Im done posting until my computer gets fixed. Its just too much of pain in the ass to try otherwise. What usually takes a couple hours takes afternoons, plural. I still answer posings, and will post the best that arent outdated when I get my rig fixed. So, continue sending them, if you choose. If Ive lost you forever, thanks for your time and I hope life meets what you chase. To the rest of you, Ill see you at a moment.
Category Archives: Uncategorized
The Whats What, Volume 169
House isn’t that good of a doctor. I recall him being better. He probably would have gotten a bunch of his patients killed if parents and Chase, Foreman, and Cameron didn’t stand up to him.
Hes not a great doctor. Hes a great diagnostician. He wants the answer to the medical riddle in spite of the patients well-being, not necessarily to aid it. And he will do so at the cost of his patients health, his own health, and any social relationships. Spoiler alert, its kind of the point.
You gave away a pretty good Billion dollar idea last update. I mean, it wasnt a Billion Dollars. Probably close. At least 2/3rds. I want one. Can I have one? -CanadiAnne
Why dont they have temporary advertising tattoos on porn stars? The hot ones looking like NASCAR drivers covered in PEPSI logos on their backs and Nike swooshes on their feet. Inner thighs prolly make the most money, then boobies. Think of the vertical branding potential on companies like Target and Siemens. Some old skanky broad sponsored by the North Eastern Fresno Metro Gas n Snack. Get in the middle somehow and youre nestled in a billion dollar industry.
What have you done today to make you feel proud? -Pancake_Man
Spent the day developing and bonding with my daughter. Sometimes Im impatient or lazy or sick, but today weve been very active and doing new things, so Im quite proud of todays effort so far.
I’m switching to another political party. I’m no fan of the GOP, but after seeing that every Democratic Senator voted in favor of a bill that violates the 5th and14th Amendments, I am fucking done. I don’t care if it was some sort of symbolic vote, that’s fucking retarded and most of these people should be impeached for that. I’m still reluctant to switch to independent because FL doesn’t have open primaries, so I couldn’t vote if I wanted to. -BigRed13
I dont think you know how politics work. Its a giant scale with Republicans on one end and Democrats on the other. The middle 85% is filled with moderates, independents and the apathetic. You dont have to only have 1 and 10 on your political volume level. Give 4 a shot for a while.
Do you play with the Free Parking Rule? -Saywhaaaaa
Yes, but $500 is lunacy. We start with $100 and put all taxes and card penalties in there.
Time to call it a career, Madonna. -NowThisIGotsTaDo
Shes been awful for decades now. Shes more of a global draw these days. I dont think anyone under the age of 25 in America knows who she is.
There’s a condition where your pee hole is mid shaft rather than at the top of your dick. 1 in 10 men have hypospadias, do you? -wishful_thinking
No, but that sounds awful. How do you use a urinal? On the positive side you could give facials without pulling out. Wait, no way is it one in fucking ten. Is this even real? Im not looking it up.
Why do people swell on the “creation of AI is the undoing of mankind” angle? Its like we all have a one track mind. -DonkeyHammer
Its the only possibility people dwell on because its the one that will kill their species. If every possibility works out fine for everyone, then we dont have to worry about anything.
i dont like seeing people playing with deer on my facebook someone is going to get hurt trying to live like a disney princess deer are fucking terrible and will instinctively fuck you up if you get in their space pictures of people playing with lions also seems to be a thing now stop treating animals like humans pls -maliquenavidad
“OH LOOK ITS FALAFEL P. ANTLERS FROM DISNEYS NEW CHRISTMAS MOVIE “DEER TO DREAM” IN 3D IMAX! IM GONNA GO SNUGGLE HIS WHITE FLUFF AND GET HIS MAGICAL HOLID” *gets back-hoofed in head, cranium explodes*
The What’s What, Volume 153
What is your opinion about babies being used as actors in movies? I personally don’t mind as long as you don’t make the baby cry. I’ve seen a movie where they almost put a baby in a fireplace and he was crying like crazy. He was pretty close to the fire it almost burned his jacket. What do you think? -Persiasaurus
Babies cry all the fucking time. How many times do you remember crying as a baby? Let me put it another way. Let’s say you are 14 years old and your parents are telling you for the first time that you were in a movie as a baby. They didnt want to tell you about it or show it to you earlier because it’s a very scary violent scene. But now that you’re starting to see violent scary movies for fun it’s worth showing you. So, they break out a copy of fucking LORD OF THE RINGS, and a fucking orc rips you out of your fucking hay and blanket manger by your leg and raises a sword behind his head while you scream and cry, and there’s a cutscene to your baby manger sprayed with blood as the crying stops…….. Do YOU give a fuck that some orc terrorized you as a baby, or do you reflect on the EPIC AMOUNT OF FUTURE PUSSY/PENIS this appearance rains down upon you? Are you kidding me, dude? How many times are you going to tell this story to your friends/family/clients/social events/stranger in a Gandalf costume on Halloween? It’s not a traumatizing experience if you have no memory of it, and it leaves an INDELIBLE IMAGE in history or whatever. Even if you were Sandusky’d on an episode of SVU, it’s still something to tell the grandkids.
As an atheist; Do you wish God/the afterlife was real? -Gr8Escape
I’m not necessarily an Atheist. I just never received the answers to the questions that God has required for me to believe. Maybe hell answer them someday. I’d like to be able to see my deceased loved ones and pets while living in contentment in a place where pain doesnt exist and celebrate the eventual death of my friends and children over the next 80 years, then plan to welcome their children in another 80. I’d like a hypothetical “what if?” machine. It’s like a holodeck, but I can see where certain life decisions have gotten me. Or even set a goal and see if there were any actions I could have taken, and what cost they would have born, to succeed at those goals. I’d like to see how the human race fares over time, what obstacles we turn into accomplishments, and what eventually brings our mighty yet fragile Earth to its eventual end. I’d very much like to believe that things that are too good to be true, aren’t necessarily a punchline to disappointment. I just don’t have faith in it. Who wouldnt want to believe it? Its how religion was popularized. Tickets to the land of the gods immortal. Sounds wonderful.
Watching Tyrant? What do you think is going to happen for the finale? They keep bringing up loyalty, and I think the American brother is doing the right thing for his family, but I’m not sure his brother will understand, and then there is that comment from the embassy woman, or whoever she is, to not get attached to the American brother. Hmm, what does she have in mind, probably a double cross, but I think the American probably already sees that from a mile away, because he’s like a fucking genius, lol. Thoughts? -Atchamachula
I am and enjoying it. I dont think things will go as planned. I expect Barry to lose a few important members, like Yusef for one. Maybe his brother. Maybe even his wife if they want to go full Game of Thrones. And probably the father of his cousins wife who runs the satellites and whos name I forget. You know the cousins wife, the one the President snuggled two fingers into on her wedding night, against her will? (I am quite sure you remember, just trying to draw in some people who might need a reason to watch). They didnt really have closure on their issue and I figure that shit needs to go down before Barry and President Jamal have a fucking dual welding pistola showdown in the palace or whatever is going to come about. I like Jamals actor and the character occasionally has sweet moments. But there’s no way he’s going to take second fiddle from his brother, after the betrayal. Which doesnt even still make a lot of sense at this point, since he had his brother in his pocket anyway. The only guy who stood in Barrys way of progress was General Tarek (sp?) and that dude is half dead in jail, labeled as a traitor. So, the only way I see this going good for Jamal, is if Barry abandons the coup, tells Andy from Weeds to go screw, and its business as usual until the elections. But lets not fuck around here, does THAT sound like a season finale for this show? My ending has Barry confronting Jamal in the Palace office, explaining his plan on how he expects Jamal to relinquish power and retire to the Maldives. Jamal pulls a gun on Barry. Barry cries and begs, Jamal concedes, and blows his own fucking head off. Tease to red-haired American lady plotting election take overs and SEASON 2 PLEASE.
Are you ready for the year to end so we can start 2015 already? This has been the most depressing year for me since 2010. -ScrappleJac
Been kind of a bullshit year for me too, but I got a baby coming. I need this time.
I was at a party and somehow the topic of watermelon came up, and someone mentioned being able to live off watermelon for a month, she said there is NO WAY in Hades because there is no nutrition in it, I told her I think its entirely possible, I mean because water right? I know I probably sound like a complete idiot, but I’m seriously curious, can the human body survive on just watermelon alone for a month? -NovemberHottie
Not likely. You are unlikely to be able to survive on watermelon for a month. It be close, but probably not. If we reference the Survivalists’ Rule of 3′ – 3 minutes without air, 3 days without water, 3 weeks without food, we see that we pass the first two tests, and while the third seems like a victory, there simply isnt enough variety of nutrients in watermelon. Youd be susceptible to all sorts of vitamin deficiencies. You need protein, and you arent getting it. If someone were to find you on an isolated island beach, plentiful with watermelons after 30 days, they’d probably be bringing home your corpse.
Woah, Robin Williams, huh? -CanadiAnne
Im certain that Robin Williams was depressed and chose to commit suicide. It’s why Im using this opportunity to start another conversation. Don’t give me any shit about this not being the time, this is EXACTLY the fucking time.
Some people have unliftable weights crushing them down inside and eventually relent under the daily pressure of life, no matter how rich you are and how many friends you have. OKAY? I fucking get it. Depression exists. You know what also exists? Assholes. People making regrettable decisions. People that do awful terrible things to people and then feel guilty about it. People losing their money and think their embarrassment is too much for them or their family to handle. It’s the reason why there will always be stigma associated with suicide, and its the reason you cant throw your Dads/Brothers/Friends suicide into every shoehornable famous suicide situation like hes a hero. We don’t know the details. You aren’t convincing anyone, because unless you break out their medical records, you don’t know either. It seems to me that defending their choice is really an exercise in coping for the ones left behind. You have to rationalize out of many reasons why someone would choose to take their own life. Might as well be the one that paints them in the best light. The simple fact is that 100% of the people can not be supported under the “depression” umbrella, so stop trying to use every possible association to purge your unresolved feelings. Let the people who chose to leave be forgotten as they wish.
As It Turns Out, I just drafted an NFL Play 60 commercial.
I’ve had this story in my head for a couple years now. I’ve decided to draft it.
It’s an early snowy morning at a football field in Small town, Central, Massachusetts. It’s pre-dawn and the lights are still needed to see the field. A Coach and a high-schooler in a varsity uniform wait patiently, the high-schooler is talented and nervous. A black luxury sedan brakes at the gates. Two men in full New England Patriots gear exit the car, and approach the Coach and player. “Do I finally get to hear the reason you brought me out here in this weather at this time?” one grumbles. “No sir, you get to see it,” the other replies confidently.
“Hey Coach, good to see you again. This is the scout I was telling you about.” Hands are shaken.
“All right, son,” the scout turns to the high schooler, “Let’s see what you got.”
The Coach interrupts him, “No, sir. He’s here to catch.”
“Catch? Catch who?” The Coach turns and points down-field, 100 yards to a blur barely seen through the falling snow. He tweets a whistle.
“What the …? Get out of here.” the scout is incredulous. “Is this a joke? I can barely see the kid and hes got a 100 yard arm? Because dragging me an hour out here to be made a fool of…”
*THUNK*
The scout flinches from the sound. He turns and watches a ball sailing through the air under the lights. He stands, mesmerized by the height, it’s like an asteroid rising FROM the Earth, in the falling snow.
“COME ON OVER!” the coach yells to the blur.
*…..ssssssffffffffFFFFFFF* The approaching punt is heard cutting through the air.
*THWAP* The high schooler fails to catch it, as it bounces off his chest and hands, knocking him to the ground.
Coach clicks a stopwatch. “Eight point seven seconds hang time,” he says, proudly displaying it to the scout. “He breaks nine in nicer weather.”
He gasps and stammers. “What is he doing? How did he do that? I have to see that again.” The kid is jogging over, his too big uniform and helmet flopping around his scrawny body. “What’s your name, son?”
“Tylah,” he says in a thick Boston accent. “Tylah Cahtwright, sir.”
“Well Tyler,” the scout barely lets escape, still floored. “Can you show me how you did that?”
Tyler offers a hand-up to the still floored high schooler, picks the ball out of the snowy grass and holds it against the top of his shoulder. He then takes a couple steps and windmill spikes the ball, like his hero Rob Gronkowski after any touchdown, onto his quickly rising punting foot. The sound is immense, like punting and blowing a subwoofer at the same time.
*KA-THUNK* The ball disappears into the snow.
The Scout chirps with delight. “Again!” he yells, fumbling for his cell phone, smashing buttons and laughing gleefully.
*KA-THUNK* Another perfect cannon shot.
It all begins to move very fast for Tyler Cartwright. His Mom and Dad are at the contract signing. Dad is proud and supportive and excited to be on TV. Mom is thin and quiet and says shes worried about Tyler being chased by those big men. Coach guesses that Tyler is going to revolutionize the way football is played.
The Pats fail to convert a third down at their own 20, Tyler joins the field to thunderous applause. The punting team now includes an 18 yard long snap, and two Patriots from the hands team flanking Tyler. One receives the snap and hands off to Tyler, then immediately rush to protect him. He spike/punts the ball 89 yards downfield, where a gang of Patriots have surrounded the Jets returner and patiently wait for the ball to arrive. The returner muffs the punt under the pressure and terminal velocity. Patriots ball on the Jets 4.
The Bills try an all out punt block, and one of the long snap holders converts an easy first down pass, as Tyler turns and runs away from Mario Williams, who resembles someone having difficulty trying to catch a chicken.
The Broncos Defensive Coordinator is screaming into his headset to let the Patriots convert their 3rd and 7 rather than chance giving Tyler the ball.
Shane Lechler is being admonished by his special teams coach. “TRY AGAIN!” he exhorts. Lechler haphazardly spikes the ball off the side of his foot, striking the assistant coach, who explodes into a confusing mix of hair, sunglasses, papers, clipboard and whistle.
Rob Gronkowski joins Tyler for a day at school. Tyler convinces Rob to ask the prettiest girl in school, Jillian Dwyer, to be Tylers date for the big Winter SnowBall. Of course she agrees and as Tyler leans in for his first kiss, his Mom awakens him for school. It’s a snowy early morning in central Massachusetts. His Mom reminds him that it’s a big day, as he gets to start his first football practice. He jumps out of bed and grabs his helmet and pads, ready to start the day.
Im no good with taglines. Something about NFL Play 60 building an environment where even punters can dare to dream.
The What’s What, Volume 147
Do you watch Girls? Sundays episode was solid. Shoshanna goin nuts -XeXetheZ
I watched the first couple episodes, as I do most every HBO, but I quickly determined that I was not the targeted demographic. You might say it’s hip, I found it banal and self-indulgent. Weeks later I found out that the entire cast are children of rich and famous people. That pretty much soured me on any hope of redemption with this show. No thanks, and instinctively, I’ll think a little less of you in the future. Can I recommend True Detective to you? It’s also on HBO Sunday Nights, and it contains original writing of people doing things that outsiders may find interesting. We can talk about that show for DAYS.
lol @ watching sports. the fuck is wrong with you?-whorehey
Live competition of any kind is awesome. Ill watch pretty much any sports, even if I dont know the rules. The Olympics are among my favorite spectacles. There random sports on 5 channels at any time of the day. Insomnia? Fencing! Feeling sick all day? There’s people on skis firing guns followed by curling! It’s fucking shufflepuck on ice! ON TV! And you complain? Kids, today.
Favorite cars to drive in Gran Tourismo? I like the 1969 Toyota 2000GT. After a light tune (tires, cams + intake/exhaust) and some suspension and brake work) the car is a dream to drive. The car feels mechanical and connected, enters/exit corners at high speeds, and the engine just sounds phenomenal. The car is just fun to drive.
Runner-up is probably the 69 Nissan Fairlady Z for the same reasons. I like fast cars but there is something fun about a light, front engine/rear drive car w/ a manual transmission. Especially when they are older because they have a mechanical, basic feeling nature to them.
I’m more of an agility car fan. Particularly your Subaru Impreza’s for Off-Road action, or the RUFs…is that what they are? The fictional brand they included to house the Porsche cars when Porsche didnt want to be included in the game? It’s been a while, I think that was them.
Your ranking of films Quentin Tarantino has directed, go. -DontEatDaFoods
I can obviously only rank the ones I have seen.
1. Pulp Fiction
1a. Four Rooms
2. Reservoir Dogs
3. Inglorious Basterds
4. Django Unchained
5. Kill Bill Vol. 1
6. Jackie Brown
Four Rooms gets a subset because he directed a quarter of the movie. His portion was FANTASTIC, though. The Top 3 are in my Top 20 movies of all time. 3 and 4 are movies Id watch again. 5 was worth watching once. Jackie Brown is among my least favorite movies of all time.
What do you think of people that go through a Starbucks drive-thru for a cup of coffee. is that being lazy or is it whatever? I kind of feel like it’s weird but then again how is it any different from going through any other drive-thru? thoughts? -AsianGuy92
Lazy? It’s LESS retarded than going to any other drive-thru because drinking a cup of coffee is something that can easily be done while you drive. Why would you sit down and drink just a coffee? I need a paper cup, anyway, I have shit to do. Drinking a coffee takes a time for me. I have to wait for it to cool a bit, and then you just dont drink it, you sip occasionally to keep the taste in your face for a while. I am not gonna sit in a restaurant booth to have a coffee like a doofus. Its a drink. You have to fucking sit down in order to drink a coffee? Makes sense with food. It’s what a table is for.
lol so why is every american team called after an animal or pants? new york knicks? Bear, seagulls, tigers. lol what are we, 6? Come on just the name of the place will suffice.
The Fresno Trousers? Grand Rapids Chinos? What the hell teams are named after pants? Are you talking about the Knickerbockers? I think they were people first. And rather than list the DOZENS of team names that do not include animal nor pants, including 3 out of 4 of the professional sports teams of Boston, the area from which I hail, I’ll choose to kind of see your point. I mean “Location Football Club” is a little boring, but its more professional than some cartoony sea animal. (I’m looking at YOU, Miami Dolphins.) Still, I think I prefer variety and marketing availabilities that the current American system favours.
Do you consider yourself more considerate than an average person? -CanadiAnne
I do, because I’m all “WHAM BAM You’re Welcome Maa’m”. Case closed.
So the ex of a girl I know has hacked her facebook, posting a text conversation they had where she admits to cheating on him with 7 guys, including a two guy threesome, and tagging her father. Why she gave her ex her password, and didnt change it after the broke up is really stupid. -UMEagles
Its far more likely that he knew the answers to her password reset questions. Some girl I knew got her email hacked because her security question was “What was my high school mascot?” which the other girl looked up on Google in like 10 fucking seconds. Which is why the answers to my security questions are not actual answers at all. Whats my Moms maiden name? Flintstone Chewables. My first kiss was with? The Hudson River Valley.
As it turns out, water fowl are foul.
On my walk to work, protected from the rain by a blue and white striped golf umbrella, there’s this little bridge crossing a 4 foot dam to separate sea water from fresh water at the office complex I work at. It’s an old 1800 textile factory converted to a modernized office park. It’s actually kind of cool, seabirds catching mini mackerels in tidal pools on one side, geese and ducks nesting with their turtle neighbors at the pond on the other.
As I was crossing the bridge I heard an asplosion of tiny duck freak-out, so I look to my right and see a huddle of a half a dozen duck chicks scamper towards the water. When I heard the first real quack, I turned and looked hard left, almost behind me now, theres another real QUACK and this mother fucking duck is in mid-flight, destination my face. I let out this instinctive cartoony “Aaah!” and simply adjusted the angle of my wrist so that my view of the duck was obscured by the umbrella. What followed can only be described as a instantaneous combination of a loud PIFFT, a weird shadowy imprint, and 15 pounds of force on my arm.
I peeked over the top of my umbrella and kept walking, but this bastard is still pissed off and now hes also fucking baffled. I think he took the collision pretty hard. He’s walking right next to me all wings open and hissing at me and shit, but thankfully there a chain link fence between us now. Every time he takes I flight, I bomp my umbrella down a notch so he knows what hell get. Im all “You want another beak full of bumbershoot, bitch? That shit can be ARRANGED.” He followed me for a long time, but eventually he ran out of room and had to stand down. Damn, right.
The What’s What, Volume 131
Do you believe in equality? -em_t_media
In principal. However, I also believe that our differences should be utilized to our collective advantage, though. But everyone, regardless of their differences, should be treated equally. Give everyone an equal opportunity, and let the individuals talent, decisions and ethics be the deciding factors. And though you may have succeeded at something more than your neighbor, you still have to treat him like you would want to be treated.
Does the “opposites attract” rule hold true for you? I realized today that it does for me. I’m a quiet, reserved guy, and every girlfriend I’ve had and every girl I’ve ever been on a date with is very outgoing and sometimes flamboyant. -abearinaguysuit
I kinda dont buy it. People you love and people you hate, both will have things in common, and things you see differently. Some are more important than others to each of you. If you choose to, you can focus on it. It doesnt matter either way, you’ll either work together or you wont. Perhaps the women you date tend to be extroverted because they are the only kind of woman who approach you. Or maybe you find extroversion sexy. Im saying it might be an effect, not the cause.
Hakuna Vagina! -ProudXBot
It aint no passing craze.
Do you dislike the police? I can’t stand the police in my town. That is mainly cause its such a small town that they always hire kids out of high school and i know all of them. Most of them break the law more then they uphold it. -NynteenAytyFore
To this point, in my recorded history, I have never yet been in the situation where anyone has said the words “Oh good, the police are here.” I’ve also had interactions with good and bad police officers. If you are asking on a personal level, I’m going with dislike based off the fact that I’m not doing anything to hurt or steal from anyone. So if they’re bothering me at all, it’s counterproductive to society. But overall, big-picture stuff, it’s like.
he was frozen during a racist time. unfrozen in a more tolerant time; I wonder how Captain America felt having to take orders from a black man? -XeXetheZ
“And what’s with dames wearing pants?”
When I say Rebekah Brooks, you say…… nothing, because she is probably listening. Signed, British Humour -LeColiumbre
huff huff huff huff huff *monocle pops out* Lovely jubbly, old bean.
Robin Williams’ style of comedy is really odd. Like…it’s too obvious. it’s really surface level stuff. lots of accents and jokes you’ve already heard many times over and over. really odd for such a talented guy. -RomaForza91
While a talented stage presence and a surprisingly rangey actor, I agree about the stand-up. Especially todays generations not following. Hes Jeff Dunham and the puppets are just nonsensical exaggerated impressions. Im borderline offended when people think they can entertain me without any real substance, but if it plays to the rubes, then he can be King of the Simples and they can eat it up like winter oatmeal. I always thought hes a natural fit for Broadway.
Racewalking is very unique sport in that unlike traditional sports where an athlete uses all their capabilities to overcome the obstacle, with racewalking, the athletes ability in using all their capabilities are limited (e.g. having a swimmer only swim with one arm). They have to work within the limitations of keeping strict form and always keeping one foot on the ground, in a way, there is an artificial hold against capability. It’s an art form and not just something anyone can do at a professional standard. Racewalking shouldn’t be dismissed as a sport just because if defies the conventions of regular sports. What is it about racewalking that makes society so dismissive towards it? -Solotanze
It seems like a marathon for people who suck. Why arent they running? Theres no reason for someone to racewalk under any situation in real life, efficiently. You either walk or run. Why isnt there a NASCAR event where people only use 2 wheels? Its certainly not a race. What the fuck are you doing, then? The term “artificial hold against capability” is damning. Pretty much by definition it’s not a sport. It belongs in the Special Olympics. What a disaster. It’s people breaking Guinness records for the sake of doing it. 14 hour fist pumping, indeed.
how many sausages do you think there are in the world? -TabithasFiat
It’s one of those questions you have to file under the ebb and flow of i9ndustry and life, or you’ll go mad. I recommend shooting an email to the whatever lobbying group, you know the greater United States Pork Council or something. “The Other White Meat” guys and gals. They can give you an estimate for American sausage production and consumption, so you could even infer a global estimate yourself. The important point, is don’t get too wrapped up in this question. Once you cross a line, you become an owner of the question, and your soul can turn dark.
The What’s What, Volume 123
Lol at people older than 13 who bring a glove to a baseball game. -C_HOX518
I dunno. I’ve seen a lot of balls dropped by people without them. I mean, the vast majority of balls are not caught. I wouldnt do it, just because I dont need something to carry around for 4 hours. But, I’m not going to besmirch someone coming prepared for anything, and not wanting to blow their one chance. If I have a ticket to a game where there might be a million dollar home run ball, youd better believe I’ll bring a glove.
Did you hear about that lady giving head for chicken mcnuggets? Best drive thru ever. -Trezzk2
This just seems like an issue of semantics to me. She shouldnt have been exchanging mouth party for dinner. She should have simply asked for a meal, out of the kindness of the mans (or womans, why not) heart, to which shed be so grateful as to want to pleasure the gift-er out of her own volition and physical attraction? If you are trying to convince some morning sex from your girlfriend and she says shes not in the mood because she hungry. So, you grab her two mcmuffins while she’s playing Miles Davis on your bro-trumpet while you tell the red and yellow screened intercom box the order, should she go to jail? It would be funnier if she wasn’t doing it for food. Shes just hungry, people do what they have to.
Brand rivalries are so fucking STUPID. Sony VS Microsoft iPhone VS Droid McDonalds VS Burger King Pepsi VS Coke They all offer similar yet different products. Who gives a shit about which one is “better”? None of them are better than the other because they all have different strengths and weaknesses opposed to the other brand. -ChrisKamanMyMouth
But, thats exactly the point. Because they are similar products with different strengths and weaknesses, people prefer one over another due to these minor differences. Having a preference of one over another is fine, thinking yours is best for everyone else makes you look like an asshole that happens to be retarded.
How do you poop in a public restroom? ie paper guard or hovering? -TDKRIPHL
I can’t go barebowl. I just can’t do it. Cheeks-to-seat isn’t the problem, I’m no germophobe or anything. It’s the design of public toilets. The seating portions are horseshoes, not donuts. I need that TP bridge to cover that little opening at the front of the seat. If my balls or dick even think about brushing that cold porcelain portion inexplicably exposed so that hundreds of people can pee on it, I completely rage out. I carry my balls like a plastic bag full of groceries with no handles over that canyon. What happened there? Who was put in charge of this? “The public toilet situation seems a little easy to wipe, isnt there some way to have a section of the seat hollowed out, so that no one will ever think about touching it?” Get out of here with that noise.
I just discovered that another word for gooch is “grundle.” For some reason I laughed so hard I cried. -Shin.Goku
I’ve also heard it called a “taint”, “nifkin” or a “ballneck”. When you work in commercial kitchens, you chafe terribly down there, constantly. On hot days, cooks are always excusing themselves from the line to “corn starch my nifkin”.
Did you ever get sent home from school because of lice? It was awesome. The scratching and itching was worth the free days off. -RedBread11
Never. And I made sure to take note of the kids that were mysteriously missing from the second half of that day.
Last year there was a girl who talked to me on a few occasions. Each time this happened, I would make my best attempt to keep the conversation going for a reasonable duration of time. We never became friends though. Anyway, I just saw her while I was on my way to class. She did a stop and chat, and she eventually asked if I wanted to get breakfast after my class was over (Who has breakfast at 11:00 AM anyway? That’s lunchtime.). I told her that I couldn’t because I had another class directly after that one. She then walked with me the remainder of the way to the class and gave me a hug before she left. What is your opinion on this situation? What should I do next time I see her? I think she may be attracted to me, but I don’t know if I’m reading her cues properly. If she does find me attractive, then why? My social skills are almost nonexistent, so I’m probably not a very pleasant person to be around. I don’t see why she would take an interest in me unless it’s out of pity. Based on what I’ve said, is it more likely that she just pities me or legitimately finds me attractive for some reason? -BeinChinesey
How the fuck should I know? I don’t know either of you. I can’t tell you what shes thinking as much as you can’t. Stop trying to read her mind and concentrate more on getting the information you want without embarrassing yourself. You should have teased her about eating breakfast at 11. “No, I wont go out with you for breakfast at 11am, but I’ll take you to lunch at 11am, like normal people.” Something like that. Spend lunch with her and she might be more open about her intentions. Dont be afraid to ask what her deal is. Dont fish for compliments “Why me?” junk. During a lull in conversation, mention how you arent quite sure whats shes up to. Ask her what her story is. “You super friendly with everyone, are you? Like meeting new people, do you?”. She might say No, and you know you’re special. She says yes and its “I bet that gets misinterpreted a lot, people getting the wrong impression…” Be tactful. Most importantly, figure it out. Youll regret not finding out.
The What’s What, Volume 122
Being unemployed is very stressful. I currently have 7 job applications that are “live”, I’m reading a book relevant to my field, I have an interview Friday, and I’m looking for part time work every day. But I never feel productive “enough”, and any down time or break or late morning makes me feel like I’m worthless. -GrizleeTee
Needing money and searching for and holding a job are stressful. Being unemployed is awesome.
What do donut shops/fast food places do with leftover food at the last shift of the day? Do employees get to eat it or take some home? Are you supposed to just throw it out regardless of whether you’re hungry and could use some food? Would you get fired if you sneak a quick burger instead of throwing it out? I heard it was a health code violation to donate. I don’t know why but I am very curious as to what they do with it. -GamingGerbil
Actually, it’s a very common practice for food pantries to get the days leftovers. Employees are usually fed earlier with a staff meal, especially for them. But if you are still hungry, a lot of places will cook you something to take home, so you can eat there or give to a family member. This is only plausible when the kitchen is closing down, not as likely at all if it’s just then end of your shift. Also, if you work at a chain, it all depends on the manager, and is less likely. But day old donuts are given to employees or charities, if they ask the right people, in my experience.
Would you make a good dictator of the world? -BeefMW
I believe so. I’m tolerant, globalist, and fair. I try hard to fight hypocrisy every day. Plus, I believe it would be beneficial to be an atheist in this situation. I dont want the job, though. Sounds like a lot of work. It’s not a great answer, I know. I’d be more interested in the person who answers “No”, honestly. That bastard has got stories to tell.
Have you ever got a bitch that was way outta your league? -See1ngTh1ngs
I have been with girls that I did not think would be into the kind of person I am at all. That really opened up a lot of doors. Made me much more open to rejection. I never put anyone in a “League”. If they were interested in me, they were already in my league.
Do you like V8 juice? I’m talking the real deal none of that new age fusion mess. I ask because no one I know IRL besides my grandma drinks the stuff but I love it. -ConcordCal
I like it occasionally. Like once a month, I’ll crave it. And I can’t eat anything with it. I do like the Fusion, though. Those mofos taste like fruit juice. I chug 8 ounces every morning and every night.
SERIOUS VIRGIN QUESTION: How long can/should a guy hold it in when having a blow job?-LuvvableGohan
Unless you got a diamond in the rough 1%er, the blow job is only there to please you. I promise she wants it over quick, or else shed be sitting on your dick. Enjoy her efforts, but dont waste them. If she shows even the slightest hint of discomfort, youd better finish up, or you’re chancing future offerings.
What are some cool unethical things to do? -ChrisKamanMyMouth
Cool: Trespassing on Federal or State property. Cooler: Breaking out of prison. Coolest: Breaking INTO prison.
Fact: People who don’t have social anxiety disorder have no clue what it’s like, even though they (falsely) think they can relate. –fullquietcasket
You could say this about anything and be accurate. Circumcision, race, gender, marriage, anal warts, a Snickers bar. Settle down with the overdramatics.
Choose: A one night stand with the celeb of your choice or find your soulmate but you can’t have sex. Say she has some sort of vaginal condition that makes sex extremely painful to her. Which option do you choose? One night stand is on your bed and she leaves immediately in the morning disgusting by what took place. No chance of her staying.-Aqualead12
Great question. Assuming I am single, I think Id still go with the soulmate. Its the only available lasting relationship, plus being my soulmate, she’s in the 1%er of enjoying offering mouth party. But, I dont believe in soul mates. So, I’ll take Reese Witherspoon and her greatest regret honors.
When you last made dinner, what was it? -CanadiAnne
BBQ boneless pork ribs, Mac n cheese, Baked beans with bacon and maple syrup, Corn on the cob, Toast and pickles
hey today show, “heaven is for real for kids” isn’t a news story. kid had a near death experience and went to heaven! better put them on national television. family: “we’re not trying to profit from this, we just made a kid’s book, a young adult novel, an adult novel, and a full length movie.” plus, hey, did you guys know jesus is a big white guy who wears a giant golden crown? -ILoveLED1080
Jokes on you for thinking that Network morning shows are coming with any kind of journalism, what so ever. Theres a reason 90% of their programming is dangerous kids toys, cooking segments and the national weather. Read a paper, online. If you want Paula Deens latest meatloaf recipe, sensationalized “news” raped of all context, and Matt Lauer skiing down sand, you knock yourself out. But, you’re complaining that the Prohibition documentary you’re watching on TV doesn’t have enough trivia and cash prizes. You are watching the wrong show for what you want, is the point.
The What’s What, Volume 117
Why do so many MLB players not swing 3-0? Very often you’re getting a fat meatball of a pitch down the middle of the plate. The highest level I ever played was HS ball, but I always swung 3-0 if it was a good pitch to hit. This always bothered me that MLB hitters just pass on what is likely to be the most hittable pitch they’ll see in the whole game. -VendinglyIlluminated
I completely agree. They should, AT THE VERY LEAST, be expecting a meatball to crush. I see alot of 3-0 meatballs that go by because the manager demands another click to the opposing pitch count. I’m all for working a pitcher long, but also have never understood the pitch count argument in that situation. I get the “next two pitches might be a ball” angle, but still feel like the rewards are worth the risk.
Why do men who pose for Playgirl do so without boners? I mean if it’s without boners then it’s kind of not telling the whole story. -Trezzk2
Good point, never thought of that. My first instinct is to note that it would seem like people whod want to look at pictures of naked men for sexual arousal, would want those men sexually aroused. But, whatever. Not my canoe, so I’m not wasting any time paddling.
Fuck you, Texas. I dunno why but I felt compelled to say that. -Tricky70930
I had a fair time when I went. The people were nice enough. And the BBQ, while good, I’ve always preferred the saucy version of Tennessee and the Carolinas. I also disagree with some of their politics, but it’s a fine place and I’d welcome the chance to go back.
Is it acceptable to eat dessert after lunch? – somerandomguy
I say Yes, unless you’re fat. Then, you are inviting ridicule. You can wait an hour or so and call it a snack, legally. Of course, this is all hinging on the fact that it’s a lighter dessert than one would expect at dinner, since lunch is a lighter meal that dinner. You can’t have a cup of soup and a bakery tasting sampler at the break room table or anything.
I Showed My Gynecologist Friend, Who Specializes In Women Over 70, Your Blog Yesterday…He said it’s the worst thing he’s ever seen. -Adsimbenefits
I am shocked bordering disbelief. Why a doctor would focus on a human organ that doesnt work anymore is completely over the scope of my understanding. What kind of gynecologist specializes in the elderly? The malfunction rate on a human female 75 year old uterus has to be around 100%. It’s like rebuilding a god-damned BetaMax. Even if you get it working, theres nothing you can put in it. Wait. Not the best analogy. Hold on. It’s like calling a mechanic for that car you have under a tarp in your garage for the last 20 years, but it runs on moon rocks. Why not deliver babies? Why not try to give a middle aged woman the chance at motherhood? Seems counter-productive to me, is all. Not only is that gross, but he must suck. He just slides off their panties, takes a dust buster to the wrinkly cooters, tosses in a couple moth balls and charges Medicare $300? I hope you didnt let him use your keyboard. I kid, tell him thanks for reading.
SCENARIO: You can ENHANCE one part of your body with CYBERNETICS. Which body part do you choose? Which body part do you choose? Derk@_Derk@
While it would be very cool to have super eyesight or hearing for the rest of my life. Can I cheat and wait until something starts to fail, and use it on that? For a guaranteed second lease on life for even the slightest amount of time? I’d do that. What a rare gift.
I know hes dead and everything but Greg Giraldo wasnt that funny. this i only my opinion of course….maybe i just didnt understand his schtick. -OffenseSupplied
While I enjoyed his roast work, people overstepped his impact and success in the days after he died. I can’t blame them, and it’s am amazing common phenomenon. Don’t let it get to you.
Should I buy a Kindle? -prusion3126
While it’s my favorite stand-alone e-reader, not if you can hold off. The prices have continually decreased since their inception. Eventually, people believe it will be more cost effective to give them away with the purchase of 5 books, or opening an amazon account or something. Unless you are getting an iPad or a tablet to does other things, hold off as long as you can to save hundreds of dollars, and gain years of technological advancement.
People who aren’t registered organ donors shouldn’t be able to be put on an organ waiting list. They shouldn’t be able to receive donated organs if they aren’t willing to do the same. -BroncksBommahs2
This isn’t a take-a-penny, leave-a-penny pot luck supper. Usable organs should go to those that need them, end of story.
The Whimsical MetaCognitionist Chronicles 