The What’s What, Volume 65

Whats the earliest you’ve ever wake ‘n baked it?-UkranianRifRif

4:20 every year on 4/20. I know. Make fun all you want.  Other than that, probably 5:30 or 6 for the Boston marathon.

It’s strange how athiests believe in aliens and yet don’t believe in God. Most of the atheist’s arguments are “Well the galaxy is so big how could there not be life on other planets?” And yet, there’s no scientific proof that aliens exist at all. It’s funny how they’re the same ones bashing Christians and Muslims because “There’s no proof God exists, LOL”  Oh, the hypocrisy. -DrunkenCookie

Life on Earth is proof it can happen for people who don’t believe in creation.  That is to say humans are aliens to every other planet.

Why does the audience always boo the guy when he is not the father on Maury? -EC4118

Because they want everyones life to be crappier than the one that led them to be sitting in a Maury Povich audience.

Remember when you used to fap to the Girls Gone Wild commercials? -CockStar

No, never the commercials, unfortunately.  But, I am still in love with the Southern girl in the purple bikini that called her mom to ask her if she could take her top off.  Mom said yes, and I am forever grateful.

2 years for shooting yourself in the leg???? What kind of ass-backwards system is this? -QDNPCash

A gun in his possession went off in a crowded bar on accident.   It’s still a crime, and a miracle he only shot his own retarded ass.

A Spa nearby was advertising: “Spermalogical Facial – 340% off” – E3ClampsE3

I know it’s not the focus, but how the hell is anything 340% off?   That means they pay you three times the amount of the service to get one?  I can’t get past this.

So I’m randomly going for “coffee” with my high school crush/obsession this weekend. I’m 22 now so this was obviously a long time ago, but I had the hugest, hugest crush on this girl, nothing ever came of it because she had always had a boyfriend / I was too much of a bitch to make my move. When I did have a sort of chance a few years ago, I’d moved on, had other girls etc.

Now I’m broken up with my GF of 3 years for quite a while and I’m going with this girl who was like, “the one who got away.” It’s messing me up…serious advice Vesti? She initiated this which is good at least. She lives in a town 2-3 hours away for college purposes, although her family and many friends live here, and she comes back intermittently. Also, I know she’s dated (and so presumably sexed) a lot of guys, to the point many guys would not like it. Ahhh well! -C0ldB1ll

Sweet, so now that her emotions have been torn apart by pretty boys in college, shes decided to take stock in the guys that worshipped her in high school to see if any of them are rich. Play up the fact that you have great occupational prospects and you are likely to get a shot in her pants. Welcome to life.

apparently theyre bringing back celebrity boxing and rodney king is going to fight an ex cop, lol – DogtheAccountant

Are they going to make RK fight on his back from the ground like last time?

Has America always been in a culture war? Or is this way worse than its ever been before? -ElPadrinoExperto

When the media sold out, they pretty much polarized everything. It started sometime during President Clintons Administration.  Seems to have gotten super amped up during the Gore v Bush thing.

Shatter kicks ass.  -CranstonNBC

It took me a THOUSAND tries to get 10M on the bonus mode. Got 9.8 three times and 9 or over at least a dozen times.  Finally got the trophy tonight, 11.1M. LoL.

Bob Ryan said Jeter is the best of his generation.-IwontheInternet

His defense has always been suspect. And he’s a little overrated overall because he’s playing the Yankees premier position.  He’s great, don’t get me wrong. First ballot hall of famer. But hes not the best of this generation.   I’m giving that distinction to either A-Rod or Ichiro. Seriously.

As it turns out, elaborately performed disrespect is hilarious.

One Christmas break my friend and I snuck to the woods outside a families house that we hated. When the coast was clear, we stole the baby Jesus out of his families manger set and put Joseph doggystyling Mary in the manger, and either a donkey or a camel had his head in there, helping out somehow. I believe Myrrh and Gold were finger-cuffing Frankincense in the stable, also.

As we were running away shouting Taliban slogans and laughing our asses off into the pitch black night, I sprinted, nipples first, into one of those high tension wires stuck into the ground to hold up telephone poles. Instantly, I literally made a C shape with my body in mid air, legs parallel to the ground as all the air escaped from me. I remember seeing my baseball cap frisbee off my head, like it was still going running speed. It whizzed 10-15 feet ahead of me. I didn’t feel any pain, I now believe my body was more interested in wtf had just happened than to register pain. As I sat there, my friend notices I’ve stopped and retreats to collect me. He thought I saw something, so he kneels down next to me and I told him what happened. He blamed it on the ghost of Jesus. I told him I thought we would have had a three day head start.

Anyway, we sent a ransom letter to the family, with a Polaroid of baby Jesus blindfolded and guns pointed at his head. Letters cut out of magazines and everything. During my buddy’s family vacation, he sent them a postcard from Martha Vineyard with two hot babes on the front. He taped a picture of baby Jesus with sunglasses and a Mai Thai between the babes and told the family he escaped his captors by turning 97% of their bodies into wine. He said he was going to travel a bit and he’d be back in time for the Holidays. Sure enough, we returned him the following year with stickers from across the globe on him.

The What’s What, Volume 64

Your issues with the movie Watchmen would be best served by reading the graphic novel.  It was a movie for people who were fans, if you don’t like it, get the fuck out. -JoystickJesus

It’s the same thing with Harry Potter.  Movies are not 2 1/2 hour book commercials.  Movies should be able to stand alone.  If a normal person buys a ticket, pays attention, and leaves the theatre confused on any key point, then the movie has done a disservice to the paying customer.

I noticed you’ve been playing a lot of Fat Princess. What exactly is it?  Is it fun?  There’s no demo. -SeminoldTimer

It’s capture the flag only the flag is a princess that your make more difficult to carry by feeding her cake. Plus there is wizards, priests, warriors, rangers and worker classes to choose from at any point you wish during the game.  Hell yes it’s fun, a mix of button mashing mayhem and strategy.  (Anyone reading this with a PS3, please feel free to send a friend request to MetaCognitionist)

Do you think Bob Saget is funny? I think people only think hes funny because he used to be Mr Tanner and now hes saying bad words.  -MysticalOfficer

Saying shocking things does not necessarily make them funny.  His stand-up is worthless, but his acting is funny. He’s only funny when others write the funny for him.

Is Socom Confrontation the biggest failure of this generation? I mean seriously. Horrible at launch, released with only 8 maps, And still no MAP PACK, COD WAW has 3.   Still waiting for a patch to fix the famas and the clan ladders ,  Not even gonna talk about the inability to shoot out of windows and over rails…. and yet, with all this i played the game like hell for about 4 months, i just recently said fuck it i put it away.   Slant six fails so hard. -LegolassMan

SOCOM is pretty fail. Complete lack of single player or tutorial completely removes the fun for any rookies who haven’t played it.   Plus the installation and load times are shockingly ridiculous.   It’s the only game I have regretted purchasing this generation that’s for sure.

If Jesus had died 20 years ago, Christians would be wearing electric chairs instead of crucifixes. -Sharkaroo

Interesting point. I’m not sure he broke any of today’s laws, though.  Plus we would have visual record of him committing miracles.  I agree that someones method of death is a bad symbol for their lives, if that is your point, but I’m not sure it translates to today’s time.

Wait.. RadioShack is going to be called just “The Shack” now? Bad move.-GermanApologist

Really? You don’t think that the term “Radio” harbors a little bit of credibility issues for a cutting edge electronics store?

Imagine being the children of a porn star???-InfinityZero

I can’t decide what’s worse.  Being a teenage boy and completely mortified to look at porn in case you accidentally see your Mom catching a mouthful from 12 dudes in public.  Or having to deal with your friends that have.  Poor bastards.

Should cops be respected more than the average citizen?-Superdickery

Everyone deserves only the respect they earn. This goes for cops, strangers, your parents, everyone.

Do you usually laugh at your own jokes?  -ManJuiceLunatic

It’s okay to do so if you are being witty and making immediate jokes based on a situation that just happened.  If you write jokes for a living, argue over the proper wording in the writers room, and then laugh while telling them hours later, you are a failure. See Bill Maher, and Jimmy Fallon.

What are your impressions on the Batman: Arkham Asylum demo?-CockoldFart

Fun to play and looks nice. I particularly like the way the game visuals transform into comic book illustrations when you pause the game.  But yeah, there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of replayability, but I’m at least renting the game, for sure.

Oh Boo-fucking-hoo.  Cry about your  ex-girlfriend some more. Way to hold a grudge. –jasonnasojjason

I was asked a question.  I wanted to be clear that her having sex with someone else wasn’t really the problem.  It was that her attitude changed towards me,  she realized this and used me  instead of dumping me.   I’m certainly not holding a grudge against her.  I swear to God, it took me three days to remember her last name, and I’m still not convinced I remember it correctly.  Just because I know from previous experiences that I don’t like the kind of person she is, and we would not get along, doesn’t mean I’m holding a grudge.  It means I let history influence decisions.  I didn’t mean to come off sounding still wounded or anything.  Other people suck too, I’m not losing any sleep over them, either.

you do realize that religion only exists because it’s a trillion dollar industry, right?  -Soggypillow

Just like any other business, most money goes into advertising which never tells the truth.  They should run with something like “Catholocism: Subsidizing teenage nut juggling for over 1500 years.”

Do you think you could take a dump on a chick’s face if she asked you to? I was thinking I could, but not if I liked her and she knew any of my friends though. -DrayDizzle

Wait. Your crapping on a girls face and your worried about what your friends would think ABOUT YOU if she told them? Like you would be the one to be embarrassed in that situation?   “Oh yeah? Well, I’m gonna tell all your friends that you shit on my face! That’ll show you!”

Pepsi & Mountain Dew Throwback will return!! On facebook & twitter Pepsi announced the throwbacks will be making a comeback December 28-February 22.-DataLovesJordi

I loved them both, and will support their return with purchases.  If you are a perceptive reader, thanks for the heads up.  If you are a corporate shill googling where your products are mentioned and sending me a mail to pimp your shit, then fuck yourself with a Coke bottle.

How did your meteor shower night golf event thing go? -Crow754

Great, thanks for asking.  I lost but played well and the weather cooperated.  The group confirmed 8 meteors in 3+ hours.  The only bad thing were the mosquitoes.  It sucks being the only food source available for these bastards within the mile.

Wow, Youkilis really made himself look like a fool… Porcello looks smaller than him too. -CaptDrawers

They both looked foolish.  Porcello backing away with his hands raised leading Youkilis to Porcellos defenders is a bitch move.  But so is throwing your helmet and getting your momentum shifted by someone 40 pounds lighter than you.  It wasn’t a good thing for either of them.

Is Mad Men a good show? I’m interested in the new season, but I’ve never seen it.  -Illegalsubstance

Its in my top 5 right now.  You might want to Netflix the first couple of seasons. Not because the stories are so complex, Im sure you could piece it together. Its mostly awesome because of the sets, acting and the authenticity feel of the writing. I haven’t seen the new season so I’m not sure how much info you would need to follow along.

Have you ever used pages of the Bible or record sheaths as joint paper?-LifeofStrife

Yes. In a hotel while travelling cross country. We used Genesis because we figure everyone already knew that story.

The What’s What, Volume 63

Have you ever tried breast milk after being a baby? -cocakratos

I slept over a friend of mines house and in the morning he put his wifes breastmilk in my coffee. I barely noticed a difference, he thought I was gonna spit it out. When he told me I looked him straight in the eye, drank the rest of the coffee, and told him her boobs were delicious.

NO NOT CHRIS MCKENDRY, Bring back Hannah Storm.  -CircusBest

Both those ladies are worthless for sports reporting.  They are like robots who can’t pronounce athlete names.  Erin Andrews and Linda Cohn own them.

Have you ever hit a girl? -DJBizzle

Yes, twice.   Once, I instinctively slapped a girl who just spit water in my face to prove to her friends she was a bad ass or had the upper hand on me or something.  I’m not exactly sure why, but it was premeditated and juvenile.  And it wasn’t really like I hit her, more like I pushed her by the face, but there was a loud slap.  The other time was because a different girl asked me to several times during sex, so I did.  She had to convince me over time it’s what she wanted, but I eventually did.

A 3some with two 5’s or a 1-on-1 with a 10? -ElectoralUniversity

I have had both experiences. And I’m gonna say the three-way for a couple reasons.

1.) It’s more likely that you get a 10 drunk enough or generally vulnerable enough to plug her at some point in your life time. I have had 2. One as a girlfriend, and another as a one night stand.

2.) One the door is shut and the lights are off 2 sets or hands and holes is just ridiculously fun, and the likelihood you are going to get another opportunity for this is far less likely.

Mind you, during my threesome one was a 6 and the other an 8. But, I can’t ignore my own experiences. I guarantee that if you were really given that option, once its over, you’d regret not picking 2 girls. You’ve had sex with a hottie before. You’ve never been knuckle deep in two girls at the same time, or balls deep in one while being molar deep in the other.

Better Head Coach: Urban Meyer or Pete Carrol? -GestapoMotorCompany

Urban Meyer, 2 reasons.

1.) Recruits well in a really competitive state. Pretty much anyone who is talented and wants to live in Cali goes to USC these days.

2.) Not a proven failure in the NFL.

Name food combinations that sound odd/disgusting but are great in reality. -LynchPin321

Watermelon Sherbet and chocolate chips, my all time favorite.

have you ever been cheated on? If so, did you actually love the girl that did it to you?  my girl did it to me last month, during one of our “down” times. it really hurt me but i took her back… would you ever take back a girl if she cheated on you? -CooliosDreds

Yes, and I was in love with her. I would never have known about the cheating, if she wasn’t blackmailed into telling me by someone she trusted.  I owe the blackmailer a lot, she was the only one offering me the truth, as underhanded as the way she presented it was.

I didn’t have the option to take the girlfriend back. She had already decided to leave me when she started banging other dudes, yes, plural. She just needed me to help her move, get her high, eat her out, and buy her things until she had the nerve to dump me.  I wasn’t upset at the cheating as I was the way she handled it and treated me in the process.  She got a STD test, and I accepted that she cheated on me then, and didn’t really care all that much about the sex.  I was more interested in repairing what made her cheat, but again, she has resigned the relationships failure and portrayed an interest in fixing the relationship to continue taking advantage of my generosity.

Luckily, I had sex with the blackmailer (and unwittingly assisted the blackmail) a handful of times, and I had lost so much respect and just general interest in the ex-girlfriend, because of the callous way she treated me, it became a celebrated blessing that she was gone, never to resurface in my life for even a casual hello.   Again, in my story, I didn’t see the cheating as the serious problem.  It was the way she so easily resigned herself to using and disrespecting me  after advertising to our family and friends how much we were in love at the time that really opened my eyes to the type of person she was capable and, apparently, comfortable being.   That feeling of betrayed trust was far worse than her sleeping with some guy I didn’t like to begin with.

What’s opinion on Gordon Ramsay?-Vadilla

Don’t know, never met him. I have had his food once and it was fantastic.  If he really is how his TV shows portray him, then we would not get along, professionally. I have worked for chefs like him, and don’t react well to that kind of motivation.

So wait… the recession was caused by people buying things they couldn’t afford on credit. So as part of the recovery, the government creates a program where they encourage people to buy cars on credit they normally wouldn’t? You don’t  see a problem with this? -LittleFather

Prius’ don’t cost as much as a two family, 12 acre Colonial in Lenox, Massachusettts, genius.

If the PS3 sold trophies, I’d probably buy one. –OfficerFoster

They’re a good secondary goal if I’m having a good time with the game. It seems like the design, to allow others to see what games you liked by how far you advanced or how much you play them was overrun by farmers. I bet it sells/rents more games so, I bet the developers like that.

I’m in Boston alone. What should I do? -PeriodicLoveseat

Museum of Science is the bomb. Theres usually a few good IMAX movies playing throughout the day. The planet-arium is good there also.

I would also suggest BU Beach. Which is not actually a beach. Its a field next to Storrow Drive behind BU, and when you lie down and close your eyes, the cars driving by behind you over the hill sound like waves crashing. But, hotties tan there during the summer when the kids are out of school.

If you have a GPS go Geocaching and see some cool landmarks and historical sights, if that stuff interests you.

What near-future events are you most excited for? -Josh9515

In order of appearance; The 6th Annual Perseid MeteOpen (a night golf event during a meteor shower), my friends fantasy football draft party, football sundays, fall weather, and Red Dead Redemption.

The What’s What, Volume 62

If you jerk off and work out at the same time you will work out more as theres more adrenaline, you will orgasm alot harder from the sudden relaxation and you only need to clean yourself up once for two activities. -Dirty_Pants

Way ahead of you, I installed a fleshlight into my rowing machine. One of my greatest achievements.

Your opinion on Mopeds? -mayobacon

A buddy of mine had a few decked out as mini dirtbikes and we used to ride them around his families trails when we were kids.   I certainly wish they were more accepted. Cheap, safe, easy on the environment.

If you live in a small town, I say yes. Otherwise, no. Probably to dangerous to ride on the roads. Something you laugh about and don’t change any insurance information for in a car will kill someone on a moped.

Slumdog Millionaire’s story was just terrible. The movie was very well made, but the story just blew. -AuburnU99

Note to directors; just because you have a low budget does not make chases on foot as exciting as car chases. There’s less explosions. Thank you.  The first time I saw it, I was on a plane and didn’t have the sound. I thought it was a movie about marathons, there was so much god damned running.

Which is worse: Anime or wrestling? -CleanHarry

First off, I’m giving anyone 18 years or younger a pass on either of them. Kids can be into these without losing respect from me.

But for adults? Anime. Unfortunately, the stereotypes associated with anime are far worse than the stereotypes associated with watching wrestling. Plus, I know fans of wrestling who don’t take it seriously at all. The only people who claim to really enjoy anime without suspending disbelief or the “I’m just watching the technical aspects of the animation crowd” comes off as a horrible excuse to get off on tentacle porn.

If Jesus Christ offered you a hug right now, would you accept, Atheist? -NeoSkywalker

Passing up a hug from Jesus is like passing up a blow job from Isabella Soprano; you just don’t do those kinds of things.

See Watchmen yet?  Waiting for your take. -DJKwan&TheBiz

1.) Why are all these people caring about the death of an asshole? They show the Comedian just being a douchebag the entire movie. And everyone is sad when he dies. They show one little scene where he is drunk and presumably is regretful. I just don’t get it.

2.) How is Rorshach able to claim that “someone is killing off costumed heroes” after the Comedians death? It’s only one murder, not a serial killing. Also, if there was one Watchmen that made enemies, it looked like the Comedian was that guy. What as asshole he was. He deserved to be murdered by other Watchmen because he was giving them a bad name.

Good movie, but long. Needed more Ozymandias.

Hey, Elitist Atheist – How does it  make you feel to know that it was a Roman Catholic Priest who first proposed what we now call the “Big Bang” theory? -SmallPerformance36

I would wager that he was trying to prove God exists somehow.  But, why would finding truth bother someone, dependent on how they were trying to find it?   That’s doesn’t make any sense to me, personally.

Why does everyone from Boston think it is the greatest city ever? -AmandaHuggenkiss

It’s a beautiful coastal city where college aged girls are the number one demographic. Thanks to the dozens of gigantic colleges and half dozen or so girls only colleges. If you have never been, then I suggest you go before wondering why 99% of the people who have been there, loves it.

Would you agree that if someone is a High School Football coach, they’re a failure? -HomoforRomo

Depends on their ambitions. If they had dreams of coaching in the NCAA or NFL, then yes, they are failures.  If they just want to be a leader to young people and a pillar of the community, then they are not.  By my method, you would only know he’s a failure if he admitted it to you.

I miss the XFL. -TKornheisersbaldspot

That scramble at the beginning of the game for the ball instead of the coin toss was fucking BOSS.

If you don’t think Michael Vick has (more than) paid his debt to society then you’re just a racist.-LockBlock

If I (white) get sent to jail for 2 years on racketeering charges, you think my job is gonna let me back?

Rate Minnie Driver out of 10. -Barrelryder

She moderately cute. Nice boobies. In interviews her personality and accent makes her more attractive. Also, I was surprised how well she can sing. 8/10

Did you watch alot of TV when you were a kid? –Imnotalf

I watched Saturday morning cartoons and live sports with my Dad up until we got cable and Nickelodeon when I was 8, I think, then I watched that alot.  My sister and I watched A-Team and Dukes of Hazzard on Fridays too. But that was it. Couple hours a week.  Granted, there wasn’t much for kids on TV all day when I was a kid.  I wasn’t really into the Reagan/Mondale debates.

A Unicorn with a dildo on its head instead of a horn.  Dildocorn?  Uniporn?  Thoughts? -Sizzlean15

My thoughts are to call animal control.