those players don’t play…not that half of them didn’t drop out from playing anyways  NHL – No hitting, little defense gives us some 6-9 game debackle  NBA – Bunch of ball hogging number 1s jacking up shots and the only scoring they attempt more than on the court comes after the game at the strip club
MLB – Give an exhibition game meaning is fail.   Not to mention there’s so many pitchers that each only throws 2/3rd of an inning. Nice rythem
Just get rid of these. If you want to do some all star roster and take a team photo that’s fine, but actual games? Meh…do not want  -MoeMunney66

I completely agree, but want 2 or 3 days of skills competitions. I’m not even kidding, like full weekend Olympics of individual skills. Also, I want Celebrity Pro/Am games for charity. I’d make All-Stars do the jobs of the equipment managers, vendors, and announcers and follow them around with a camera crew. Of course, there would be a video game competition between All-Stars.  If they had poker and shuffleboard tournaments, I’d watch.

True or False: There’s a logical explination for everything -empty-medium

Oh, the religion guy.  Any example you can bring up to bring consideration to false is then immediately credited to either Jesus, God or Allah. That’s the great part though, you get to choose whom to give credit for. Bonus points if its the one your parents think.

Mel Gibson tapes: Great recording or GREATEST recording? –Muckrow70

While never a good idea to threaten someone, she obviously riled him all up, hung up on him, and taped his reaction while calling back. She spoke all cool and collected and let him hang himself, just pushing buttons.  “Oh I don’t want your money anymore, I’m just worried for my daughters life!” Then, when she started to get heated the tape ended, what great timing for her.  She is a bitch. But, yeah, he’s bat-crap insane. I don’t really care, everything but Braveheart sucks. But she’s obviously a manipulative bitch, so his claims are pretty jsutified in my eyes. I bet she is, in fact, a gold digging ungrateful dick target.  Though, I really enjoyed the “What?!……. WHAT!?!?!??” parts.  In conclusion, they both suck and I don’t care about either of their welfares, just the prospect of more crazy recordings.

The Whats What, Volume 4

Would you bang Leela from Futurama? -gazzilla8k

Probably, but just because shes a celebrity.  The one-eye things seems like it could get in the way.  How would I know if she’s winking at me, or just blinking?  The only thing that really bothers me about the situation, is that Id have Zap Brannigans sloppy seconds.  Im not sure if Im down with that.

If you had to choose what game coming out in 08 to be the only game you’d play the rest of your life which 08 game would be your eternal game forever? -conkerfan5

I know theres a lot of hype about Brawl & Metal Gear Solid 4.  But, Ill give the benefit of the doubt to R* and go with GrandTheftAuto:IV.  Seriously, Im still playing San Andreas.  Im disappointed the map is smaller and there are no flying machines.  I still cant believe that the majority of people were complaining that the game is too big.  I mean, it takes 5-10 minutes to get from your house to the Vegas strip by car.     During the commute, you probably ran over three pedestrians and lost a cop tailing you. And this was a problem with everyone?  Ridiculous.

My wife and I have had to change sex positions now that she’s pregnant, its lead to some amazing discoveries.  -omnivus

Sweet.  I will probably not be having sex with my wife while shes pregnant.  Not because I wouldn’t think pregnant women are attractive.  I just dont want to harm the baby with my immense penis.  Imagine, you’re a baby floating around your mom, “La La La, Im a little baby, maybe Ill kick today… La La La” and *WHAM* your dads penis is rammed into your forehead, several times.  How am I supposed to look my child in the eye when it comes out?  Like its not crowded enough in there, I gotta go implant a boystick into the tight quarters?  No thanks.

Do you eat McDonalds Fish Filet’s on Fridays (in lent)? -Centaurian

I don’t need to look  a calendar to enjoy a delicious Filet-O-Fish sammich.  Luckily, my God doesnt care when I enjoy the fruits of his work.  

Damn, did you HEAR? The MONTEL WILLIAM show is coming to an end in MAY I watch his show everyday at 1, except when he brings out that bitch Sylvia Brown. I bet she didn’t predict his show coming to an end this May.  – Penisocchio

Good riddance. Finally, the lowest form of accepted news medium is coming to a halt. Just an idiot with a microphone exploiting Americans for his own gain. Every single one of these shows is pompass, self serving, and anyone who is disappointed they are leaving is a sheep to the worst kind of shepard.  Fuuny line about Sylvia Brown, though.  I hate that liar.

Im not defending Natalee Hollaway’s killer but……  If the killers story is true, she is stupid as all hell.
Why are girls so ****ing stupid?’Hey im absolutely shit-faced and in a foreign country. Im going to find a random guy and drive off with him to a secluded area.’ Do women just think something like that is romantic or some ****?
Honestly, some young women are quite possibly the thickest people on the planet. -ilikefreemusic

The fact that she was drunk is obviously additional to the basic retardation most pretty girls suffer from anyway.  I dont care about her or finding her killers. Not because shes drunk, or a woman, or whatever. I just dont know her; Im not going to be outraged for her, when Im so complacent about all the other unnatural deaths seen every day on this planet.  I just want it to end so Nancy Grace shuts up for ten minutes.

Where should I go for lunch today?  -Annthym

You didnt leave any location info, so Ill just go with chains.  Red Robin, get the Banzai Burger.  I want to try the new Wendy’s Fish sandwhich.  So, theres an option.  When in doubt, the Burger King Rodeo Cheeseburger hits the spot.   Im gonna have leftover Chinese food.