The What’s What – Volume 165

Is it weird to wear white khakis?  I thought I looked good with them but now I feel self conscious. -BaruchCollege

Not between Memorial Day and Labour Day, they say.  If you wear white pants, you better have on a seriously winner shirt.  I bet you looked good.

My problem with liberals is that they have no respect for religious freedom. They claim to be tolerant but if you disagree with them because of faith they call you names. -ChaoticGood1

Its because they are using logic and reason. Disagreeing because of your faith is not a legitimate basis. You dont get to build an argument off of faith because it just a belief. Thats its whole reason for existance. Faith is believing in something with no evidence. You arent disagreeing.  Youre espousing your beliefs.  Youre elevating something without evidence against something with evidence.  Apples and Oranges.

Does anyone actually still think Kylo Ren’s lightsaber looks dumb? -Balsamwoodman

I just cant get over the fact that theyve turned something designed to protect the weapon-holder into a weapon thats available to injure the weapon-holder.  Its like putting a giant spike pointing down into your helmet because it looks cool. Ill give you that it LOOKS cool. But seriously….. the fuck?

Why do Star Wars fans hate midichlorians? -CruiseController

Because it turned the Force, one of the most beloved fictional powers ever envisioned, from a spiritual goal to a hereditary monarchy. It went from something almost anyone could obtain through difficult trials to even begin considering mastering to a blood test done with a fucking pocket thermometer.

I wonder if Bruce Jener is using this whole sex change thing to get out of a manslaughter charge. -ebevan19

“Oh, Im sorry, you’re looking for Bruce. Im Caitlyn. Bruce isnt here. Havent seen him in a couple months.”

Jimmy Carter? -CanadiAnne

Hes the sweetest most deliberately caring and most emotionally generous president weve ever had.  People look down on him for this. I find that sad.

Why does it hurt so much? “Because it was real” Holy hell was this movie (Hobbit 3) bad. Can’t forget the scene where Legolas is jumping the stones while falling  At least the girl elf was hot doe.  -SizzleNinja

Is that the one where surfed down a battle elephant while killing it? Because thats when I checked out of the series, for good.

I have $120 in cash in my wallet. What should I do with it? -wwefan07

Hang on to it until something comes up and you’re like, “Damn, I wish I had $120.”

Give me a way to curb American obesity. -Itab

Sure, Ill do your homework for you.  Limit usage of escalators and elevators to people under 200 pounds only.

A fan in Atlanta has died from injuries sustained falling from upper deck at Braves game. -Blue.Jay.Link

Another victim of A-Rods general encompassing awfulness.

My little sister is in the hospital after being beat up . Be wary who you meet on online dating. -YoungXBeast

Yes, because shell never be hurt dating a guy she met in a bar.

Post your Superbowl 50 prediction. -cubby21

Packers d Chiefs in a Super Bowl 1 rematch.

Where has Bill been during Hillary’s whole campaign? -CornWallaceJackson

Theres a reason they save the headliner for late in a show.  Hillary is Zendaya featuring The Big Sheed and Bill is a double billing of Kanye and Taylor Swift.

I just smoked an acai bowl and can’t tell if it’s doing shit.  How long does it usually take to kick in? -fishfulwinking

I can tell you right now that its not doing shit or else wed all know about it. The acai berry has been around for hundreds of years in South America. If that shit fucked you up, that shit would be processed, concentrated and being snorted up the noses of stock brokers and restaurant workers since the 70s.

How do you live being circumcised? I just wince/cringe at that thought of getting your tip snipped tf off as a baby who can’t give consent and having to pretend like everything’s alright for the rest of your life. -MegaGameCube93

If I hear one more circumcised guy complain that sex doesnt have feeling or one woman complain that she wishes her boyfriend has a skin leg-warmer on his dick, I will surely make note of that as the first people to ever complain about these things.

Girls pierce their ears for men. If your tonsils or appendix was outside of your body, theyd remove that too when you were a baby. Sorry you have to clean cheese and see the subtle twinge of disappointment in a womans face when she sees your dick for the first time. She wouldnt rather you have a skin fish hook turning her lady parts inside-out for her, she wants you wearing a thin rubber scrunchy, jamming up the works.

‘What lion?’ Zimbabweans ask, amid global Cecil circus in that it does not seem to bother those who live there. -GraniteWhiteKnight

Who cares about the people of Zimbabwe? This was never about them. Maybe if one of them gets lured out of his hut with a Firehouse Subs Kings Hawaiin Pork n Slaw, and gets shot in the back with a bow and arrow by Dr Kirk Weatherwood, Dermatologist to the social elite of Fresno, California, then maybe they have a claim. Until that happens, keep blowing your vuvuzelas and shut the fuck up.

I can’t respect a man who isn’t willing to fight for his. If you can’t stand up for yourself you just wasting them testicles. Might as well donate em to some butch chick who’ll actually use em. -c0mp3t3t1v3g4m3r

I mean, what are we fightiing over? If its a woman, and she wants you, then shes your problem now and an upgrade will be around that corner shortly. I aint even mad. If its my fucking breakfast, then you best not press lest you brought a vest for your chest.

I just had to pick up all the cigarette butts in the parking lot.  Parking lot of the waterpark- 28 I counted. I then smoked the ones that had a few hits left behind the equipment shed.  -evpacks2

Doing your job is one thing. Lip fucking a bunch of strangers for fractional secondary nicotine is a whole different level of sadness.

Hot dog on a stick is my favorite mall food. That lemonade and fries.  Whats your go to? -BTrain12

Im going to assume Im limited to the Food Court and say Bourbon Chicken, Dubble Noodle, please.

WTF have they done to Mafia III? -Solefool

I’ll tell you exactly what theyve done.  They super glued a Pam Grier to the three guys from GTA V and didnt think anyone would notice.  Thats what they did. And its a pretty weak move.

I cant tell if HBO getting Sesame Street is awesome or the end of my childhood. -Kevlar101

Hopefully, this opens the door for reboots of some of my favorite disappeared muppets like the Fraggles, Doozers, and Emmit Otter.

What if every time you had sex you traveled to the future?  – BellOfRoos

It does.  I get about theee minutes older, every time.

The What’s What, Volume 163

Have you gone in on Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner yet?  -Atchamachula

Lets talk about Caitlyn refusing to identify herself as a lesbian as obviously masking homophobia.  I mean, that was my understanding of her explanation.  When she balks at giving the required details, it seems quite ingenuous when you invited the camera into your home to begin with.  You’re the one who brought up your bafflejunk, so lets talk about it.  Maybe your argument would be better received if you stop piquing everyones interests and then telling those who are trying to understand that its none of their business.  Even trans people can be homophobic.  What a complex world equality is.

Is Bruce Jenners transformation just a publicity stunt thought up by reality TV execs to make money? can’t decide if its legit or he’s full of shit. -Breezy921

I believe hes the reason for the TV show. The producers knew Bruce was a trainwreck ready to happen, had some fame hungry kids so they gave them a tv show knowing the eventual trainwreck would happen and  they get to cash in on that juicy transgender breakthrough ratings and money and hype.

GF: We should do engagement photos
Me: No.
GF: Why not?
Me: I don’t want to play in leaves
GF: There doesn’t have to be leaves.
Me: There’s always leaves.
GF: You really don’t want to do this do you?
Me: No.
GF: Fine, but we’re doing wedding pictures and if I get pregnant, baby pictures.
Me: Okay.

Summarized convo. I’m going to try to wiggle out of baby announcement pictures if that time ever comes. I have some time to work on that though.  -machooch

I fought my way out of them, too. Its not a representation of who we are. “Remember that time we went to the beach and carved our initials into the beach with our bare feet, so the tide could wash away our love into the ocean forever more? You dont remember? ITS BECAUSE WE WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING AS RIDICULOUS AS THAT.” I dont want to spend hundreds of dollars memorializing an event that wouldn’t exist.  Seems conceited.  Have your friend take candid photos of you doing things you like to do. Its the shit Id want remembered anyway.  That was basically my argument. We had a baby and she gets baby photos. I don’t care about that. Grandparents, relatives and friends legitimately want photos of that shit. Good Luck getting out of that one. You dont have to be in them or anything. You dont need the professional family mayhem. But there WILL be professional baby photos, you get used to that shit right now.

Are you more of a “based on statistics” or “based on personal experience” kind of person? -PermiscuousRex

My gut tells me I should say statistics.

Christian Summer Camp Denies Autistic Boy.  I thought Christians were caring people.  I didnt think Jesus hates autistic children.  -critter717

You must have missed it.  “‘And Yay’, he said standing on the mount and before the gathered village, ‘it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than the developmentally awkward to enter the Kingdom of God'” and with that did he shoveth Corky, the village boy needing a goat-skull helmet, to the ground with disdain”. Jericho 7:13-18

Today I learned that some girls have the philosophy: “Lets get it brackin’ now or never”.  Meaning you better make the move now. I’m not going to wait on your ass to make a move. If not, I’m moving on without you. -Cosmospolitan89

So youre saying some women participate in emotional games?  Get the fuck out of here with this insanity.

It’s my ex gf. I hate when she does this shit. Talking about offing herself for one reason or another. I can’t bring myself to ignore her or be an asshole because you never know when it’s for real or not. On top of that she’s a cutter. Got nasty wounds on her arms. Part of the reason we didn’t work out. She would keep doing that when things didn’t go her way or for whatever reason.  It’s mentally, emotionally, and physically draining -TommyTiptoes

The great thing about ignoring suicide threats is if they dont commit suicide, you get to be right, and if they do commit suicide, no one knows you were wrong.

I’m going to Virginia Beach in a few weeks.  Protips?  -BetItsButterIfYouDo

Pocohontas for Breakfast, Timbuktu for Dinner.  Hope you like Mini Golf and jet noises.

Why do so many people in america think they are entitled to so many thing? see a lot of people complaining bout they dont have this they dont have that. If they dont get a job they blame obama. They want a min pay of 15/hr. It seems like to no one wants to put in hardwork. May be thats just me idk. -BoJo4

In the USA, the size of the paycheck you get from your job indicates the amount of respect you are able to expect from the general public. If fast food workers began to get nice homes and fancy cars and pay for their kids to go to private school, then people would WANT to have fast food jobs. To keep up with that, the job you have would have to raise your wage, or else theyd be worried youd go hustle fries at Burger Shack. You can work hard and get paid $7.25/hr. You can be a lazy ass making $50k/year. Working hard doesnt necessarily equate to more money and you sound like an idiot doing so.

Sushi is unnecessarily expensive for little bits of uncooked fish and rice.  Total scam.  Even when you get a hot meal (say salmon teriyaki, which is what I usually go for), they give you a woefully small portion of salmon.  The only thing I like is miso soup. -BritaniaPrevials

Choosing the ingredients in sushi is so much more important because everything is served raw. The higher the quality in fresh meats, sauces, fruits and vegetables is of ultimate importance since so very little is being done to them before service. Saying nothing of the techniques possibly showcased inknife skills, rice making and nori rolling by a skilled experienced chef can be really noticed when nothing is being done to anything else. They have sushi available in the big grocery stores if you cant tell the difference. No sense in paying for it.

WOW DOUGIE HAMILTON TRADED TO THE FLAMES -Nepats81

Its ugly, yes. I mean, Hamilton wants like $10M a year, and the Bruins dont want to pay him that. I feel like Chiarelli was booted because he invested too much in his own draft picks at the expense of other talent. So Sweeney doesnt want to do that, by starting to invest heavily in Chiarellis young talent. I mean, this is awful. Theres no way around it. Okay, we have picks. Don Sweeney better turn them into fucking gold because right now our defense consists of an ailing olding Zdeno Chara and a half a dozen ice cream cones on fucking skates.  We wont see the playoffs until 2018, if were lucky. 

I’m not sure I want to live in a country where gay marriage is legalized.  -TAV0R

Im not sure I want to live in a world in which The Shaggy Dog has 2 stars, while Whos Harry Crumb? has 1.  So, we should totally get an apartment together somewhere.