The What’s What, Volume 119

Who would win in a fight to the death: Jack Bauer or Jason Bourne? Set up the fight anyway you choose: location, weapons, etc. Doesn’t matter, you know these two are going to end up finishing the fight in close quarters probably hand to hand anyway. Bourne, hands down.  Bauer is too emotional.  David Webb is a quiet tank.  Jack Bauer is lucky if he sees it coming. 2 weeks ago I told the cute co-worker chick that I’d give her a ride to the airport. I figured I’d get some bonus points for being a nice guy.This past week she friendzoned me. I think she realized why I offered, so she decided to compensate me by giving me a barely used air conditioner window unit for free… -amurrican “I’ve decided not to let you into my vagina, but thanks for playing. As a parting gift enjoy this brand new Whirlpool Air Conditioner! Be sure to think of me when you are cool on a hot summer day.” Why do most NFL fans seem to hate Rex Ryan and the Jets?  We haven’t won a Superbowl since 1969 and if Rex Ryan was the coach of your team, you would love the fact that he talks smack and shows so much confidence in his team. -nuttyitalian88  I dont like the Jets, but I like Rex Ryan. He occasionally tries too hard. Like dressing up as his brother or doing Belichick impressions. I understand it puts the sports writers on his good side, but its pretty unprofessional.  Takes away focus. Who wants cream? Nobody?  Okay, no cream. -PeonLowalski Eat the soap, rookie. Show him up. Take a bite, rook. C’mon….  Eat it, eat iFOR CHRISTS SAKE, GIVE ME THE DAMN SOAP Rate existing as a human being on planet Earth/10 -monkeyh00 10/10 if my options are existing as a human being anywhere else.  It’s a good start to a question, but there arent enough details.  I think you want me to rate my life experience, but then why not ask that?  If I am to die at 70, should I not rate my life at 5/10 since its not half over yet?  Gun to my head, 10/10 because I dont want to be ungrateful for what I have. What’s the most amount of $ you’ve ever given to a homeless person? -Bronzemonkey I once gave a homeless person a lobster tail with truffle mac n cheese. Spent $40 and ate three bites.  Cash, though? Maybe a buck or two. I was always giving homless people food, when I lived in the city. Theres this one guy whod open doors for people at the Store 24 in Kenmore square, and I’d always ask him if he wanted a drink or a snack when he opened the door for me.  Ever play a game and halfway into it, u realize you have no clue wuts happening in the story? -etsallgood189 Sure. Metal Gear Solid 4. I shut off pretty quickly on paying attention to that mayhem.  Honestly and unfortunately, I dont understand a lot of Japanese storylines. There seems to be a lot of reliance on “if supernatural all-powerful object were to fall into the wrong hands….”  I’m certainly not accusing them of not enough effort, good lord.  Those cutscenes went for HOURS.  Everyone who played the game knows I am not exaggerating.

Can you buy pepper spray in a store for self-defense?  Just wondering after hearing about my friend getting mugged on the weekend by three guys at once. -acekhemist42 That depends.  Did he have any warning that pepper spray would have helped, or are you just going to get your pepper spray taken from you during your first mugging? Plus, factor the cost of pepper spray against how much money you have in your wallet at any given time.  Don’t buy a $50 can of stuff to protect 3 singles, $1.42 on a DuDo gift card and a picture of your cat.

The What’s What, Volume 37

Do you concur that the South American kid from Captain Planet had the lamest power? I mean, heart? WTF kind of lame power is that?  -Alihambra

I bet the intended demographic numbers had a lot of say on who got the short end of that straw. Which is ironic, because we all know how heartless Peruvians are.

Putting 2 hot dogs between 1 bun. Yay or Nay? -DaPragmatistHonor

Actually, I couldn’t give a louder more resounding nay.  I actually cut my hot dogs in half the long way and utilize one hot dog per 2 buns.  Especially at ball games.  I find a majority of hot dogs too thick, so the meat to bun ratio is far too high.  Your way is just finding a handle to eat two hot dogs straight up, and that is unacceptable to me.

If God actually created the Universe, at least there may yet be a point to life. Thats slightly more comforting as opposed to being born into existence to balance an equation out of science, that has no actual use for our being he -ABrazier202

God makes people believe there is something more to come after life. Which is great, because it makes for less competition when I’m trying to get things done on Earth.  Unfortunately for you, because something is “slightly more comforting” doesn’t make it truth.

I put ketschup on my eggs, my roomate thinks I’m weird because I do. He also thinks it’s weird that I like cold peanut butter so i put it in the fridge. -FowntenSoda

Sometimes, when I’m in the mood I’ll mix tobasco and ketchup together to dip my eggs in.  I do think peanut butter in the fridge is weird.  Seems like it would get difficult to spread and end up ripping the bread or whatever. I hate that.

Do you use lube during masturbation? Feels like someone´s giving you a handjob, or so I heard. -SamuraiChad

Someone is, you are.

Turns out my grandmother (who lives in the UK) had a stroke and is going to die. Luckily my dad knocked before coming in to tell me he’s flying out there, otherwise he woulda been in even more pain after seeing me jerking off to internet porn.  That really killed my boner -GabrielNino

To add to the uneasiness, Now nana can watch you shuffle knuckles from heaven.

When someone says that a Death or Black Metal band would sound better with a clean singer, I just laugh. It should be more accepted my mainstream teenagers.  Certain types of music go well with regular singing, while other types work better with aggressive vocals. I think the intense, evil feeling of it fits the music underneath it perfectly and makes it sound much more aggressive overall. I don’t like all growling/screaming vocals (for example, I dislike most Metalcore vocals), but in genres like Death and Black Metal, I think it’s great.  What don’t you like about it? -Xpert4551

SotD is about as hardcore as I get. If I have to strain to listen to the messages coming across from a vocalist, it distracts me from the music and the overall experience. What words I can decipher always seem to be about “evil in your soul” or other such nonsense.

Lucikly, it’s not like my distaste in your music makes it any less enjoyable to you, so why even care about how “accepted” it is by mainstream youth? I bet if it was more accepted, you’d be lamenting the fact that 13 year olds like the music you like, and how they can’t possibly understand its depth.

Bush’s farewell speech got to me, made me feel sorry for the guy, your reaction? -ElmundJoy

Looks like 6 years of piling on the guy, really made some people feel guilty.

Are you one of those Atheists want God stricken from inaugural oath and the Pledge? -npe1057

I agree with the feeling that it gives religious fundamentalist terrorists more propoganda material, that our government is religion based, and our negativity towards them has religious reasons.   Thats really the only reason I think it should be taken out.

where to hide my stash in the car? goin to a concert in nyc today. what’s a good place to stash -AdmiralMills19

Follow the dashboard underneath the steering wheel towards the pedals. There will be an opening with a little shelf under there, lodge it in some wiring as far back as you can towards the corners. Impossible to see, he pretty much has to know where it is.

do you think people in charge of busting pedophiles have alternate agendas? i could imagine some of those guys get off to roleplaying as a 14 year old girl and “busting child predators” is their socially acceptable cover for cybering. some of them probably get a subconscious pleasure from it, while others probably copy their favorite conversations on notepad for later. i just sense something unwholesome coming from the whole operation to be honest. -misterrubble

Absolutely, I do. People who specifically choose that branch of law enforcement, particularly. I have heard stories to people getting caught fapping to evidence and getting transferred. They got to say it was their choice to leave. “Sick of the worst type of people” is the most common excuse.

Movie scene that disturbed you the most? -Headbaggs

I literally lost sleep as a teenage after seeing the alien abduction scene in “Fire In the Sky”.

What do people mean when they say “drugs open your mind”? what the hell do they open your mind up to? Only drug I’ve ever done is weed and it just makes everything awesome. -Harvestfrg1

Consider what finding an instruction book for your mind would feel like.

Who do you think the most masturbated to person of all time is? -Mellsigot55

Gotta be Marilyn Monroe. The first super model, the first pin-up, the first sex symbol while TV and pictures could zip her around the globe, and very few girls could even compete with that kind of coverage.  Think about how the last episode of MASH is still the highest rated show of all time. Too many choices now.