The What’s What, Volume 85

You got a new phone?  What kind, whos your provider?  Any good? -Navybound88

Sprint’s HTC Hero.  Totally boss.  It does tend to lag occasionally, but nothing a reboot doesnt fix. It takes forever to boot up, thats really my main issue.  Which likely won’t matter if a firmware update fixes the lagging issues.    I was really worried about the touch keyboard, I have always have a physical one.  But, after a calibration and a few minutes it totally picks up what I’m going for.  The Android Applications are awesome.  I do have some disappointment in the Google Calendar function, but that’s on Google, and likely will be fixed with a couple applications over time.  I am remarkably happy with it, overall.

Mark McGwire admitted using steroids when he broke baseball’s single-season home run record in 1998. Your thoughts? -Bronzemonkey

He’s going to follow-up with a press conference that the sun is hot, tomorrow.  Seriously, though, his admittance is still full of lies.  How he didn’t take them for performance is just one.  Because everyone injects themselves with something every day because it does nothing, right?  He’s an ass thats still lying.  The worst part is, none of this was illegal, so I continue to blame the MLB Administration for the whole fiasco.

Do you flash your lights to warn oncoming traffic of cops? And how many people do you think are aware of this signal? -zappattammann

Yeah, I do it.  Not sure how many people think I’m trying to tell them to turn their lights on.  One time it happened to us in Ireland, and we slowed down to avoid foreign law and it turns out a biker got hit by car and was lying in the middle of the road around a sharp corner. We would have ran the bastard over again if no one had been coming our way. Apparently, thats the way they do it over there. Flashing lights means shit got real up ahead.

Sarah Palin is joining Fox News.  She’ll fit right in. -HarvardBroad

So, she quit her job as Governor to pimp her book and get a TV show?  Apparently, the only thing she’s going rogue on is responsibility.

I just really wasn’t in the mood for being in the office but then my boss requested a doctor’s note but I wasn’t sick so getting one wouldn’t have been possible.   So I just printed some stuff on a piece of paper like “patient number 0444” and “symptoms” on a piece of a paper, cut it so it looked like a small note and not a full sheet of paper and then I told my friend to fill in the blanks with his handwriting and then he signed it at the bottom. My boss totally bought it.  Owned. -MrGoodmanBar

You could have saved yourself the anxiety and just gone to a doctor.  Every time I have asked a doctor for a legitimate or illegitimate doctors note, they have asked me what I wanted it to say.   Seems like a waste of time for everyone involved to request one.

Seriously, every other day on the news I hear about group X being disapointed because Obama did not legalize gay marriage (gays), did not end racism (minorities), did not legalize marijuana (pot advocates), did not end both wars right away (bleeding hearts – just kidding, I’m against both wars), did not do more against global warming (tree huggers – again, kidding), etc. No wonder so many are disapointed, its like they expected him to be a messiah on all of these issues after 1 year in office. It`s not Obama that is the problem, its the political system that he is part of that makes passing any kind of significant legislation take years. Anyway, I`ll fully judge his presidency when its over, not after less than a year. -the_wire44

While true, he did kind of sell himself on hope and change, so you can’t really blame voters  for choosing to support him.  Not that you are totally the victim when your chosen political candidate turns out to be just another corporate puppet, if you can’t see that coming a mile away to begin with,  than politics is not your thing.

What’s the worst book you have ever read?  -kbrace8240

Either Lord of the Flies, or Bridge to Terabithia.  Both pretty much turned me off of reading for a few years, when the point was to get kids interested in reading.  You mean a bunch of adults agreed on books that kids would be interested in, put a fancy gold sticker on them, and completely failed in every aspect of the decisions?  Shocking.

Ron Jeremy says violent video games ‘worse’ than porn.-drama11

I agree. I find the glorification of violence far more offensive than the glorification of sex, though I have a high tolerance for both.  I think violence is wrong in all cases, while sex is wrong in very few.  It’s retarded that parents who would be offended at buying their kids porn at 18 would be so easily talked into God of War at 10 years old.

Sources close to former ‘Tonight Show’ host Jay Leno tell me he is furious with the way NBC has treated him and Conan O’Brien and is considering walking away from the entire mess.  How screwed is NBC? -OGBobbsonn

It’s just some PR trying to spin Leno’s disappointment that everyone is reacting to his treachery negatively.  I don’t buy any of Leno’s reasons for leaving in that article. It’s nice to say now, to try to save some face, but Jay will eventually come through with the “too many people, from the props guy to the wardrobe lady, and their families, rely on me for their livelihood.” or such preconsidered nonsense and have no qualms stealing back the show he retired from when the time comes.

When you’re down and out, do you have any friends you can count on? -4emlock

I do, but I try to  figure out my own problems. My friends are for fun.  I don’t see any reason to burden anyone else with my troubles, and I have friends who treat me the same way.  I might ask advice or their thoughts on a situation. But I try very hard to not complain about things that don’t really concern them.

The What’s What, Volume 43

Is society itself getting less and less intelligent? I mean, schools have lowered their standards, English classes have put books away because they would be “too difficult” for students, and most people I asked have no idea what the Iron Curtain was. WTF? -Assprin91

I believe that the divide between the smart and stupid is getting farther apart.  Todays instant gratification society is becoming a great tool for the clever and urbane, while becoming a seriously problematic distraction for the simple and easy manipulated.

Did you hear about the new GranSlam breakfast at Denny’s inspired by OCTOMOM? 8 eggs, no sausage and the man at the next table pays for it! -EliteWeaponry

Funny confirmed.

South Park or Family Guy? -Skinsfan09

I’m giving the edge to Family Guy only because they don’t make South Park jokes, and I find attacks like that petty and embarrassing.

I always have to force myself to try and forget Ocean’s 12 is part of the Ocean’s trilogy. It’s such a shame because Ocean’s 11 is so amazing, and Ocean’s 13 is really not a bad movie, but MAN… Ocean’s 12 is terrible. -PrizzonWurrker

I really enjoyed 13. Though, 11 is rightfully the flagship. I can see where they were going with 12, and it is watchable, but it pails in comparison to the other 2.

I’ve been watching Family Feud since the Louie Anderson era and I’ve seen maybe one family ever pass on a question. No one ever sweeps the board if there are more than 4 answers, and usually the questions are weird and you need time to think outside the box to figure out one of the more obscure answers up there. -GlideMonkey

Basically you have to have one of the top two answers on the board to make the decision, and one of the bottom two answers on the board to consider passing.  And then, if the other family takes your answer, you could be pretty much screwed.

I have a program that generates a random number between 1 and infinity. If you guess the number I have right now I will sponsor your blog. -Shamuvon

Aren’t you worried that by starting the program you risk your computer just spouting out numbers to eternity?

What happened to the rumored XBOX Live price drop? -LTomHubbard

They realized you have no choice but to pay what they are asking for?  That’s my guess.

Favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode? I havent seen that many episodes, but the best one ive seen so far is Space Mutiny. Every 1 liner the robots deliver is pure gold.  You?  -SeanandGina

The old 50s short educational films are my favorites. Full length? I’d go for “Mitchell” just for the 2 hours of Joe Don Baker cracks.

Seen this commercial? – These authentic Italians loved Pizza Hut’s Tusconi Lasagna. They loved it cause it was fucking free food you idiots. -DeltaForceB

My favorite part is when they cheer at the end, like “Yay! I got scammed! Awesome!”

Good writing = LOTS OF SYMBOLISM -YellowHint45

Some people find good writing to be the ability to say complex things in a simple manner.  Like lots of things, it’s all a matter of taste.

Hey recession, eat my balls! I just found a job! Store clerk, selling beer and cigarettes 32 hours a week. That’s $242 every week, or damn near $500 every paycheck. -JerryJones4Pres

You are living proof the stimulus package is working. Thanks Obama!

I need two days off work, and a medical certificate stating that I’m unable to attend work due to illness is the only option of getting out.  Obviously I’m not sick, so what are some good symptoms to say to the doctor to make them believe that I’m sick and need a couple of days off work? I was thinking of stomach virus, but I think I’ve used that one a while ago. -BigKoronado

Just go to a walk-in clinic and pay the diagnostic fee. They’ll ask you what you want the form to say. I would suggest asking for it to say three days, so when you go back to work in 2 days, you can shut them up about forms next time.

Japanese Food>Chinese Food -CoolStoryHansel

Japanese cooking is very simple, which has benefits and drawbacks. If they didn’t have a hibachi table to spice up the situation, a majority of Americans wouldnt care because the food is bland to the open palate. Frankly, if sushi wasn’t as popular, they would never stand a chance, even with WWII. Tempura is good, though.

American chinese food is versatile enough, if you get Hunan or Szechwuan, or pretty much anything not fried can be healthy too. But pure chinese food is very complex and dynamic. It’s not surprising its flavours became popular. Spicy and sweet has been doing great things for everywhere but Europe (Where savory dominates) for thousands of years.

Ok, my school is about to purchase a mobile cell phone jammer. This jams all cell phone signals within a 25 meter radius. Now there has to be a way around this, I just need to know what one is. Have any ideas? -VadersRealSon

Sounds complex and expensive. I suggest heavily vandalizing it until it doesnt work anymore. Maybe they won’t buy another.

You ever notice how a woman having a 9 year olds voice is sexy? why? Like Lyla Garrity from Friday Night Lights, sexy voice, but my little cousin has that same voice, it’s strange.  -MatteFinnish

My wife has a tiny voice, I don’t find it sexy, but it’s cute. Especially when shes complaining. But she gets a lot of flack about others for it, so I don’t really mention it. She doesn’t need it from everywhere, all day.  Wait…. Did you just say your cousin was sexy?

How do you get a girls number? -XLIIIWasAwesome

I ask a girl to use her cellphone. Then I call my phone, leave a voicemail to myself, and then give her phone back. I then return my phone call to myself (her phone) and ask her if I can buy her a drink since I already have her phone number, and thats usually the tough part.