The What’s What, Volume 113

Can you jump and touch your feet? -N1t3M4r3

Is this another fat test?  I thought of one yesterday involving putting your seal belt on with one hand easily, without grunting.  But hold on…..  Yes.  While loud, on the second floor, I can definitely jump and touch my feet.

Fact: There’s no difference between what Vick did and Pokemon.  -RoaRuroken

While hilarious, when the Pokemon travel from gym to gym they aren’t liable to cover intrastate commerce violations, the real reason why Michale Vick went to jail.

Do you know what is with Billy Joel and “We didnt start the fire?” The song has nothing to do with anything.  It’s just a buzzword scat mouth fart. Sounds nothing like any of his other stuff.  Did he lose a bet?  Try mushrooms? -PriorityMale

I was disappointed as a child when I found out that Space Monkey and Mafia were two different entities.  I understood that everything else in the song had ties to history and actual events. I was actually hoping to hear about the wacky misadventures of a 1930s Space Monkey Mafia.

Am I the only one who thinks its a basic, fundamental right to be able to have the wealth you’ve accumulated during your life distributed according to your wishes when you die?  -pokerCHiPs

Yeah, I’m kind of with you on the Estate Tax. The do-nothing kids who inherit the money will just spend it all anyway, or lose it to bad business decisions if they aren’t properly prepared. Therefore, putting it back into circulation or into the government. They’ll run out in a few generations of haphazard management and then the problem will correct itself.  Granted, we’re absolutely kidding ourselves to think that the rich can’t get their money where they want with loopholes and some planning, while when normal people die, it’s gets taxed because they can only afford a will from a lawyer, and no safe havens from accounting firms.  So, no Estate Tax is fine with me.

Would you completely deny a person’s intelligence over a single belief? -EdgeXtyan

It’s not the beliefs that I take issue with, it’s the attitude surrounding them.  If people are going to tell me that I am wrong about a matter of opinion, I question their intelligence. If someone were to tell me they know something for a fact, when the matter is very much in question, I doubt their intelligence.

Rate snow/10 -AmericanBorat

When its snowing 10/10.  When youre trying to get shit done, its brown and salty, and the person in front of you doesnt know how to drive 2/10.

Should Jared Lee Loughner get the death penalty? -Skrillex

I want the victims families to decide.  Give them some choices.  If they want to come up with something of their own, let the judge decide.  I’m all for victims families in these situations.

What’s the best rollercoaster you have been on? -JohnnySprinter

I was just on it a couple weeks ago, the Hulk in Universal.  The way they bring you up a quarter of the incline on a chain and then switch to magnets to give you the 0-70 in 5 seconds going UP THE INITIAL INCLINE is the craziest part of any roller coaster I have ever been on. Hands down the best I’ve ever been on in my 25 years of riding.  I’m no aficionado, though.  Some people take then seriously.

How about them Oscars? -OffenseSupplied

I liked Anne Hathaway, believable Hollywood energy, and she was a good sport, throughout.  Franco seemed disinterested, at best.  Gwenyth Paltrow was terrible.  Complete lack of stage presence, which could be overlooked if she sounded awesome, which she did not. She needs to stop embarrassing herself.  I was a little weirded out by Kirk Douglas.  I didn’t know Dick Clark and the Cryptkeeper had a child, but there he was cracking jokes at the Oscars.  Jesus Christ, he should close the Ark of the Covenant before his face completely melts off.  And then he plays “hand over hand” for his cane with seat filler? Christ Almighty Kirk, no one has played that game for ownership of anything since 1945.  And while I’m ranting, leave Colin Firth alone. He’s a serious guy, no need to be racist about it.  All this negativity, and I still enjoyed it.

 

 

 

 

The What’s What, Volume 59

Name an actor whom you think doesn’t get enough credit.  -MazzelToff

Tim Robbins had the greatest acting year in history for me, in 1994.  He went from Norville Barnes In the Hudsucker Proxy to Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption, in a matter of months.  They’re completely opposite roles and he owned them both. Two of my favorite movies, all time.  He might not be underrated, but the difference in these two roles is understated. What a champ.

“Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett’s death is the saddest thing since 9/11” -Chad “OchoCinco” Johnson – Large_Soprano

There’s a difference between “We will never forget.” and “We never really gave a shit to begin with.”

Why has MJ’s death gotten more media attention then Lucille Ball? Lucille Ball was a legend, obviously. She changed television. Her death in 1989 got HUGE media attention around the world, and with MJ’s death I find that her death is the most recent resemblance to it in terms of how large it had an impact on everyone.   People(myself included) have said this is the biggest celebrity death since Elvis, but we can’t forget about Lucille Ball and what she did to television. I mean come on, I love Lucy has been on television for 58 years. Not a lot of shows can say that. Not to mention all the other countless amount of things she did in her career. -andrewtxranger

The facts are clear.  LB did 7 seasons of a TV show, without one writing or producing credit, during the genesis of the medium when no one had anything else better to do.  By “countless amount of things” , you must be referring to the math issue of counting to zero, because she did nothing after the show.

Michael Jackson transformed a medium that has existed before language, let alone his birth. She did not, however, redefine television, a medium that was barely existent at that time. You really don’t think that any other actress could have said the lines, done some fake crying/whining and become a household name, when there was no competition for her? Sure, the show was new and fresh, but so was TV and she didn’t have anything to do with it, the writers and producers did.

She was an actress, plain and simple. You cannot have an argument for her being a creative genius, where as its difficult to formulate an argument that Michael Jackson was NOT a creative genius.

Intelligence is defined by your, knowledge, experience, wisdom, and I’ll throw in works. NOT by what you have faith in.  Knowledge being knowledge obtained through studies and wisdom being knowledge obtained through age and experiences. -ssmbtbt

Having faith in something with no other quantifying basis is pretty much, BY DEFINITION, the direct opposite of wisdom.

I have never understood why Adolf Hitler had his German Shepherd killed… Yeah,the Russians had Berlin surrounded and some say that Hitler did not want Blondi to fall into enemy hands but he also used her to test the effects of cyanide.-Kanemark88

Do Germans just call them “Shepherds”?

Ever walk out on the bill at a restaurant?  The old “dine and ditch”? – SF49er49

Once. I was on a second date with a girl and we waited for like 15 minutes at the checkout to pay. No one came and she said “Let’s just go.” So, we did. They were dead. There is no way we should have waited two minutes, let alone 15.

As you know when Favre left the Packers he retired. He then became a Jets quarterback and did well for about half of the season and then retired again. Now talks heat up that he’s going to be a Viking.   Why can’t this guy just retire?  He’s destroying his legacy. -drunkcookies

I believe Brett Favre when he says the Packers asked him to retire.   The only people who are allowed to complain should be Packers fans, and it should be aimed at the management, and not Brett Favre.

If you live in Los Angeles and don’t listen to Loveline, you’re doing it wrong. -HelaKenX

It’s syndicated here in Albany, NY. But, Dr Drew is a fucking clown shoe.   His advice is so antiquated. I’m often surprised he never offers blood letting as a treatment.

The man who murdered your spouse and kids has been sentenced to death. Do you witness his execution in person or not? -FlexusInstruments

I fight for life in prison without parole, and give the maximum allotted amount of goods to people that will make his life a hell until he chooses to commit suicide. Beatings, ass raping, I buy it all for cigarettes and food, and then I visit him to be sure he knows its my financing thats doing this to him.

A Virgin Should Lose Their Virginity To Another Virgin -DrOpinion

I totally agree. It makes that one specific event more historic and memorable if both are new to it. Its mostly instinct anyway.  I equate it to playing a video game for the first time against someone who is experienced. It’s going to lopsided and uncomfortable late, and even though one is a victor, they’re both pretty unsatisfied.

Short people want the word “midget” banned from TV. – Urban_Apostle

This, I don’t get. It’s not like “midget” was a term used to bring down little people. It was just another word for little people, that they decided to get offended over. It’s not like a racial slur at all which were invented as insults.   Shut up, little people. Big People are only using it it hurt you now, because you react this way.

reincarnation: do you believe in it?-EdgeMaki

I do. Furthermore, I believe the skills we develop in our life carry over as instincts and is the basis for evolution.

The What’s What, Volume 12

Remember Y2K? What do you think the world would be like if it had happened? Did your family do anything to prepare? I remember a lot of people filled their bathtubs full of water and stocked up on stuff from the store.  One of my friends went to their breaker box and flipped the switch at midnight. -Link445

I was at one of the top 3 parties I have ever been to in my life.  if I remember correctly, and i might not, one of the strippers vibrators batteries died at midnight and we all had a great time blaming that on Y2K.

Are you for or against the death penalty. And why? I have to give a persuasive speech on the death penalty and I’m trying to convince people to be against it. -Sherbet-Zero

You need an argument against it? All you need to bring up is the hypocrisy of killing someone as a punishment for killing people. “Its wrong, but not when we do it to you.” Personally , I’m for it being an option to offer the victims family when they determine what should happen to the killer.

I wish the entourage movies were real; Aquaman, Queens Boulevade and mainly Medellin.. agree? honestly I think that aqua man movie would clean up and seriously if billy walsh didnt get the final cut on medellin it would be amazing. -TedFundy

The AquamMan clip where Vinnie jumps off the pier into the tsunami made me want to see the movie. Id pay $8 for a brain full of that.

Is boating while intoxicated RLY a crime?? Think about it.. It’s not like there are kids playing the water at those depths..  What are you gonna crash into out there? A wave? lol -Aithwunder

Excellent point, though might I suggest International Waters? In 3 hours on a boat in international waters I have;
Driven drunk
Emptied three clips from an assault rifle
Shot grenade launcher (Homemade explosives catapault)
Utilized a full stick of dynamite
Smoked weed, while gambling on the next colours of the illegal fireworks
It was for my buddy’s 6th birthday. (He was born on Feb 29th. So he goes all out on his birthday, he calls them the “Regretfulympics”)

How come all cereal mascots are associated with thievery in some way, shape, or form? Not good for the kiddies. -Innosense2112

Excellent point; Barney steals fruity pebbles, the trix rabbit is always up to no good, they’re always after his lucky charms & the Cookie Crisp burglar.  These are just the ones I came up with in a few seconds.  They are not good role models at all.

Whats your golfing handicap? I am a 13, used to be a 8 back in the day. -Haldo68

You are a good golfer.   Im pushing to break a bogey round.  I consistently shoot between 90-96, so Id say like 20, 22.

What kind of dog is Tackleberry and what kind of games do you play? -Emileezer

Hey, my first question from an 8 year-old.  I’m kidding Emily.  My Corgi (25pound Welsh herding dog) and we play a few games.

I have this industrial leather work glove I put on and push him around.  It’s cute, he’ll bring it to me when he wants to play.

Anytime I try to kiss my wife, he turns it into the eternal struggle for her affection and attention and attack me like hes defending her honour.

Or I’ll hold an old kitchen towel between my fists, and he’ll come running into the kitchen from down the hall way at full speed and catches the towel in his face. He then tugs at it until he loses his grip or rips it and I stomp my feet. This causes him to run down the hall again. I show him the towel between my fists and we repeat until he starts drinking water. Then I know he’s done.

Also, he owns me at dominoes.

What are your thoughts on old people? Their either extremely nice, or pissed at the world. The ones that are pissed at the world just put a damper on my day. There is no getting through to them. You really cant tell them anything. -CostnerWashington

Just like all people; some are cool, most are assholes.

My sister is crying because kids made fun of her for “acting white”.  She is a mixed black/vietnamese and has friends of all races and people from all these different races made fun of her. I really wish people would mature and stop seeing things so one dimensionally. -Xaiyen

That sucks. She should care less what people think of her.

Barring that, she should tell people shes acting American.

The What’s What, Volume 9

do yuo go clubbing? -PortStanleyRuffington

I used to, in college.  No more, though.  It lost it’s appeal quickly. Its hot. Its loud. The girls are dirty.  Drinks are expensive.  Drinks are hard to get.

I did once or twice because my friends made me. They don’t get why I hate it. They’re not really my friends anymore because they want go out clubbing all the time. I watch football and play video games. But most of the time they are hungover and sleeping from late nights at club.  Meh.

Describe the most uncomfortable sex you’ve ever had. – NYCModo31

Oh, hands down in the clearance pc game section of CompUSA.  I had pointy red racking digging into my back and leg, and the part she was holding onto for stability kept screeching with the dragging of pointy metal over tile flooring.  I launched all over the inside of her sweater (it had been turned inside out), and she had to wear that out, only adding to the uncomfortability quotient, for her anyway.  I had scratches and divots all along my back.  Mayhem.

Ok, If you could have the ability to not have to sleep, would you take it You would recieve all of this benefits of being asleep already, but you could never go to sleep?  -PieBowler

Of course.  Only idiots say no. Its a free 30 years to live.  You spend A THIRD of your life WASTED in sleep.

The Death Penalty is stupid and Barbaric. No one deserves to die no matter how terrible the act they committed was. They should suffer in prison and not be treated like other inmates. They should be made to suffer by not receiving meals, light or even a cell larger than 2 feet by 6 feet. Make them wish they were dead, dont be barbaric and slip to their level. -TimAldren

It is hypocritical to punish someone for murder, by murdering them.  Having said that, Im not about to tell the victims families what would make them feel better.  i think they should get to decide.

You know the expression that your not really dead as long as your not forgotten? What if that was true; as if you were held in purgatory or in ghostly form on earth until everyone has forgotten you. Once the very last memory of you has dissapeared and the last person who knew of you died, then you went to heaven. If that was true, our need for legacy is very dibilitating; being a President, or any important figure that’s kept in the history books will be wandering the earth forever, waiting an hoping to one day be forgotten.   So, average jo’s who do nothing with their life will have the last laugh. -BoatMealWookies

You should totally make this movie, and then prepare for the backlash from the Christian community for your claims that Jesus has not ascended into heaven. If you are forgotten there is no way anyone can learn from what you had to offer.  To be remembered is not a curse.

What do you think are the greatest sports moments of this decade? -90MPH

In order;

1.) Red Sox being down 0-3 winning 8 in a row to win their first World Series in 80+ years.
2.) Giants beating undefeated Pats in the Super Bowl.                                                             3.) Vince Young vs. USC                                                                                                       4.) Brett Favre on Monday Night the day after his dad died.

I always think “Why won’t they ever have another Woodstock?” Then I remember what happened in Woodstock ’99.    Dear Generation X,   Thanks for ruining it for the rest of us. -Hallidenn21

But it paved the way for us to hear “Ill take Rampant Tent Rapings for $200 please, Alex” someday, so there’s always that.

Last night, my 13 year old sister told me she was gonna score some weed.  For the record, I told her no.  I made her agree not to and threatened to tell our Mom if she did.  I just wanted to hear what you think of how I handled the situation.  -Windbeneathmythings

Well, now she won’t be notifying you of the number of potentially serious things she may or may not be doing in the future. I hope her considering getting high and eating smores was worth the trust in your relationship.  I’m not saying what you said was wrong.  It was the wrong way to go about it, though.

Do fat people have feelings? Everytime I walk by an obese person, I can’t possibly think that they have feelings.  Do they? -ColinInsick

Just hunger, shame, jealousy, and embarrassment.