The What’s What, Volume 51

-Had a great night with friends girlfriend
-I tell her my friend really doesn’t want to be with her
-The next day she makes moves on me
How should this situation be dealt with?  -The_Coon

If you friend is mad at you, you fucked up, and you’re a traitor.
If he’s happy cause she’s gone, then the pain is temporary, you did them both a favour, you get to feel her boobies, shes your problem now, and you’re a traitor.
Unless he told you to do it, which you claim he didn’t, then you threw him under the bus for your own perceived gain, regardless of the situation now. You were considerate of your own selfish feelings over your friends, you should have consulted him first. But whats done is done, good luck.

THE HAPPENING IS SUCH A GARBAGE MOVIE. how could you like it? The acting was terrible and it rivals Gran Torino. The plot was DECENT but overall it was completely stupid. Marky Mark sucked ass in this movie. -.Munnkee

I don’t blame the acting as much as I blame the writing. That dialog was embarrassing and, ultimately, distracting. And I think the actors took the heat for that. The stunts were cool. I really didn’t think it was that much of a stretch to think that plants could evolve a defense mechanism against their greatest natural enemy.  But people are all LoL about it, so I guess I’m wrong.

Do you consider yourself to be racist? -TK420

You tell me. I notice tendencies in races, but never judge one for them. Also, I intentionally never bring race into a conversation, though I see people doing it all the time. It embarrasses me, as a white person.

Why do spiders need eight eyes and eight legs? That’s just being greedy tbh. -UnpredictablePenguin

Are you saying we should be investing in research to transplant spider appendages to other animals, or is this a profound theological rhetoric aimed at an imperfect designer?

damnit, my roommate has been in the tv room with his date all fucking night. i want to play some fucking resident evil, why can’t they just go sit in his room and talk? they were in there when i went out, they were there when i got back, and they’re still there, wtffffffffffffff -Dashoon

“I want to play some FPS, but my roommate is trying to get some. He is so selfish!”  Just so we’re on the same page. This is what you are claiming, in a nutshell?

WTF, why can my Ps3 play Ps1 games but not Ps2 ones? -Archetype66

Because the PS2 is still selling. Once it goes away, in a couple more years, they’ll be a firmware update and we’ll be set.

Have you ever been adiccted to a drug? -UncleSkar

I’ve definitely abused drugs, but I don’t think I have ever become addicted. That is to say if I experienced withdrawal symptoms, I blamed the cause on something else.

So what happened in history around this time last week that made google go all morse code? -Oysterfarmer

Samuel Morse’s Birthday. But, they really should not be honouring him.  Sure it was important then, but its completely irrelevant today. It’s not like he even invented the telegraph or anything. He just made up an alphabet. Okay, so an American perfected an antiquated technique for a fossilized piece of equipment.  That deserves recognition? Who wrote the owners manual for the cotton gin? Shouldn’t his birthday be recognized too?

favorite underrated combination? mine is fritos and salsa – gasmaskedcasket

Watermelon sherbet with chocolate chips is my favorite.

so how long until Twitter goes away? I give it another 3 months, tops. -CharlieStone75

Until the ad revenues make it unprofitable, which at this point will never occur.  The “buzz” surrounding it will die soon, its pretty much jumping the shark now.

I want to see every high school/college whore burn. I want to see them drown in the flames of disgust and torment, let them see what happens when you unleash filth and promiscuity upon the young world.  -InternetDick

Why would you want to kill the practice girls? They’re doing your future wife a solid by teaching how to please women. Of course I’m using the term “teaching you” loosely because it’s obvious you’re only upset that the girls who will spread their legs for 95% of men have included you in the “no-dice” 5%.

The What’s What, Volume 50

I think every Sox/Yanks fan secretely respects certain players on the other side. For instance, I’m a big Red Sox fan and hate the Yankees but at the same time, I have a lot of respect for Posada, Jeter, Rivera, and Mussina and Torre when they were with the Yanks. -CrossFiyah

I don’t secretly respect them, I openly respect them. I am a Sox fan and my love for baseball won’t allow me to hate the Yankees. They’re great for baseball.  I do dislike the new stadium, the new Steinbrenner and A-Rod. But only because I think they are bad for baseball.  I think that Jeter is way overrated, but I still respect him as a competitor. Sox v Yanks truly does transcend baseball and thats great for the sport.

What foods are better as left overs than fresh? Earlier I had a meal from Olive Garden, it was ehhh while I ate it there. I ate half and boxed up the rest. I heated my left overs up in the microwave not too long ago and it was FUCKING AMAZING. So much better.  -Filmenhancer

Soups, stews, and chili all taste better after they’ve been fridge fucking for a day or two.  Time enhances these flavours, like marinating only after the fact.

Senator John Mccain is still Alive! Now four months since his humiliating lose to the Community Organizer in the American Presidential election. It appears the much talked about supposed Liberal theory of him dieing shortly after being  elected were GREATLY EXAGGERATED or possible even  just Propaganda.  More updates to come in the next 3 1/2 years as this story continues to unfold. -Large_Loaf77

He’s also playing golf with family and friends, and not having to deal with the stressful situations that comes with being President.  No wonder he’s fine.   And the only reason that was an issue is because of his choice for VP.  Republicans aren’t even close to getting over losing, and it’s making their opponents happy.  Stop letting everyone know how much it kills you inside.  When your enemy suffers, laughter is acceptable.

I think Im alone when I say HJ’s > BJ’s. -Regrenade

Thats ridiculous, you can give yourself a hand job. Plus the added bonus of getting your girl to shut the fuck up for 10 minutes, is pretty key.

I had a bad afternoon with a girl. She consistently pushed away and denied kissing me. Now I feel like a jerk. Discuss. -SizzermeTimbers

Chloroform: The Handshake of Seduction.

Humans can do cool, amazing things, but it’s really only limited by how much we currently know and how far out into the universe we are capable of reaching… Which is laughably short-handed, obviously. I bet in comparison to other intelligent beings out there, we are incredibly lame and pretty limited in ability… -Tokyo_Black

I’m sure these other alien races had obstacles to deal with.  You have to evolve into a better race. I’m talking mentally as much as physically.  Everyones cognition has to be globally centered to utilize full progress.  But to most on Earth today, it’s a laughingstock. Too many obstacles still to overcome for us.

i’m the kind of guy that hates small talk, but also hates awkward silence.. im going out with like 3 girls tonight, and i’m sure there will be few times when no one will be saying anything and it will get awkward as hell. what do you  do during times like these? -IMNigerian

Think of some good stories before the event to bring up only in these situations.  That’s what I do. Or just fart, really, really loudly.

Somehow it’s okay to make fun of the nuclear bombing of innocent civilians 70 years ago at the cost of the victims but it’s not okay to do the same for 9/11? I’m not for or against either, just wondering why this is so. Doesn’t suffering=suffering, and shouldn’t that concept exist outside of time? Humans so fickle…

I know, seriously. They do say that humor = tragedy + time.  The good news is, in just a few short years the holocaust is going to be COMPLETELY HILARIOUS.

Is it me or Black people pissed that Eminem is at the very least a top 5 Emcee of all time? -BahamaPapa

About as mad that some white people are about Tiger Woods being the best golfer.

5 Progressive Insurance commercials later.. would you hit Flo? -plaidtrousers

I’d like to trick out her name tag.

Why did Constantinople get the works? -Moneyhan

That’s nobodies business but the Turks.

The What’s What, Volume 49

Little Jacob was the best NPC in GTA4 -SupahVillunn

Him and Packie were my two favorites. Alot of people were Brucie Boosters, I never really got that. LJ’s guns were the best perk of anyone, though, by far.

If you wear a cannabis leaf shirt or other weed related clothing garments, you need to get a life. seriously, how pathetic must you be for weed to become such a key part of your personality that you have to alter your fashion sense to suit it.  -LoltheDice

So, by your logic, we’re not allowed to wear clothing promoting sports teams or bands, or wolf shirts, also, right?

Seriously, has there been a nation in history who has done LESS to be proud of than Norway? My GF’s parents are Norwegian, and they’re all about stupid Norwegian heritage crap, they love to make fun of Swedes and other Scandinavians, they eat weird Norwegian food (Lutefisk, Lefsa), and other stupid **** like that.  Seriously, don’t they realize that there’s NOTHING cool about being Norwegian? -MarkareshExpress

They descend from Vikings, among the best ****-talkers in history.  Its in their blood.  Everyone is allowed to be a little proud of their heritage I suppose.

So since Chad Ochocinco wants out, what happens if that team already has a number 85? -AlbinoGorilla

Dunno, be even better if the Bengals kept him and changed his number to 11.

Best donut at Dunkin Donuts? -Flank.Roast

Blueberry Cake. I also like their toasted coconut and the chocolate creme filled.

My prom this weekend, is going to be great.  It ends at around five in the morning, which is the perfect time to ditch everyone, drive out to the east side of town, and find a spot overlooking the advancing floodwaters.

Humongous body of water? Check.
Thrill of possible danger it can cause? Semi-Check.
Sunrise glistening over the ripples, radiating outwards and creating a halo over her cornstalk blonde hair? Check.
Condom? Check

Sex is so much better when its done outside in front of a sunrise.  -shammy2012

“I’m so glad its just you and me here, overlooking the massive amounts of property damage and countless drowned domesticated animal carcasses floating about…. Just makes you want to take your pants off, doesn’t it?”

Would you accept a clone of yourself as a son or daughter instead of a normal child? -.J.

Yes. I’d be able to give myself a head start on the things I succeeded at, theoretically enhancing who I could be.

Do you believe waterboarding is torture? -DomoNique

Well, it sure isn’t foreplay.

Do you eat the pieces of bread at the top and bottom of a loaf of bread? BeaverEater

Nope, they are either used to make cookies soft or bird food.

have you ever stopped being friends with a girl because she wouldnt date you? i’m asking because this has happened to me like 3 times in the past 4 months. -MizzJayden

Me?  No, not personally. But don’t blame them, they are just the honest ones. Easy to prove. Offer all of your guy “friends” a sexual encounter.  They will say “Yes, please.”

Bob Dylan, as a musician, is severely overrated. -RorshachGimmick

He’s an awesome guitarist and lyricist, not so much a vocalist.  He had a lot to do with the social revolution of his time period, which probably would make him seem overrated to the kids of today.  Because the older crowd reacts to his music the way they do. Nostalgia and experience can’t be passed from generations.

The What’s What, Volume 48

When a celebrity gets behind a cause it makes me not want to support the cause. It just makes the whole thing seem insincere. And let’s face it, celebrities aren’t exactly the most educated of society. -Shozone

I hate it when any person only champions a cause because someone they know died of whatever. Like parents who care about drunk driving only after their kid dies from it. Maybe if they cared before hand they could have prevented it. Always seems like attention whoring and exploiting the relationship they had with the dead.

How come all these movies coming out are in 3D? -BlackKenneth

I have no idea. It’s not like it’s new technology.  It’s not like it only works in theaters.   All I do know, is that stuff hurts my eyes after 10 minutes.

The Atheist’s Kryptonite;

If God exists and you believe in Him, you win everything.
If God does not exist and you believe in him, you lose nothing.
If God does not exist and you do not believe in him, you lose nothing.
If God exists and you do not believe in him, you lose everything.   -pbpaul

Lose nothing besides  the dignity, money, effort and time wasted on supporting a  fairy tale, you mean. Plus, believing in God to hedge your bets isn’t really belief at all.

Do you ever go shopping by yourself? -blueyoshi

I have to go alone or my wife will make the trip 5 times longer. I get in and out as quick as I can, I hate stores and lines and malls and stuff, so I’m like a shopping ninja.

“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.” – George Bernard Shaw.  Your reaction, please?  -OfficeMaxwell

I’m a globalist, so you are preaching to the choir here. Alot of people will never put themselves in the uncomfortable position of dealing with their choices of religion or patriotism if they were born in another land. No one likes to feel wrong.

Do you believe the rapture will happen? -Webw1retoobs

Not in the biblical sense.  The world will end somehow, but there will be no “judgement” of who gets into some mystical theme park.

I saw “The Prestige” on HBO last week. I enjoyed it, but  I don’t quite understand how Hugh Jackman’s cloning machine worked. Did the real person get transported to the field above the audience or did the clone? Or was it random? Because Jackman’s character said on his death bed that “You don’t know what it’s like. It took courage walking towards your death every night. Not knowing if you were to plunge to your watery grave or be the Prestige.” -LPOA88

When I saw the pile of top hats, I just assumed it was all a scam by Bowie Tesla. I was a little disappointed that they were using electronic cloning as an actual plot device.  Seemed like a cop-out.  Not just because of the ridiculous notion, but everything had been about illusions up until that point. They were using bad science to bastardize their own movie.  And through all this, I still enjoyed the movie.

I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for 3 months now, and we never argue, and get along 100% perfectly. is this normal for todays day in age? is this like a sign we’ll last? -Milk_Dudley

A relationship really can’t know what its made of until you start living together, from my experience. Good things either go bad or get better. You pretty much know whats up at that point.

“Tradition is the enemy of progress”.I heard this statement in my Intercultural Communications class and it made a lot of sense to me. Look at Prop which recently passed in California for example. A lot of people argued that marriage should be kept “traditional”, which is a steaming load of bullshit, considering Miscegenation(mixing of races) was illegal for some time in the past. -JustaFreek

Well, they are antonyms.  Tradition = Keeping things the same, Progress = Change (presumably for the better) No such thing as “traditional progress”.

Whoever came up with Taxed Enough Already (TEA) is a freaking genius! Double meaning! -rezless

Do you mean besides the fact that “Taxed Enough Already” implies they were fed up with the taxing that the last guy they voted into office inflicted upon them, or completely misunderstanding that the Boston Tea Party was a protest that actually wanted their citizens to be taxed by their elected officials?  Add in that it’s a tee-ball set up for opponents to call them “teabaggers”.  But, other than this, yeah it’s really smart.

I received information that led me to the realization that I don’t mean nearly as much to her as she does to me. I need to feel better, please help -Gargantuwon

The bullshit that you are feeling has a benefit.  It’s called “experience”. And you might get enough to gain a level and improve your wisdom attribute. That’s how it works, seriously. So, congrats on learning some important information today. Next step is phasing it into your decision making. Good luck.