The What’s What, Volume 119

Who would win in a fight to the death: Jack Bauer or Jason Bourne? Set up the fight anyway you choose: location, weapons, etc. Doesn’t matter, you know these two are going to end up finishing the fight in close quarters probably hand to hand anyway. Bourne, hands down.  Bauer is too emotional.  David Webb is a quiet tank.  Jack Bauer is lucky if he sees it coming. 2 weeks ago I told the cute co-worker chick that I’d give her a ride to the airport. I figured I’d get some bonus points for being a nice guy.This past week she friendzoned me. I think she realized why I offered, so she decided to compensate me by giving me a barely used air conditioner window unit for free… -amurrican “I’ve decided not to let you into my vagina, but thanks for playing. As a parting gift enjoy this brand new Whirlpool Air Conditioner! Be sure to think of me when you are cool on a hot summer day.” Why do most NFL fans seem to hate Rex Ryan and the Jets?  We haven’t won a Superbowl since 1969 and if Rex Ryan was the coach of your team, you would love the fact that he talks smack and shows so much confidence in his team. -nuttyitalian88  I dont like the Jets, but I like Rex Ryan. He occasionally tries too hard. Like dressing up as his brother or doing Belichick impressions. I understand it puts the sports writers on his good side, but its pretty unprofessional.  Takes away focus. Who wants cream? Nobody?  Okay, no cream. -PeonLowalski Eat the soap, rookie. Show him up. Take a bite, rook. C’mon….  Eat it, eat iFOR CHRISTS SAKE, GIVE ME THE DAMN SOAP Rate existing as a human being on planet Earth/10 -monkeyh00 10/10 if my options are existing as a human being anywhere else.  It’s a good start to a question, but there arent enough details.  I think you want me to rate my life experience, but then why not ask that?  If I am to die at 70, should I not rate my life at 5/10 since its not half over yet?  Gun to my head, 10/10 because I dont want to be ungrateful for what I have. What’s the most amount of $ you’ve ever given to a homeless person? -Bronzemonkey I once gave a homeless person a lobster tail with truffle mac n cheese. Spent $40 and ate three bites.  Cash, though? Maybe a buck or two. I was always giving homless people food, when I lived in the city. Theres this one guy whod open doors for people at the Store 24 in Kenmore square, and I’d always ask him if he wanted a drink or a snack when he opened the door for me.  Ever play a game and halfway into it, u realize you have no clue wuts happening in the story? -etsallgood189 Sure. Metal Gear Solid 4. I shut off pretty quickly on paying attention to that mayhem.  Honestly and unfortunately, I dont understand a lot of Japanese storylines. There seems to be a lot of reliance on “if supernatural all-powerful object were to fall into the wrong hands….”  I’m certainly not accusing them of not enough effort, good lord.  Those cutscenes went for HOURS.  Everyone who played the game knows I am not exaggerating.

Can you buy pepper spray in a store for self-defense?  Just wondering after hearing about my friend getting mugged on the weekend by three guys at once. -acekhemist42 That depends.  Did he have any warning that pepper spray would have helped, or are you just going to get your pepper spray taken from you during your first mugging? Plus, factor the cost of pepper spray against how much money you have in your wallet at any given time.  Don’t buy a $50 can of stuff to protect 3 singles, $1.42 on a DuDo gift card and a picture of your cat.

The What’s What, Volume 49

Little Jacob was the best NPC in GTA4 -SupahVillunn

Him and Packie were my two favorites. Alot of people were Brucie Boosters, I never really got that. LJ’s guns were the best perk of anyone, though, by far.

If you wear a cannabis leaf shirt or other weed related clothing garments, you need to get a life. seriously, how pathetic must you be for weed to become such a key part of your personality that you have to alter your fashion sense to suit it.  -LoltheDice

So, by your logic, we’re not allowed to wear clothing promoting sports teams or bands, or wolf shirts, also, right?

Seriously, has there been a nation in history who has done LESS to be proud of than Norway? My GF’s parents are Norwegian, and they’re all about stupid Norwegian heritage crap, they love to make fun of Swedes and other Scandinavians, they eat weird Norwegian food (Lutefisk, Lefsa), and other stupid **** like that.  Seriously, don’t they realize that there’s NOTHING cool about being Norwegian? -MarkareshExpress

They descend from Vikings, among the best ****-talkers in history.  Its in their blood.  Everyone is allowed to be a little proud of their heritage I suppose.

So since Chad Ochocinco wants out, what happens if that team already has a number 85? -AlbinoGorilla

Dunno, be even better if the Bengals kept him and changed his number to 11.

Best donut at Dunkin Donuts? -Flank.Roast

Blueberry Cake. I also like their toasted coconut and the chocolate creme filled.

My prom this weekend, is going to be great.  It ends at around five in the morning, which is the perfect time to ditch everyone, drive out to the east side of town, and find a spot overlooking the advancing floodwaters.

Humongous body of water? Check.
Thrill of possible danger it can cause? Semi-Check.
Sunrise glistening over the ripples, radiating outwards and creating a halo over her cornstalk blonde hair? Check.
Condom? Check

Sex is so much better when its done outside in front of a sunrise.  -shammy2012

“I’m so glad its just you and me here, overlooking the massive amounts of property damage and countless drowned domesticated animal carcasses floating about…. Just makes you want to take your pants off, doesn’t it?”

Would you accept a clone of yourself as a son or daughter instead of a normal child? -.J.

Yes. I’d be able to give myself a head start on the things I succeeded at, theoretically enhancing who I could be.

Do you believe waterboarding is torture? -DomoNique

Well, it sure isn’t foreplay.

Do you eat the pieces of bread at the top and bottom of a loaf of bread? BeaverEater

Nope, they are either used to make cookies soft or bird food.

have you ever stopped being friends with a girl because she wouldnt date you? i’m asking because this has happened to me like 3 times in the past 4 months. -MizzJayden

Me?  No, not personally. But don’t blame them, they are just the honest ones. Easy to prove. Offer all of your guy “friends” a sexual encounter.  They will say “Yes, please.”

Bob Dylan, as a musician, is severely overrated. -RorshachGimmick

He’s an awesome guitarist and lyricist, not so much a vocalist.  He had a lot to do with the social revolution of his time period, which probably would make him seem overrated to the kids of today.  Because the older crowd reacts to his music the way they do. Nostalgia and experience can’t be passed from generations.