The What’s What, Volume 93

I’m sorry but serial killers and child molesters should get the death penalty anywhere in the world.  Excuse me, but these people need to be removed from the face of the planet. -BiohazardBrownie

That’s quite a bold opinion you’re getting emotional over, there.  Do you go out on the social edge of the unpopular opinion envelope often?  However, what makes childrens lives so much more valuable than anyone elses? Innocence?  What have I done that is so offensive to you that would require you keeping my family the victims, instead of the killer?If I am tortured, raped and killed, my family shouldn’t have all options available to them in order to receive the closure they need?  What if I argued that If my child was raped and murdered, I’d want the right to give the killer lifetime without parole, and I would pay anyone and everyone inside the prison with what I could for beating and ass rapings for the rest of the killers life, and I make sure he knows that it was me going to work every day to finance it?  Why can’t I have the justice that I want? Why are you killing the man I want to suffer?

I’m just saying, every situation deserves it’s own consideration.  Generalities are an issue even when people agree on the nut meat of the issue.  Details mean a lot to people.  So, let them sort that out.

Is it pathetic that I’ve never seen the movie “Super Troopers”? -Lohanbrau

It’s only pathetic if you aren’t seeing it because you’ve made some retarded preassumption about it.  If it just hasn’t happened for you or seem like your kind of movie, that’s fine.  But, as someone who reads this blog, I’m gonna say there’s a 90% chance you find the movie worth watching.

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me invisible man.  so help me someone who can not possibly intervene at all because they never really have and if this guy would help the right people and such I wouldn’t be here in court testifying against the man who killed him…. crap I did it again, sorry. -SnugglyCactus

I’m not sure what happened  in that e-mail.  I read it over and over and over and now I’m starting to sympathize with the Nazis who opened the Ark of the Covenant in Indiana Jones.  Take that for what you will.  I will say that I find it  sad that the only true retribution against man the law can muster for lying in court is eventual punishment by an Americans boogeyman of choice.  Atheists say “I do”, lie their asses off, and skiff away.

I can’t think of a chinese food dish that uses cheese, can you? SirDudeBroIII

Nope.  An outrageous majority of Asians are lactose intolerant, along with much of the world.  Did you know that the ability to digest lactose is the most recent natural gene mutation in the human species? This means that anyone who is lactose intolerant is, in fact, less evolved than those of us who can drink it since evolution is simply the process of mutations being weeded out by environmental factors. Though, since the majority of the human population is lactose intolerant still, we (speaking for the minority lactose tolerant) are genetic mutant freaks until we can overpower the majority, dominating the gene pool.  Get your freak on, have some breakfast cereal.

Why do people still say “I have to write a paper/essay”? Seriously. It’s all typed. -ThereIsNoGodZilla

Writing is constructed in the head. No matter which media you use to process it.  Because “I have to think an essay” sounds dickish.

Does it bother you during the results show that Seacrest goes “And the person going home isssssssssssssssssss….”  Then IMMEDIATELY after that, he goes “Looking back, what was the best part of your idol experience?” Forcing the contestants to get nostalgic after immediately being told no one liked them. -BoddleKaps

They really set it up for people to have an emotional meltdown on stage but no one really has.  Sure there’s been crying and stuff. But no one has had to stop singing or ran off the stage into Daddy’s arms or anything the producers are really pining for.

A 7 year old girl down the street from me was killed by a pitbull recently.  The owners looked like nice people, not the scumbags that normally have pitbulls.  They said it was trained and everything.  Crazy.

I have this theory that pitbull owners are bullies after finding nothing to pushover after high school. I’m pretty convinced. This theory is currently testing at 100% out of the six pitbull owners I’m familiar with. The argument makes a lot of sense. The need to tie a feeling of self-worth to feeling dominant over something. But getting a smart dog isn’t interesting because they don’t value the worth of cognition. So, they get the musclebound one built like a brick shithouse that can kill something.

Owning a pit is kind of like being in an abusive relationship. Oh sure, he could snap at any moment and eviscerate our children, but think of all the times he’s nice!  I always laugh when I hear about how the dog was well trained and the owners are shocked that it happened like that’s some kind of rationalization.  No one ever says “Yeah, we saw it coming a mile away.  That little fucker was a ticking time bomb.” It doesn’t matter if a pitbull is trained correctly, plays nice with everyone and licks the peanut butter off your nuts without a bite. It COULD, any time it chooses, make a snack out of your small dog, baby or head/crotch. If it feels like it, it owns whatever it wants to. This is why its a bad parenting and a bad idea to have a pitbull around anything other than the owner.

Kentucky Derby fan? -rex1440

Never been.  I like horse racing a few times a year.  I grew up going to Saratoga a few times every summer, but I’m not a handicapper or anything.  I pick longshots to show.  I like how everyone sings “Old Kentucky Home” .  I don’t need to watch all 4 hours of pre-race action, holy shit NBC.  I do like Mint Juleps.  I make my own at home by 50/50 mixing bourbon and Scope.  I’m kidding, they’re fucking disgusting.

The What’s What, Volume 55

Where do you buy your clothes? PhilbinAddict

Marshalls, TJ Maxx, GAP, Eddie Bauer, Lands End, LL Bean. Thats it. Always.

Gay high school kid named Prom Queen, thoughts? -FoleynJackin12

I don’t think it’s all that cool that he took away the pinnacle moment of some vapid teenage girls life for the lulz. I don’t really care though. At least he’s not reinforcing negative stereotypes or anything.

Do you like cold pizza? -Meyerheimer

Yes. But I find some pizza is actually better the day after out of an oven. Dominoes for one, is better heated up the day after than when they bring it to you, somehow.

I got confirmed today! -SandyKoufaxsprostate

Congrats, now you get to confirm that Father Larrys penis tastes delicious.

What do you think of girls that wear Converses with formal dresses? -OnCloud8

Hey look at me! I’m being individualistic by conforming to what everyone else is doing! Flip flops and high heels are the only appropriate choices.

Do you care if other people do drugs? -Tunapurrito

To an extent. Depends on the drug. Harder drugs like PCP, Meth, crack, and heroin have real social problems associated with them. My tax dollars pay to help get them off of the mistakes they have made. Which I don’t mind as long as the treatment works.

But mostly I have problems with people who have never tried drugs making broad accusations about the effects of them on the user and society. If anything, I have a problem with people NOT doing drugs and then forming an opinion on them based on some propaganda a cop who can’t handle a beat came to their school with.

WHY IS IT WHEN YOU’RE AT THE BEACH HOT WOMEN NEVER TAKE OFF THEIR BRA’S TO TAN BUT FAT WOMEN DO -METROIDRAGE

How else are they compete for attention with hot girls wearing bikinis? Plus, put a rubber band thats too small around your thigh. That stuff hurts.

Did you throw your cap in the air for HS graduation? -MinimusRex

Hell yes, I ripped the tassle off and frisbeed the fucking thing as hard as I could at my dean, sitting on stage. It came about three feet from slicing off his head. It hit an empty folding chair loudly and I laughed my ass off. I looked up, grabbed a cap nearest to my head size and returned it.

Are you people so simple-minded, uncultured, ignorant, and boring that your favorite foods are things like pizza, hamburgers, burritos, and macaroni and cheese? Like not even specific preparations, just those foods in GENERAL?
How can your favorite food be a burrito from Chipotle? Do you not realize how much awesome food there is out there?
YOU CAN DO BETTER CHILDREN -AsianChildKing

A lot of these foods are comfort foods, and are just labeled as favorites because of the nostalgia and warm and fuzzies they get when considering them.

Also, there’s nothing wrong with chain foods. Paid expert chefs are modifying ingredients to better showcase their food. A lot of science goes into making chain foods good tasting, which a Mom and Pop restaurant can’t compete with. Just because ingredients are fresher or more wholesome does not mean that the food is guaranteed to come out better.

The bladder does not help with water retention, once liquid is in it, it does not return up the ureter to the kidneys. Is it a scent marking adaptation? Is it used as an end point for urinary tract infection? What evolutionary pressure forced us to stop peeing anytime we needed to? -jdawg256

I’m going to assume this is a veiled argument of creationism, so I’ll say; Why do Muslims have bladders? If God created everyone in his image, why would Muslims have bladders? Unless you are saying that God is a Muslim, and that’s not gonna go over well at all at your next Bible study meeting.

How can you sneak prescription drugs on a plane if they’re not in your name? -PlayorDie

Buy a pill organizer, the kind with the days on it. Fill it up. Claim you need them to live. Go on your trip.

Did you get to see Will Ferrells “Survivorman” episode? -Nationalsfan18

I still cannot believe what they did with those two buried sticks.  That was mayhem right there. Ron Burgandy has brass balls.

Have you heard of this anti-rape implant for women?  “Rape-axe”? -HomelessDepot

Which is why I always test my rape victims with a finger first.  Gotta beware of that vagina sarlaac.  But seriously, it seems like a sad state of affairs when this needs to even be considered.

wtf mate!?? i’ve never been in an office where they make you buy your own coffee. this is an outrage! they should have told me this during the interview! -MormanNailer

Buy a coffee machine. It certainly would ingratiate yourself to the new co-workers.  Ask the boss beforehand if it’s okay you do so, maybe he’ll give you the company card.

Keeping count of how many girls you have had sex with is like counting of many drinks you have had. Only pussies count. Real men just keep going. -Blutowannabe

The only difference is when you go to drink a beer, its not mad if you’ve had a dozen more previously in your life.