The What’s What, Volume 58

Breaking news; Michael Jackson in death coma. Thoughts?  -ASteiner31

Michael Jackson, woah. – Animedia

So, the King of Pop is dead.  You one of the caring? -copydude11

I can’t care for people I never met.  Sure, his music was great, but it’s not like he died in his prime and we’re missing out on years of upcoming hit singles and critically acclaimed albums.

What really got me caring about anything related to this is the fake mea culpa of Jordan/Evan Chandler that people are passing around as fact.  One guy writes a fake news piece about a molested child admitting the charges were lies, and everyone who can uses it as means of fact, blindly. I realize that someones heart is in the place of wanting to do anything to get the person they care about most the respect they feel the deceased deserves.  But can you imagine if you were raped and 10 years later someone writes a false confession for you? I ‘ve been accused of things I didn’t do, but still I can’t even come close to imagine what this kid is feeling. Not cool, Jacko sympathizer.

What team do you think has the coolest logo in sports? I’m not much of a hockey fan but I think the Minnesota Wild logo is pretty badass. -glidingprimate

Either the Amsterdam Admirals from NFL Europe or the throwback Boston Bruins logo with the bear in the forest, and the ungodly brown and orange striped uniforms.

Who Is Your Favourite Ghostbuster? -<3ALevin<3

Ill go Stantz. He was as smart as Egon and could be as funny as Venkman. Plus he developed most of the gadgets, and got a blow job from a ghost.

what if barbara boxer called the general the wrong rank? How would he have reacted? -akotohealth

I like how you get to address her as “Barbara”. He didn’t call her “Congresswoman”, he called her “maam.” The same thing she was calling Condoleeza Rice during testimony, I’m told.  I bet if she called him “Sir” he wouldnt have responded like a douche.   I’m with the Conservatives on this one.  If someone claims to have earned respect and a a title through hard work, I tell them it should be no problem to work a little harder for my respect.  Respect is earned, not entitled.

How about that Oklahoma girl who killed and skinned her puppy, and made a belt to get back at the girl who gave her the dog? -MKennedy

Just think of the ownage that would have been when the ex-girlfriend saw her in a store somewhere.
“Hey Alexa, sorry about leaving you, hows Fido?”
“Hes great at keeping my pants up, bitch.” *Lifts up shirt to show jack russel belt with owners tag buckle.*

What does reputation mean to you?  To me? Nothing, because of the music I and my friends like we are hated.
But hey, who cares? Reputation is determined on what a certain amount of people think about you. Its not Important, never care what people think about you. If they like you or hate you, who cares? Never let somebody else judge you. -Illinoid

Good luck trying to stop people from judging you.  Reputation is important because it goes farther than you do. People you have never met that could benefit or hurt your situation in life are judging you right now based on your reputation.   Doesn’t make it right, but it happens. Ever heard the phrase “Your reputation preceeds you.”? It’s because it does.  And whether you like to believe otherwise, peoples opinion of you matters a great deal. Telling people that it doesn’t matter what they think is only hurting you.

Thats crazy that Pennsylvania has 3 of the 4 major North American Championships, and 2 of them are in one city. -IdreamofJeanie

So then, it’s even way crazier to realize that The Red Sox, Celtics and Patriots all had championship at the same time 2 years ago, and they ARE from the same city!  Or is it only cool because its Pennsylvania?

How come anyone who’s been murdered is suddenly considered a good, decent person? you ever wonder about that? Every murder victim “brightens up the room, and was everyone’s friend”. It’s just weird, you know? -PhoenixRight

Its because they don’t put murdered assholes on the news.

Have you ever got pussy so good that you just don’t ever bother jerking off? i had some on monday…and me being a daily masturbator, haven’t even touched my penors in 4 days….i just deleted porn off my computer as well…could this be the end of a chronic masturbator? -IllbeBuck

Yes, I have. But it turns out other people were enjoying it also. And that’s how that goes.

I just found out that my Dad wanted me to be aborted… -OfficerFoster

I would be bringing that up in every situation, good or bad.  If I mess up it’s “Man, if only I was a bloody pool in the pan like you wanted, right Dad?”  If I do something nice it “A coathanger with a fetus attached couldn’t have done much better.. right pops?”

Have you ever looked at gay porn? -Girugamesh

Yeah, I watched a gay porn with some girls in college. I was hoping it would prove my openness while getting them all riled up and want to throw down, but they laughed it off and we went back to smoking weed and playing Scattergories like nothing happened.

All the dog lovers I’ve ever met hate small dogs. You are the only person I’ve ever seen to feel small dogs are superior. -FunnyJello

I think it’s an asshole move when you have a big dog and a small yard. I have a small yard, so I got a small dog.   Also, when people cant control their giant dogs when company comes, its a pretty big let down. It’s cool that you love your dog jumping and slobbering on you. But don’t subject your guests to that.  If my little dog jumps at you, he comes up to your knees.  Not really a big deal.

If the Ghostbusters game were not Ghostbusters licensed, it would be considered a bad game. Im enjoying it enough, but its a very ’static’ feeling game.   I could see an expanded upon sequel being a great game, but this current game is a skeleton of a better game. -Mybandiscool

If it wasn’t licensed, it would have nothing to do with the GhostBusters. It would be called “Urban Apparition Hunter” and wouldn’t have any of the familiar characters, weapons, or plot that the original movie had.   But I agree with you, the game has an antiquated unprofessional feeling to it. It’s the nostalgia, plot and relatively fun combat that allows me to feel like I didn’t waste my money.

I once called my Grandfather by his real name, boy did he get mad. He said “What the hell did you just say, boy? You call me Papaw. Im not your drinking buddy, you stupid kid.” -RoyWi11liams

“I guess I was hoping we were buddies, too. I won’t make that mistake again, don’t worry about it, Grandfather.” Every time following that incident my grandfather would call me by my name I would say “What did you just call me? You call me “Sonny”. We’re not drinking buddies, old man.”

You can call my stories B.S. But I have done this before. When people tell me how hard they worked to receive the title “Doctor”, so they deserve respect. I tell them “You’ll have to work just a little harder to earn it from me.” I find someone demanding respect from people about the most disrespectful thing you can do.

Governor Marc Sanford, lol.  Did you see how Faux News had him as a Democrat in his press conference? -MissinChrisFarley

Seems like a bad idea for Fox to do that.  Now their viewers will deride him instead of supporting him like they would if they knew he was a Republican.  Either way something is fishy, his wife has known for 5 months, but yet he still goes to Argentina?  It sounds to me like hes made his choice.  Family values be damned, Republican, go get you some.

The most powerful superhero that no one ever talks about is probably Cap’n Crunch. And I mean in the literal sense that no one on ever talks about him on the lsit of superheroes.  You can bring up some superheroes that are very rarely brought up, but they are talked about more than Cap’n Crunch.  Sog out. -MainScreech

Keeping cookies crunchy in milk isn’t really a super power with broad usage.   I mean, it’s unlikely to save anyones life.

My Mom just got in a verbal fight with the cashier at 7-11. She is really scared of germs and when you buy a drink at 7-11 they always wrap their fingers around the top, where you have to put your mouth. This time she just put the bar code of the drink under the scanner, and the guy is like “this is mine, not yours” (he was talking about the scanner). Then she explained to him that he does not own 7-11, and he did not buy the scanner so he doesn’t own the scanner. Then she said if he owned 7-11, he would not be standing behind a counter for 8 hours a day,scanning her drink.

She couldn’t have explained her reasoning instead of being a total asshole?

The What’s What, Volume 57

How is being gay a sin when a man’s g spot is in his a-hole? -ballin1995

I believe you just disproved the existence of God, by simply referencing anal pleasure.  Kudos.

“the first dozen sexual experiences in my life (either inappropriate or welcomed) were directly related to the church, its clergy, its parishioners, or church functions.” Dude, please elaborate on the clergy part. -stella

Look, I’m not here to whistleblow anyones fun or ruin any careers.  The only names you will find on this blog are mine and celebrities.  Since I don’t believe in God, I believe that clergymen are equal to a man, and should not held to a higher moral standard.  If someone else wants to put their trust in them, that’s their issue.  Yes, I have been in some inappropriate situations with a clergyman and other church employees.  But I was able to avoid anything really unfortunate simply by leaving.  No one held me against my will, they were simply testing it.  What was really surprising to me is how some kids welcomed the advances.  I had no idea that “abuses” could occur that would leave both parties satisfied and happy, which I would hardly consider abuses at that point.

My girlfriend made out with some douche at a party last night. She tried to blame it on the alcohol, I wasn’t hearing any of it though, we are done. But it sucks, it happened to my friend with his girlfriend of 4 years, she banged one of his friends. She tried to blame it on the alcohol.-rfj202

They always blame it on too much alcohol and never take the responsibility to admit they are the ones who drank too much alcohol. In fact, I truly believe that some girls preemptively get drunk so they know they’ll have it as an excuse, when they carry out their plans of banging the cute guy upstairs or whatever.

There is nothing worse than talentless artists who think people just “don’t get” their work. -Hamas_Hummus

It sure makes them feel better about sucking though.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the WhatsWhat, but what happened to your writing?  I really enjoyed your stories. – Zelmarket

Thanks for the kind words.  My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and she said she’d feel better if I quit marijuana for the time being, so I did.  Ideas come less frequently and when they do, I get half way through them and don’t feel as excited about my writing, so I stop.  I’m blaming it on that for now.  We’ll see if it’s true or not when shes with child.

Since David Stern became NBA commissioner in 1984 only 7 different teams have won a championship.  Thoughts? -soarlemur

It sounds scandalous until you realize that none of them are the Knicks and Sterns been rigging drafts and lotteries both to get NY to be good. So, he can’t even cheat properly, if that’s the case.

Which Daily Show reporter do you think will be the next to make it big? (Other than Ed Helms) That show has a knack for making huge stars out of people. I’m betting John Oliver.-FHGPuzzle

They are really pimping for Jason Jones to be next, but I’m not really a huge fan.  I’ve seen quite a bit of Sam Bee off the show alot recently, but I still wager Oliver is the house favorite.  That Chris Farley ripoff can die in a fire, though.

Scenario: You like a girl, she is single but she is still getting over her ex who cheated on her. She was in love with this kid and he broke her heart, she’s been single awhile now but she isn’t over him. You fear she might get back with him soon, but this girl means a lot to you. How do you get her? -Thurmon_Wright

In girlspeak this translates to “You’re not my top choice, but if he doesn’t take me back, I’ll need some way to keep my mind off of him and make him jealous at the same time, so you might come in handy.”

Are your animals well at communicating with yoi? Do they let you know when they have to go outside, their food dish needs filled, their tummy hurts, if something bad is happening? -Hyper_Hypo

My dog is great at communication. We have jingle bells next to the door that he rings when he wants to go outside. Will bring a leather glove (or brush or any toy) to me when he wants to be brushed/play. Sits by the treat door and grumbles when he wants a bone.  I can’t tell when he feel sick though.

Well… I just spent 30 min on a phone with a Doctor, telling me how I’m making a mistake wanting to go to Med School.
He said that I’m going to be in debt until im 40, I’m in the service of the devil (Obama), as an example, if I was a watchmaker, I would normally be making $100 per watch, Obama will make it so that I’m only making $20 per watch now…
He also said that I will be a slave for the rest of my life, and that I’m “lucky” for him to opening my eyes to world of evil, saying that it’s not to late to change my career plans…  -Enya_Lives

Well good, if you were going to be a Doctor to make money, as opposed to having the drive to help people, like they way it sounds the Doctor you spoke to was after, then hes doing us all a favour by keeping you out of the industry.

Is obesity a disability?  I personally don’t think it’s a disability. People get fat on their own accord, and it’s not like it’s an overnight thing. You can tell if your ass is getting fat, so that’s the time when a normal person will try to get healthier. If obesity is a disability then what’s next, alcoholism? Is cocaine addiction a disability? -HunterXThompson

Kind of. In the same way that a retard shoots himself in the foot and then is forced to have a limp.

Microsoft just sent me an email saying that because of the network downtime, I get a month of XBL Gold for a dollar.  I was on vacation!  lol. -rawdawg0911

Did the e-mail actually say “We’re sorry about that, to make up for the inconvenience we’re going to accept more money from you.”?

Fact: If you saw a ghost or something, you would pray to god for it to go away. You would close your eyes and PRAY to god to get that thing to go away. Even you, atheist. -CampingWhore

I lol at people who claim to know what the unexplained is so unequivocally.  I wish I would let my imagination run my head once in a while. To be so assured in your own ignorance must be wonderful for your ego.

your nike and reebok shoes are made in the same factories with the payless crap. -Ozmandee

Same factory, but different design and different grades of leather and cotton.

The What’s What, Volume 56

Convince me that God does not exist. -uninteresting_thoughts

No one can convince you. You can only accept it.

My friend smoked weed for the first time and threw up about 10 times very loudly in the bathroom.  I can see now why some people don’t like it. -TheMichiganKid

Which makes no sense since they give it to cancer patients to stimulate appetite and reduce nausea. I wager your friend was either ridiculously nervous and anxious which led to the Technicolor yawn, or he was drunk also.  Maybe he ate too many munchies?

Illegals? Love em or hate em? -Demi-Gurl

Love them. It’s not their fault Americans aren’t charging them taxes. They are exploiting a systems weaknesses, if we don’t choose to fix the system, I feel like we don’t get the right to complain.  Kind of like the bailouts. I don’t blame the banks for exploiting poor regulation. I blame the government for allowing it to happen in the first place.  The government thought banks would police themselves. I can’t even begin to explain how hilarious I find that situation.

what do or would your parents think of your blog?  let us already acknowledge that you don’t care what they think… -stella

I do care what they think.  The more likely turnout is that they wouldn’t care what I think.  The blog is public, and they aren’t reading it, from what I understand.  I wager my Dad would be upset that the first dozen sexual experiences in my life (either inappropriate or welcomed) were directly related to the church, its clergy, its parishioners, or church functions.  Either that, or he’d be upset at just how vocally agnostic I am.  My Mom, however, is lucky if she knows where the power button is.  This is the same woman who said to me once “Crack/Pot, Whats the difference?”  after finding a bong.  So, yeah, she seems to be an unlikely reader.

So it seems the newest fad is sliders…Burger King, Friday’s, Red Robin. They really are getting on that bus.  -LineThreeleven

I don’t like how everyone calls them sliders. I think White Castle should have copywright to that name.

You are stuck on a deserted island. With you are two people. One is an extremely ugly woman. She is morbidly obese and has terrible acne. The other is a transvestite. She looks like are really hot female, only, she has male genitalia. Chances are you wouldn’t have been able to guess that she used to be a man.  You are here forever, so no-one would ever know.  Who do you bang? -MaizenBloo

The actual woman.  Chances after after starving herself for a month or two, she’ll look pretty hot after she loses that weight. Nothing but hard work, sun, and burning calories on a deserted island. That’s if she doesnt eat me first.

I want to date this girl, but she smokes cigs. shes pretty cute, pretty smart, a democrat, an atheist, and listens to indie This year I hung out with her every morning before school Should I go for it? I’m not a fan of cigs. They taste like shit and smell bad too. -localnewsteam

You should tell her the only thing holding you back from ravaging her is that she smokes. How will she be able to live with herself knowing that she could have had you if only she quit smoking?  Getting her to change who she is is a big part of any healthy relationship. Just be sure that YOU get what YOU want.

how famous is Ricky Gervais in America? he’s huge in England and i was just wondering how high his rep is in the US -gamingdiety

Extras made me a fan.  I think any American interested in the comedy scene knows who he is.  As far as writers/creators of TV shows go, he’s pretty famous.

So how the hell was David Carradine supposed to jack off if his hands were tied? -SubwayJared

That’s what the underage hooker was for. You think he flew to Asia to masturbate? Really?

when someone is super-defensive about their drug use habits, that constitutes a drug problem.  You deny you have a problem. See where I am going with this? -Superdickery

Way to cling to antiquated consideration, Dr Drew.  If I accuse you of being a terrorist and you deny it, because you are not a terrorist, this somehow makes you a terrorist?  Denial is a social reaction, not a symptom.

Did you end up picking up Trash Panic? -ProfessionalCrastination

I bought it. It’s crazy ridiculously difficult.  The lack of a tutorial really doesn’t help the situation.  I’m pretty disappointed.

lol, tim donaghy getting beat up in jail -CMackVA

Wow, someone who turned on the mob gets assaulted in jail. This is the first time that’s ever happened.

The What’s What, Volume 55

Where do you buy your clothes? PhilbinAddict

Marshalls, TJ Maxx, GAP, Eddie Bauer, Lands End, LL Bean. Thats it. Always.

Gay high school kid named Prom Queen, thoughts? -FoleynJackin12

I don’t think it’s all that cool that he took away the pinnacle moment of some vapid teenage girls life for the lulz. I don’t really care though. At least he’s not reinforcing negative stereotypes or anything.

Do you like cold pizza? -Meyerheimer

Yes. But I find some pizza is actually better the day after out of an oven. Dominoes for one, is better heated up the day after than when they bring it to you, somehow.

I got confirmed today! -SandyKoufaxsprostate

Congrats, now you get to confirm that Father Larrys penis tastes delicious.

What do you think of girls that wear Converses with formal dresses? -OnCloud8

Hey look at me! I’m being individualistic by conforming to what everyone else is doing! Flip flops and high heels are the only appropriate choices.

Do you care if other people do drugs? -Tunapurrito

To an extent. Depends on the drug. Harder drugs like PCP, Meth, crack, and heroin have real social problems associated with them. My tax dollars pay to help get them off of the mistakes they have made. Which I don’t mind as long as the treatment works.

But mostly I have problems with people who have never tried drugs making broad accusations about the effects of them on the user and society. If anything, I have a problem with people NOT doing drugs and then forming an opinion on them based on some propaganda a cop who can’t handle a beat came to their school with.

WHY IS IT WHEN YOU’RE AT THE BEACH HOT WOMEN NEVER TAKE OFF THEIR BRA’S TO TAN BUT FAT WOMEN DO -METROIDRAGE

How else are they compete for attention with hot girls wearing bikinis? Plus, put a rubber band thats too small around your thigh. That stuff hurts.

Did you throw your cap in the air for HS graduation? -MinimusRex

Hell yes, I ripped the tassle off and frisbeed the fucking thing as hard as I could at my dean, sitting on stage. It came about three feet from slicing off his head. It hit an empty folding chair loudly and I laughed my ass off. I looked up, grabbed a cap nearest to my head size and returned it.

Are you people so simple-minded, uncultured, ignorant, and boring that your favorite foods are things like pizza, hamburgers, burritos, and macaroni and cheese? Like not even specific preparations, just those foods in GENERAL?
How can your favorite food be a burrito from Chipotle? Do you not realize how much awesome food there is out there?
YOU CAN DO BETTER CHILDREN -AsianChildKing

A lot of these foods are comfort foods, and are just labeled as favorites because of the nostalgia and warm and fuzzies they get when considering them.

Also, there’s nothing wrong with chain foods. Paid expert chefs are modifying ingredients to better showcase their food. A lot of science goes into making chain foods good tasting, which a Mom and Pop restaurant can’t compete with. Just because ingredients are fresher or more wholesome does not mean that the food is guaranteed to come out better.

The bladder does not help with water retention, once liquid is in it, it does not return up the ureter to the kidneys. Is it a scent marking adaptation? Is it used as an end point for urinary tract infection? What evolutionary pressure forced us to stop peeing anytime we needed to? -jdawg256

I’m going to assume this is a veiled argument of creationism, so I’ll say; Why do Muslims have bladders? If God created everyone in his image, why would Muslims have bladders? Unless you are saying that God is a Muslim, and that’s not gonna go over well at all at your next Bible study meeting.

How can you sneak prescription drugs on a plane if they’re not in your name? -PlayorDie

Buy a pill organizer, the kind with the days on it. Fill it up. Claim you need them to live. Go on your trip.

Did you get to see Will Ferrells “Survivorman” episode? -Nationalsfan18

I still cannot believe what they did with those two buried sticks.  That was mayhem right there. Ron Burgandy has brass balls.

Have you heard of this anti-rape implant for women?  “Rape-axe”? -HomelessDepot

Which is why I always test my rape victims with a finger first.  Gotta beware of that vagina sarlaac.  But seriously, it seems like a sad state of affairs when this needs to even be considered.

wtf mate!?? i’ve never been in an office where they make you buy your own coffee. this is an outrage! they should have told me this during the interview! -MormanNailer

Buy a coffee machine. It certainly would ingratiate yourself to the new co-workers.  Ask the boss beforehand if it’s okay you do so, maybe he’ll give you the company card.

Keeping count of how many girls you have had sex with is like counting of many drinks you have had. Only pussies count. Real men just keep going. -Blutowannabe

The only difference is when you go to drink a beer, its not mad if you’ve had a dozen more previously in your life.

The What’s What, Volume 54

Monster Energy Drink = sex in a 16 oz. can.  -.-Rick-.

Sex in a 16oz can sounds pretty uncomfortable. So I can only assume from your analogy that Monster Energy Drink is not a good thing.

Police are looking for two men who pulled a disabled man off his motorized wheelchair during a robbery, thoughts? -A.Preciation

Good. Disabled people want to be treated the same as everyone else. It’s only fair they should get robbed once in a while.

Public beheadings should be mandatory in the US. I bet people will think twice about breaking the law. No but seriously, ive been watching some of these types of videos on truthtube and it’s really disturbing. -NinjaFan

People would consider that a step back in terms of societal standards. But if the state is going to execute people with witnesses we should be televising that stuff also. Or at least letting the footage out afterwards.  I just feel like in terms of government and law, a majority of Americans could make as informed decisions as adults as they government can when presented with the same information.

Is picture graffiti still cool graffiti? I don’t mean throw ups, I’m talking if I went around town tagging an insignia of some sort. Like if I was batman, tagging his logo. Or are letters the only way to go and pictures would just be lame? -Largetacular

I always thought it would be cool to tag some bare spots with the same elaborate tree art or cloud mural or cool complex geometric patterns using the specific area. My friends that did this, just learned how to do their tag real quick cause they were pussies and didn’t want to get caught. If cell phones were common back in my day, I bet I could have gotten a couple good lookouts and tried it out.

How come you never see guys in a bukkake accidentally jizz on each other? -GClooneysBeard

Maybe you make it a habit of getting in line of fire of an exposed penis, but most men try to stay directly out of its way.

Slumdog Millionaire; Amazing movie imo and best I have seen all year. Frieda Pinto is gorgeous. -illimatik

Meh.  Didn’t live up to the hype, for me. Freida Pinto wasnt even the best actress playing that character. She might have even been the 3rd.  The movie was good and all, certainly not worth the hype efforted for it.

What would it take for you to believe in God? -SolarFlashlight

If God wanted my worship, he would give me what he required that I need to believe in Him.  Or, in other words, He has decided that I am not important enough to give me what I need to have faith in Him.

I’ve yet to get bored going for 100% on GTA IV. I still have to: Do the exotic cars, do the 30 car deliveries, the vigilante missions, a couple random characters, and then… THE FLYING RATS. I’m at like 86%, hope to be at 100% by Monday. -NintendoMaster

I too, am not bored. I have a couple most wanteds, the assassin missions, a few stunt jumps and the pigeons. I’m not looking forward to the pigeons at all. It’s likely where I call it quits. Im hoping being so close to my first platinum trophy is what will motivate me to find them.

When someone says they’re unpopular, what is your first assumption about them? -IZune54

I assume that it matters to them, and consider them a loser whether they are popular or not.

“I’d rather die like a man, than live like a coward”-Tupac -redwins2004

“I bet he ducked when the gun went off, though.” -Me

in the end we all believe in something, even those who claim to have no faith. -braith711

Belief and Faith are not the same thing. Like the difference between prayer and hope.

Barefoot vs. Naked Foot? -reggieshrugs

Barefoot. I had a girlfriend who used to say “Naked feet” and “Open/Close the light” instead of “On/Off”. I hated her for it. She was pretty retarded though, she couldn’t read an analog watch and constantly screwed up left and right. If you think she was hot, you are right. Which is why she didnt need to know any of this stuff.

The What’s What, Volume 53

I just saw that Eddie House video from the semifinals.  What a bitch he is, he got hoe slapped upside the head, and didn’t do nothing about it. What a pussy, but he is a Celtic, and they’re a team full of pussies. -Jijcore

Really? Eddie House is the bitch? Not Rafer Alston, who SLAPPED a dude in the BACK of the head? He SLAPPED him. In the BACK of the head, and Eddie House is the bitch? With an open hand, Alston hit House where he cant see it coming, and Eddie is the bitch?  You sure about this?

did they really have to show that guy’s cock so much in ‘forgetting sarah marshall?’ -jbillz

They should have traded off with some Mila Kunis or Kirsten Bell boobies.  And don’t give me “They did, the snapshot…” I mean REAL boobies.

If you were starting an MLB franchise right now, who would you take with the first pick? -hamashummus

Either Pujols, Longoria, or Hanley Ramirez.  Pitchers are too sporadic.

I’m skipping church this Wednesday to watch Lost -SoljahofGawd

This just means when you need a miracle, God will be watching 30 Rock.

Do you think it’s completely retarded that global warming/climate change is a political issue? I don’t think something as important as the future of Man and the Earth should be hinged on which side you lean towards the most. -IluvHaydenP

If the government shouldn’t be the one to fix it, then no one will. Corporations? Theres no profit margin. God? He’s the one who’s causing it. Your Mom? Shes busy causing my glacier to melt, if you know what I’m saying.

Ever had a drug deal go bad?  N3w_Y0rk3r

After a drug dealer sold my friend blunt shavings, he approaches the dealer who says to him, “You best not press, lest you gots a vest fo yo chest.”  We laughed in his face and left. He got our twenty dollars, but we bought one hell of an incident for it.

If you were grilling a pork tenderloin, What would you flavor it with? -ObesityLite

Dry rubs work really well on grilled pork. Creates a textured crust that seals in natural juices.  I would suggest either cajun, lemon pepper or cinnamon chipotle.

Pericings or Tattoos? -HighOnLifeandDrugs

Piercings are usually immediately distinguishable and when you notice them, it’s because some retard put them in a place to garner attention and shock value.   Tattoos can only be seen if you want them to. It’s like finding out a secret when someone shows you one.  Tattoos by 15 lengths.

I wonder what it’s like to be in a swimming pool during a big earthquake.  -Hammeroidrage

I went SCUBA diving in the caribbean and asked the instructor what happens if theres a tsunami.  He said “You wouldn’t feel a thing, we’d come up to the surface and wonder what the fuck happened to the beach and parking lot.”. Pretty cool.

how much of your life has changed since Barack Obama was elected President?-Mototype12

Other than the copious amounts of lulz from butthurt Republicans, very little.

How much did you spend on your sunglasses? -BishDin

$250 They’re prescription so I only get one pair, and I buy high quality so they last a while.

Who do you love more wife or your parents? -Czechlist

Well, they are different types of love. My love for my parents is based on respect and gratitude. My love for my wife is different because I chose her based on her inherent qualities, of which I fell in love with. You don’t get to really choose to love your parents. But if they werent my parents, I probably wouldn’t have had the chance to meet them.

Jim Rome is a bitch about Pot Use. Mind you this is a dude that grew up in So. Cal and went to college at UCSB. Can’t believe that guy is wound so tight. Maybe pot touched him in a bad place when he was a kid? -Large_Soprano

I wager his girlfriend started to smoke and dumped him for a dealer or something.

Do you think Christian Bale is a prick? -RRODDaily

Dunno, never met him. But from what I have assembled from people who do know him or overheard by reading the news, he’s a class A douchebag.

The What’s What, Volume 53

have you ever actually befriended a homeless person? -FrereMonster

There was a guy in Kenmore station in Boston that would announce the oncoming trains to the platform by singing “Peace Train” by Van Morrison with modified lyrics.  “C train sounding louder, everyone rides the C train!” *CLAPCLAP* I used to steal food from my girlfriends college cafeteria and give it to him, pretty much every night/morning for two years. He knew my name, Id consider us friends.

Do you remember your first skeet? -FHX44

I do. I was knuckle deep in a girl in the bathroom at Sunday school and she was giving me a handy.  I didn’t know what was gonna happen so I skeeted all over her flip flops and we both tasted our hands. She was delicious. It was hot as all get out. I then masturbated like 5 times thinking about it over the following 12 hours. I hope that wasn’t too graphic for you. It’s a pretty vivid memory of mine.

facebook or twitter? -Anard88

I use them both and they are two completely different things.  It’s like asking Apple Jacks or Bow Tie?  Granted, I only use twitter for breaking news alerts.  If theres a better use, I’m not seeing it.

I didn’t like The Wild Thornberrys. -bdog2610

It looked like third graders animated it. Stories might have been good, but the visual reference gave me a headache which prevented me from giving it a fair shake.

IMO, it’s more fun to be drunk than high. -Megasalmon

I’ve seen too many good relationships end over something that happened while drunk. I’ve never seen anything of the kind happen because of weed.  So, I gravitate towards the devil lettuce myself.

which race should be wiped off of the face of the Earth? -palzim11

The Daytona 500.

Which FIGHTING games have you really been into(if any)?? -LifeMeme

The only ones that I would even consider coming close are Tysons Punch Out and Pro Wrestling back in the 8 bit days.  I’ve just never really been into the fighting games. I played the balls off of Fight Night for a bit recently, but you might not even consider these fighting games.

Would you rather have one giant testicle or three regular-sized testicles? When I say giant, I mean giant. Like, the size of a tennis ball or something. I think I have to go with the one giant testicle. What about you? -JimmyRushmore

Both seem uncomfortable. Would having one large testicle produce giant sperm so that I’m ejaculating tadpoles? Or would three regular sized testicles give me a hose load like a poorly edited porn scene?  Instinctually, I’m going with three balls cause I feel like that would be tougher to spot.

Your best steak service recipe? YaySean

Prepare Marinade; 2 bottles of ale, 1 cup brown sugar, 2 large onions cut into large rings.
Lay steak into marinade, let rest overnight.
Get grill crazy hot, put steak on grill, turn heat to medium
Saute onions in butter on low heat until cooked, yet still a bit crispy.
Cook steaks to desired temp. (Med Rare for me personally)
Enjoy the shit out of them.

Have You Ever Hand-Scored Baseball Games? -Theeze-

I used to went I would go to Fenway in college. Statistics aren’t readily available during the games except whats available on the scoreboard. (Which are getting bigger and bigger.) And if I see a great game I have a cool souvenir.  I felt more involved too, kept me focused.

The What’s What, Volume 52

My girlfriend wants me to go to this party on Saturday. We were going to hang out that day anyways so I dont really have any other plans yet. But it’s her friend’s birthday party, and I guess they all know each other, or at least most of them do… I don’t know any of her friends, and some of them are probably goofy high school kids. And if it turns out to be lame I’m pretty much stuck there lol. -BlackJacob

You should go. They might turn out to be good people. If they’re not, at least you’ll have “I don’t really get along with those people.” for the next time. But, you should at least seem interested in meeting her friends.

I just smoked a resin/kief bowl, it did the job – Halfshelled

That, sir, is called a “truffle”. Sticky resin rolled in kief. Makes a great bong one-hitter. Whats also great is that resin makes more resin, somehow.

ever gotten a BJ with a condom??? -tanneddan

No, and I think I’d rather masturbate at that point, save my lady the discomfort. Put a balloon on your finger and try to feel your tongue. It’s pretty worthless.

So, my roommate Jay is planning a trip to vegas after the end of the semester (Which I’m all for. VEGAS!) We already have a whole plethora of ideas of what to do but the other day he threw out the idea that we should go to the Bunny Ranch on our last day in Vegas and I’m not sold on the idea. -MastersinThugganomics

Just go have some drinks and get a lap dance. Your friend just wants you to go so he doesn’t feel like a loser. Gamble the money you saved.

I don’t understand how people donate to animal shelters without donating to help starving kids in Africa, or the poor. I mean seriously. You’d rather see a puppy survive than another person? -MorianMiner

Dogs require human assistance to survive. There are no packs of wild Golden retrievers running about. By the same token a human should be able to take care of itself. I can rationalize the difference for the sake of argument, though I’m sure many actually do seriously.

If you call someone and they don’t answer but call you back minutes later answer the damn phone. Assholes. -Translater

Why didn’t you answer the phone in the first place? Just be prepared to have whatever reason you choose turned around to let the accused have the same excuse. You are whining about someone treating you the EXACT SAME way you just treated them, what makes you so special?

Dear UPS, I’m assuming the reason why it’s taken almost 12 hours already for my delivery to get here from the local location is that you are no longer using trucks, but are having your delivery people walk their deliveries to their customers. I’d like to do more walking too, but you have yet to deliver my new shoes. -DarthJason

They are busy all day delivering to Businesses and rich peoples houses because they have home offices and are rich. So, either get rich or wait your fucking turn. My next project deadline is more important than your fancy twinkle-toed bedazzled Sketchers.

Replacements for “hit it n quit it”? -H1Roll3r

I’m partial to “Skeet and beat feet.”

I’d love to poop in a discreet place in someone’s house. You know, open a shoebox and squat. They’d be like “I smell the feces, but I don’t see it!” Bonus if they blame it on their daughter. Let them really know how people feel about them. -ZtuntZ

If you scrape your food canoes into the grate of someones air conditioning and then brush off the grill, the victims house then smells like ass until they figure out where its coming from. There is no cleaning out the AC unit. They have to buy another one. Plus, this can be done during the stealth of night, from outside, while the victim is in the house. Just a great form of revenge and vandalism.

Someone just asked me if Cookie Monster was a Virgin.  I have no idea!  If theres one person who knows, I assume its you.  – H-COX

I doubt it. He seems pretty content with getting fisted every morning.  But thanks for considering me as your go-to puppet sexual experience expert.

Way to be wrong about American Idol.  One of the guys you called a “fraudulent entry” won the whole thing.  And Matt lasted forever too.  You suck. -HilariousDessert

It’s true.  In my defense, the other 4 wild cards were out in 5 weeks.  I didn’t give enough credit to America for being so pliable.  Kris wasn’t cute or talented enough the first few times America got the chance to vote for him.  But after America was told that he was in fact, cute and talented enough, they started to vote for him.  So, it all worked out for everyone.  Except, Adam I suppose.

The What’s What, Volume 51

-Had a great night with friends girlfriend
-I tell her my friend really doesn’t want to be with her
-The next day she makes moves on me
How should this situation be dealt with?  -The_Coon

If you friend is mad at you, you fucked up, and you’re a traitor.
If he’s happy cause she’s gone, then the pain is temporary, you did them both a favour, you get to feel her boobies, shes your problem now, and you’re a traitor.
Unless he told you to do it, which you claim he didn’t, then you threw him under the bus for your own perceived gain, regardless of the situation now. You were considerate of your own selfish feelings over your friends, you should have consulted him first. But whats done is done, good luck.

THE HAPPENING IS SUCH A GARBAGE MOVIE. how could you like it? The acting was terrible and it rivals Gran Torino. The plot was DECENT but overall it was completely stupid. Marky Mark sucked ass in this movie. -.Munnkee

I don’t blame the acting as much as I blame the writing. That dialog was embarrassing and, ultimately, distracting. And I think the actors took the heat for that. The stunts were cool. I really didn’t think it was that much of a stretch to think that plants could evolve a defense mechanism against their greatest natural enemy.  But people are all LoL about it, so I guess I’m wrong.

Do you consider yourself to be racist? -TK420

You tell me. I notice tendencies in races, but never judge one for them. Also, I intentionally never bring race into a conversation, though I see people doing it all the time. It embarrasses me, as a white person.

Why do spiders need eight eyes and eight legs? That’s just being greedy tbh. -UnpredictablePenguin

Are you saying we should be investing in research to transplant spider appendages to other animals, or is this a profound theological rhetoric aimed at an imperfect designer?

damnit, my roommate has been in the tv room with his date all fucking night. i want to play some fucking resident evil, why can’t they just go sit in his room and talk? they were in there when i went out, they were there when i got back, and they’re still there, wtffffffffffffff -Dashoon

“I want to play some FPS, but my roommate is trying to get some. He is so selfish!”  Just so we’re on the same page. This is what you are claiming, in a nutshell?

WTF, why can my Ps3 play Ps1 games but not Ps2 ones? -Archetype66

Because the PS2 is still selling. Once it goes away, in a couple more years, they’ll be a firmware update and we’ll be set.

Have you ever been adiccted to a drug? -UncleSkar

I’ve definitely abused drugs, but I don’t think I have ever become addicted. That is to say if I experienced withdrawal symptoms, I blamed the cause on something else.

So what happened in history around this time last week that made google go all morse code? -Oysterfarmer

Samuel Morse’s Birthday. But, they really should not be honouring him.  Sure it was important then, but its completely irrelevant today. It’s not like he even invented the telegraph or anything. He just made up an alphabet. Okay, so an American perfected an antiquated technique for a fossilized piece of equipment.  That deserves recognition? Who wrote the owners manual for the cotton gin? Shouldn’t his birthday be recognized too?

favorite underrated combination? mine is fritos and salsa – gasmaskedcasket

Watermelon sherbet with chocolate chips is my favorite.

so how long until Twitter goes away? I give it another 3 months, tops. -CharlieStone75

Until the ad revenues make it unprofitable, which at this point will never occur.  The “buzz” surrounding it will die soon, its pretty much jumping the shark now.

I want to see every high school/college whore burn. I want to see them drown in the flames of disgust and torment, let them see what happens when you unleash filth and promiscuity upon the young world.  -InternetDick

Why would you want to kill the practice girls? They’re doing your future wife a solid by teaching how to please women. Of course I’m using the term “teaching you” loosely because it’s obvious you’re only upset that the girls who will spread their legs for 95% of men have included you in the “no-dice” 5%.

The What’s What, Volume 50

I think every Sox/Yanks fan secretely respects certain players on the other side. For instance, I’m a big Red Sox fan and hate the Yankees but at the same time, I have a lot of respect for Posada, Jeter, Rivera, and Mussina and Torre when they were with the Yanks. -CrossFiyah

I don’t secretly respect them, I openly respect them. I am a Sox fan and my love for baseball won’t allow me to hate the Yankees. They’re great for baseball.  I do dislike the new stadium, the new Steinbrenner and A-Rod. But only because I think they are bad for baseball.  I think that Jeter is way overrated, but I still respect him as a competitor. Sox v Yanks truly does transcend baseball and thats great for the sport.

What foods are better as left overs than fresh? Earlier I had a meal from Olive Garden, it was ehhh while I ate it there. I ate half and boxed up the rest. I heated my left overs up in the microwave not too long ago and it was FUCKING AMAZING. So much better.  -Filmenhancer

Soups, stews, and chili all taste better after they’ve been fridge fucking for a day or two.  Time enhances these flavours, like marinating only after the fact.

Senator John Mccain is still Alive! Now four months since his humiliating lose to the Community Organizer in the American Presidential election. It appears the much talked about supposed Liberal theory of him dieing shortly after being  elected were GREATLY EXAGGERATED or possible even  just Propaganda.  More updates to come in the next 3 1/2 years as this story continues to unfold. -Large_Loaf77

He’s also playing golf with family and friends, and not having to deal with the stressful situations that comes with being President.  No wonder he’s fine.   And the only reason that was an issue is because of his choice for VP.  Republicans aren’t even close to getting over losing, and it’s making their opponents happy.  Stop letting everyone know how much it kills you inside.  When your enemy suffers, laughter is acceptable.

I think Im alone when I say HJ’s > BJ’s. -Regrenade

Thats ridiculous, you can give yourself a hand job. Plus the added bonus of getting your girl to shut the fuck up for 10 minutes, is pretty key.

I had a bad afternoon with a girl. She consistently pushed away and denied kissing me. Now I feel like a jerk. Discuss. -SizzermeTimbers

Chloroform: The Handshake of Seduction.

Humans can do cool, amazing things, but it’s really only limited by how much we currently know and how far out into the universe we are capable of reaching… Which is laughably short-handed, obviously. I bet in comparison to other intelligent beings out there, we are incredibly lame and pretty limited in ability… -Tokyo_Black

I’m sure these other alien races had obstacles to deal with.  You have to evolve into a better race. I’m talking mentally as much as physically.  Everyones cognition has to be globally centered to utilize full progress.  But to most on Earth today, it’s a laughingstock. Too many obstacles still to overcome for us.

i’m the kind of guy that hates small talk, but also hates awkward silence.. im going out with like 3 girls tonight, and i’m sure there will be few times when no one will be saying anything and it will get awkward as hell. what do you  do during times like these? -IMNigerian

Think of some good stories before the event to bring up only in these situations.  That’s what I do. Or just fart, really, really loudly.

Somehow it’s okay to make fun of the nuclear bombing of innocent civilians 70 years ago at the cost of the victims but it’s not okay to do the same for 9/11? I’m not for or against either, just wondering why this is so. Doesn’t suffering=suffering, and shouldn’t that concept exist outside of time? Humans so fickle…

I know, seriously. They do say that humor = tragedy + time.  The good news is, in just a few short years the holocaust is going to be COMPLETELY HILARIOUS.

Is it me or Black people pissed that Eminem is at the very least a top 5 Emcee of all time? -BahamaPapa

About as mad that some white people are about Tiger Woods being the best golfer.

5 Progressive Insurance commercials later.. would you hit Flo? -plaidtrousers

I’d like to trick out her name tag.

Why did Constantinople get the works? -Moneyhan

That’s nobodies business but the Turks.