As it turns out, my vengeance is excessive.

At least, it was, when I was a child. There was this bully, he ruined everyones life for a number of years. He spit in my face, and others, countless times. He would knock textbooks out of girls hands, and when they bent over to collect them, he would grab the back of their head and mash his crotch in their face. You would be walking down the hallway, and you would get punched in the back of the head hard as hell. He poked people with pins, mostly girls in the ass. He scattered thumb tacks around the locker room. He was very violent, put a kid in the hospital for some insignificant drama.

Anyway, he got his own car for his sixteenth birthday. It was nice, Pontiac something. He used to park it waaaay in the back of the lot by the woods in three spaces so no one would scratch it. it only took two weeks of seeing this happen every day that I decided to make his new car, my target of retribution.

I thought it would be best to pull my stunt just after the second period bell, everyone who was late would be in, and it’s too early for anyone to leave, they just would have taken the day off. I skipped first period and hid in the woods. Two minutes after the second bell, I;

– Was ready to break his window with a rock to get into the car, but the dumb bastard left it unlocked.

– Tore his leather seats with a pocket knife. Shredded them.

– Left a hot steaming food canoe in his ashtray. (I squatted in the back seat and let piss flow throughout his back leather seats. Before I did this I emptied the contents of his glove compartment into the back, so his documentation was soaked in urine.)

– Emptied a five pound bag of salt into his gas tank.

– Stole every fuse in the box and put them in his gas tank also.

– Kicked a screwdriver through the faceplate of his stereo system.

– Ripped his visors/sunscreens from their holdings, folded them neatly and left them in his glove compartment.

– Left a note that said “If you weren’t such a **** to soooo many people, you’d know who’s ass to kick, ****tard.”

Think it’s excessive? I do now, also.

But, at the time, this was for a reason. If I just slashed his seats, he replaces his seats, and goes on with life.
When you do so many different things, he never quite knows if he fixed all the problems you caused, so it adds to the psychological warfare of it all. Additionally, I was sure not to mess with the outside of his car, so he wouldn’t consider it a loss and wreck it.

I wanted to see him driving around in it for the next 3 years just knowing that it still contained traces of my fecal matter, and more importantly, that he knew it did.

Made three years of laughs possible at any corner. The mall, my girlfriends house (he lived near her), the school, at a stoplight. I saw him in his car and I laughed.