The What’s What, Volume 123

Lol at people older than 13 who bring a glove to a baseball game. -C_HOX518

I dunno. I’ve seen a lot of balls dropped by people without them. I mean, the vast majority of balls are not caught. I wouldnt do it, just because I dont need something to carry around for 4 hours. But, I’m not going to besmirch someone coming prepared for anything, and not wanting to blow their one chance.  If I have a ticket to a game where there might be a million dollar home run ball, youd better believe I’ll bring a glove.

Did you hear about that lady giving head for chicken mcnuggets?  Best drive thru ever.  -Trezzk2

This just seems like an issue of semantics to me.  She shouldnt have been exchanging mouth party for dinner.  She should have simply asked for a meal, out of the kindness of the mans (or womans, why not) heart, to which shed be so grateful as to want to pleasure the gift-er out of her own volition and physical attraction?  If you are trying to convince some morning sex from your girlfriend and she says shes not in the mood because she hungry.  So, you grab her two mcmuffins while she’s playing Miles Davis on your bro-trumpet while you tell the red and yellow screened intercom box the order, should she go to jail?  It would be funnier if she wasn’t doing it for food.  Shes just hungry, people do what they have to. 

Brand rivalries are so fucking STUPID. Sony VS Microsoft iPhone VS Droid McDonalds VS Burger King Pepsi VS Coke  They all offer similar yet different products. Who gives a shit about which one is “better”? None of them are better than the other because they all have different strengths and weaknesses opposed to the other brand. -ChrisKamanMyMouth

But, thats exactly the point. Because they are similar products with different strengths and weaknesses, people prefer one over another due to these minor differences. Having a preference of one over another is fine, thinking yours is best for everyone else makes you look like an asshole that happens to be retarded.

How do you poop in a public restroom?  ie paper guard or hovering?  -TDKRIPHL

I can’t go barebowl.  I just can’t do it.  Cheeks-to-seat isn’t the problem, I’m no germophobe or anything.  It’s the design of public toilets.  The seating portions are horseshoes, not donuts.   I need that TP bridge to cover that little opening at the front of the seat.  If my balls or dick even think about brushing that cold porcelain portion inexplicably exposed so that hundreds of people can pee on it,  I completely rage out.  I carry my balls like a plastic bag full of groceries with no handles over that canyon.  What happened there?  Who was put in charge of this?  “The public toilet situation seems a little easy to wipe, isnt there some way to have a section of the seat hollowed out, so that no one will ever think about touching it?”  Get out of here with that noise.

I just discovered that another word for gooch is “grundle.”  For some reason I laughed so hard I cried.  -Shin.Goku

I’ve also heard it called a “taint”,  “nifkin” or a  “ballneck”.  When you work in commercial kitchens, you chafe terribly down there, constantly.  On hot days, cooks are always excusing themselves from the line to “corn starch my nifkin”.

Did you ever get sent home from school because of lice?  It was awesome. The scratching and itching was worth the free days off.  -RedBread11

Never. And I made sure to take note of the kids that were mysteriously missing from the second half of that day.

Last year there was a girl who talked to me on a few occasions. Each time this happened, I would make my best attempt to keep the conversation going for a reasonable duration of time. We never became friends though.  Anyway, I just saw her while I was on my way to class. She did a stop and chat, and she eventually asked if I wanted to get breakfast after my class was over (Who has breakfast at 11:00 AM anyway? That’s lunchtime.). I told her that I couldn’t because I had another class directly after that one. She then walked with me the remainder of the way to the class and gave me a hug before she left.  What is your opinion on this situation? What should I do next time I see her? I think she may be attracted to me, but I don’t know if I’m reading her cues properly. If she does find me attractive, then why? My social skills are almost nonexistent, so I’m probably not a very pleasant person to be around. I don’t see why she would take an interest in me unless it’s out of pity. Based on what I’ve said, is it more likely that she just pities me or legitimately finds me attractive for some reason?  -BeinChinesey

How the fuck should I know?  I don’t know either of you.  I can’t tell you what shes thinking as much as you can’t.  Stop trying to read her mind and concentrate more on getting the information you want without embarrassing yourself.  You should have teased her about eating breakfast at 11. “No, I wont go out with you for breakfast at 11am, but I’ll take you to lunch at 11am, like normal people.” Something like that. Spend lunch with her and she might be more open about her intentions. Dont be afraid to ask what her deal is. Dont fish for compliments “Why me?” junk. During a lull in conversation, mention how you arent quite sure whats shes up to. Ask her what her story is. “You super friendly with everyone, are you? Like meeting new people, do you?”. She might say No, and you know you’re special. She says yes and its “I bet that gets misinterpreted a lot, people getting the wrong impression…” Be tactful.   Most importantly, figure it out.  Youll regret not finding out.

The What’s What, Volume 85

You got a new phone?  What kind, whos your provider?  Any good? -Navybound88

Sprint’s HTC Hero.  Totally boss.  It does tend to lag occasionally, but nothing a reboot doesnt fix. It takes forever to boot up, thats really my main issue.  Which likely won’t matter if a firmware update fixes the lagging issues.    I was really worried about the touch keyboard, I have always have a physical one.  But, after a calibration and a few minutes it totally picks up what I’m going for.  The Android Applications are awesome.  I do have some disappointment in the Google Calendar function, but that’s on Google, and likely will be fixed with a couple applications over time.  I am remarkably happy with it, overall.

Mark McGwire admitted using steroids when he broke baseball’s single-season home run record in 1998. Your thoughts? -Bronzemonkey

He’s going to follow-up with a press conference that the sun is hot, tomorrow.  Seriously, though, his admittance is still full of lies.  How he didn’t take them for performance is just one.  Because everyone injects themselves with something every day because it does nothing, right?  He’s an ass thats still lying.  The worst part is, none of this was illegal, so I continue to blame the MLB Administration for the whole fiasco.

Do you flash your lights to warn oncoming traffic of cops? And how many people do you think are aware of this signal? -zappattammann

Yeah, I do it.  Not sure how many people think I’m trying to tell them to turn their lights on.  One time it happened to us in Ireland, and we slowed down to avoid foreign law and it turns out a biker got hit by car and was lying in the middle of the road around a sharp corner. We would have ran the bastard over again if no one had been coming our way. Apparently, thats the way they do it over there. Flashing lights means shit got real up ahead.

Sarah Palin is joining Fox News.  She’ll fit right in. -HarvardBroad

So, she quit her job as Governor to pimp her book and get a TV show?  Apparently, the only thing she’s going rogue on is responsibility.

I just really wasn’t in the mood for being in the office but then my boss requested a doctor’s note but I wasn’t sick so getting one wouldn’t have been possible.   So I just printed some stuff on a piece of paper like “patient number 0444” and “symptoms” on a piece of a paper, cut it so it looked like a small note and not a full sheet of paper and then I told my friend to fill in the blanks with his handwriting and then he signed it at the bottom. My boss totally bought it.  Owned. -MrGoodmanBar

You could have saved yourself the anxiety and just gone to a doctor.  Every time I have asked a doctor for a legitimate or illegitimate doctors note, they have asked me what I wanted it to say.   Seems like a waste of time for everyone involved to request one.

Seriously, every other day on the news I hear about group X being disapointed because Obama did not legalize gay marriage (gays), did not end racism (minorities), did not legalize marijuana (pot advocates), did not end both wars right away (bleeding hearts – just kidding, I’m against both wars), did not do more against global warming (tree huggers – again, kidding), etc. No wonder so many are disapointed, its like they expected him to be a messiah on all of these issues after 1 year in office. It`s not Obama that is the problem, its the political system that he is part of that makes passing any kind of significant legislation take years. Anyway, I`ll fully judge his presidency when its over, not after less than a year. -the_wire44

While true, he did kind of sell himself on hope and change, so you can’t really blame voters  for choosing to support him.  Not that you are totally the victim when your chosen political candidate turns out to be just another corporate puppet, if you can’t see that coming a mile away to begin with,  than politics is not your thing.

What’s the worst book you have ever read?  -kbrace8240

Either Lord of the Flies, or Bridge to Terabithia.  Both pretty much turned me off of reading for a few years, when the point was to get kids interested in reading.  You mean a bunch of adults agreed on books that kids would be interested in, put a fancy gold sticker on them, and completely failed in every aspect of the decisions?  Shocking.

Ron Jeremy says violent video games ‘worse’ than porn.-drama11

I agree. I find the glorification of violence far more offensive than the glorification of sex, though I have a high tolerance for both.  I think violence is wrong in all cases, while sex is wrong in very few.  It’s retarded that parents who would be offended at buying their kids porn at 18 would be so easily talked into God of War at 10 years old.

Sources close to former ‘Tonight Show’ host Jay Leno tell me he is furious with the way NBC has treated him and Conan O’Brien and is considering walking away from the entire mess.  How screwed is NBC? -OGBobbsonn

It’s just some PR trying to spin Leno’s disappointment that everyone is reacting to his treachery negatively.  I don’t buy any of Leno’s reasons for leaving in that article. It’s nice to say now, to try to save some face, but Jay will eventually come through with the “too many people, from the props guy to the wardrobe lady, and their families, rely on me for their livelihood.” or such preconsidered nonsense and have no qualms stealing back the show he retired from when the time comes.

When you’re down and out, do you have any friends you can count on? -4emlock

I do, but I try to  figure out my own problems. My friends are for fun.  I don’t see any reason to burden anyone else with my troubles, and I have friends who treat me the same way.  I might ask advice or their thoughts on a situation. But I try very hard to not complain about things that don’t really concern them.