The What’s What, Volume 18

How exactly do I ask my mom this? I want to ask her why she never circumcised me. But how exactly do I bring that up in conversation? -Edmulled

“Mom, why do you hate jews?” No seriously, just ask her. Someone else asked her when you were born. It’s your penis, you have a right to know.

Rate a band /10: Dropkick Murphys -MrAwesome

9/10. Full disclosure though, I’m from Boston.

If you could prevent 1 persons death in any time in history, who would it be? -SambarLee

If we’re talking Epic History, JFK. If we’re talking personal guilty pleasure; Phil Hartman.

You ever “top-shelf” anyone? -BongZimmer

You mean the Mexican Aquarium? Top-loading? 2,000 Brown Flushes? Up-Tanking? No. I have never done it. Seems like it would be an awkward situation for me. I do know someone who claims to have “High-Bowled” Rachel Ray at her house in Saratoga. Great story he tells.

Should I smoke weed? -Harbringer319

Whichever those options you choose, neither will make you a better person. So, just don’t make a big deal about whichever direction you go, and people don;t have the right to resent you.

Slavery helped African-Americans because otherwise, they’d be starving in Africa. -crider4

If I was a southerner, I’d want white reparations for the transportation and room & board afforded to black people. Unfortunately, my great-great grandfather fought in the Civil war wearing Blue, so I don’t have any claim.

So a mosque is being built near my town and all the Christians are going crazy. Protesting to the government to try to get it stopped. Being an atheist, I really don’t see what the problem is. No one protests churches being built, why should they protest mosques? -Cruzcontrol

Is there another way for a religion built on tolerance to react?

What would you consider the perfect size for your ladies boobs? -BlackDraggin

Anything more than a handful is unnecessary and potentially dangerous. Plus it avoids the chances of some turd-burgling douche-gallon eye-humping your ladies chesticles right in front of you at any given point.

If given a choice between Hamburgers and Hot Dogs only at a BBQ, which one would you pick? -4Chancellor

Sight unseen? I would choose the hot dog, because I’ve been to many a BBQ where the burgers are burnt meatballs on a bun. Tough to fuck up a hot dog.

Are you Circumcised? I am and I’m proud not only because of the many health benefits but As a Jew it is the covenant that Abraham made with G-d when he said every descendant shall have the mark of the covenant. -fibronostalgia

I am, but neither feel pride nor shame because of it.

Would you have sex with your land lord if you were broke and needed to pay rent? What if your land lord was a dude but looked like a young david hasselhoff? -Frazzled

He can eat my cheeseburger off the floor.

Would have sex with your hot boss, regardless of the ramifications? -8bitselect

Depends on the boss, I have like 50.

I’ve never been a big fan of The Boondocks. and I’m black. Is there anything wrong with that? -Razashell

Im a big fan, and I’m white. I don’t think you are an Uncle Tom or anything because you don’t like a cartoon show thats aimed at your demographic. Just shows you are more complex than your skin color, but aren’t we all?

Why are so many people jumping onto the Buddhism bandwagon? Seriously. I’m hearing more and more people talk about how they’re Buddhist while also being their religion. What? -JayMotes

I don’t get how people feel the need to move from one religion to another, like one has the answers they need, and they can’t possibly have an identity of spirituality without religion. Anyway, Buddhism is a fine religion. Could use a dose of it in America. People should recognize that different things don’t have to be classified as better or worse, just different.

The What’s What, Volume 17

My fat ass sister ate my Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream. Half of the can was left yesterday night. Today I wake up and the can is in the trash empty.  Bitch.  -iPhony

Act like you are just noticing when she is in the kitchen.  Open the freezer, poke around and yell “Alright who ate MY cookie dough…” Stop here, look at your sister and say, “Oh, you did; I can tell by the 18 ounces of cream and sugar visible in your thighs.”

Does anybody really ask a girl to be their girlfriend?  It just happens with me. -StraightFighter3

I did. I’d say “So, what? Are we at that point where I get to make fun of you, and give you a nickname like “Muffin-Ass”, and have to stand up for you when other people are making fun of you? Or are you still shopping around? No big deal, I just like to know where I am at.”  I gave a version of that speech to 10 different girls and each one thought it was endearing and charming.

i started work at summer camp today. it was a good day, lots of memories from years past, and lots of fun times today.  We had a game called “deetz”, where you punch people in the nuts. It’s funny when you aren’t getting hit. We couldn’t last 1 day without someone getting deetz’d. -assandphyre

Sweet! A reason to touch 10 year old boys in their groin, have fun in Chris Hanson’s chair.

Hot Pockets take 30 minutes to cook in the oven Does this seem like BS to you? WTF? Are they trying to pass it off as filet mignon? – Theeter

3:15 in the micro with that pseudo-foil sleeve is the best way I’ve found.  I like the crust softer though.  In 30 minutes I could cook real food.

Everything that ever had a beginning had a cause for its creation. So can you please tell me how the universe came to be without a cause? I just want an honest answer. Thanks  -SliteofMan

The contraction into itself of the previous universe caused a massive explosion, the Big Bang.  Also, this is not a good debate starter, the Atheist gets to ask “What created God then?”

With inconsistent QBs, below average RBs, and only one decent WR (from what we’ve seen from him,) do they lack an offense? -EMailaddress

Unless they put in 10 lineman and Devin Hester, they do NOT have an offense.

Do you shave or trim your armpits? I’m debating on whether or not I should shave them or just trim ‘em.
What do you do? -FreakoBellic

I trim them.  More often in the summer.

Kids is the most useless movie I’ve ever seen, horrible. -3dbuck

There was a lot of bad acting, thats for sure.  And I don’t care about my friends drama, I don’t know why anyone thought I should care about these peoples manufactured nonsense.

Rate my DVD haul from the $5 bin at Wal-Mart/10; Clerks 2, Joe Dirt, School of Rock, South Park Movie, Fight Club. -Haddagootodd

I’m gonna go with 8/10.  School of Rock is a kids movie, and Fight Club is a bit overrated.  I instinctively find myself distrustful towards soap-makers because of that movie.

Do you drink at all?  If so, how often? -SecretAsianMan

I exclusively drink whiskey, rather rarely.  Maybe, three drinks in one sitting a month. I haven’t been drunk since college, like 10 years ago.

The What’s What, Volume 16

If you were to go on a killing spree, how many people do you reckon you could take out… …before getting killed yourself or arrested? -FartAttakk

I bet I could kill a handful of people and not get caught. I just choose not to. If I was going for body count it would have to be explosives. People realize they should run from the sound of gunfire, limiting your potential targets. I would probably come up with an elaborate super-villainous plan of separate explosions timed to go off together in a variety of popular locations, and blow myself to bits in the basement of my house setting it up because I don’t know shit about explosives. Which is why I don’t try. Well, that and the fact that I’m adverse to killing nameless faceless innocent people for no reason.

Anybody who tries to argue that the confederacy was about southern pride is an idiot, as the vice president himself outlined the fact that the ideology that it revolved around was slavery. Those arguments that they show every year on the news while they re-enact their civil war are BS. -Shanadu

I never understood people that are proud of losing a war. I mean, sure, I’m still a Bruins fan, so I understand the concept of loyalty. Just seems foolish to be exposed in public and claim righteousness in private.

My Aunt died in February. My Uncle is getting remarried already. I don’t know what to think of it other than I think he’s making a decision based on grief but I could be wrong. It just seems so messed up. -off-da-hook

I know, you should totally get a say in how your Uncle copes with grief and seeks happiness.

If you were a leader, would you rather be loved or be feared? -DrRamone

If your departure or death results in happiness in people, you were/are a cancer on humanity. This is true for anyone; King, Boss, Father, or Friend.

Brick killed a guy – ToyFair

That really escalated quickly.

now that hilary is out, have you decided on who youd vote for president? -BellicanPay

The last 8 years have brought nothing but resentment and distrust of my own government.
Ill probably give a shot to the guy with no experience, because all my previous experience with experienced leaders has been unpleasant.

Name one place you’d like to visit at least once during your life. -Emileezer

Ive been pretty much everywhere Ive wanted to go. Id like to see Dubai and stay at their hotels. But the plane ride would drive me mental.

Gay athletes shouldn’t be allowed in the same locker room. I have nothing against gay people but I don’t think they should be allowed to……unless I am allowed in girl locker rooms. -iPhony

Im as liberal as they come, but you have good point. Bathrooms were set up in gender roles to prevent insecurity from interested eyes. Honestly, I would feel less self-conscious naked in front of a lesbian, then in front of a gay man.

Who is more likely to be assassinated if elected president, Obama or McCain? -Yoshi

Historically, liberal leaders have always been the victims of assassination. JFK and his brother, MLK, Lincoln, Benazir Bhutto. It just echoes sentiment of conservatives being close-minded and threatened by change to the point where they sacrifice themselves to create martyrs. Obama is a huge proponent of change and with some of the radical racist rhetoric in this country I fear for him the most. Even noting John McCains health, if we include nature as an assassin.

Do you guys remember when co-op games were fun? -360FanBoy

My friends and I rarely play sports games against each other, always dynasties co-op. Whole different game. Plus turns friends into teammates instead of competitors which can get dicey at times, even between the greatest of friends.

Why do the Democrats lose so many elections they should have won? I mean, seriously. They should have won 1988, they should have won 2000, they should have won 2004. The Republicans go dirty every time, the Democrats refuse to, so they lose. Why is my party so full of idiots? -TransparentWhale

Because conservatives have discovered that is causes less mayhem to rig an election, then it does to assassinate and martyr a popular liberal figurehead.

I had to explain the meaning of “gay” to my 5-year old daughter. She thought it meant something completely different, considering how often her brother uses the word. I had to put it in simple terms: “You know how some families have a mommy & a daddy? Well, sometimes there’s two daddies who fall in love, or two mommies.” She seemed to accept it, especially when I reminded her that Aunt Melissa married DJ, but then she said “I still think Josh was pretty gay when he tricked me into going on the dinosaur ride.” -DrMelissa

Its not smart to inform a child of such a young age. They truly cant understand concepts of gender roles or sex in general. You’ve informed her about gayness, now she gets to make her choice. And you should have mentioned that Aunt Melissa and DJ will burn in hell for intirety for their love. Expect her to cut her hair, wear Birkenstock and get macho shortly. Consider buying her some Liz Phair for her 6th birthday. I hope you didn’t have hopes for a son-in-law.