The What’s What, Volume 114

Fact: 50% of the people who work in the kitchens of restaurants are sociopaths.  Just started a restaurant job part time and dear lord are the cooks and dishwashers mental. -HeadL1te

You aren’t even kidding. But half of that 50% are cute sociopathic waitresses and they are unsurprisingly DTF.

Rate an experience/10: Sleeping -mz_as_ace

0/10.  I wish it wasnt necessary at all.  Complete waste of time.

Did you know that your homeowners insurance does not cover you in case of nuclear explosion?  Just reading a homeowners insurance policy I’ll be asked to sign. Good thing the house it’s for is in Medford, WI. Not really in the cross hairs of anyone with such access.  -4377Spawn

Its just a crazy thought to be on vacation in DisneyLand or something with your family and hear that your town exploded in a nuclear meltdown. Like really, wtf do you do? This weird combo of psyched for life and horrible realization that everything you have is gone and you have to completely start over. Imagine how surreal returning the round trip plane tickets would be for some cash. That is, if currency hasnt fallen apart.  Sure, the millions and millions of deaths and everything too. Theres always that.

I’ve only tried half an eighth before which I remember was pretty awesome. I have a whole eighth now and there’s a good chance I’m eating them with some friends either today or tomorrow, what are the chances of having a bad trip? Is eating a whole eighth of shrooms hard to handle? -Harksboy88

Half an eighth has always been enough for me. I’m always ready for a trip to end by the come down anyway, eating more can extend that.  If I had an eighth Id share it with a friend who has none.

‘Knights of Cydonia’ by Muse has a pretty epic opening.  -percosettish

You have just pinpointed  the moment Rock Band 2 gave me a boner.

Who is a woman you respect more than most men? -Shin.Goku

Well, gender roles don’t enhance or detract the possibility of earning my respect.  And while I’d like to mention some family members, I’ll give you a name that affects you, that you probably aren’t aware of; Elizabeth Warren.

So im trying that raw diet.  Got loads of fruit and veg and nuts today. Gonna try it for a month. Tips/advice? -g0dsg0d

You don’t want tips from me, I failed miserably. I felt hungry alot more than usual, and missed bread.  I didnt think the slightly healthy feeling increase I did notice outweighed my general enjoyment of food. So, I quit.

After sex and eating your girlfriend out, is it safe to use mouthwash to clean out mouth? -IamspentAndI

Good thing you asked. Watch out if the lady you’ll be molar deep in has ingested alot of citrus fruits or juice. The enzymes in lady syrup can mix with citric acid to make 1/2 of a toxic cocktail, and the other half is flouride and glyceric alcohol, both found in mouthwash.  It wont kill you, but side effects of the powerful potion include fuzzy anus, memory loss, nose boner, and the innate ability to speak fluent Cambodian.  You’re welcome.

There is only one word in the English language with three double letters in a row? What is it?  -ILoveLED1080

You’re thinking of “bookkeeper” and you’re wrong.  Consider “tattooee”.

Your favorite wonder out of the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World?  -sgradicus

Full disclosure, I had to google them, I only had four in my head.   The pyramids, not even close.  They’re double the age, and the only one remaining.  The other ones might have been nice for a couple decades, centuries ago. I’ll never know.  No one does.  The Colossus of Rhodes stood for like 30 years or something.  I’m not impressed.

Inception should’ve won Best Picture and Original Screenplay. -AceGrayson

Why do you care?  It’s like you have tied your own worth to this success of this movie for some reason and need to feel validated.   If a movie wins a particular statue, does that mean you would have enjoyed it more? Of course not.  Try writing your own work of fiction, and worry less about the accolades for someone elses.  The movie doesn’t care if you won your baseball game or online tourney.  Jesus, this movie.  It was a good movie and people are acting like it’s their buddy.

how many times you’ve been rejected and how many times a girl has said yes? -BroncksBommahs2

7 of my exgirlfriends, plus my wife, I approached them.  7 of my girlfriends, approached me.  I would say I’ve been shot down over 50 times, but below 100.  I think I’ve shut down a handful or so girls, though, too.  Regretted not giving a couple a shot.  I’d also like to the point out the majority of the ones who approached me usually ended up in disasterous drama.

The What’s What, Volume 1o2

One of my friends actually “iced” me the other night.  I don’t think I’ve ever been more disappointed in a friend… but being the bro that I am, I couldn’t deny a good icing.  It tasted like drinking a pixy stix… real gross. -KrazyIvan82

I don’t get the joke. In my day, if someone bought you a drink as a laugh, they wasted $4 at a bar, because you just left it there and got yourself what you wanted.  Over half the time, the drink was slid off the table or dropped on purpose for additional laughs.  You have to drink it for some reason?  It sounds like you’re all being sheep to viral marketing that doesn’t take itself too seriously.  You find out who’s idea this was, they are getting paid.

I never got the appeal of licking a girl’s vagina. -Diamond_Crown

That’s okay, neither did she.

Have you heard that story about the Arab guy who was convicted of rape after he lied to A Jewish woman about being Jewish and had consensual sex with her? –TDog789

I’m just shocked that she went public with the whole affair.  I mean, any embarrassment she feels from admitting to being duped and having sex with the guy could have been met with the exact same reaction any other woman in the world responds with by not telling anyone, showering 3 times extra, and only admitting to it 3 years later in a drunk circle of friends years later when you’ve got Alicia’s story beat again.  Instead, she went with THE ACTUAL LEGAL DEFENSE of “I was a slut with him because I thought he was Jewish. And now that I find out he’s an Arab, I’m outraged. I’m not just a slut, I’m a RACIST slut. The Law needs to protect me.”

Would you beat a puppy to death with a bat for $10,000?  -blurnahn

If you want me to change the way I view myself for the rest of my life, I’m going to need life changing money.  It really is about the amount. I can rationalize killing a puppy for $1 million, because I can use that money to help thousands of other puppies.  If someone were to offer my wife $100M to shoot me in the head three times and she used that money to help thousands of people, I’m willing to take that role. Because let’s not kid ourselves here. Me hitting a puppy with a bat is going to kill it on the first strike to head. I wait until it falls asleep, close my eyes, and blammo. It’s at least knocked out. It’s not going to feel any pain when I give the second shot. It’s not like you gave me a prison shiv and told me to pull it apart. But 10k? That’s an offer only meaningful to pathetic poor people.

I prefer the 360 disc hole.  The 360 tray gently opens up, you give it the disc, and it gently and and greatfully brings it back in so you can play your games knowing full well that the 360 loves you.  The PS3 just gobbles up those discs because it knows it has no gaimez and it gets desperate, like a crack whore. -fullquietcasket

While hilarious, the XBox destroys discs. So, it’s more the crack whore in your analogy. PS3 is the junior prom queen, of which all you have to do is dip your tip and it pulls you  in smoothly and effortlessly.

are The Simpsons the most family in the world? -EatapusPrime

Its true, they’re the mostest family of all time.

Are They Seriously Bitching About Performance Incentives on ESPN?  The ESPN demonization is going on with TO and they are complaining about his performance based incentives. Greenberg is saying they should be more team based incentives. Don’t players automatically get a bonus for going into the playoffs and the Superbowl? -slaterhayer

As far as I’m concerned you base a payment structure around what the player values most. If a player values making the playoffs over 60 receptions, then you pay him for the playoffs.  Team based incentives for personal achievement players has failed in the past, with players taking off plays or getting phantom injuries after the team fails to make the playoffs. Makes the most sense to me, honestly.

Josh Elliot is the worst Sportscenter anchor. I really can barely stand watching morning Sportscenter because of this guy. -BuildCosby

He’s always talking to the director about some inside joke that no one else can hear.  And God help the broadcast if something doesn’t go as scripted, he’ll make jokes about that for 30 minutes. What an amateur. He must be someones kid.

What’s up with the Senate voting down the 9/11 volunteers healthcare bill? -mixmasterho

The Republicans wanted to be sure that no illegal immigrants get healthcare through this loophole.  However, If any illegal immigrant risked their health to help 9/11 victims, then not only should the government pay their health care expenses, but the government should expedite their citizenship papers to granted, immediately. This is pretty much what it boils down for me.

So, you think you’re so smart.  What don’t you know about? -Archetype66

Electricity. I am scared shitless of it. You get hit by lightning and you die. You get hit by lightning standing on a wooden box and your hair gets frizzy.  It’s like a serious face plain to me because its everywhere, crazy deadly, and I just can’t understand it.  Two guys get hit by the same lightning bolt, one dies instantly, but the other one is fine because he had coins in one pocket and an eraser in the other or some shit.  Just mayhem.

Go 20 years in the past or 500 years in the future? You will maintain all of your current knowledge.

Going 20 years in the past could make you billions of dollars. But maybe 500 years in the future we live in a scientific utopia where no one dies and we have extensive knowledge of the universe. Or, it is a post-nuclear apocalyptic world ala Fallout.  The choice is yours and yours alone. -FluffyBuster

Past.  Living rich and being right all the time > The unknown

I know a girl who cries when she practices violin.  Each note sounds so pure it just cuts through her and the melody comes pouring out of her eyes. And to me, everything else sounds like a lie.  -5Mt1.

Worst explanation ever. She may be a good musician, but shes a horrible writer.  Music has made me cry. But I didn’t make up a bunch of fortune cookiebull shit to try to explain it to people, trying to sound all superior about it.

Getting involved in social issues discussions on facebook…yay or nay -jackbob21

Since it’s mainly my friends and family, I don’t really add to the conversation unless I agree and no one has started an argument.  To be fair, I don’t usually go in for those kind of conversations in real life either, unless someone is asking for advice.  Issues like politics and religion only contribute drama to life. Your Thanksgiving dinner isn’t solving health care, and your bong circle isn’t going to disprove God. You Dad isnt a Senator, your buddies buddy who you’re playing horseshoes with isn’t a prophet.  I’d rather talk about things everyone can understand and enjoy.

All mosquites should die. No one would miss them. -Sicileen

The people with the food chain argument are always the same people complaining that 99% of species on Earth have been eradicated because of man. Make up your minds, hippies