As it turns out, abusing someone elses kid isn’t always frowned upon.

My girlfriend and I were shopping and we went into a store with unisex dressing rooms. So me and her both grab the same fitting room because it was crowded.

To make a long story short some 8-10 year old kid kept popping his head under peoples stalls. I heard a girl yell “Ex-CUSE me!!!” and then another girl yell “Someone want to control their child?”

And then he popped his head under our stall. So I fucking kicked him, shoes on, right square in the face. He screamed and started crying, and I open the stall and lean down. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there, are you okay?”

The Mom runs over from her stall and asks what happened. I told her I was kicking my shoes off to try on a pair of pants and “somehow” I kicked him in the face. The Mom asked the little kid why his head was in my stall and he says “Hes lying! He kicked me in the face on purpose! I saw him! *more crying*” She tells him his face shouldn’t have been there and that he deserved it, even if it was on purpose. She apologizes and thanks me and leaves with her son.

Published in: on July 30, 2009 at 8:21 am Leave a Comment
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The What’s What, Volume 61

What’s the worst kind of internet degenerate?  Liars, Fanboys, Music/Religious elitists, Trolls? -Lourde_VJ

Oh, God. White Knights. Hands down.  Is there anything more pathetic that a guy standing up for someone over the internet solely because shes a woman?   I just can’t find it in myself to allow them even a slight shred of credibility. Plus, they are feeding attention whores, my second least favorite type of internet user, and least favorite type of real person.

My girlfriend dumped me, but as it stands, I still have to give her rides to work.  Is there anything more pathetic than that? -ValidDickTorian

Pathetic?  Yes.  But, also, a little opportunity to twist that dagger.  Grab some of your sister/Moms perfume and spray it in the car the night before.  Then pick her up with the windows down so it looks like you were trying to mask it.

Can you imagine how epic it would be to see the Star Wars V twist in theatres for the first time? -Victor777

Kinda sad that no one from any following generation will get the twist. With all the pop culture reference and what not. I remember that an episode of Muppet Babies spoiled it for my little sister. Kids now will just find it as a shocking moment to Luke, and important to the plot, not shocked themselves.

Family Guy was nominated for Outstanding Comedy Series. That has only been the 2nd time an animated show has been nominated in that category. The Flinstones is the other. -wool21

Great show.  But the fact that the Simpsons wasn’t the 2nd animated show to be nominated is borderline criminal, and definitely produces credibility problems for the Emmy’s, in my eyes.

Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter vs Bill Clinton’s affair. Why do people who love Clinton bash Palin for her daughter being pregnant?   Sounds pretty stupid to me.  -Harts1780

I think it’s because while Gov Palin preached abstinence as the best policy and from her daughters actions, it seems she didn’t have her families support on the issue. President Clinton wasn’t trying to make adultery or cigar molestation a punishable legal offense or anything.

What restaurants should the health department hit hard; Asian or Mexican?-Emptymedia

Oh my God. Mexican BY FAR. Mexican food is slow cooked and left out in double boilers or under heat lamps for hours.  Chinese food is flash fried to order in searing woks. And in order to get many sauces to caramelize, they have to be brought to a ridiculously high temperature.   You could seriously add a teaspoon of swine flu in front of me into the wok thats preparing my food, and I’d still take the chinese food over Mexican.

Do you know that paramedics can’t pronounce someone dead unless they’re decapitated?  Moobs1818

You saying the movie “Knowing” had inaccurate information involved in its presentation?

As I type this, my girlfriends step dad is playing guitar and singing Christian music. I’m an atheist, and he knows it. -MDTerps07

Make up your own lyrics about how you should kill women for speaking in church, and stoning gays and sing along.

Were you involved in any school activities at college?-DimNeon

My friends and I had a radio show. We created fictional personalities and interviewed each other.   I was the Prince of International Waters for one show. We broadcast live Zonk games from the dorms. Played music and held marathon shows for lunar eclipses and meteor showers. Some of the greatest times I had was in that studio.

Which minor injury sucks more; Papercut or Splinter? -DigitalTornado

Ill go with splinter. Papercuts heal themselves.   You have to wait until you can take a sliver out which can be hours, and then you have to deal with this painful annoyance in you for hours, possibly.

Thoughts on the Erin Andrews nude video? -Crackagoboom

Its not fair to her at all. But in the mean time, she’s smoking hot and she’s welcome to see me naked any time she would like to.  Additionally, shes the one who confirmed it.  The video quality isn’t great enough to make a definitive claim as to the identity.  If she said “That’s not me” I would have believed her and likely never have seen it.

The What’s What, Volume 60

What’s the last bad movie you watched? -Arkannitee

Paul Blart: Mall Cop.  The villain was such a poor actor, it reflected terribly on the satisfactory skills of Kevin James, and the surprising chops of Jayma Mays.   Also, the writing wasn’t great.  I’ve never really been a fan of Nick Bakay.

Contrary to popular belief, I think lust can be just as… “beautiful” as love. I mean, it’s not nearly as meaningful, but I think it’s just as important. -Innocensassin

I’m pretty sure this was the early thought process of the serial killer from Silence of the Lambs who was skinning his victims to make a dress.

How does Donte Stallworth get 30 days for killing a man and Michael Vick get 2 years for killing dogs? -The_Frank

If I die and my family has a chance to get rich instead of putting the dude in jail, you damned right I expect them to.  His ass rotting in jail is not doing my family any good.  Plus, I believe that Michael Vick was jailed for some federal gambling charge involving crossing state lines, and had very little to do with the actual killing of dogs.

I don’t get Thriller. So MJ watches MJ rape some girl as a werewolf. His date IRL gets scared of bestiality walks out, MJ follows. Starts singing to her. Then Vincent summons zombies. Who dont want to eat brains like decent zombies but rather to dance with MJ and his date. Then somehow MJ becomes a zombie. They dance and then the lady runs into a house. MJ breaks in and is closing in on her. But he just wakes her up and then turns around is now a monster again? WTF -ConArtiste

That about covers it.  I think you’ve got it all figured out there.

Rate a song: Soul Asylum – “Runaway Train”-Alpha_Omegatron

It was just so god-damned overplayed back in High School it really started to rub the wrong way.   Hearing it now immediately returns me to my junior year. Good times, still a song that’s actual value was ruined for me because of over saturation.

So if your gf catches you smoking weed and wants you to quit, you do it right? -Mazzeltoff

No. You say “I’m going to want to try a lot of different things in our future together. If you don’t want to try them, that’s okay. But I would never ask you to not try something new, and then stop doing it if you enjoyed the experience. That would cause resentment, and that’s not balling to me.”

What would That 70’s Show be called if it actually aired in the 70’s? -urban_apostle

Either “Kelso Loves Jackie” or “Red Foremans Parenting Showcase”

PSP Go is only digital download… that is BAD thing. There will be no more finding cheap used games to save a ton of money.  Digital download’s prices stay the same for YEARS.  I’d rather just get a normal PSP so I can find a bunch of the games for a lot cheaper. -Legendary_Hamburger

That’s a good point. But not losing games is also a significant advantage, for me, anyway.  I still can’t find my beloved copy of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney.  Especially for like travel systems, with their tiny, tiny, games.

“Useless item collection” is now “replayability” in games with GP/trophies. that’s ridiculous, the only game I ever wanted to (and did) collect stuff in was GTA:SA  -magayushi

Works for me. I pretty much play the stories as I normally would the first time around. If the gameplay is fun enough which makes me want to continue playing more, it gives me an actual goal to work for. I’m not doing it for the trophies exactly, I’m doing it because the game is fun and it’s a goal to accomplish.

Watching this seasons Entourage? -Teggles11

I don’t care about E and Sloane. AT ALL.  I’ve never been around 3 guys who act more like bitches  than his friends. Why the hell are they on E about his girls, or his relationships?  When did they turn into 13 year old girls? I swear it was the whole god damned episode. Barely a mention of the Scorsese movie. They’d better get back to bonghits, naked girls and movie politics toot sweet.

The What’s What, Volume 59

Name an actor whom you think doesn’t get enough credit.  -MazzelToff

Tim Robbins had the greatest acting year in history for me, in 1994.  He went from Norville Barnes In the Hudsucker Proxy to Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption, in a matter of months.  They’re completely opposite roles and he owned them both. Two of my favorite movies, all time.  He might not be underrated, but the difference in these two roles is understated. What a champ.

“Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett’s death is the saddest thing since 9/11″ -Chad “OchoCinco” Johnson – Large_Soprano

There’s a difference between “We will never forget.” and “We never really gave a shit to begin with.”

Why has MJ’s death gotten more media attention then Lucille Ball? Lucille Ball was a legend, obviously. She changed television. Her death in 1989 got HUGE media attention around the world, and with MJ’s death I find that her death is the most recent resemblance to it in terms of how large it had an impact on everyone.   People(myself included) have said this is the biggest celebrity death since Elvis, but we can’t forget about Lucille Ball and what she did to television. I mean come on, I love Lucy has been on television for 58 years. Not a lot of shows can say that. Not to mention all the other countless amount of things she did in her career. -andrewtxranger

The facts are clear.  LB did 7 seasons of a TV show, without one writing or producing credit, during the genesis of the medium when no one had anything else better to do.  By “countless amount of things” , you must be referring to the math issue of counting to zero, because she did nothing after the show.

Michael Jackson transformed a medium that has existed before language, let alone his birth. She did not, however, redefine television, a medium that was barely existent at that time. You really don’t think that any other actress could have said the lines, done some fake crying/whining and become a household name, when there was no competition for her? Sure, the show was new and fresh, but so was TV and she didn’t have anything to do with it, the writers and producers did.

She was an actress, plain and simple. You cannot have an argument for her being a creative genius, where as its difficult to formulate an argument that Michael Jackson was NOT a creative genius.

Intelligence is defined by your, knowledge, experience, wisdom, and I’ll throw in works. NOT by what you have faith in.  Knowledge being knowledge obtained through studies and wisdom being knowledge obtained through age and experiences. -ssmbtbt

Having faith in something with no other quantifying basis is pretty much, BY DEFINITION, the direct opposite of wisdom.

I have never understood why Adolf Hitler had his German Shepherd killed… Yeah,the Russians had Berlin surrounded and some say that Hitler did not want Blondi to fall into enemy hands but he also used her to test the effects of cyanide.-Kanemark88

Do Germans just call them “Shepherds”?

Ever walk out on the bill at a restaurant?  The old “dine and ditch”? – SF49er49

Once. I was on a second date with a girl and we waited for like 15 minutes at the checkout to pay. No one came and she said “Let’s just go.” So, we did. They were dead. There is no way we should have waited two minutes, let alone 15.

As you know when Favre left the Packers he retired. He then became a Jets quarterback and did well for about half of the season and then retired again. Now talks heat up that he’s going to be a Viking.   Why can’t this guy just retire?  He’s destroying his legacy. -drunkcookies

I believe Brett Favre when he says the Packers asked him to retire.   The only people who are allowed to complain should be Packers fans, and it should be aimed at the management, and not Brett Favre.

If you live in Los Angeles and don’t listen to Loveline, you’re doing it wrong. -HelaKenX

It’s syndicated here in Albany, NY. But, Dr Drew is a fucking clown shoe.   His advice is so antiquated. I’m often surprised he never offers blood letting as a treatment.

The man who murdered your spouse and kids has been sentenced to death. Do you witness his execution in person or not? -FlexusInstruments

I fight for life in prison without parole, and give the maximum allotted amount of goods to people that will make his life a hell until he chooses to commit suicide. Beatings, ass raping, I buy it all for cigarettes and food, and then I visit him to be sure he knows its my financing thats doing this to him.

A Virgin Should Lose Their Virginity To Another Virgin -DrOpinion

I totally agree. It makes that one specific event more historic and memorable if both are new to it. Its mostly instinct anyway.  I equate it to playing a video game for the first time against someone who is experienced. It’s going to lopsided and uncomfortable late, and even though one is a victor, they’re both pretty unsatisfied.

Short people want the word “midget” banned from TV. – Urban_Apostle

This, I don’t get. It’s not like “midget” was a term used to bring down little people. It was just another word for little people, that they decided to get offended over. It’s not like a racial slur at all which were invented as insults.   Shut up, little people. Big People are only using it it hurt you now, because you react this way.

reincarnation: do you believe in it?-EdgeMaki

I do. Furthermore, I believe the skills we develop in our life carry over as instincts and is the basis for evolution.

The What’s What, Volume 57

How is being gay a sin when a man’s g spot is in his a-hole? -ballin1995

I believe you just disproved the existence of God, by simply referencing anal pleasure.  Kudos.

“the first dozen sexual experiences in my life (either inappropriate or welcomed) were directly related to the church, its clergy, its parishioners, or church functions.” Dude, please elaborate on the clergy part. -stella

Look, I’m not here to whistleblow anyones fun or ruin any careers.  The only names you will find on this blog are mine and celebrities.  Since I don’t believe in God, I believe that clergymen are equal to a man, and should not held to a higher moral standard.  If someone else wants to put their trust in them, that’s their issue.  Yes, I have been in some inappropriate situations with a clergyman and other church employees.  But I was able to avoid anything really unfortunate simply by leaving.  No one held me against my will, they were simply testing it.  What was really surprising to me is how some kids welcomed the advances.  I had no idea that “abuses” could occur that would leave both parties satisfied and happy, which I would hardly consider abuses at that point.

My girlfriend made out with some douche at a party last night. She tried to blame it on the alcohol, I wasn’t hearing any of it though, we are done. But it sucks, it happened to my friend with his girlfriend of 4 years, she banged one of his friends. She tried to blame it on the alcohol.-rfj202

They always blame it on too much alcohol and never take the responsibility to admit they are the ones who drank too much alcohol. In fact, I truly believe that some girls preemptively get drunk so they know they’ll have it as an excuse, when they carry out their plans of banging the cute guy upstairs or whatever.

There is nothing worse than talentless artists who think people just “don’t get” their work. -Hamas_Hummus

It sure makes them feel better about sucking though.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the WhatsWhat, but what happened to your writing?  I really enjoyed your stories. – Zelmarket

Thanks for the kind words.  My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and she said she’d feel better if I quit marijuana for the time being, so I did.  Ideas come less frequently and when they do, I get half way through them and don’t feel as excited about my writing, so I stop.  I’m blaming it on that for now.  We’ll see if it’s true or not when shes with child.

Since David Stern became NBA commissioner in 1984 only 7 different teams have won a championship.  Thoughts? -soarlemur

It sounds scandalous until you realize that none of them are the Knicks and Sterns been rigging drafts and lotteries both to get NY to be good. So, he can’t even cheat properly, if that’s the case.

Which Daily Show reporter do you think will be the next to make it big? (Other than Ed Helms) That show has a knack for making huge stars out of people. I’m betting John Oliver.-FHGPuzzle

They are really pimping for Jason Jones to be next, but I’m not really a huge fan.  I’ve seen quite a bit of Sam Bee off the show alot recently, but I still wager Oliver is the house favorite.  That Chris Farley ripoff can die in a fire, though.

Scenario: You like a girl, she is single but she is still getting over her ex who cheated on her. She was in love with this kid and he broke her heart, she’s been single awhile now but she isn’t over him. You fear she might get back with him soon, but this girl means a lot to you. How do you get her? -Thurmon_Wright

In girlspeak this translates to “You’re not my top choice, but if he doesn’t take me back, I’ll need some way to keep my mind off of him and make him jealous at the same time, so you might come in handy.”

Are your animals well at communicating with yoi? Do they let you know when they have to go outside, their food dish needs filled, their tummy hurts, if something bad is happening? -Hyper_Hypo

My dog is great at communication. We have jingle bells next to the door that he rings when he wants to go outside. Will bring a leather glove (or brush or any toy) to me when he wants to be brushed/play. Sits by the treat door and grumbles when he wants a bone.  I can’t tell when he feel sick though.

Well… I just spent 30 min on a phone with a Doctor, telling me how I’m making a mistake wanting to go to Med School.
He said that I’m going to be in debt until im 40, I’m in the service of the devil (Obama), as an example, if I was a watchmaker, I would normally be making $100 per watch, Obama will make it so that I’m only making $20 per watch now…
He also said that I will be a slave for the rest of my life, and that I’m “lucky” for him to opening my eyes to world of evil, saying that it’s not to late to change my career plans…  -Enya_Lives

Well good, if you were going to be a Doctor to make money, as opposed to having the drive to help people, like they way it sounds the Doctor you spoke to was after, then hes doing us all a favour by keeping you out of the industry.

Is obesity a disability?  I personally don’t think it’s a disability. People get fat on their own accord, and it’s not like it’s an overnight thing. You can tell if your ass is getting fat, so that’s the time when a normal person will try to get healthier. If obesity is a disability then what’s next, alcoholism? Is cocaine addiction a disability? -HunterXThompson

Kind of. In the same way that a retard shoots himself in the foot and then is forced to have a limp.

Microsoft just sent me an email saying that because of the network downtime, I get a month of XBL Gold for a dollar.  I was on vacation!  lol. -rawdawg0911

Did the e-mail actually say “We’re sorry about that, to make up for the inconvenience we’re going to accept more money from you.”?

Fact: If you saw a ghost or something, you would pray to god for it to go away. You would close your eyes and PRAY to god to get that thing to go away. Even you, atheist. -CampingWhore

I lol at people who claim to know what the unexplained is so unequivocally.  I wish I would let my imagination run my head once in a while. To be so assured in your own ignorance must be wonderful for your ego.

your nike and reebok shoes are made in the same factories with the payless crap. -Ozmandee

Same factory, but different design and different grades of leather and cotton.