The What’s What, Volume 92

Do you think the next GTA will be able to break the single day sales record again? MW2 made it pretty tough. -DaGaym

Well, something will, at some point.  MW2 will not last forever, I promise. Even if it takes MW3.

Going to the circus Friday. Haven’t been to the circus since the 6th grade. I’m going to ride the elephant.  -MightyMaybe

And a clown will likely molest you. They’re like the priests of carnivals, don’t let the makeup fool you.

lol this girl gave me a bj in bathroom then made out with my friend.  Then i was standing with a different friend and her and joking about it. And i told her to suck that friends dick and she did for 10 seconds. Then she went inside and made out with the other friend again. He knows nothing about it and its his regular booty call. Little does he know we both had sex with her in the past.  LMAO if only he knew. A girl just sucked two of his friends dick then made out with him within a 30min period. This is not a white trash situation either. This is a hot 105lb asain chick that works for abercrombie.  Ugh im surrounded by bad people. This is why i dont trust anyone anymore. Including myself. -HimandEric

I can’t tell if you are bragging about this?  Even if this is true, it paints you as a really bad friend.  I just don’t understand the brotherhood fraternity mentality of friendship. Its more like torturing dozens of each other into emotional bribery and blackmail instead of just building a few trusted relationships with partners in crime.  The groups of friends that you want getting your back in fights, are not the ones you want in a successful real life where there aren’t brawls breaking out, commonly. Just a heads up.

My Favorite nfl Player Is A Second-String Player, is that weird?  -ArkoftheGovernment

Since mine is retired, Barry Sanders, I say no.

So we’re about one season away from E3 2010 in Los Angeles; What are YOU hoping for this year? -BestServant

I’d like to see a good crop of innovative software titles, and less of the wii motion control shenanigans catered to from Sony and XBox.  I’d like the sandbox genre to continue to get more popular, expansive, and varied. I’d like for Nintendo to drop an Animal Crossing for the Wii. A new one and everything. Seriously. Those three and it’s going to be an expensive season for me.

What exactly is a plea of “No Contest”? I dont really understand it. -NinjaFlapper

From what I understand, people only use it when they accept a plea bargain from the Law but want to be able to defend themselves in civil court.

Played the Just Cause 2 demo yet? -DynamicBarbarian

Yes.  Also, I bought the game Day 1.  It’s amazing.  Huge open world.  Your main method of transportation is a parachute/grappling hook combo.  The missions are varied and fun, I highly recommend it.

Pugs are seriously the best dogs of all time. -RileyV113

A buddy of mine’s girlfriend has one and besides the fact that its ugly as hell and fires the nastiest smelling shitfire acid on his belongings unless he takes it to the vet/groomers every two weeks to get its rectum squelched, it’s really a nice pet.  You should get a couple.

My buddy keeps going on and on about how the Simpsons are not funny and how Family Guy is a way better cartoon.  Whatever, it’s an opinion, but he feels superior to those who prefer Simpsons. Anything I can tell him to shut up? -FreeBoobies

I’d wager Seth McFarlane considers the Simpsons an inspiration.  It’s cool to have a preference, but to call the Simpsons not funny, even if you think it’s true, makes you seem overemotional about the topic to the point where your credibility is a serious concern.

The What’s What, Volume 61

What’s the worst kind of internet degenerate?  Liars, Fanboys, Music/Religious elitists, Trolls? -Lourde_VJ

Oh, God. White Knights. Hands down.  Is there anything more pathetic that a guy standing up for someone over the internet solely because shes a woman?   I just can’t find it in myself to allow them even a slight shred of credibility. Plus, they are feeding attention whores, my second least favorite type of internet user, and least favorite type of real person.

My girlfriend dumped me, but as it stands, I still have to give her rides to work.  Is there anything more pathetic than that? -ValidDickTorian

Pathetic?  Yes.  But, also, a little opportunity to twist that dagger.  Grab some of your sister/Moms perfume and spray it in the car the night before.  Then pick her up with the windows down so it looks like you were trying to mask it.

Can you imagine how epic it would be to see the Star Wars V twist in theatres for the first time? -Victor777

Kinda sad that no one from any following generation will get the twist. With all the pop culture reference and what not. I remember that an episode of Muppet Babies spoiled it for my little sister. Kids now will just find it as a shocking moment to Luke, and important to the plot, not shocked themselves.

Family Guy was nominated for Outstanding Comedy Series. That has only been the 2nd time an animated show has been nominated in that category. The Flinstones is the other. -wool21

Great show.  But the fact that the Simpsons wasn’t the 2nd animated show to be nominated is borderline criminal, and definitely produces credibility problems for the Emmy’s, in my eyes.

Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter vs Bill Clinton’s affair. Why do people who love Clinton bash Palin for her daughter being pregnant?   Sounds pretty stupid to me.  -Harts1780

I think it’s because while Gov Palin preached abstinence as the best policy and from her daughters actions, it seems she didn’t have her families support on the issue. President Clinton wasn’t trying to make adultery or cigar molestation a punishable legal offense or anything.

What restaurants should the health department hit hard; Asian or Mexican?-Emptymedia

Oh my God. Mexican BY FAR. Mexican food is slow cooked and left out in double boilers or under heat lamps for hours.  Chinese food is flash fried to order in searing woks. And in order to get many sauces to caramelize, they have to be brought to a ridiculously high temperature.   You could seriously add a teaspoon of swine flu in front of me into the wok thats preparing my food, and I’d still take the chinese food over Mexican.

Do you know that paramedics can’t pronounce someone dead unless they’re decapitated?  Moobs1818

You saying the movie “Knowing” had inaccurate information involved in its presentation?

As I type this, my girlfriends step dad is playing guitar and singing Christian music. I’m an atheist, and he knows it. -MDTerps07

Make up your own lyrics about how you should kill women for speaking in church, and stoning gays and sing along.

Were you involved in any school activities at college?-DimNeon

My friends and I had a radio show. We created fictional personalities and interviewed each other.   I was the Prince of International Waters for one show. We broadcast live Zonk games from the dorms. Played music and held marathon shows for lunar eclipses and meteor showers. Some of the greatest times I had was in that studio.

Which minor injury sucks more; Papercut or Splinter? -DigitalTornado

Ill go with splinter. Papercuts heal themselves.   You have to wait until you can take a sliver out which can be hours, and then you have to deal with this painful annoyance in you for hours, possibly.

Thoughts on the Erin Andrews nude video? -Crackagoboom

Its not fair to her at all. But in the mean time, she’s smoking hot and she’s welcome to see me naked any time she would like to.  Additionally, shes the one who confirmed it.  The video quality isn’t great enough to make a definitive claim as to the identity.  If she said “That’s not me” I would have believed her and likely never have seen it.

The What’s What, Volume 43

Is society itself getting less and less intelligent? I mean, schools have lowered their standards, English classes have put books away because they would be “too difficult” for students, and most people I asked have no idea what the Iron Curtain was. WTF? -Assprin91

I believe that the divide between the smart and stupid is getting farther apart.  Todays instant gratification society is becoming a great tool for the clever and urbane, while becoming a seriously problematic distraction for the simple and easy manipulated.

Did you hear about the new GranSlam breakfast at Denny’s inspired by OCTOMOM? 8 eggs, no sausage and the man at the next table pays for it! -EliteWeaponry

Funny confirmed.

South Park or Family Guy? -Skinsfan09

I’m giving the edge to Family Guy only because they don’t make South Park jokes, and I find attacks like that petty and embarrassing.

I always have to force myself to try and forget Ocean’s 12 is part of the Ocean’s trilogy. It’s such a shame because Ocean’s 11 is so amazing, and Ocean’s 13 is really not a bad movie, but MAN… Ocean’s 12 is terrible. -PrizzonWurrker

I really enjoyed 13. Though, 11 is rightfully the flagship. I can see where they were going with 12, and it is watchable, but it pails in comparison to the other 2.

I’ve been watching Family Feud since the Louie Anderson era and I’ve seen maybe one family ever pass on a question. No one ever sweeps the board if there are more than 4 answers, and usually the questions are weird and you need time to think outside the box to figure out one of the more obscure answers up there. -GlideMonkey

Basically you have to have one of the top two answers on the board to make the decision, and one of the bottom two answers on the board to consider passing.  And then, if the other family takes your answer, you could be pretty much screwed.

I have a program that generates a random number between 1 and infinity. If you guess the number I have right now I will sponsor your blog. -Shamuvon

Aren’t you worried that by starting the program you risk your computer just spouting out numbers to eternity?

What happened to the rumored XBOX Live price drop? -LTomHubbard

They realized you have no choice but to pay what they are asking for?  That’s my guess.

Favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode? I havent seen that many episodes, but the best one ive seen so far is Space Mutiny. Every 1 liner the robots deliver is pure gold.  You?  -SeanandGina

The old 50s short educational films are my favorites. Full length? I’d go for “Mitchell” just for the 2 hours of Joe Don Baker cracks.

Seen this commercial? – These authentic Italians loved Pizza Hut’s Tusconi Lasagna. They loved it cause it was fucking free food you idiots. -DeltaForceB

My favorite part is when they cheer at the end, like “Yay! I got scammed! Awesome!”

Good writing = LOTS OF SYMBOLISM -YellowHint45

Some people find good writing to be the ability to say complex things in a simple manner.  Like lots of things, it’s all a matter of taste.

Hey recession, eat my balls! I just found a job! Store clerk, selling beer and cigarettes 32 hours a week. That’s $242 every week, or damn near $500 every paycheck. -JerryJones4Pres

You are living proof the stimulus package is working. Thanks Obama!

I need two days off work, and a medical certificate stating that I’m unable to attend work due to illness is the only option of getting out.  Obviously I’m not sick, so what are some good symptoms to say to the doctor to make them believe that I’m sick and need a couple of days off work? I was thinking of stomach virus, but I think I’ve used that one a while ago. -BigKoronado

Just go to a walk-in clinic and pay the diagnostic fee. They’ll ask you what you want the form to say. I would suggest asking for it to say three days, so when you go back to work in 2 days, you can shut them up about forms next time.

Japanese Food>Chinese Food -CoolStoryHansel

Japanese cooking is very simple, which has benefits and drawbacks. If they didn’t have a hibachi table to spice up the situation, a majority of Americans wouldnt care because the food is bland to the open palate. Frankly, if sushi wasn’t as popular, they would never stand a chance, even with WWII. Tempura is good, though.

American chinese food is versatile enough, if you get Hunan or Szechwuan, or pretty much anything not fried can be healthy too. But pure chinese food is very complex and dynamic. It’s not surprising its flavours became popular. Spicy and sweet has been doing great things for everywhere but Europe (Where savory dominates) for thousands of years.

Ok, my school is about to purchase a mobile cell phone jammer. This jams all cell phone signals within a 25 meter radius. Now there has to be a way around this, I just need to know what one is. Have any ideas? -VadersRealSon

Sounds complex and expensive. I suggest heavily vandalizing it until it doesnt work anymore. Maybe they won’t buy another.

You ever notice how a woman having a 9 year olds voice is sexy? why? Like Lyla Garrity from Friday Night Lights, sexy voice, but my little cousin has that same voice, it’s strange.  -MatteFinnish

My wife has a tiny voice, I don’t find it sexy, but it’s cute. Especially when shes complaining. But she gets a lot of flack about others for it, so I don’t really mention it. She doesn’t need it from everywhere, all day.  Wait…. Did you just say your cousin was sexy?

How do you get a girls number? -XLIIIWasAwesome

I ask a girl to use her cellphone. Then I call my phone, leave a voicemail to myself, and then give her phone back. I then return my phone call to myself (her phone) and ask her if I can buy her a drink since I already have her phone number, and thats usually the tough part.

The What’s What, Volume 32

Whats the context in Loving v. Virginia? I understand that it’s somewhere in the middle of the civil rights movement, but how far along was the movement? Were blacks seen as equals? 16 states (how many states were there in 1967?) had anti-miscegenation laws, which is the minority. This would lead me to believe that blacks were at least recognized as equals in some matters.  Can you help a Canadian out? -StapleLeaf

It was ratified that by a 6-1 state supreme court vote in 1968, that indeed, Virginia is for lovers.

I love how infomercials make the most mundane process look like rocket science. You know what I’m talking about…infomercial for a new can opener showing the ”old” way to do it and makes it seems impossible to do.
IT’S A FUCKING CAN OPENER, HOW CAN IT BE THAT HARD.  -Lansing_Lance

Theres always a drawer or cabinet full of the most inefficient way to stack anything you own, also.  Add in the shot of someone somehow hurting themselves after a menial task, and you’ve got yourself an infomercial.

The hardest instrument to play in Rock Band? My roomate says guitar, I say drums, you decide. -ProfPhil

In my experience, Drums are the hardest, I get shin splints trying to play the bass drum. If you dont know the song, vocals are tougher than guitar. Bass is always easiest.

my ex-roommates from 06. they used me for my money. i used them to get girls. i get their drunken sloppy seconds. – ApprenticeofOrder

So, what you are saying is that you exchanged the loss of money for a gain in pussy. Way to buy your trim, loser.

How often do you pray? I have to pray every School morning, they make us, other than that I don’t. -tunabomber

I don’t pray, but I hope a lot. I find the results are the same.  Also, no one can force you to pray, you can use that time for introspection or imaging the girl praying in front of you is naked, if you choose.

How can anyone say the quality of Family Guy has gone downhill?  The characters have changed from the stale ones to something more random, yet occasionally hilarious.  -flamer.tv

Because every show always does. Welcome to life.  That being said, I’m still a big fan of free TV delivered to my house that makes me laugh, and Family Guy still fits that bill.

What are the attitudes of most Christians you’ve met like? -DairyReam

The same as my dealings with any other group; 20% genuinely interesting, 80% taking themselves too seriously to care about anything else.

Has a girl ever told you she was older, then turned out to be, much much younger? Without getting too specific, this happened to me recently, and besides flirting with felonies, was very embarrassing. -abolutelyperfect

I met a girl online who lied about her age. I was 18, she told me she was 17. One day she came and picked me up from my college in her car. I thought she looked young and teased her about it. After weeks of having sex she told me she was 14. She stole her moms car and didn’t even have a license, all just to get me to date her, and impress her friends.  I felt taken, for sure.

Um, have girls ever mocked you while you were having sex with them? Like not “LOL YOUR PENIS IS SMALL AND INADEQUATE” but like almost motivational like “what’s wrong too much for you to handle HUH HUH” or things along those lines. _Nishmo

When a girl did that to me, I just put a little weight on her neck with my hand.  In my experience, I have found that girls who like to talk dirty, also like to be shut up.

Who’s your favourite Star Trek Chief Engineer? -Trekkerie

Geordi > Welshy > Scotty > Don’t know anyone else.

Ok, so, I like to consider myself a storyteller since I’ve been a fictional prose writer for years now.
But the way I get story ideas is different than any other method I’ve ever heard of, and that’s what makes me unique I think. Because of this method I use, I rarely have the issue of writer’s block (that’s not to say I never have it – every writer goes through writer’s block once in a while).
I’m not boasting, but I’m really amazed and the extent of ideas I get through this method alone. Looking back, my greatest story ideas come from it. It’s easily and by far my greatest method for getting story ideas.
And you know what? I’m not going to reveal it. I’ll only reveal it once I’m a successful writer. -Sean_David

Well, you’ve got the attention whore quality of a true successful writer.  Unfortunately, your prose sucks. So, your “method” only increases your how much you suck and your ego of which will cause only a bigger crippling of misfortune in your eventual downfall.  Good luck with that, though.

Is sexual content in horror movies always necessary? Only scary movies. Ones that didn’t contain teen sex and boobs, boobs, boobs in order to grab audience. -FDS_Woman

The sort of people who watch horror movies are the sort of people who enjoy cheap and easy visual stimulation of violence upon others, so they would also enjoy the cheap and easy visual stimulation of nudity, or at the least, an attractive lead female.  The perversion of violence is more ensickening to some, than the nude human form.

How many jobs have you had? I’ve been working since I was 16 and a half. And I’ve had a total of 5 jobs (+ a summer internship and private contract work) in the span of the last 6 years. -CannonReed

I started working at 14, probably had a dozen jobs in my life so far, I’m 31.  Full disclosure, 8 of those were restaurants, where in the cooking field more jobs means more experience, where an office thinks more jobs, less stable.

You watch House, right? Thirteen or Cameron? -MelonCollie

Yes, please.