The What’s What – Volume 165

Is it weird to wear white khakis?  I thought I looked good with them but now I feel self conscious. -BaruchCollege

Not between Memorial Day and Labour Day, they say.  If you wear white pants, you better have on a seriously winner shirt.  I bet you looked good.

My problem with liberals is that they have no respect for religious freedom. They claim to be tolerant but if you disagree with them because of faith they call you names. -ChaoticGood1

Its because they are using logic and reason. Disagreeing because of your faith is not a legitimate basis. You dont get to build an argument off of faith because it just a belief. Thats its whole reason for existance. Faith is believing in something with no evidence. You arent disagreeing.  Youre espousing your beliefs.  Youre elevating something without evidence against something with evidence.  Apples and Oranges.

Does anyone actually still think Kylo Ren’s lightsaber looks dumb? -Balsamwoodman

I just cant get over the fact that theyve turned something designed to protect the weapon-holder into a weapon thats available to injure the weapon-holder.  Its like putting a giant spike pointing down into your helmet because it looks cool. Ill give you that it LOOKS cool. But seriously….. the fuck?

Why do Star Wars fans hate midichlorians? -CruiseController

Because it turned the Force, one of the most beloved fictional powers ever envisioned, from a spiritual goal to a hereditary monarchy. It went from something almost anyone could obtain through difficult trials to even begin considering mastering to a blood test done with a fucking pocket thermometer.

I wonder if Bruce Jener is using this whole sex change thing to get out of a manslaughter charge. -ebevan19

“Oh, Im sorry, you’re looking for Bruce. Im Caitlyn. Bruce isnt here. Havent seen him in a couple months.”

Jimmy Carter? -CanadiAnne

Hes the sweetest most deliberately caring and most emotionally generous president weve ever had.  People look down on him for this. I find that sad.

Why does it hurt so much? “Because it was real” Holy hell was this movie (Hobbit 3) bad. Can’t forget the scene where Legolas is jumping the stones while falling  At least the girl elf was hot doe.  -SizzleNinja

Is that the one where surfed down a battle elephant while killing it? Because thats when I checked out of the series, for good.

I have $120 in cash in my wallet. What should I do with it? -wwefan07

Hang on to it until something comes up and you’re like, “Damn, I wish I had $120.”

Give me a way to curb American obesity. -Itab

Sure, Ill do your homework for you.  Limit usage of escalators and elevators to people under 200 pounds only.

A fan in Atlanta has died from injuries sustained falling from upper deck at Braves game. -Blue.Jay.Link

Another victim of A-Rods general encompassing awfulness.

My little sister is in the hospital after being beat up . Be wary who you meet on online dating. -YoungXBeast

Yes, because shell never be hurt dating a guy she met in a bar.

Post your Superbowl 50 prediction. -cubby21

Packers d Chiefs in a Super Bowl 1 rematch.

Where has Bill been during Hillary’s whole campaign? -CornWallaceJackson

Theres a reason they save the headliner for late in a show.  Hillary is Zendaya featuring The Big Sheed and Bill is a double billing of Kanye and Taylor Swift.

I just smoked an acai bowl and can’t tell if it’s doing shit.  How long does it usually take to kick in? -fishfulwinking

I can tell you right now that its not doing shit or else wed all know about it. The acai berry has been around for hundreds of years in South America. If that shit fucked you up, that shit would be processed, concentrated and being snorted up the noses of stock brokers and restaurant workers since the 70s.

How do you live being circumcised? I just wince/cringe at that thought of getting your tip snipped tf off as a baby who can’t give consent and having to pretend like everything’s alright for the rest of your life. -MegaGameCube93

If I hear one more circumcised guy complain that sex doesnt have feeling or one woman complain that she wishes her boyfriend has a skin leg-warmer on his dick, I will surely make note of that as the first people to ever complain about these things.

Girls pierce their ears for men. If your tonsils or appendix was outside of your body, theyd remove that too when you were a baby. Sorry you have to clean cheese and see the subtle twinge of disappointment in a womans face when she sees your dick for the first time. She wouldnt rather you have a skin fish hook turning her lady parts inside-out for her, she wants you wearing a thin rubber scrunchy, jamming up the works.

‘What lion?’ Zimbabweans ask, amid global Cecil circus in that it does not seem to bother those who live there. -GraniteWhiteKnight

Who cares about the people of Zimbabwe? This was never about them. Maybe if one of them gets lured out of his hut with a Firehouse Subs Kings Hawaiin Pork n Slaw, and gets shot in the back with a bow and arrow by Dr Kirk Weatherwood, Dermatologist to the social elite of Fresno, California, then maybe they have a claim. Until that happens, keep blowing your vuvuzelas and shut the fuck up.

I can’t respect a man who isn’t willing to fight for his. If you can’t stand up for yourself you just wasting them testicles. Might as well donate em to some butch chick who’ll actually use em. -c0mp3t3t1v3g4m3r

I mean, what are we fightiing over? If its a woman, and she wants you, then shes your problem now and an upgrade will be around that corner shortly. I aint even mad. If its my fucking breakfast, then you best not press lest you brought a vest for your chest.

I just had to pick up all the cigarette butts in the parking lot.  Parking lot of the waterpark- 28 I counted. I then smoked the ones that had a few hits left behind the equipment shed.  -evpacks2

Doing your job is one thing. Lip fucking a bunch of strangers for fractional secondary nicotine is a whole different level of sadness.

Hot dog on a stick is my favorite mall food. That lemonade and fries.  Whats your go to? -BTrain12

Im going to assume Im limited to the Food Court and say Bourbon Chicken, Dubble Noodle, please.

WTF have they done to Mafia III? -Solefool

I’ll tell you exactly what theyve done.  They super glued a Pam Grier to the three guys from GTA V and didnt think anyone would notice.  Thats what they did. And its a pretty weak move.

I cant tell if HBO getting Sesame Street is awesome or the end of my childhood. -Kevlar101

Hopefully, this opens the door for reboots of some of my favorite disappeared muppets like the Fraggles, Doozers, and Emmit Otter.

What if every time you had sex you traveled to the future?  – BellOfRoos

It does.  I get about theee minutes older, every time.

The What’s What, Volume 18

How exactly do I ask my mom this? I want to ask her why she never circumcised me. But how exactly do I bring that up in conversation? -Edmulled

“Mom, why do you hate jews?” No seriously, just ask her. Someone else asked her when you were born. It’s your penis, you have a right to know.

Rate a band /10: Dropkick Murphys -MrAwesome

9/10. Full disclosure though, I’m from Boston.

If you could prevent 1 persons death in any time in history, who would it be? -SambarLee

If we’re talking Epic History, JFK. If we’re talking personal guilty pleasure; Phil Hartman.

You ever “top-shelf” anyone? -BongZimmer

You mean the Mexican Aquarium? Top-loading? 2,000 Brown Flushes? Up-Tanking? No. I have never done it. Seems like it would be an awkward situation for me. I do know someone who claims to have “High-Bowled” Rachel Ray at her house in Saratoga. Great story he tells.

Should I smoke weed? -Harbringer319

Whichever those options you choose, neither will make you a better person. So, just don’t make a big deal about whichever direction you go, and people don;t have the right to resent you.

Slavery helped African-Americans because otherwise, they’d be starving in Africa. -crider4

If I was a southerner, I’d want white reparations for the transportation and room & board afforded to black people. Unfortunately, my great-great grandfather fought in the Civil war wearing Blue, so I don’t have any claim.

So a mosque is being built near my town and all the Christians are going crazy. Protesting to the government to try to get it stopped. Being an atheist, I really don’t see what the problem is. No one protests churches being built, why should they protest mosques? -Cruzcontrol

Is there another way for a religion built on tolerance to react?

What would you consider the perfect size for your ladies boobs? -BlackDraggin

Anything more than a handful is unnecessary and potentially dangerous. Plus it avoids the chances of some turd-burgling douche-gallon eye-humping your ladies chesticles right in front of you at any given point.

If given a choice between Hamburgers and Hot Dogs only at a BBQ, which one would you pick? -4Chancellor

Sight unseen? I would choose the hot dog, because I’ve been to many a BBQ where the burgers are burnt meatballs on a bun. Tough to fuck up a hot dog.

Are you Circumcised? I am and I’m proud not only because of the many health benefits but As a Jew it is the covenant that Abraham made with G-d when he said every descendant shall have the mark of the covenant. -fibronostalgia

I am, but neither feel pride nor shame because of it.

Would you have sex with your land lord if you were broke and needed to pay rent? What if your land lord was a dude but looked like a young david hasselhoff? -Frazzled

He can eat my cheeseburger off the floor.

Would have sex with your hot boss, regardless of the ramifications? -8bitselect

Depends on the boss, I have like 50.

I’ve never been a big fan of The Boondocks. and I’m black. Is there anything wrong with that? -Razashell

Im a big fan, and I’m white. I don’t think you are an Uncle Tom or anything because you don’t like a cartoon show thats aimed at your demographic. Just shows you are more complex than your skin color, but aren’t we all?

Why are so many people jumping onto the Buddhism bandwagon? Seriously. I’m hearing more and more people talk about how they’re Buddhist while also being their religion. What? -JayMotes

I don’t get how people feel the need to move from one religion to another, like one has the answers they need, and they can’t possibly have an identity of spirituality without religion. Anyway, Buddhism is a fine religion. Could use a dose of it in America. People should recognize that different things don’t have to be classified as better or worse, just different.