The What’s What, Volume 119

by metacognitionist
 Who would win in a fight to the death: Jack Bauer or Jason Bourne? Set up the fight anyway you choose: location, weapons, etc. Doesn’t matter, you know these two are going to end up finishing the fight in close quarters probably hand to hand anyway.

Bourne, hands down.  Bauer is too emotional.  David Webb is a quiet tank.  Jack Bauer is lucky if he sees it coming.

2 weeks ago I told the cute co-worker chick that I’d give her a ride to the airport. I figured I’d get some bonus points for being a nice guy.This past week she friendzoned me. I think she realized why I offered, so she decided to compensate me by giving me a barely used air conditioner window unit for free… -amurrican

“I’ve decided not to let you into my vagina, but thanks for playing. As a parting gift enjoy this brand new Whirlpool Air Conditioner! Be sure to think of me when you are cool on a hot summer day.”
Why do most NFL fans seem to hate Rex Ryan and the Jets?  We haven’t won a Superbowl since 1969 and if Rex Ryan was the coach of your team, you would love the fact that he talks smack and shows so much confidence in his team. -nuttyitalian88 

I dont like the Jets, but I like Rex Ryan. He occasionally tries too hard. Like dressing up as his brother or doing Belichick impressions. I understand it puts the sports writers on his good side, but its pretty unprofessional.  Takes away focus.

Who wants cream? Nobody?  Okay, no cream. -PeonLowalski

Eat the soap, rookie. Show him up. Take a bite, rook. C’mon….  Eat it, eat iFOR CHRISTS SAKE, GIVE ME THE DAMN SOAP
Rate existing as a human being on planet Earth/10 -monkeyh00

10/10 if my options are existing as a human being anywhere else.  It’s a good start to a question, but there arent enough details.  I think you want me to rate my life experience, but then why not ask that?  If I am to die at 70, should I not rate my life at 5/10 since its not half over yet?  Gun to my head, 10/10 because I dont want to be ungrateful for what I have.

What’s the most amount of $ you’ve ever given to a homeless person? -Bronzemonkey

I once gave a homeless person a lobster tail with truffle mac n cheese. Spent $40 and ate three bites.  Cash, though? Maybe a buck or two. I was always giving homless people food, when I lived in the city. Theres this one guy whod open doors for people at the Store 24 in Kenmore square, and I’d always ask him if he wanted a drink or a snack when he opened the door for me. 
Ever play a game and halfway into it, u realize you have no clue wuts happening in the story? -etsallgood189
Sure. Metal Gear Solid 4. I shut off pretty quickly on paying attention to that mayhem.  Honestly and unfortunately, I dont understand a lot of Japanese storylines. There seems to be a lot of reliance on “if supernatural all-powerful object were to fall into the wrong hands….”  I’m certainly not accusing them of not enough effort, good lord.  Those cutscenes went for HOURS.  Everyone who played the game knows I am not exaggerating.
Can you buy pepper spray in a store for self-defense?  Just wondering after hearing about my friend getting mugged on the weekend by three guys at once. -acekhemist42

That depends.  Did he have any warning that pepper spray would have helped, or are you just going to get your pepper spray taken from you during your first mugging? Plus, factor the cost of pepper spray against how much money you have in your wallet at any given time.  Don’t buy a $50 can of stuff to protect 3 singles, $1.42 on a DuDo gift card and a picture of your cat.