The What’s What, Volume 111

Are you Overweight? *just curious* -CHIPMUNKGIGGLES

My WiiFit claims I am.  I’m 5’11” and weight 180.  I don’t feel or look  fat though.

Is paying for dinner a good enough birthday present? -BROntosaurausMax

Depends. Lady friend you want to slide something inside? No.  Family member or platonic friend?  Yeah, sure. As long as they pick the place.  If its a milestone birthday, you might consider picking up a little extra; card, lottery tickets, chocolate or something, though.

Bill Nye the Science Guy collapses during speech. Students text and update Twitter rather than help him!  -Melonchomfortable

Was he speaking to medical students? Because if I pass out on stage, the last thing I want is a bunch of kids crowding around me thinking they can help, gaffling my wallets, and taking pictures of me with a retarded look on my face.

explain what’s going on in Harry Potter up to the new movie. I’m going to see it with my friends and I haven’t seen any since the Goblet of Fire I think -BroncksBommahs2

Something about Baltimore, I mean, Voldemort putting his power into objects, called horcruxes.  Potter & Company have to collect 7 for the final showdown or something, they already killed 2 or 3 and need to find the rest.  Everyone is exiting puberty, getting horny and prepping to link up with each other.  That, seriously, is the summary of the first 5 movies in terms of long term plot in two sentences.

So why is CNN calling those Chilean miners “heros”? -GMAustra1ia

Because they can’t spell “heroes”.  I kid. Has it been that long since I’ve updated.  I feel bad now.  But I don’t really care about the miners.  I’m glad they got out.  That’s all, really.

What parts of the US Constitution does the government hate? -Superman242

For the people, and of the people.  They really like by the people.

I have a crap load of kief, how exactly are you supposed to smoke it? I would like to optimize the potential of this kief. -5harkBoy

Do NOT smoke it as is. Packing a bowl is going to waste a lot of keef because youll suck the dust through whatever piece you are using. Plus it’s harsh, and it will get you crazy high, so its best to portion it thusly.  Couple ways.  As a sundae topping on crappy weed bonghits.  Make tiny balls of sticky resin, and roll them through keef, making “truffles”. This is my preferred method when I’m out of green.  Licking the ends of your cigarette and dipping in, for enlightening yourself in stealthy fashion.  Enjoy.

Have You Ever Been Or Are Now a Bandwagon Fan?  I haven’t been on any teams bandwagon. -B_Alone

Maybe?  I root for my teams until theres no chance of making the playoffs, then I’ll jump on another ship just to keep the season exciting. Usually an underdog or something, never a rival of my chosen teams. Just something to keep my interest.

Italian food is one of the bases of all culinary mastery, behind French cuisine. -Rob922004

You sound educated, but are spewing lies. Probably told to you by someone trying to enhance their heritage.  Italians didnt invent any cooking techniques. Pasta was invented by the chinese. Everything classically Italian has tomato and cheese on it. Everything. If you go to a Italian restaurant and order something without tomato and cheese on it, (ie Marsala, Madiera, Picatta) its Italian wine. Those dishes are actually French.  A famous running joke for DOUBLE DIGIT CENTURIES is to put sauce and cheese on something and call it “<Meat> Italiano”.  It’s delicious and foolproof, I’ll give you all that.  It’s just not original cuisine, nor a basis for culinary mastery.

The What’s What, Volume 78

The Chinese have devised a way to eat a fish while it’s still alive, not raw, alive.  The video shows a fish on a plate gasping for air while 2 Asian couples giggle while peeling out his sliced insides with chopsticks.  It’s the most disturbing video I have ever seen.   -Awesomo3k

I found a video like you described on LiveLeak, though I will not link it.  I can’t help but feel apathetic to the fish there, struggling to suffocate, wishing someone would eat his brain.  If anything positive comes from this video, it’s knowing that when fish evolve legs, guns, lungs, and language; they will gladly push me and my family aside to peel apart some Chinese family and eat them alive while giggling in front of me.

What’s your opinion of Kristen Stewart? -CryYoung

Until this recent Twilight mayhem, I thought her and Jena Malone were the same person.  Both are attractive, one is outrageously richer than the other.  I don’t know either of them personally, so I can’t really offer any personality observations.

Is the Catholic Church full of perverts and molestors? -wool21

Of course not. It’s Gods plan that his servants enjoy some tiny nut juggling.  If He did not, then why did God create such handsome and easily manipulated little boys?

I’m thinking about becoming a chef, tell me more about the kitchen industry. -AllenBro

It’s complete hell. You work 10 hour days in wool jackets in front of 500 degree ovens and stoves in summertime with no air conditioning. You work when everyone else you know is having fun; nights, holidays and weekends. It’s a thankless job that deals with hungry people, not the most patient kind of human. You come home smelling like sweat and raw fish, only if you are doing it right.

Otherwise, you do end up with an amazing amount of respect from people. Everyone likes to eat good food. Waitresses are easy, likely college aged, and are usually hot and/or super nice, because they make their money from tips. If you work at a place that doesn’t promote you working either while high or drunk, then you have found the exception. It’s a job that’s ALWAYS available, in any city, state or country.

And you know all the inside tricks to a Restaurant. You learn to avoid restaurants on Mondays, because thats the day off for a vast majority of head chefs, and the specials are just leftovers from whatever didn’t sell on the weekend. That’s just one of the useful 50 tips I gleamed from being a chef.

Do you really answer every e-mail? –Carmelodious

Yup.  Either in the blog or via reply e-mail.  Sometimes, I haven’t formulated and opinion on something because of lack of information.  A lot of music questions go this route, I’m not up on a lot of bands.  A couple times people have asked they I do not blog their letter for whatever reason, and I’ll send a personal reply.  Other than that, everything is run through the blog.

Why don’t you ever talk about Metacognition? -CanadiAnne

Judging from my failed novel sales, no one is interested.  Also, people use the words for a lot of different meanings.  My experience with metacognition is figuring out how you interpret information to manufacture new opinions, and improving your outlook by regulating your feelings.  I simply think about an issue, and then disregard the first few obvious reactions to get through the knee-jerk reactions everyone else seems to stop thinking at.  Whatever notions are left are to be consolidated into an original thought.  Just a way of being sure you are able to see situations in a unique way.

If you are interested in regulating your feelings, I suggest renting or purchasing the movie “What the *Bleep* Do We Know?”  It explains much better than I could about how your mind works and how you can remove guilt and other unwanted feelings from your life.  Once you figure out that “venting” is about the most destructive thing you can do for yourself, the rest seems to all make sense.  At least, that was my experience.

Ever been to CiCi’s pizza? -rex1440

Yeah, I went when I was in Florida. It wasn’t the best of atmosphere, bunch of red neck kids running around half naked, blowing water at each other through straws with parents who were too interested in stuffing another dozen bread sticks into their purse.  But if you can eat with white trash around, the mac n cheese pizza was aces.

Why exactly do a vampire and a werewolf wanna bang a teenager? -glidemonkey

If you were immortal, you are saying you could find something else better to do then spend your eternity in HIGH SCHOOL?  I think not, sir.

Whats your favorite food to eat while playing video games? -thecheezythree

Nothing. I try to keep my controller free of oil and crumbs at all times. Even the slightest hint of tactile distraction on the controller forces me to wash it or use another one.