The What’s What, Volume 80

Hey, it’s Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail, just have it as your telephone number. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye. Thanks.  -TygerWoodz3

Hes such a romantic.

“This email was sent from my iPhone”.  Oh God, really?  Sweet, because I was sitting here wondering what you used to reply to my e-mail.  Now that I know it’s your iPhone, I can’t stop thinking about how important you must be.  Assholes.  Learn how to edit a signature. -thecheezythree

I always answer these shitcakers back with an e-mail that quietly ends “Sent from my Amiga 286 ColecoVision Atari 2600”

Good for Biz Marquis getting Radio Shack to fill up his stocking.  Has anyone gotten richer off of one song ever? -MysterySolver

Its like Radio Shack contacted BizMarkie’s agent and they were all “Using that song in a national commercial will cost you $40,000. But for another $10,000, BizMarkie will sing the god damned thing for you!  Give it some time, I wager Digital Undergrounds “Humpty Dance” will surpass it.  Seriously.

Buried or Cremated? –JackColtonsdogg

Cremated. I have this terrible fear that the death of your body does not necessarily mean the death of your mind.

do you intend to lie to your (future) childeren about santa clause? -CrestFightStrips

Nope. I’m going to tell my kids nothing of Santa Claus. I don’t think people should require perceived policing and justice from an imaginary person so they treat other people with dignity and respect.  If everything goes to plan, they will fear my wrath until they are 18, and then, the law.

What the hell is up with furries?  At first I thought it was a joke, then a fad, but it seems to be getting more popular and prevalent.  WTF?  -PalletJunkie

It’s legalized bestiality for the embarrassed and non-rural.  Weird? Sure. Bothering my life? Nope.

Any mental tricks that help pass time? -Disneygro

No, there’s nothing. It’s called boredom for a reason.  Take the opportunity to remind yourself to do some deep breathing. It’s really good for you.

US goes to war against the UK.  Who wins?  -5Mt1.

Wow. Some people are taking this World Cup pretty seriously.  China is the correct answer, with “depends on the reason and who gets more world support” a close second.

The What’s What, Volume 40

A-Rod should get no respect for admitting he used steroids, he only confessed because he was caught. -SoggyBoot

I agree. He had plenty of chances to some clean if he truly was regretful.  But, this certainly does make things easier for him in the long run.  I really enjoyed how he kept talking about why HOF voters should still vote for him, but that he doesnt really caare he just wants a championship. Plus, he tried to scapegoat his cousin.  Does anyone blame A-Rod less now that his cousin was involved?  He should have said “They were my mistakes, it doesn’t matter where I got them.” He really is fraudulent.

9/11 was made for TV.  If the attacks occurred on June 24th no one would refer to them as 6/24 but some ultra clever TV personality realized that 9/11 is like 911 and 911 is the # you call for emergency services. Plus the 11 can represent the towers on T shirts, bumper stickers, collectable coins etc… -Koleizzshun

Who knew terrorists had marketing degrees?

America wants the Middle East to have democracy, but when they do and elect Hamas, we kill them. -God_Foley11

It certainly is true we were hoping they didn’t elect people that would want to kill us.  But now that they have chosen who to represent them, we have to deal with them.

thoughts of salma hayek breastfeeding random african baby during recent trip? -billswillwin23

*Googles “African baby costume”*

Would you let Oscar the Grouch give you a BJ for $40? -Furnituremishandled

Sounds kind of rough.  Couldn’t I just jerk-off with a mitten, get the same effect, and keep my $40?

high school dropouts still screwd even with stimulas package, Id love to go to school but I dont have a gang.

I laughed out loud when I was forced to consider that high school dropouts care about the stimulus package. They chose their economic threshold way before the stimulus package dropped.

If you could go back in time to witness history, where would you go? -DoughBoy911

Jesus’ miracles, no other option even comes close.

How old were you when you played your first video game? -MeltsinMouth

Arcade game? I can’t remember.  Home console? I was 7 when the Atari came out, My dad brought one home with Bowling and combat. I played forever.

My Grandma just learned how to use the internet, and she keeps e-mailing me nudes of herself. I think she’s a member of senior swingers. -Hazytrain

Can I have her screen name? I’ll bring my bingo marker and some Sanka, it’s about to get nasty.